Conspiracy theorist

You what now?

By WTF - 29/08/2023 20:00

Today, my lunatic conspiracy theorist coworker started ranting about meat bans. I rolled my eyes, but he pulled up my city's website, where they said they wanted to "phase out" meat and dairy consumption by 2030. These nuts are supposed to be wrong! What the fuck? FML

I agree, your life sucks 527

You deserved it 312

Dad, what have you done?

By Anonymous - 18/06/2023 00:02

Today, I still don’t know how to act in front of my mother in law. She thinks that the Earth is flat and told her kids that all sunscreens cause cancer. She also has other theories that make me feel weird. FML

I agree, your life sucks 784

You deserved it 100

Sounds like a keeper

By Rae - 30/03/2023 10:00

Today, I went on a date with a guy who seemed really nice. However, halfway through the date, he started talking about how he was a flat-earther, and believed that the moon landing was faked. Oh, and that birds aren't real. I had to endure another hour of his conspiracy theories before I could finally escape. FML

I agree, your life sucks 793

You deserved it 123

Globehead

By yikes - 07/03/2023 10:00

Today, I found out my girlfriend of 3 years actually believes that the Earth is flat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 855

You deserved it 132

Big farmer

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Dayton

Today, my mom tried to convince me to throw out my insulin shots because she read a chain email that claimed they "cause cancer". FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 576

You deserved it 1 254

Conspiratorial under the sheets

By Anonymous - 29/11/2022 22:00

Today, I hooked up with a man for the first time since my divorce. The sex was mind-blowing. His pillow talk then began with something like, “A cabal of Hollywood celebrities and political insiders want to rape your children…” I’m so dry now, I think I hit menopause. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 662

You deserved it 347

Whining at life

By 847 - 05/10/2022 15:30 - United States

Today, to get my wife off my back, I introduced our two single friends who are both into QAnon. Not only did they not click, but now they both call us regularly to embellish the insane difference between their beliefs and "what that moron believes." Same words from both of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 085

You deserved it 539

Hesitancy

By DrFart - 02/10/2022 01:00 - United States - Monterey Park

Today i had a patient come into the practice six times to ask about vaccines they've had. Apparently, their "doctor" friend (with a PHD in arts) is a more reliable source of information than trained medical staff telling them, "Yes, that is in that group of vaccines" with a vaccine leaflet, and a head nurse explaining it all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 819

You deserved it 108

Mind your own business, Cheryl

By A different illness - 20/09/2022 20:30 - United States

Today, I was harshly scolded by a woman who claimed I "can't get over the Covid hysteria" because I was wearing a mask outside in public. I wear a mask whenever I'm outside because of seasonal allergies, and I have not caught Covid since November 2020. FML

I agree, your life sucks 817

You deserved it 173

Right or wrong?

By Anonymous - 23/08/2022 16:00

Today, my son's school called to inform me that I had to come pick him up, as he was caught vandalising. What shenanigans had he gotten up to? Writing "Epstein didn't kill himself" on various desks and walls around the school. I'm not sure if I should applaud the sentiment, or be annoyed that he got caught. FML

I agree, your life sucks 735

You deserved it 458

Touch grass

By Sanity’s End - 23/08/2022 00:00

Today, my friend started talking about Hunter Biden’s laptop, again. I told him if all that hearsay and conjecture is true, we should definitely never elect him to public office. His response? “No, you don’t understand…” and started all over again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 724

You deserved it 329

You wouldn't get it

By FourMoreBeers - 22/08/2022 14:00

Today, my now-former friend explained in extreme hyperbole that the only reason Russia invaded Ukraine is because Zelensky is a zionist agent meant to make Putin and Trump look bad. He stopped taking my calls after I asked him to explain this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 877

You deserved it 149

The struggle is real

By Anonymous - 06/07/2022 02:00

Today, after my girlfriend of a year got accidentally pregnant, we were discussing it, and she only just now revealed she thinks vaccines are an evil conspiracy between hospitals and drug companies, and she’s carrying my baby. The next 18 years with this mad woman are not going to go well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 773

