Today, I'm trapped in my apartment. My new cat won't let me leave. Every time I try, he blocks the door, hisses and tries to savage me. I'm my own cat's bitch. FML
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Today, my cat somehow managed to lock me out of my apartment by jumping on the doorknob while I was taking the trash out. I had to call a locksmith, and now it's like my cat won't even come near at me, like I betrayed him for allowing a stranger into our home. FML
Today, I'm trapped in my apartment, due to the fact that five raccoons have decided to sit outside my only door and prevent me from getting out. Every time I look at one, they hiss at me. FML
Today, out of boredom, I built my cat a little fort. Later, I tried to crawl inside to pet her, but as soon as I stuck my head in, she clawed me. I guess I'm not allowed in, then. FML
Today, my cat managed to lock my dad and me outside of our house. FML
Today, the crazy son of a bitch who lives next door to me once again got into a loud, rather one-sided argument with his cat. Twenty minutes later, he knocked on my door, asking if he could stay at my place for a couple of days. The look he gave me when I said no has me fearing for my life. FML
Today, there's a stray black cat in my apartment complex. It had badly bitten me two months ago and I had to get several injections. Today the same cat barged into my flat when I opened the door to receive a delivery, and it attacked my cat. I barely managed to fight and push him out of my flat. FML
Today I opened the door for my cat and he brought in a rat with him. Now the rat is hiding in my house. FML
Today, she did it again. While I was minding my own business reading the paper, she casually walked up to me and slashed my face with her nails, drawing blood and screams of pain. I need to get out of this abusive relationship, but no one will adopt my asshole of a cat. FML
Today, I have a cat with separation anxiety. By this, I mean whenever I go in another room and shut the door with her outside, she uses her head as a battering ram to try and break down the door. It's fun trying to sleep too. FML
Today, my cat wanted to go out. She watched me open the front door, leave it open while I got something from the car then come back inside. She then insisted on going out the back door. I'm a slave to a cat. FML
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Top comments
confusedAsFuck 34
Pussy blocked
Pleonasm 35
Laser Pen that bastard into a bin and voilà.
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Comments (189)
JustinKirby 20
I know this is never the answer but just kick it out of the damn way wear long pants and sleeves so it can't scratch your arms and legs and goodluck OP
Anonomusturd 9
That's a bad idea. Cats hold grudges and they are in your home at all times. They will make you regret it..
Alicestraza 33
Or squirt it with water rather than kicking an animal..
iSativa 24
Forceful love? Lure it away from the door with milk!
ouibijou 15
Cats don't drink milk.
JanisEvans 10
They do, but they really shouldn't. They're very much lactose intolerant.
FlyingPie 17
Are you kitten me? What are you letting your cat do that fur? Just high-tail it out of there.
missd420 16
This.
FlyingPie 17
What about this?
clemsi 20
it's not that
elJefe98 8
What a pussy.
Anonomusturd 9
Cats really know how to ruin your day. That's just how it is having a cat, he is your new master now.
davincidasecond 24
Time for the laser pen!
starile 19
This is actually probably realy helpful advice for the OP. Cats can't get over that shit.
RoboCunnilingus 23
Oh, you thought he was your pet? Cute.
Beepbeep7 14
Your cat has dependency issues.
darwinism 30
What have you done to pisd it off so much? Cat grudges can last years OP. Good luck with that?
sythe511 28
Step 1: Obtain broom. Step 2: Shove/Whack/Sweep cat out of the way. Step 3: Throw down broom, and quickly exit.
AriBunBun 7
aww man.. that'll teach me not to read all the comments before posting my own... fml.