Health: Today, my boyfriend decided it would be fun to sit on my lap....

By dinosaur - Australia

Today, my boyfriend decided it would be fun to sit on my lap. In the process he landed on me so hard that he made me hit my head. Then when he turned around his elbow smacked into my nose causing it to break. FML

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Health

Out of it

A mother's love…

Phone call anxiety

By Anonymous

Today, my husband is still swearing he’s not cheating, forgetting I have a bachelor's in criminal justice with a minor in criminology. Leaving for work 2 hours early going to the same address every morning? Late every evening going to the same said address? How stupid does he think I am? FML

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1907

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By Anonymous - Ireland

Today, I accidentally left my sister's hamster's cage open and it escaped. My dad recently put mouse traps down. Guess where I found her. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, as I walked into the bank, I tripped and bumped into a security guard. He thought I was assaulting him, so he pinned me to the floor and called for backup as he held me at gunpoint. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36838

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By Jordan - Australia - Wahroonga

Today, my boyfriend told me that he believes getting kicked in the balls is a scientifically-proven method of birth control. FML

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28255

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By koolkat9 - United States - Albion

Today, my boyfriend told me that my mom paid him to date me. FML

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40933

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By AdoKitty - United States - Redlands

Today, the 4-year-old I was babysitting came up to me all happy, saying she went to the bathroom like a "big girl". Knowing she was just potty trained, I asked if she'd remembered to flush. Looking at me confused, she said, "But it's in my room." FML

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By jgw

Today, I was certain that over the six years of struggling through my Ph.D., I had culminated in one truly original idea. Until I saw it published in another thesis, from 1953. FML

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By IMAWAKE - United States - Romulus

Today, my roommate's extremely loud and obnoxious alarm went off six times, waking me up each time, before she finally gave up on hitting the snooze button and went back to sleep for good. FML

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39098

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By Yudansha - Canada

Today, we wrote valentine's day poems in class. I wrote a very depressing poem about how I was rejected by all the girls I like and how it hurt to be alone. When it was read to the class, they laughed and told me it was hilarious. Even the teacher. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44810

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By jealousgirl - United Kingdom

Today, after having to spend over an hour yesterday giving the man I'm in love with advice on how to impress his date yesterday evening, I got to spend another hour listening to how great their sex was last night. FML

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29322

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By bl3ur0z3

The luck of the draw

Today, my supervisor was in a leadership meeting pulling random calls for quality. Mine was chosen. He got excited and told them my stats and how I put him to shame with how I drive my team, that I'm the best and this call is going to be amazing. I was then written up for arguing with a customer. FML

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1382

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By really - Australia

Today, after telling my boss about my hearing problem, she simply told me to "listen harder". FML

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8855

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By K.H - Sweden

Today, I was reading in my bed, and my cat was lying on my chest. I noticed something white on my cat's leg. I'm far-sighted and wasn't wearing my glasses, so I didn't see what it was. I touched it and put on my glasses. Turns out it was a worm hanging out of my cat's anus. It started wiggling. FML

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44051

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By anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, I managed to spill piping hot oil all over my kitchen floor, thinking it was too hot to clean right then and there I left it for a few hours to cool. I forgot about it, and slipped over in it bashing my head into my cupboard handle, FML

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2580

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By Anonymous - United States - Huntsville

Today, I'm at the unique point in my schooling that I'm either extremely overqualified or extremely underqualified for every job opportunity that appeals to me. FML

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27698

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By NoTalkAllGame - United States - Horsham

Today, it's been five days since my roommate last talked to me. Although she's not communicating with me verbally, she's excelling at non-verbal communication: slamming doors and drawers, and watching loud videos, all while I desperately try to study. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27844

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By Eganstein - United States - Denver

Today, my girlfriend came over to a family game night. Halfway through a game of Klingon Monopoly, my drunk parents started arguing because apparently, while my dad was in jail, he cheated on my mom with a Klingon whore. I doubt my girlfriend will ever visit again. FML

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26848

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By Stacy - United States

Today, while using the restroom at work, I dropped my keys into the toilet. I left to find something to get them out and figured nobody would use a toilet with keys in it. I came back to a bowl of dung and "Shit happens" written on the wall in lipstick. FML

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36890

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By Anonymous - 3/6/2020 08:00

All out in the open

Today, my 18-year-old boyfriend took some extremely strong painkillers that unfortunately gave him a giddy sense of euphoria. He then stripped naked in his parents' lounge room and yelled, "You've all seen it before!" His really religious parents didn't know this. FML

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1498

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By TheVagabond_SRG - United States - Grand Prairie

Today, I started my first day at a job. First thing my manager does is ask me if I knew the fastest way to kill someone there, then told me with a straight face all of what would occur when dumping a person's head into the deep fryer. Then the psycho assigned me to the fry station. FML

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14441

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By Noname - France

Today, I've just lost over £12,000 and it's not even halfway through the trading day. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36979

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By Anonymous

Today, I realised just how lazy I am, when I was about to masturbate, but decided not to because I didn't want to put in the effort. FML

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862

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By Anonyme

Today, I went to my first ever job interview, in a totally stressed out state. The employer's first question was: "What's your name?" I forgot. FML

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25755

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By funyfunkid - United States

