Today, I heard my asshole neighbor had died of a stroke. I was outside and said, "Well it's about goddamn time!" I turned around to see his wife walking her dog and staring deep into my soul. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, as I was leaving for work, I discovered my neighbor had just passed away. I found out when I came across his body lying in my front yard. FML
Today, my downstairs neighbor died. I knew because the smell wafted up to my apartment. FML
Today, after three days of getting stared at by my neighbour from the window, I realized that she wasn't alive anymore. FML
Today, I was at a party and saw an old friend from college. I went up to her asking how she was and how her family was. She went on to tell me that her husband left her a month ago and started crying. I told her that he was an ass anyway and that she didn't need him. Turns out he died. FML
Today, I was painting my new house when my neighbor introduced himself. Mid-conversation, he said, "The lady who lived here was nice, but just couldn't get over her husband hanging himself in the garage. Or her son shooting himself in the basement." I'll never sleep again. FML
Today, I heard that my crush’s dog had died. For some reason, my first instinct when I saw him was to say, “Oh my god, I heard that your dog died!” He started crying. FML
Today, as I sat on the toilet, I heard a noise outside. I peered through the window and found myself staring directly at my neighbor. FML
Today, I watched as my neighbor walked to my front lawn, looked me right in the eye, and pissed on my mailbox. FML
Today, I got home from work and discovered that my dog dug up my bunny who died a couple of weeks ago. The scream I screamed made the new neighbor think I'm crazy. FML
Today, while I was at work, I was on the verge of tears. My coworker asked what was wrong and I explained that I recently had to put my dog down. He then replied, "Cool story, bro. Tell it again." FML
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Top comments
ctlnaaia71 8
you r a f*cking asshole.
Frickmetinajenks 0
I hope people say that abput you when YOU die. That's a shitty thing to say. YDI.
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Comments (177)
Shorty_Shaza 5
oh my days what the hell is wrong with my phone connection??! Sorry for the repetition of my posts :S
KessyKandi 0
Don't joke about death! It's horrible, and makes you look like an asshole
gfncute 0
bwahahaaaa this is the best post ever
DakotaCat 4
Take a look inside yourself, a black wretched old heart is all you'll see..
3p1c_fml 1
Looks to me as if... (puts on sunglasses) ...you need a soul, man
iftheglovefits 0
LOL!!! love that! I like you're creative comment!
alicec123 0
nobody deserves to die - not even assholes.
Tuesdays76 0
Murderers deserve to die.
seannymulvs 0
He probably deserved it.
newgfour 0
YOU ARE AN ASS HOLE BASTARD DIRTY FILTHY PIECE OF SHIT!! kbye:-)
Leetswaglordmaybe2 9
don't speak ill of the dead is a stupid idea. if you were despised by everyone during life, chances are being dead doesn't compensate it. one word = Hitler. in other words: OP you're awesome, although a bit of an ass yourself.
IneffableLullaby 13
Just because he was an asshole doesn't make you any less of one. Next time, OP, do that kind of thing in the privacy of your own home.