Today, I learned my husband has what he calls "grumpy wife sex"...

By MommaAnnie - 2/5/2013 15:59 - United States - Overland Park

Today, I learned my husband has what he calls "grumpy wife sex" specifically to cheer me up. I don't know if I'm more annoyed that he casually mentioned it after we've been together for 10 years, or that it actually works. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50511

You deserved it

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Intimacy

Superficial World

White line fever

Drinking is bad for you, most of the time

By upset - 25/10/2016 00:08

Today I opened the door for my cat and he brought in a rat with him. Now the rat is hiding in my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9121

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - 31/12/2016 18:55 - United States

Today, I overheard my mother-in-law and sister-in-law over the baby monitor. They were talking about how much better off my daughter would be if I were to die. FML

I agree, your life sucks

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You deserved it

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By Nofriends - 9/7/2012 11:44 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, for my birthday, my family offered to take one of my friends to the movies with me. I had to pay a random person in my class to pose as a friend of mine, so that I wouldn't look pathetic in front of my parents. She forgot my name three times. They didn't buy it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

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You deserved it

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By fed up/turned off - 2/10/2013 05:47 - United States - Fresno

Today, I tried turning on my boyfriend by sending him naughty pictures and texts, describing in detail all the things I was going to do to him when we have the house to ourselves this weekend. He responded by quoting that crappy movie 'The Room', saying, "Oh hi doggie!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

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You deserved it

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By Anonymous - 24/11/2010 07:35 - Singapore

Today, I went shopping with my parents. Halfway through, I got separated from them and tried to call them only to find out my cell phone battery was flat. A few minutes later, an announcement was made for a lost child. It was by my parents. I'm 36. FML

I agree, your life sucks

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You deserved it

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By angelisa - 21/11/2015 14:54 - United States - Yuba City

Today, I finally felt ready to lose my virginity with my boyfriend. Unfortunately he was too embarrassed to go and buy some condoms, and suggested in all seriousness that we use a sandwich bag instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks

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You deserved it

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By timmyb - 2/3/2009 03:03 - United States

Today, i walked into starbucks for a job application. I asked the manager if they were hiring, I really need a job. He looked me up and down and replied, " NO". There was a 'now hiring' sign in the window. FML

I agree, your life sucks

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You deserved it

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By Datingdisaster - 17/8/2018 01:30

Today, I went on a date. We met in the parking lot of a restaurant. As I approached his car he took one look at me, said "Nope", and drove off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

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You deserved it

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By siggit - 10/9/2009 15:58 - United States

Today, I left on my honeymoon with my wife who is terrified of flying. The pilot announces incoming storms in the flight path, and the man next to me starts saying it's "probably fate" and "we all have to go sometime" and my wife goes into a full panic attack. We haven't even left the ground yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43537

You deserved it

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By BFfail - 15/8/2012 01:14 - United States

Today, I met my girlfriend's extended family for the first time. Her family kept telling her how much I looked and acted like her older brother and I'm guessing by the end of the day she agreed because now she pulls away and gags when I try to kiss her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

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You deserved it

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By definitelynotugly - 2/12/2018 12:00

Today, I had a morning shift at the restaurant and didn't feel like wearing makeup. I was energetic and greeted everyone happily, but my manager told me I looked tired. I said, "Oh no I'm just not wearing makeup!" He said, "Well, you might need it." FML

I agree, your life sucks

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You deserved it

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By Chelsea - 18/5/2013 08:57 - Australia - Perth

Today, my bag got stolen with all of my belongings at the beach. After being forced to ask strangers for money, I then travelled home on the train for an hour, wearing only a bikini. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53489

You deserved it

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By GnarCarBar - 12/9/2011 23:03 - United States

Today, I woke up to the feeling of someone tickling my back. I quickly realized I haven't been touched in so long that I was smiling to flies landing on me in my sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28675

