Intimacy: Today, I learned my husband has what he calls "grumpy wife sex"...

By MommaAnnie - United States - Overland Park

Today, I learned my husband has what he calls "grumpy wife sex" specifically to cheer me up. I don't know if I'm more annoyed that he casually mentioned it after we've been together for 10 years, or that it actually works. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50553

You deserved it

14742

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Intimacy

Mother of the year

Preventive measures

Alexa, play "Charmless Man" by Blur

By Anonymous - 10/5/2021 14:01

Say sorry to Mr Whiskers!

Today, I awoke to my cat sitting on my chest. That wouldn't be so bad if I hadn't tried to get her off. She promptly went crazy and scratched me. My fiancée, who was sleeping next to me, hit me, called me cruel, and told me to apologize to the cat. I did. FML

I agree, your life sucks

763

You deserved it

225

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By Anonymous - Ireland

Today, my housemate got back at me for asking for her share of a bill by losing her virginity to the guy I like, very loudly. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31411

You deserved it

2811

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By Anonymous - United States - Warren

Today, my mother and I were discussing how we couldn't believe it's been nearly a year since my dad died. Not paying attention, my husband absentmindedly added, "Time flies when you're having fun." FML

I agree, your life sucks

48750

You deserved it

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By brenami - United States

Today, I took my daughter to the grocery store. The bag boy seemed to be flirting with me and smiling. He had to be half my age. Once in the car I glimpsed myself in the rear view mirror. I had chocolate completely covering one of my front teeth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22738

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I was at a music festival, watching one of my favorite bands. The security guys were throwing water into the crowd to cool us down. I saw some about to be thrown by another fan, so I stood with my mouth open to catch some of it. I ended up with a face full of hot piss. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33797

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out why my cell phone has been going missing every night for the last few months. My sister has been "borrowing" it so she can hold it against her crotch and repeatedly push the vibrate button. FML

I agree, your life sucks

59340

You deserved it

5146

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By eddiemusicjazz - United States - Azusa

Today, a week after I lost my wallet, replaced the majority of my ID cards, canceled my debit card, and went to the DMV and paid for a replacement driver's license, I found my wallet. It was in my shoe. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9961

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - Netherlands - Maastricht

Today, I sat through an incredibly long and tedious class lecture. Just as my professor was nearing the end of his lecture, the resident stoner loudly yawned and asked what we'd been talking about for the past hour. We got to hear most of the lecture all over again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31919

You deserved it

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By jkbeynon - United States - Canyon Country

Today, I told my mom that I heard something, and I think we have rats in the attic and should hire an exterminator. She looked at me and said, "Rats, huh? That's what the mom in The Exorcist thought, but it turned out to be the devil living up there." FML

I agree, your life sucks

35737

You deserved it

3612

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By Bozo - United States - Saukville

Today, I got a perm in an attempt to prove to my family that I'd been doing well with my life since I last saw them almost a year ago. I ended up going over for dinner looking like Bozo the Clown thanks to my idiot stylist, and my brothers wouldn't stop mocking me about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9612

You deserved it

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By imalosertho - Canada - Truro

Today, I was really hungry at work, and my stomach growled loudly. One of my co-workers heard it and thought it was a cat. Ashamed, I played dumb and we ended up spending twenty minutes looking for a cat that I knew didn't exist. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44894

You deserved it

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By ticked - Pakistan

Today, I was eating a packet of chips while watching TV. I saw a crumb on the table in front of me, so without thinking I picked it up and ate it. It wasn't a crumb. It was a tick. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15526

You deserved it

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By soccer_bball - United States - Frisco

Today, I was at the dentist. I ended up having some work done and left with a numb mouth. I have school pictures in less than 2 hours and I can neither smile nor stop drooling everywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46814

You deserved it

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By Shelbs - United States

Today, I went to get the vaccination my college requires of all students. The nurse looked at my charts and told me there was good and bad news. The good news was that I didn't need the shot. The bad news was I needed four others. Now, both of my arms are swollen enough to make Popeye proud. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28314

You deserved it

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By sinceresally

Today, I finally got the courage to ask my workmate about her tattoo. She's been in the office for 4 months and I'd always wondered why she had a red cheese grater tattooed on her arm. So I asked. Turns out it's a lady's shoe. She walked away from me and never talked to me again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7217

You deserved it

1341

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my one-year-old son threw up on the man sitting next to us on a plane. I felt bad and apologized profusely. When I tried to give him money for dry cleaning, he slapped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26793

You deserved it

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By Dockin - India

Today, I slashed my ass open with a shard of glass. How? I was making out with my crush, and threw my glasses on the ground. I forgot about them when we decided to lie down. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16177

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I finally found out whether or not my boyfriend is cheating on me. Turns out he isn't. He is cheating on his wife, with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52039

