Today, I found out that my resume contained the word "masturbation" in the skills section, courtesy of a practical joke by my best friend. I have been using this CV unsuccessfully for over two months. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I handed out 20 resumes to a variety of stores. To my delight, I got a phone call the same day. Unfortunately, they weren't calling about a job, they were informing me on my resume it says, "I have a dick." All thanks to my boyfriend, who thought it would be hilarious. FML
Today, my sister felt guilty and told me about the changes she secretly made to my résumé months ago. She'd put "doing your mom" and "corporate espionage" as my hobbies, and "Justin Bieber's pussy waxer" as a previous job. No wonder I'm still unemployed. FML
Today, I sent out my resume to about a dozen jobs on Craigslist. I realized that I hadn't updated it in a while and went to double check it after the fact. My ex at some point had changed my objective to "I'm a cocksucker who needs a job real bad." FML
Today, while updating my résumé, I noticed that in my list of achievements it said "Torturing middle school students". I meant "tutoring", but I guess this explains why I'm still unemployed a year after I started looking for a job. FML
Today, I realized I sent over 2 dozen job applications with my dating profile word doc instead of my resume. FML
Today, I realized I had misspelled "Education" on all the resumes I've been submitting. FML
Today, I had a job interview. I was feeling upbeat and confident I was gonna get the position, until I saw that my main qualification on my resume was being a "real n**ga" and "getting bitches and hoes 24/7." My brother had changed it as a prank. FML
Today, I emailed my potential boss a copy of my résumé. However, I didn't realize until too late that it was my fake resume, created for an English class project. Some of my former jobs included being a certified gangster, as well as the former president of Canada. FML
Today, I realized after turning in my resume to over 100 job openings over the past month, that the resume I've been submitting does not have my phone number or any other contact information besides my name. FML
Today, my job application got denied once again. I looked over it, and saw that my roommate added "screwing over customers" and "hiding dead bodies" under my skills. FML
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Top comments
PiErC3 0
u should kick ur best friends ass
KMtheDrummer 6
How do you not notice that in 2 months?
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Comments (191)
grannygruber 6
FYL for having a friend like that, YDI for not proof reading before distributing it to potential employers!
psuedodragon 23
Ditto
gracehi 33
Your should reconsider who your best friend is. Practical jokes are all well and good, but he deliberately screwed you out of several jobs you might have otherwise been able to get and that's no laughing matter--it's your livelihood.
bubo_fml 11
If you're applying for government work, that skill is a job requirement.
Mango_Splash803 1
Why didn't you check before? Lol
terrask 11
Aw, how playful of him :) I'm thinking you should do something nice for him in return, burn his car maybe!
hateevryone 15
Kick your friend's ass. A real friend wouldn't do that.
Candice0687 0
You didn't proof read you're resume.
saidawhiting 14
You didn't proofread your comment.
doorick 4
apply at a ski resort. A lot of skiers there.
pfx2_fml 15
Maybe you should of applied at a sperm bank?
Jasonf6 0
Was proofreading also listed? :)