You deserved it 673

Get better friends

By Q strikes again - 03/07/2022 00:00

Today, I introduced my two crazy friends who are both into QAnon to each other. It went so poorly that now they fight online over who has better facts, and they both complain to me about the other. FML

I agree, your life sucks 302

You deserved it 916

Don't print this FML

By NeverCheckOnFamily - 03/06/2022 22:00 - United States

Today, I checked on an uncle following his surgery. I got a two-hour monologue of how the internet doesn't really save paper, because he has to print the bills and receipts, plus pay for ink and staples, and that utility companies are really just shifting costs to the consumer by going "paperless". FML

I agree, your life sucks 751

You deserved it 121

The internet was a mistake

By Anonymous - 08/05/2022 22:00

Today, I have Covid and am stuck in isolation with my sister. I have been staying in my room to avoid spreading it, but my sister just yelled at me because I "looked at a bird outside" and might have "given the bird Covid from the mucus in my eyes." She picked this theory up from a stranger on Minecraft. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 079

You deserved it 106

Brainwashing

By Balla66 - 23/04/2022 16:00

Today, my mother got rid of all my anime DVDs and Manga collection, the reason being that she’s tired of me immersing myself with “ching chong cartoons” and she’s afraid I’ll turn into a “Beijing communist puppet.” Only 10 more months until I turn 18 so I can move the hell out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 358

You deserved it 192

Wait til he hears about Jesus

By Anonymous - 22/04/2022 22:00

Today, my daughter's new boyfriend must be clinically insane, as he accused me of being a secret Russian supporter because my name is Joseph, which is also the first name of Joseph Stalin. He was completely serious and refuses to be around me in case I’m memorising his pro-Ukraine talk FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 090

You deserved it 78

Survivalist

By John Johnson - 10/04/2022 02:00

Today, a friend moved into my new house. He was a great roommate years ago, but COVID seems to have driven him mad. He brought a huge stockpile of non-perishable food, and keeps talking about "fortifying" the house. He's trying to build a composting outhouse right now. Send help. FML

I agree, your life sucks 890

You deserved it 218

Scientists in disguise

By Anonymous - 06/04/2022 14:00

Today, I lost a second friend to QAnon conspiracy theories. Worst yet, he started messaging everyone I know on Facebook, telling them I'm a hypocrite who doesn’t “do his research.” Those who don’t now think he was my gay lover believe we were lab partners. What do I do with that? FML

I agree, your life sucks 794

You deserved it 189

Is this a recurring thing?

By Wayne and Friends - 23/03/2022 16:00

Today, we had to sit our friend down and explain that President Zelensky is not a Mossad agent/US puppet who forced Putin to invade Ukraine. He responded by talking about Hunter Biden for an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 909

You deserved it 247

Get out of there

By Foxflame - 30/01/2022 02:01 - United States

Today, my family is supposed to be enjoying a day with my in-laws. The drawback? I have to spend time with my stepmom-in-law who is a conspiracy theorist, and my stepsister-in-law who has an unvaccinated 3 year-old who’s been sick a lot lately and looks like death. I have a 4 year-old and a newborn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 081

You deserved it 285

Gone girl

By Anonymous - 22/01/2022 08:01

Today, while heartbroken, I reached out to an old friend who I hadn’t spoken to in a while. He responded to my, “Hello” with, “You need to lift the veil from your eyes. Q is leaving breadcrumbs so Donald can take down the zionist deep state that’s feeding us babies in our Big Macs.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 246

You deserved it 197

OK, globehead

By IntimacyShintimacy - 28/12/2021 22:59

Today, after a kid-less, romantic dinner, complete with fancy wine and a back rub, my wife decided that researching Flat Earth Theory was more interesting than sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 330