You deserved it

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By OMGWTF - 13/8/2009 02:01 - United States

Today, while biking home from work, a 12 mile trip, I was speeding down a long hill and my jean pant leg got caught in the chain. It ripped, and then the rest of my pant leg ripped off. I had to bike 10 more miles half naked along the highway. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42014

You deserved it

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By ilikemusicokay - 8/8/2009 05:04 - United States

Today, I was going to the bathroom at work. Since I knew it would take a while, I brought my iPod in for entertainment. To bad it disabled me from hearing the continuous knocks on the door as well as the manager eventually picking the lock and busting in. FML

I agree, your life sucks

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You deserved it

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By Anonymous - 5/10/2012 02:45 - United States - Miami

Today, I saw on my 17-year-old daughter's floor her "To-Do" list. What was #1? Jump in front of a moving vehicle, in hopes that Edward Cullen will use his vampire speed to save her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

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You deserved it

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By Anonymous - 19/1/2012 14:17 - Canada

Today, there was a big snow storm and I wanted to help shovel, so I put on 3 pairs of socks, 2 pairs of pants, 2 winter coats, 2 pairs of gloves, a hat and a scarf. Once outside, I was told to go back inside because the job was done. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12000

You deserved it

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By lonely - 21/3/2011 19:15 - United States

Today, I posted an event to have a get together with friends. Most of them put "not attending". I hadn't even set the date. FML

I agree, your life sucks

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By seethroughpee - 6/5/2015 05:22 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, my 6-year-old daughter barged into the bathroom while I was peeing, inspected the toilet and said, "You're well hydrated, good job." FML

I agree, your life sucks

32143

You deserved it

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By preggo - 1/8/2011 01:16 - United States

Today, someone asked when my baby was due. I'm not pregnant, but I was so embarrassed to be mistaken for a pregnant lady that I rubbed my tummy and said "December." FML

I agree, your life sucks

38213

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - 6/9/2019 14:00

Priorities, dude

Today, my friend told me I was a terrible person and didn't care about our friendship. Why? Because I broke our Snapchat streak by working and sleeping, instead of being on my phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1414

You deserved it

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By Lost - 15/9/2009 19:24 - United States

Today, I got rejected for approximately the tenth credit card I've applied for, I called a bank to find out why. Apparently I took out a car loan in 2004 and bought a house in 2006. I was 13 in 2004. The credit report does not have any records of this. Thank you identity theft. FML

I agree, your life sucks

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You deserved it

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By John_Elvis - 9/4/2016 03:30 - United States - Valparaiso

Today, I took a girl to a sushi restaurant for our first date. She insisted she's had sushi before, but I had to watch her struggle with the chopsticks for a few minutes before mercifully asking the waitress for a fork. She then ate a fork full of wasabi, thinking it was guacamole. I think there won't be a second date. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22201

You deserved it

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By Sammijane58 - 31/7/2019 14:00

Today, I watched my best friend get married. I then watched her completely ignore my maid of honor speech, because she was messing with the lights behind us. FML

I agree, your life sucks

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You deserved it

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By Anonymous - 1/4/2013 16:02 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I was babysitting, and after the kids fell asleep I started hiding the Easter candy. They woke up when I was half-done, and it didn't take them long to figure out what was going on. They won't stop crying, and every time I go near them, they scream "LIAR!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

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By Anonymous - 24/3/2016 05:25 - United States - Federal Way

Today, I was emailing a government employee at the place I'm hoping to get hired by. I realized too late I had been emailing her with my personal email address, which is rather jokey and unprofessional. She noticed and started referring to me as that. FML

I agree, your life sucks

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You deserved it

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By underachiever - 20/2/2010 07:29 - Australia

Today, while on my graveyard shift at an inner-city backpackers lodge, a drunk pissed in a dorm at 4am. I had to clean up after him, wash all the luggage that got dowsed, clean up 2 separate piles of puke, and help 3 drunken Brits back to their room while they abused me. I have a science degree. FML