Today, I saw a roach on my toilet. I thought it would be funny to pee on it. It jumped out, which scared me; I hit my head on the wall and started bleeding, then I peed all over me and the wall. FML

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10113

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By ...thanks - United States

Today, my best friend confessed to me that she's a lesbian. She quickly added, "Oh, don't worry, I don't like you. You're not attractive." FML

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56563

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By Anonymous

Today, I realized how bad my grey hair problem has gotten as I noticed I had grey pubes. I'm only 23. FML

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2842

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By Grounded - United States

Today, I told my mom I was going on a date tonight. She laughed and didn't believe me. When I tried to convince her it was real, she got mad and grounded me for lying. I had to cancel the date. FML

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41160

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By omfgitburns

Today, I had a plaster cast removed from my arm. After telling the nurse it felt like the saw was cutting my skin, she tells me there is no way that it could touch my skin and that I was being paranoid. She cracked open the cast. Burns, blisters and bleeding skin were revealed. FML

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48372

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By Lonely - United States

Today, I went out for coffee with my sister and my crush. I spent the majority of the date flirting with my crush, and when he dropped us off at home, I told him I had fun on our date. He looked at me surprised and said he'd thought I'd tagged along on his date with my sister. FML

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45317

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By acme - Israel

Today, I found out why it might be awkward to have your plumber and your least well-behaved dog share a name. Bad plumber. FML

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22602

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By fml - Australia - Sydney

Today, I saw a psychiatrist for the first time. He asked me what had brought me there, so I said I needed to get over some issues. He told me to close my eyes and visualize myself constructing a bridge. I paid to get told to build a bridge in my mind's eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20551

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By Embarrassed daughter.. - United States

Today, for the Superbowl halftime show, my mom was blasting the TV, dancing, and singing along to Bruce Springsteen in front of me and my boyfriend. FML

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22004

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By howcanihelpyou - United States - Wantagh

Today, while working as a receptionist at a doctor's office, my boss asked me to check in one more patient before I left. He paid his $50 copay in nickels and dimes. FML

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1830

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By Kate - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were out to eat. The waiter came and asked what we wanted. My boyfriend said he wanted a cheeseburger and I told the waiter I'd have the same. My boyfriend looked at me and said, "Are you sure you don't want a salad?" FML

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65576

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By CrappyLuck - United States

Today, I took my 8 month-old to the Urgent Care due to extreme constipation. I spent $25 for my son to poop on me the second the doctor had me remove his diaper. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29741

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By Notthemaid - United States

Today, I was talking to my mom about how my fiancé has been ignoring me and that I didn't know why. Turns out, my mother told him that I was too much of a handful, was mentally disturbed and also cheating on him. Just so I wouldn't move out and would keep cleaning her house for free. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56402

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By Widowmaker - United States - Henderson

Today, I'm recovering in the emergency room. How did I get here? Intoxicated at a coed party, I saw a hole in the host's shed and thought it funny to christen it a "glory-hole", only to be bitten by what may well have been a black widow spider. FML

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7668

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, it was my high school graduation. Because our school colors were red, black and white, and our principal looked somewhat like Hitler, the senior class prank was to salute him when he finished his speech. I was the only one. FML

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51559

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By Anonymous

Today, I felt so lonely that when I was watching a ghost show, I wished my house was haunted so at least some sort of presence was with me, even if it was in another dimension. FML

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1516

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By adopted - United States - New York

Today, I decided it was time to tell my daughter that she had been adopted. Not only had she known for 5 years, she found out from my drunk sister. FML

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Top comments

By Dejaay | 2

#1951480 - Monday 10 January 2011 16:09

Wow, where did you find this guy, clumsy.com?

By disco2466 | 8

#1951458 - Monday 10 January 2011 16:05

hope you atleast punched him back for it

COMMENTS

By disco2466 | 8

#1951458 - Monday 10 January 2011 16:05

hope you atleast punched him back for it

shtoof | 7

#6092509 - Saturday 18 October 2014 12:06

Naaaa it's deserving of at least a dropkick to the face

By josieB666 | 0

#1951463 - Monday 10 January 2011 16:06

hah!

By Dejaay | 2

#1951480 - Monday 10 January 2011 16:09

Wow, where did you find this guy, clumsy.com?

Phustercluck | 11

#1951518 - Monday 10 January 2011 16:15

Holy shit that's a good one!

By yeahiknow0 | 0

#1951490 - Monday 10 January 2011 16:11

Fail! :P

By hadi_brown | 0

#1951502 - Monday 10 January 2011 16:13

lmao hard luck... FYL

By 122333 | 0

#1951504 - Monday 10 January 2011 16:13

ha good one #3. well sucks to be you.

By Insane_Tea | 15

#1951525 - Monday 10 January 2011 16:17

He's a keeper! ;)

By Iwantskittles | 0

#1951580 - Monday 10 January 2011 16:30

dump him!

ICaughtFire | 4

#1951637 - Monday 10 January 2011 16:51

If course, because that's the solution for every boyfriend related FML. Duh. -.-

By Yes_I_Own_It | 0

#1951611 - Monday 10 January 2011 16:42

At least he didn't bust your poop sack! what?you guys don't have poop sacks??? Bonnie!!!!!! :)

By RedPillSucks | 31

#1951685 - Monday 10 January 2011 17:07

What a klutz