You deserved it

6414

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Hmmm, twins

Today, I found out my boyfriend only dates me because I look a bit like his favourite porn star. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27550

You deserved it

4119

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By birthdaygirl - United States

Today, I decided to get dressed up for school because it's my birthday. I was heading to class in my heels. Then, I rolled my ankle, fell down the muddy hill, pulled a leg muscle, and scratched up my knees. At least ten people saw it. I was wearing a white skirt. Happy Birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks

60023

You deserved it

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By pineapple456 - United States

Today, I was hooking up with a girl in my apartment when I told her I didn't have a condom. She started laughing and upon realizing my look of confusion, said "Oh, you actually thought I was going to have sex with you?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

60415

You deserved it

17912

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By sickkid - United States

Today, I found out that my dad hides his Viagra from my mom by keeping it in an Aspirin container. Now I have a terrible headache and a boner. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40973

You deserved it

4711

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By I-love-my-tea - United Kingdom - Birmingham

Today, I had to show my ID to prove I was over 18. I was buying teaspoons. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26973

You deserved it

1985

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By publicenemy - United States

Today, I was first in line at a stoplight. After five minutes, with a line of cars behind me, the light was still red. People behind me started honking, so I decided to just go. Halfway across the way, I was greeted by a camera flash. Nobody else went. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13599

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my best friend, with whom I have been in love for years, kissed me, hugged me, held my hand, hooked up with me and told me that he loved me more than anything and wanted to be with me... until he sobered up and his girlfriend got back to town. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39509

You deserved it

8160

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By O0hdear - United States - Humble

Today, I went to my fiance's cousin's wedding with him. I got drunk and danced like a stripper in front of his entire extended family, who I'd just met that day. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11504

You deserved it

32397

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By ttsutaoka - United States

Today, I was involved in a car accident. I wasn't the driver of either car. I happened to be a passerby that was hit by a falling stop sign as a car hit it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56972

You deserved it

2773

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By Mommy - United States

Today, my daughter watched a potty training video on Sesame Street. In the middle of the video, she got up and ran to her potty to practice. She then announced, "All done!", and proudly closed the lid to her potty. She then immediately stood on top of it and peed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28424

You deserved it

3649

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By Cupcakes - Australia - Queanbeyan

Today, my boyfriend said he felt like eating icing. So I baked him cupcakes, put icing on them and decorated them. When I handed them to him, he picked off the decoration, licked the icing and handed the cupcake back to me, saying, "I told you that's all I wanted." FML

I agree, your life sucks

27542

You deserved it

53341

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By crazy mother in law

Today, my husband told my mother-in-law that we're trying to have a baby. She decided to call me and explain in extreme detail what positions to try, and when. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45966

You deserved it

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By troublewithbleach - United States

Today, I was cleaning my bathroom, and accidentally spilled bleach, ruining my shower curtain, rugs, and towels. While attempting to wipe up the bleach, I knocked over a bottle of shower cleaner. It read, "WARNING: DO NOT MIX WITH BLEACH." I still can't go in the house. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35366

You deserved it

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By RjsBabe - United States - Tulare

Today, after I got the birth control implant, waited a week like my doctor told me, my fiancé is still too scared that I'll get pregnant. It's been 2 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12880

You deserved it

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By Unimpressed - Australia

TW: gross

Today, I was taken a taxi home after drinking too much. I started to feel sick and, not wanting to be charged the cab cleaning fee, threw up into my handbag instead. When we got to my place I then had to fish through that bag for my wallet to pay the driver. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12490

You deserved it

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By swip

Today, my previously blond boyfriend dyed his hair dark brown and shaved his beard. When he got home, I thought he was an intruder and screamed. Now he thinks I don't love him because I didn't recognize him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3831

You deserved it

610

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By gui909 - France

Today, I went to fill up my car. 500 metres before the petrol station, I saw a group of motorcyclists in my rear view mirror. I slowed down and pulled over to let them past. In fact, they were also going to fill up. 35 motorcyclists and 2 petrol pumps. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24713

You deserved it

7271

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By neednewdeoderant - United States

Today, I walked into my bathroom to find my girlfriend applying my deodorant. This would have been fine, if she wasn't applying it to her mouth. I don't think deodorant helps with bad breath, but a quick Google search shows that it does help with herpes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47465

You deserved it

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By John - United States

Today, while leaving McDonald's, I threw a fry out the window to a flock of seagulls. I watched in the rear-view mirror as it landed in the opposite lane and about 60 winged rats descended upon the street, causing a truck to veer off the road and crash. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30039

You deserved it

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By dumbAssCollegeStudent - United States - Milwaukee

Today, I finally did my laundry after a good few weeks, only to think another washer was a dryer. I just ran my clothes through the wash 3 times, because I was confused as to why they weren't drying. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10535

You deserved it

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By pinky - United Kingdom

Today, my 5 month old son decided that my lip ring was a toy. Thinking it would be ok, I let him touch it. He got his finger caught and pulled his hand back. The lip ring is still in, but now I have a huge gaping hole in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11485

You deserved it

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By TeaSea

Today, I told my class I was giving them 60 seconds to do a problem. A girl replied furiously "At least give us one minute!!" I teach a high school honors math class. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5257

You deserved it

445

Favorite

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Top comments

By Jemm_fml | 29

#5475462 - Thursday 2 May 2013 18:56

Offended? be grateful! He actually cares about cheering you up and in the best way ever!

