Today, I introduced my boyfriend to my overprotective father. My boyfriend started out with, "Sir, it is an honor to be your daughter's sexual partner." FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, my boyfriend met my dad for the first time. The first thing he said to him was, "You're an idiot for dating my daughter." FML
Today, my boyfriend introduced me to his friends as his "sex partner." FML
Today, I introduced my dad to my boyfriend. I gave my dad the middle finger and he thumped me on the head, as we've been playfully doing for years. My boyfriend got all mad and tried to fight my dad. FML
Today, I finally invited my girlfriend over to meet my oddball parents. The first words out of my dad's mouth were, "So, you're the silly girl who agreed to date my dickhead son." It went downhill from there. FML
Today, my boyfriend came over for the first time to meet my parents. The first words out of my dad's mouth were, "Son, I want you to suck upon my nipples of knowledge." FML
Today, I decided to formally introduce my girlfriend to my parents. My dad took the opportunity to apologize for walking in on us a few days ago while we were having sex. It wasn't her. Thanks dad. FML
Today, I introduced my boyfriend of two weeks to my parents. My dad asked me to leave the room so they could have some "guy talk". I eavesdropped, only to hear the words "sex-crazed fuck" and a threat to stick bamboo shoots under my boyfriend's fingernails if he ever hurt me. FML
Today, I introduced my girlfriend to my dad. I thought it was a good idea at the time, at least until he took her aside for a private chat. During the chat, he told her all about my two previous marriages and advised her to "get out while you can". FML
Today, I introduced my boyfriend to my dad. He met him after my boyfriend ran his truck into a tree, and my dad had to pick us up. FML
Today, I met my new boyfriend’s family for the first time. Unfortunately for me, his dad walked in to ask what we wanted for dinner while we were having sex. Even worse was that my boyfriend kept going while his dad was there, and his dad later said he was glad I was “the woman”. FML
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Top comments
golfer_boi 10
Your boyfriend is a legend.
NeDaroft 5
So when's the funeral?
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Comments (96)
sig4life 18
Legend, keeper, idiot, Mr. Large balls, more guts than cents. All of the above. Just glad it is not my daughter.
DLT_fml 20
In this case, "sense."
sig4life 18
#33 you are correct. Damn this autocorrect on my cell.
unknown_user5566 26
"Cents" could still work. Maybe OP's boyfriend is broke. You never know! :)
kozzard 17
he may be broke because he was broken...damned hospital bills...
TheDrifter 23
He forgot to add in "first and hopefully last" as qualifiers. Dad would likely still not take it well, but it might save him from some of the wrath.
DocBastard 38
And this is why my daughter isn't dating until she's 18. Maybe 30.
horneyhic 15
Yea that just means she won't tell u
unknown_user5566 26
You really think you're going to be able to stop her, Doc? I'd imagine she's a feisty little thing. At least she will be if she takes after you.
TheDrifter 23
The trick isn't to stop her, it's to make every boy in town so scared of you that they won't date her.
unknown_user5566 26
Very true, Drifter. I'm assuming Doc could bust out his handy surgery tools to effectively scare the bejeesus out of all the boys.
starcrossddream 14
Surgery tools...ya that would have me running and screaming. YIKES! I'm glad I'm a girl and don't have to deal with the threatening dad scenario....although dads come around if you treat their daughters right.... Mother-in-laws on the other hand *hides*
Sputnikspak 13
Surgeons probably know best how to kill and make it look like a medical problem.
gc327072 30
80- I can picture it now! Doc asks, "would you like to see my antique surgery kit? >takes bf into side room to show him >holds up antique scalpel, showing it >"ya know, I'm a trauma surgeon, but I know how to do a dick-ectomy..." >glares seriously at bf >boyfriend runs away screaming >no one dares to date DocBastard's daughter again >(his)fw everythingwentbetterthanexpected.jpg
EvilUndead 9
80, She can start dating girls, you know.
lilhellian 26
Yea, but I don't see a girl getting his daughter preggo anytime soon..
EvilUndead 9
122, so if there's no chance of pregnancy (infertile/sterile male partner, or female partner), f***ing her brains out is okay with her dad? Somehow I think this is a strange logic.
tmmundy 17
Yes, I said my daughters wouldn't date until they were 18 either, but my oldest had a boyfriend at 16, but could only go on double dates, my youngest didn't have a boyfriend until she was 18, she's picky and knows boys only want one thing. That being said, they were good girls, didn't end up pregnant or on drugs, and both fixing to graduate from college. So letting them date is not so bad, but with restrictions.
spiritfang11237 16
139, strange logic? definitely but my mother would much rather me be a lesbian than have a boyfriend who could get me pregnant. I wish I was joking.
EvilUndead 9
153, I always thought overprotective parents were afraid that some a****le would corrupt their "cute little girl/princess", regardless of partner's gender. It turns out that some of them are simply afraid of pregnancy.... but apparently won't even care if their daughter starts sleeping around a lot, as long as there's zero chance of pregnancy... I guess I learned something new (and possibly terrifying) today. Good luck with your mother.
Wheeeeeeeeeee 4
Lots of idiots here, I see. There is nothing healthy about wrapping a teenage girl in cottonwool and even less healthy about trying to terrify a teenage boy for liking said girl.
Kalipczo 21
This guy's got balls.. But he may not have them for much longer if he keeps talking like that around your daddy.
THuD29 4
You had sex before your parents knew about him?
perdix 29
. . . and ended by leaving in a body bag.
j_cat187 19
Or in 50 mini body bags.
Sandman366 6
Two men enter...one man leaves. Winner gets to be the protector of OP.
tanekdrachonae 19
26 sandwich bags to be more precise.
truesarrif 33
I think OPs and her Boyfriend's age are gonna be a huge factor in this. if he was older he very well may have said it as an ice breaker in which case bravo.. but I read it as a little punk kid trying to be a smartass in which case the kid needed to be smacked. Totally disrespectful if he is the latter and not the former
ninjaqueen101 18
Could he not have come up with a better opening line?
Noxialis 10
"You can call me Mr. Plow"?
ninjaqueen101 18
That qualifies!
Senseless_487 29
Speaking as a dad, I'd be digging a hole right now. And working out an alibi. Gotta admire his courage, though!
billyz77 24
Also speaking as a father, if the boyfriend is 18 or older, I'll be introducing him to the hole I have dug in the back 40 at gunpoint. If he's younger, I'll just slap him on the back an say, "that's funny, kid, wanna go for a walk?" In either case, boyfriend will be among the missing.
Zut? 4
Well aren't you a violent piece of shit? Funny how those who worry most about respect are generally the ones least deserving of it.
xxlizsandraxx 7
so awesome, I wouldn't want my boyfriend to say that to my father but epic