You deserved it 489

There's a lot of them about

By Anonymous - 19/12/2021 05:01

Today, I went on a date with a guy who is perfect in every way, except for the tiny fact he thinks Covid is a hoax created by hospitals to profit massively on selling masks and hand sanitiser. Both my parents died from Covid and my nana is currently in hospital with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 279

You deserved it 213

Conspiracy watch

By Veeee32 - 18/11/2021 07:58

Today, I got screamed at by my mom for about 10 minutes because she claims I’m ruining my diet by drinking sparkling water, claiming it’s “soda”. I had to explain that it has zero sugar, calories, etc. She told me that it’s “the same fucking shit.” And to not trust “the government food labels.” Huh? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 064

You deserved it 125

Thanks Rufo…

By Anonymous - 09/11/2021 20:01 - United States

Today, I found out that my mom is planning on going to my high school's board meeting to complain about her latest boogeyman, Critical Race Theory, being taught. I graduated 17 years ago. She doesn't really know what it is, either. I really wish she could get over her bonkers Facebook groups addiction. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 131

You deserved it 247

It's a conspiracy!

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Canada - Medicine Hat

Today, I had to very clearly explain to my mother, in public, why you cannot get cancer from eating too much ketchup. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 999

You deserved it 2 501

Believe in the Q

By Q Hub - 14/10/2021 14:00

Today, I found out my 36 year-old wife has been cyberstalking an 18 year old-girl for a week. Why? Because the girl doesn’t believe in QAnon. I found out when my wife’s online business started getting backlash. FML

I agree, your life sucks 877

You deserved it 94

It's a conspiracy!

By Anonymous - 06/10/2021 23:00

Today, it turns out calling out my mother's best friend out for the right-wing conspiracy theorist she is wasn't one of my best ideas. Now, my mother won't even reply to my messages. It's been two months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 826

You deserved it 467

Keywords

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The Top

Aujourd'hui, je suis rejoint par un collègue devant les pissotières. J'ai du mal à me détendre lorsqu'il y a quelqu'un à côté et prends donc mon mal en patience. Au bout de quelques secondes, je me rends compte qu'il en est de même pour lui. Grand moment de solitude à deux. VDM

I agree, your life sucks 45 642

You deserved it 3 579

Aujourd'hui, j’ai vu ma meilleure amie après quelques mois d’épuisement (accouchement, nuits courtes, etc.) et celle-ci s’exclame : "Oh, t’es allée chez le coiffeur ! Sympa les mèches !" Non, c’est juste des cheveux gris. VDM

I agree, your life sucks 4 319

You deserved it 574

The Top

Today, I have been getting calls from a weird kid from my school asking for nudes. I asked how he got my number, then found out that my friends put my number on a pole at school saying, "Call Wendy for a good time, she has nice tits". FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 713

You deserved it 3 560

Today, my mum refused to send me a picture she took on her iPhone until it synced up to her iPad, because she claimed it will then appear larger. When I tried to explain the image will be the same regardless, she angrily accused me of not having any trust in her. I still haven’t seen the picture. FML

I agree, your life sucks 807

You deserved it 82

Today, I took a trip to the library's public computer section to get some important work done. After a bit of work, I went to stretch only to see that the man next to me was watching some adult films on his computer and discreetly touching himself. I still had 58 minutes of computer time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 605

You deserved it 165

Today, I had a fight with my husband after I went off on his aunt. We were at her house for a BBQ, she saw me in my casual shorts and tank top, and said to him, “You let her walk out the house like that? She’s a walking rape invitation!” He says she can say whatever she wants since she’s old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 442

You deserved it 170

Today, I got to go to the water park with my class. I jumped over the rails that maintain lines because there was nobody around and managed to break a toe. Hello, 7+ hours of roasting in the sun, watching 500 other kids have a great time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 670

You deserved it 6 350

Today, I was out for a nice walk and saw a man being attacked by a large crowd. Instinctively I ran to help him. I pushed one "thug" off him and that little time allowed him to escape. I later found out the man I saved had just keyed someone's car and they had intervened. Guess whose car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 058

You deserved it 11 709