Today, I gave my girlfriend an orgasm for the first time. She's a screamer. Her dog must have thought I was attacking her, because he immediately came over and started savaging me. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I gave my girlfriend an orgasm for the first time only to realise she squeals like a baby pig in the process. FML
Today, my girlfriend was going down on me, when I heard my dog start growling. He must have thought my girlfriend was hurting me, because out of nowhere and before I could do anything, he attacked her. FML
Today, I visited my girlfriend at her place, one thing lead to another, and we had sex for the first time. Her normally very sweet cat now hisses and savages me if I so much as look at him. FML
Today, my girl was giving me a BJ when my dog started howling. She keeps going; my dog keeps howling. She stops, my dog stops. We start getting it on again and my girl starts giving me a BJ again; my dog starts howling louder this time. So we stop. My dog stopped me from getting some. This is a first. FML
Today, I made my new girlfriend orgasm for the first time. All she said after was "I drooled a little". FML
Today, while going down on my girlfriend, I finally managed to give her an orgasm. During that orgasm, she tore out a clump of my hair, causing me to scream in pain. She scowled and said, "Ah shut it, ya little bitch." FML
Today, I gave my girlfriend an orgasm. It was great until mid-gasm when she swung her arm out and knocked me out. She still can't stop laughing. FML
Today, I found out my new girlfriend is a screamer. This would normally turn me on, except she sounds like she's being murdered with a rusty fork. FML
Today, I was the first guy ever to give my girlfriend an orgasm. I was also the first guy to make her poop at the same time. FML
Today, my girlfriend screamed that I was a "filthy, sex-crazed pig-man" because I grabbed her ass. We were in her house, alone, and she was in the middle of giving me a long, deep kiss after I'd gotten off work. FML
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Top comments
cb1002630 11
Bet you became a screamer as well
BulldogHoops 14
You brought this upon yourself when your girlfriend's texts were being read over her shoulder.
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Comments (86)
SomeRandomGuy15 18
Well, at least you know your girlfriend's dog will rush to her rescue in an emergency?
techweed 12
Good idea: having sex with your girlfriend. Bad idea: having sex with your girlfriend with her dog in the room.
Dimence 9
Indeed! I just hope for the sake of op that his girlfriend doesn't own a Rottweiler...
QJDynamite 19
At least you know that her dog will give the jerk what he deserves if she ever decides to cheat!
Chucklikesbacon 12
Well, that escalated quickly!
hanielfavela 6
Most of been a German Shepherd, in which case i feel sorry for you OP. those dogs are very protective. On the other hand, way ta getter done buddy!
strawberrywine22 30
You're right, it *must have* been a German shepherd...I'm Perry sure those are the only dogs that are protective of their owners, right? Couldn't have been a pit bull, doberman, or rottweiler cause any one of those would just leave her to suffer.
hanielfavela 6
I did not mean it like that, Im a lover of all animals, I was raised on a farm. I just said German Shepherd because i have first hand experience with those dogs.
MWidderAUDI 14
dont let her get to you dude. she corrected you on your simple spelling mistake but couldnt spell 'pretty' correctly.
strawberrywine22 30
Crap Swype is entirely different from illiteracy, fucktard :)
strawberrywine22 30
Also, I wasn't correcting his spelling. I was emphasizing the words using asterisks, since I can't use italics.
botanistjessica 24
German shepherds aren't the only protective dogs. Nor are the ones aforementioned. Any dog can become protective based on its personality and upbringing so there is no way to deduce a breed from this FML.
wjh100 13
my dauchsunds will tear your face off if you're in there space and close enough to them. yes dauchsund as in wiener dogs. assuming any one breed is more protective than another is unrealistic
karlcolt45 19
He clearly thought she was finishing early and was gonna leave you holding the bag, so he took it upon himself to help you climax..but Rex likes it rough..
CodeXana 9
Funny comment but the end took me by surprise because my boyfriend's name is Rex XD
Llama_Face89 34
Kind of puts a damper on your feelings of accomplishment... :(
noelasis94 18
If he could have talked he would have said hey big bad bulldog you better leave my kitten alone.
klovemachine 24
OP's girlfriend must like her sex ruff ruff :-D
youllnvrkno 8
Doesn't matter. Had sex.
Cartera 10
God ******* dammit. AGAIN?!