I agree, your life sucks

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You deserved it

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By Anonymous - 14/5/2019 06:00

Today, I came home from work and found my sister using my vibrator in my own bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

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You deserved it

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By Anonymous - 17/6/2019 20:48

Today, I'd finished cleaning the interior of my vehicle, but seconds later, a stray cat jumped in through the other opened door, and took a dump right in the center of the mat inside. FML

I agree, your life sucks

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You deserved it

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By thathurt - 29/3/2009 00:13 - United States

Today, my college economics class had a big test. We all needed a scantron sheet, but some people forgot some. I had an extra one and this really hot girl offered to buy it for $1.00. I said I'd give it to her for her number. She looked around and asked "Does anyone else have an extra?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

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You deserved it

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By Anonymous - 21/3/2012 12:21 - United States

Today, I quit smoking. My son came home with an ashtray he made in arts and crafts class. FML

I agree, your life sucks

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You deserved it

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By Anonymous - 8/5/2015 13:51 - United States - Pottstown

Today, I thought it would be funny to fart next to my brother in the car. Apparently, his carsickness is exacerbated by strong smells. I now know what it feels like to have lap full of vomit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

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You deserved it

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By ekaay - 16/1/2018 15:00

Today, whilst cleaning the living room, I heard snickering coming from my bedroom. My two nephews had found my "play cupboard" and were blowing up condoms like balloons. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3937

You deserved it

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By gabess - 4/1/2009 01:59 - France

Today, to amuse my girlfriend I put on her sexy nightshirt and go out on the balcony for a smoke, wriggling about in front of her window. She laughs until one of her neighbors shouts "HELLO!" from the upper floor, grinning at the show. FML

I agree, your life sucks

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You deserved it

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By fuck you, jack - 4/3/2014 20:44 - United States - Peabody

Today, I got home late from work, so I decided to make myself a microwave meal. I pierced the plastic film several times. A little too loudly for my hateful bastard of a neighbor, I guess, because he called the cops on me, claiming he heard gunshots from my apartment. FML

I agree, your life sucks

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You deserved it

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By jlujan00 - 18/11/2015 23:40 - United States - Albuquerque

Today, I cleaned up the dog poop from around the back yard. This is how I discovered that my dog's favorite snack appears to be used condoms. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22078

You deserved it

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By anonymous - 5/7/2013 06:11 - United States - Saint Paul

Today, while jogging, a guy tackled me and got my iPhone. Being a good runner, I caught up with him and grabbed him. Next thing I knew, I was on the ground with a policeman yelling in my ear. The guy got away. FML

I agree, your life sucks

57544

You deserved it

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By innocent - 6/1/2015 03:11 - United States

Today, my father seems to be having an affair. A used condom was carelessly left on his nightstand and my mother found it. She refuses to believe that my boyfriend and I are not responsible. As punishment I am "no longer allowed to see him." We're both 22 and live together in our own apartment. FML

I agree, your life sucks

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You deserved it

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By ellieowenie - 29/7/2012 08:11 - Australia - Sydney

Today, my 4-year-old son cut half of my hair when I was asleep because he thought I would look better that way. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26619

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - 30/11/2009 07:37 - United States

Today, I woke up to find my boyfriend watching me sleep. I asked him if he was staring at me because he was in love. He replied that it was because my farting wouldn't let him sleep. FML

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Top comments

By Jemm_fml | 29

#5475462 - Thursday 2 May 2013 18:56

Offended? be grateful! He actually cares about cheering you up and in the best way ever!

By happylawyer | 16

#5475461 - Thursday 2 May 2013 18:56

I like the fact that he went around your grumpiness instead of going around the neighborhood. So, YDI.

Comments

By nuke0013 | 7

#5475447 - Thursday 2 May 2013 18:53

Doesn't matter, had sex.

jackiemora | 18

#5475490 - Thursday 2 May 2013 19:06

Exactly. And the fact that it works to cheer her up, even better. No FML here.

