By Anonymous - 27/03/2013 16:54 - United States

Today, I almost lost my virginity at the age of 34. After years of putting off sex and waiting for marriage, the moment arrived. My new wife could't stop laughing at how small I am. FML
I agree, your life sucks 76 087
You deserved it 11 737

Same thing different taste

Top comments

Its not about the size of the boat, rather the motion in the ocean.

Don't worry you'll always be bigger than me


Don't worry you'll always be bigger than me

Why? Did you chop off your penis? Are you actually a girl?

I guess the saying is true that if you don't use it, you loos it. Maybe you can convince her that the opposite is true and that if you get to use it more it will get bigger.

there's always a reason behind why people do things.... or in this case, don't do things... hehe

Penis in a pencil sharpener? An unfortunate smelting accident? Did a shark bite it off? Did it get caught in a door?

Dr0reos 8

It's not that your organ is small, you're just not used to playing in city hall dude

OP knew he had a smalll one. you need more experience than the regular-sized ones. Too bad you have none

Its not about the size of the boat, rather the motion in the ocean.

But too much motion and the small boat would be finished very easily.

diablodeldragoon 6

you ever tried crossing the Atlantic in a row boat? you may get there but its gona take forever.

perdix 29

#3, if the boat can't even maneuver into the harbor, there won't be any motion at all.

^just as well, a row boat docking at a container ship harbor would be ridiculous.

And if that harbor laughs at you when your boat approaches, then you probably won't be docking very often.

error404n0tf0und 21

by the looks of it Titanic had to much motion

I feel like to an extent that's true... But then in some cases I also feel like that's what little guys say to make them feel better about themselves.

My boat is capsized at the bottom of the Atlantic.

Tell her "Looks like a needle, moves like a sewing machine"

Hopefully there isnt a small craft advisory...

He's a virgin, so it's like a blind man in a rowboat trying to crosss the atlantic.

That's just something guys with small dicks say.

summerguy97 16

True, but you're not gonna get anywhere with a dingy. Also, you wouldn't want the titanic crashing into your harbor.

kyu_Q 19

If the ocean can't feel the boat the motion is pointless.

I agree. Its not the size that matters its how you use it and what you can do with it

Woah dude that really really should sit down with her and let her know that it doesn't feel nice at all to be treated like that, she should be more sensitive...that being said, Maybe you can try to go down on her and use toys for the time being?

Kudos to you for using the comments section for something that actually helps!

Like #5 said you really have to talk to your wife. If she loves you she shouldn't have laughed at you. While I respect but disagree with your decision to wait, you should've at least talked about sex and expectations. And if you can't reconcile this, tell her your penis may be small, but everything looks small when compared to the Grand Canyon.

Sorry, OP. You should never be treated like that, especially by someone you love and married. Talk to her, maybe even go in for some family counselling. That was just awful of her and a huge breach of trust.

Or tell her she has a large mouth ******...

rabidpeach 5

?for time being" before a pienus pump session? ... before a transplant from a jew/african? ... before a sex change operation and the hormone pills op should've been taking the whole time?

Not cool OP. I'm sorry that happened... You two just need to find positions that work. Doggy can get deep so it's good for both of you ;) good luck!

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Anyone hungry? Got some fresh cocktail sausages in them for you guys!

3rdbass 9

Not hungry, but you're on a roll.

Aw come on Pleo, there was a sausage roll joke just waiting to rear its head right there.

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musiciangirl591 16

yeah, what happened to OP had nothing to do with him waiting until marriage

True, but if he hadn't waited he would've found out she was an insensitive cow before marrying her.

420Zombie 17

yeah, if you don't use it, you lose it.

perdix 29

#10, you are right. I can see waiting until you are in a committed relationship to have sex, but I can't see waiting until after the legal bond is formed to do it. I'm amazed that wife had never even seen or touched his penis (even through his pants) and realized it was very small. Their chastity has caused a big problem.

Yes it does, they're sexually (and arguably emotionally) incompatible, and that stayed hidden because they waited. I think waiting until marriage is bullshit. When you buy a car, you take it for a test drive, right?

skyeyez9 24

Why not? Did you read the news in the US, there currently are like 172 MILLION people currently being treated for sexually transmitted diseases? Out of a population of 300 million, that is awful. Yeah, I am sure they are glad they didn't wait...and their partners too.

challan 19

I'm guessing that means that she didn't wait along with you? That was cruel and insensitive of her, I'm sorry. My spam folder tells me daily that there is hope for your small package! But, I wouldn't count on it. Just find a woman that fits you perfectly. We don't all want a monster ****. (they are scary looking!)

perdix 29

#13, especially the ones with the googly eyes!

13, I'm glad you mentioned not all women want a huge ****. Some women have small vaginas and are short internally, which is a bad combo when it comes to having sex. It becomes extremely painful for the woman.

No such thing as a ****** that's too small. No penis has ever been bigger than a babys head! There is such a thing as not being relaxed enough though.

They're not referring to elasticity/girth. That's a different story. However, some women are simply built smaller length-wise and one that's too big basically means playing knock-knock with you cervix. NOT FUN. They even have adult products to make up the difference. A man can be too LONG for a woman.

@197 That sounds like it would make child-birth really difficult and would lead to complications. A C-section would probably be the safest choice for these women.

SaniK 17

You realize that a baby head only comes out when extreme hormones forces the ****** to dilate and it's a very painful experience.

Wizzlbang 10