By LoveLost - 09/07/2016 02:57
Add a comment - Reply to : #
Communication is the only way that will get any better. Maybe it has been 2 months because he knows he is failing in that area and does not know how to improve things. Talk, talk, talk.
One of the best sexual relationships I ever had was with my ex-fiancé. It was so good because we communicated with each other. We told each other what we liked, how we liked things done, and what we wanted. Then after awhile of learning each other, we communicated on experimenting and fantasies. Talk it out and you will be surprised.
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.Show it anyway
I know everyone is against it, but this is why you have sex before you're married. Sexual compatibility is just as important as anything else in the relationship. It helps preventing unwanted dry spells and discomfort for either person.
"everyone is against it" ? I don't recall ever meeting a single person who was against it... I didn't think Europe was that different from the US ! (assuming you're from the US because that's the only "developped" country I've heard of where that's still a thing) And yes oh my, I have trouble seeing a marriage working out if the people involved found out their sexual skills/desires are totally incompatible...
I don't see where OP says she and her husband waited for marriage. He could have been horrible at it before they got married and it never was talked about, hence why it's so bad in the marriage. She could be bad as well. And no, it's not essential to have sex with someone before you marry them for the sex to be great. Some couples like to wait until their wedding night and I see nothing wrong with that. It's all about communicating with your partner.
Realistically, the only reason Christians wanted to practice abstinence is because there was no such think as condoms or birth control or abortions in the early ages (meaning sex almost guaranteed childbirth). While the Bible is a book about some really cool dudes doing supernatural things with the help of their god, the Bible was also a set of morals and guidelines that people would follow in order to live a happy life, one of those rules was to only have sex after marriage, because the couple could be trusted to bear children without risk of one supposedly abandoning the other because of said child, potentially resulting in the infant's death. Funny, I'm secular but I know quite a lot about the Bible.
@18 try most religious people. The Christian community is very much against sex before marriage as are many other religions and there are vast amounts of religious people living in "developed" countries. It's more likely that you have interacted with such people but they didn't mention their views on sex before marriage.
21, you're partially correct. Sure, it's *possible* for the couple to have a natural sexual chemistry that they realize after tying the knot, but more often than not, the opposite is the case. Neither of them know what they want or like, and it can end up being a complete incompatibility.
Communciation is the problem here. This couple could very well have had sex before marriage and never discussed what they liked or didn't like. Similarly, a couple who doesn't have sex before marriage could communicate about the sexual needs after they're married. The real problem here is that OP is admitting publicly (anonymously, but still publicly) that her husband isn't good in bed, instead of talking to him about it. Maybe he doesn't even know.
#21- Where is your evidence to back up your claim that most people who wait until marriage end up being incompatible? It is absolutely possible to wait until marriage to have sex and have a great sex life. Plus, how do you think non-married virgins communicate about what they want? They start talking about what they like/want once they start having sex. Doesn't matter if you're married, you can still be incompatible without a marriage license.
Not really in Europe, #31. I went to a catholic university and only had one classmate whose parents wanted her to keep her virginity. Long story short she failed. I even have highly-educated muslims friends in Morocco who don't care about that no-sex before marriage policy anymore. Of course I have a few friends who made the choice to keep it but it's more until they find "the one" than for marriage. Even Christians in Europe don't really apply that principle anymore, it's mostly an american think from the cultural knowledge I got.
#43 That's not even remotely true. I grew up going to church and not just one. I regularly went to several different churches on a regular basis from different denominations and they all preached abstinence for everybody until marriage. One church I went to even discouraged young men from masturbating. Whoever told you that Christianity only requires women to be virgins until marriage has been brought up on some bad theology.
Besides communication, try to take the initiative also... It might boost his self-confidence knowing that no matter how bad he is, you still desire him... He'll nibble on the cake of needing improvement easier that way also... Compatibility is great when it's sitting in front of you, but sometimes you must be willing to work in the right direction to achieve one that doesn't fade in and out... Get to it... I'm rooting for ya!
Uhm, he isn't horrible at sex. Once you've been married for a while you both have to take responsibility. So FYL because you BOTH are terrible at sex and should work on it together.
I'm reading between the lines here and seeing what's REALLY depressing. You're married, but there is little to no communication. You're not communicating why sex isn't as frequent as it used to be, you're not communicating with him how he can improve, so I have no doubt communication, the very CORNERSTONE of ANY relationship, is poor in other areas. He is your HUSBAND. Ask him why he's not as eager about sex as he used to be. Maybe he's more perceptive than you think and is picking up on the fact that he's not pleasing you. Make it a couple's activity to look up and brainstorm new things for in the bedroom and give him direction. Marriage is all about open, honest communication. The two of you need to learn to handle that or this marriage is essentially doomed.