By happylawyer | 16

#5475461 - Thursday 2 May 2013 18:56

I like the fact that he went around your grumpiness instead of going around the neighborhood. So, YDI.

COMMENTS

By nuke0013 | 7

#5475447 - Thursday 2 May 2013 18:53

Doesn't matter, had sex.

jackiemora | 18

#5475490 - Thursday 2 May 2013 19:06

Exactly. And the fact that it works to cheer her up, even better. No FML here.

By evilplatypus | 38

#5475450 - Thursday 2 May 2013 18:53

Why be bothered by either if it makes you happy?

JenkJenks | 6

#5475474 - Thursday 2 May 2013 19:00

Exactly. All I read was, "today, I found out that my husband cheers me up when I'm grumpy. FML."

By metalhead4740 | 14

#5475452 - Thursday 2 May 2013 18:54

Still counts!

feelingold | 18

#5475513 - Thursday 2 May 2013 19:17

You have grumpy-wife-sex? Mine gets grumpy-wife-chained-up-in-the-attic. But to be fair I think she enjoys that more than the sex.

metalhead4740 | 14

#5475544 - Thursday 2 May 2013 19:27

Actually that was a Lonely Island reference...

lambda_fml | 40

#5475689 - Thursday 2 May 2013 21:57

Hey grumpy is hawtt. I google Grumpy porno all the time.

TrueStoryFolks | 17

#5475703 - Thursday 2 May 2013 22:08

So, I'm not the only one. Great!

tjv3 | 10

#5475838 - Friday 3 May 2013 1:19

Umm I'm not seeing a down side to this lol I'm guessing this is a YDI

v1kt4r | 13

#5475842 - Friday 3 May 2013 1:25

An this is an fml why???
I don't even know how to vote,
door no 1: saying your life sucks would mean sex that cheers you up is a bad thing..
Lock that shit and throw the key away
Door no 2: you deserve it, that means would mean u deserve sex that cheers but ur ass I here whining about it..
You don't deserve grumpy wife sex..
And yet you probably got some coz you were grumpy about this.. *sigh*

By thekidracb | 7

#5475453 - Thursday 2 May 2013 18:54

I mean, if you weren't grumpy, it wouldn't have a name

By becka2s | 14

#5475454 - Thursday 2 May 2013 18:55

Well it benefits you so why nt haha

By Blackcatluck | 19

#5475458 - Thursday 2 May 2013 18:55

But that's the best kind D:

By happylawyer | 16

#5475461 - Thursday 2 May 2013 18:56

I like the fact that he went around your grumpiness instead of going around the neighborhood. So, YDI.

By Jemm_fml | 29

#5475462 - Thursday 2 May 2013 18:56

Offended? be grateful! He actually cares about cheering you up and in the best way ever!

Ambient25 | 24

#5475606 - Thursday 2 May 2013 20:29

Exactly! This is one of those rare times where it's neither "Your Life Sucks" or "You Deserve It"....

ashesanddust | 8

#5475777 - Thursday 2 May 2013 23:43

The complaining about something, which is in reality sweet of her husband, kind of makes it a ydi in my opinion

doodlecloud | 26

#5475802 - Friday 3 May 2013 0:24

You're not allowed to say stuff like that 48 - the mods will eat you up! They're probably on their way over now, especially as I've said this too...

NoFlippinWai | 24

#5475815 - Friday 3 May 2013 0:34

48 Thats because its not really an FML. Its the rare occurance of an FYL wrapped in an FML and it somehow got passed thr mods. (ducks and runs for cover)

By Allornone | 35

#5475464 - Thursday 2 May 2013 18:57

Be happy he's found a reliable (and fun) way to cheer you up. Sex almost always does the trick for me, too. No shame in it. It's a great stress-reducer

amDes | 11

#5475499 - Thursday 2 May 2013 19:11

I agree, it seems like she's going to need more sex if she's grumpy about the grumpy wife sex. I would be happy if my husband wanted to still bang me if I was being bitchy in order to cheer me up. What a lucky duck OP is!

NagainaFier | 16

#5475515 - Thursday 2 May 2013 19:18

Grumpy wife sexception

By Jemm_fml | 29

#5475465 - Thursday 2 May 2013 18:57

I died. Thank you.