Today, I gave my girlfriend an orgasm for the first time. She's a screamer. Her dog must have thought I was attacking her, because he immediately came over and started savaging me. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I gave my girlfriend an orgasm for the first time only to realise she squeals like a baby pig in the process. FML
Today, my girlfriend was going down on me, when I heard my dog start growling. He must have thought my girlfriend was hurting me, because out of nowhere and before I could do anything, he attacked her. FML
Today, I visited my girlfriend at her place, one thing lead to another, and we had sex for the first time. Her normally very sweet cat now hisses and savages me if I so much as look at him. FML
Today, my girl was giving me a BJ when my dog started howling. She keeps going; my dog keeps howling. She stops, my dog stops. We start getting it on again and my girl starts giving me a BJ again; my dog starts howling louder this time. So we stop. My dog stopped me from getting some. This is a first. FML
Today, I made my new girlfriend orgasm for the first time. All she said after was "I drooled a little". FML
Today, while going down on my girlfriend, I finally managed to give her an orgasm. During that orgasm, she tore out a clump of my hair, causing me to scream in pain. She scowled and said, "Ah shut it, ya little bitch." FML
Today, I gave my girlfriend an orgasm. It was great until mid-gasm when she swung her arm out and knocked me out. She still can't stop laughing. FML
Today, I found out my new girlfriend is a screamer. This would normally turn me on, except she sounds like she's being murdered with a rusty fork. FML
Today, I was the first guy ever to give my girlfriend an orgasm. I was also the first guy to make her poop at the same time. FML
Today, my girlfriend screamed that I was a "filthy, sex-crazed pig-man" because I grabbed her ass. We were in her house, alone, and she was in the middle of giving me a long, deep kiss after I'd gotten off work. FML
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Top comments
cb1002630 11
Bet you became a screamer as well
BulldogHoops 14
You brought this upon yourself when your girlfriend's texts were being read over her shoulder.
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Comments (86)
xTrepidation 14
Why wouldn't you just shut the door to begin with? I've always thought it's odd to be ok with a dog staring at you the whole time.
rockbandaddict85 22
hmmm sounds like an open relationship/marriage may come into play here shortly....
FlamingColor 30
First time for everything!
Iceman226 17
Shut the damn door!!
alfred07 18
Forgetting to put your dog out of the room before having sex seems to be a more common thing than I thought
Kelishas 9
FYL. My sympathies, but I also can't help but think of this scene playing out in a comedy movie..
Cut3yPi3 7
Obviously, he's the jealous type. How would you have reacted if you came home to her screaming and the dog being the aggressor. LOL
ardencred 7
you didn't get the memo? Men stopped giving orgasms to their partners because many years ago a dude was brutally savaged by a dog after giving g/f one
Cavebone 5
Doesn't matter had sex
mikepzz 27
So ya got a little bit mauled... Good job for giving her an ******, follow it up again and again and again :)