Today, I heard my asshole neighbor had died of a stroke. I was outside and said, "Well it's about goddamn time!" I turned around to see his wife walking her dog and staring deep into my soul. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, as I was leaving for work, I discovered my neighbor had just passed away. I found out when I came across his body lying in my front yard. FML
Today, my downstairs neighbor died. I knew because the smell wafted up to my apartment. FML
Today, after three days of getting stared at by my neighbour from the window, I realized that she wasn't alive anymore. FML
Today, I was at a party and saw an old friend from college. I went up to her asking how she was and how her family was. She went on to tell me that her husband left her a month ago and started crying. I told her that he was an ass anyway and that she didn't need him. Turns out he died. FML
Today, I was painting my new house when my neighbor introduced himself. Mid-conversation, he said, "The lady who lived here was nice, but just couldn't get over her husband hanging himself in the garage. Or her son shooting himself in the basement." I'll never sleep again. FML
Today, I heard that my crush’s dog had died. For some reason, my first instinct when I saw him was to say, “Oh my god, I heard that your dog died!” He started crying. FML
Today, as I sat on the toilet, I heard a noise outside. I peered through the window and found myself staring directly at my neighbor. FML
Today, I watched as my neighbor walked to my front lawn, looked me right in the eye, and pissed on my mailbox. FML
Today, I got home from work and discovered that my dog dug up my bunny who died a couple of weeks ago. The scream I screamed made the new neighbor think I'm crazy. FML
Today, while I was at work, I was on the verge of tears. My coworker asked what was wrong and I explained that I recently had to put my dog down. He then replied, "Cool story, bro. Tell it again." FML
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Top comments
ctlnaaia71 8
you r a f*cking asshole.
Frickmetinajenks 0
I hope people say that abput you when YOU die. That's a shitty thing to say. YDI.
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Comments (177)
TrippingOnAcid 29
Just let your SOUL GLOOOO
RaizerBerry 3
That shit's hilarious!! Hahaha!!! "...deep into my soul."
daytoday21 10
Keep it classy bro
marimba_boss 0
that's a dick move
greeneye_fml 12
I'll take your word that the neighbor was an asshole, but why did you have to say that out loud?
jc95sd 3
Surprise guilt mutha fucka
helpfulperson 9
Stare back
jgtrflynn 9
Asshole or not, he PROBABLY had his reasons to be that way towards you whether you chose to acknowledge them or not. You, sir/madam, are a soulless ass hat that deserves every bit of shame and paranoia you get from that heartless comment. He had a WIFE you moronic sack of penises, someone who most likely cared for him DEEPLY, on a level you will most likely never understand, and you just shouted, where that person could hear, that you were happy they were dead and gone. They have a very special place in Hell for you.
EmilyJane718 12
You're the asshole. You shouldn't wish death on anyone no matter what or who they are.
bridgetnikki 7
You're a heartless, raging, lunatic of a BITCH!!!!!