Today, I found out that my resume contained the word "masturbation" in the skills section, courtesy of a practical joke by my best friend. I have been using this CV unsuccessfully for over two months. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I handed out 20 resumes to a variety of stores. To my delight, I got a phone call the same day. Unfortunately, they weren't calling about a job, they were informing me on my resume it says, "I have a dick." All thanks to my boyfriend, who thought it would be hilarious. FML
Today, my sister felt guilty and told me about the changes she secretly made to my résumé months ago. She'd put "doing your mom" and "corporate espionage" as my hobbies, and "Justin Bieber's pussy waxer" as a previous job. No wonder I'm still unemployed. FML
Today, I sent out my resume to about a dozen jobs on Craigslist. I realized that I hadn't updated it in a while and went to double check it after the fact. My ex at some point had changed my objective to "I'm a cocksucker who needs a job real bad." FML
Today, while updating my résumé, I noticed that in my list of achievements it said "Torturing middle school students". I meant "tutoring", but I guess this explains why I'm still unemployed a year after I started looking for a job. FML
Today, I realized I sent over 2 dozen job applications with my dating profile word doc instead of my resume. FML
Today, I realized I had misspelled "Education" on all the resumes I've been submitting. FML
Today, I had a job interview. I was feeling upbeat and confident I was gonna get the position, until I saw that my main qualification on my resume was being a "real n**ga" and "getting bitches and hoes 24/7." My brother had changed it as a prank. FML
Today, I emailed my potential boss a copy of my résumé. However, I didn't realize until too late that it was my fake resume, created for an English class project. Some of my former jobs included being a certified gangster, as well as the former president of Canada. FML
Today, I realized after turning in my resume to over 100 job openings over the past month, that the resume I've been submitting does not have my phone number or any other contact information besides my name. FML
Today, my job application got denied once again. I looked over it, and saw that my roommate added "screwing over customers" and "hiding dead bodies" under my skills. FML
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Top comments
PiErC3 0
u should kick ur best friends ass
KMtheDrummer 6
How do you not notice that in 2 months?
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Comments (191)
Jannettecooks 1
My friends and I put a bumper sticker on another friends car that read PRO-****. He's a hot jock. He drove around with it for 4 months before noticing. He got hit on at stop lights, parking lots... Basically anywhere. He was always yelling WTF? Lol it was hysterical.
psuedodragon 23
Now that's a funny practical joke! (Not what OP's friend did)
MrBoredomioo 18
win
anettes 7
hahah awwwe! that sucks! cx
micahsmommy 13
Try Craigslist. I always see ads for people looking to put that sort of skill on film. You were just looking for the wrong type of job with that CV.
MrSextastic 0
LMAO
jazminadaire 2
Your friend deserves a beat down for that one!!!
PBnJydi 0
Haha, my friends resume said she enjoys eating cat food! She got a job at a pet store!!! True story!!
kyukun13 0
I dont think that's a skill
TheZee 12
Where does it state that the best friend is a male for you to use "him" rather than "her"?
duhhduhh 0
I hope your best friend helps with the bills while your jobless on his account
BunBunBabe 8
Maybe you were a dairy farmer looking to milk cows?
sportsfan20 3
Or to collect from the bull!