By evilplatypus | 38

#5475450 - Thursday 2 May 2013 18:53

Why be bothered by either if it makes you happy?

JenkJenks | 6

#5475474 - Thursday 2 May 2013 19:00

Exactly. All I read was, "today, I found out that my husband cheers me up when I'm grumpy. FML."

By metalhead4740 | 14

#5475452 - Thursday 2 May 2013 18:54

Still counts!

feelingold | 18

#5475513 - Thursday 2 May 2013 19:17

You have grumpy-wife-sex? Mine gets grumpy-wife-chained-up-in-the-attic. But to be fair I think she enjoys that more than the sex.

metalhead4740 | 14

#5475544 - Thursday 2 May 2013 19:27

Actually that was a Lonely Island reference...

lambda_fml | 40

#5475689 - Thursday 2 May 2013 21:57

Hey grumpy is hawtt. I google Grumpy porno all the time.

TrueStoryFolks | 17

#5475703 - Thursday 2 May 2013 22:08

So, I'm not the only one. Great!

tjv3 | 10

#5475838 - Friday 3 May 2013 1:19

Umm I'm not seeing a down side to this lol I'm guessing this is a YDI

v1kt4r | 13

#5475842 - Friday 3 May 2013 1:25

An this is an fml why???
I don't even know how to vote,
door no 1: saying your life sucks would mean sex that cheers you up is a bad thing..
Lock that shit and throw the key away
Door no 2: you deserve it, that means would mean u deserve sex that cheers but ur ass I here whining about it..
You don't deserve grumpy wife sex..
And yet you probably got some coz you were grumpy about this.. *sigh*

By thekidracb | 7

#5475453 - Thursday 2 May 2013 18:54

I mean, if you weren't grumpy, it wouldn't have a name

By becka2s | 14

#5475454 - Thursday 2 May 2013 18:55

Well it benefits you so why nt haha

By Blackcatluck | 19

#5475458 - Thursday 2 May 2013 18:55

But that's the best kind D:

By happylawyer | 16

#5475461 - Thursday 2 May 2013 18:56

I like the fact that he went around your grumpiness instead of going around the neighborhood. So, YDI.

By Jemm_fml | 29

#5475462 - Thursday 2 May 2013 18:56

Offended? be grateful! He actually cares about cheering you up and in the best way ever!

Ambient25 | 24

#5475606 - Thursday 2 May 2013 20:29

Exactly! This is one of those rare times where it's neither "Your Life Sucks" or "You Deserve It"....

ashesanddust | 8

#5475777 - Thursday 2 May 2013 23:43

The complaining about something, which is in reality sweet of her husband, kind of makes it a ydi in my opinion

doodlecloud | 26

#5475802 - Friday 3 May 2013 0:24

You're not allowed to say stuff like that 48 - the mods will eat you up! They're probably on their way over now, especially as I've said this too...

NoFlippinWai | 24

#5475815 - Friday 3 May 2013 0:34

48 Thats because its not really an FML. Its the rare occurance of an FYL wrapped in an FML and it somehow got passed thr mods. (ducks and runs for cover)

By Allornone | 35

#5475464 - Thursday 2 May 2013 18:57

Be happy he's found a reliable (and fun) way to cheer you up. Sex almost always does the trick for me, too. No shame in it. It's a great stress-reducer

amDes | 11

#5475499 - Thursday 2 May 2013 19:11

I agree, it seems like she's going to need more sex if she's grumpy about the grumpy wife sex. I would be happy if my husband wanted to still bang me if I was being bitchy in order to cheer me up. What a lucky duck OP is!

NagainaFier | 16

#5475515 - Thursday 2 May 2013 19:18

Grumpy wife sexception

By Jemm_fml | 29

#5475465 - Thursday 2 May 2013 18:57

I died. Thank you.