Today, I heard my asshole neighbor had died of a stroke. I was outside and said, "Well it's about goddamn time!" I turned around to see his wife walking her dog and staring deep into my soul. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, as I was leaving for work, I discovered my neighbor had just passed away. I found out when I came across his body lying in my front yard. FML
Today, my downstairs neighbor died. I knew because the smell wafted up to my apartment. FML
Today, after three days of getting stared at by my neighbour from the window, I realized that she wasn't alive anymore. FML
Today, I was at a party and saw an old friend from college. I went up to her asking how she was and how her family was. She went on to tell me that her husband left her a month ago and started crying. I told her that he was an ass anyway and that she didn't need him. Turns out he died. FML
Today, I was painting my new house when my neighbor introduced himself. Mid-conversation, he said, "The lady who lived here was nice, but just couldn't get over her husband hanging himself in the garage. Or her son shooting himself in the basement." I'll never sleep again. FML
Today, I heard that my crush’s dog had died. For some reason, my first instinct when I saw him was to say, “Oh my god, I heard that your dog died!” He started crying. FML
Today, as I sat on the toilet, I heard a noise outside. I peered through the window and found myself staring directly at my neighbor. FML
Today, I watched as my neighbor walked to my front lawn, looked me right in the eye, and pissed on my mailbox. FML
Today, I got home from work and discovered that my dog dug up my bunny who died a couple of weeks ago. The scream I screamed made the new neighbor think I'm crazy. FML
Today, while I was at work, I was on the verge of tears. My coworker asked what was wrong and I explained that I recently had to put my dog down. He then replied, "Cool story, bro. Tell it again." FML
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Top comments
ctlnaaia71 8
you r a f*cking asshole.
Frickmetinajenks 0
I hope people say that abput you when YOU die. That's a shitty thing to say. YDI.
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Comments (177)
Lady_Zydrate 1
I think you just became the most hated person, not only in your neighborhood but on FML! Good job, asshole!
portablecupid 3
Looks like you're the asshole neighbour.
ttyl99 0
you are so cold hardered have a touch of sympathy. this isnt your fml its hers
sgrocker 0
I could def see the same thing happening to me. hilarious.
Deabells 0
she probably wasnt looking deep into ur soul,she was probably trying to find ur soul. Although I understand ur excitement over the removal of a giant thorn in ur ass,there is an appropriate time&place for everything. Next time,if ur dumb enough to say it where unwanted ears may be listening,then own up to it and stick to what u say,otherwise ur not only going to be considered an asshole but ur also going to be looked at as fake,heartless, whimp,etc.
scott_m319 0
Wait, I'm confused... which of you was the asshole?
thatswuzup 4
I feel ya OP , I live in a great neighborhood but we have a neighbor who came over and just beat the shit outa my dad for no reason. I wish he died
Sammara 0
Dude, I'll agree that there are many people who would be doing the world a favor by kicking it. But, you never say that stuff in public! You say it in places where you know no one would care, or you keep your damn mouth shut.
alisanicole 0
too bad now you will be seeing him in hell 0.0
Bubblerider 3
F*CK YOU