Today, I found out that my resume contained the word "masturbation" in the skills section, courtesy of a practical joke by my best friend. I have been using this CV unsuccessfully for over two months. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I handed out 20 resumes to a variety of stores. To my delight, I got a phone call the same day. Unfortunately, they weren't calling about a job, they were informing me on my resume it says, "I have a dick." All thanks to my boyfriend, who thought it would be hilarious. FML
Today, my sister felt guilty and told me about the changes she secretly made to my résumé months ago. She'd put "doing your mom" and "corporate espionage" as my hobbies, and "Justin Bieber's pussy waxer" as a previous job. No wonder I'm still unemployed. FML
Today, I sent out my resume to about a dozen jobs on Craigslist. I realized that I hadn't updated it in a while and went to double check it after the fact. My ex at some point had changed my objective to "I'm a cocksucker who needs a job real bad." FML
Today, while updating my résumé, I noticed that in my list of achievements it said "Torturing middle school students". I meant "tutoring", but I guess this explains why I'm still unemployed a year after I started looking for a job. FML
Today, I realized I sent over 2 dozen job applications with my dating profile word doc instead of my resume. FML
Today, I realized I had misspelled "Education" on all the resumes I've been submitting. FML
Today, I had a job interview. I was feeling upbeat and confident I was gonna get the position, until I saw that my main qualification on my resume was being a "real n**ga" and "getting bitches and hoes 24/7." My brother had changed it as a prank. FML
Today, I emailed my potential boss a copy of my résumé. However, I didn't realize until too late that it was my fake resume, created for an English class project. Some of my former jobs included being a certified gangster, as well as the former president of Canada. FML
Today, I realized after turning in my resume to over 100 job openings over the past month, that the resume I've been submitting does not have my phone number or any other contact information besides my name. FML
Today, my job application got denied once again. I looked over it, and saw that my roommate added "screwing over customers" and "hiding dead bodies" under my skills. FML
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Top comments
PiErC3 0
u should kick ur best friends ass
KMtheDrummer 6
How do you not notice that in 2 months?
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Comments (191)
LulusLemon 8
YDI for not proof reading.
Demille 0
You should draw a big dick on his forehead
BobbieH 19
YDI, you should proof you resume and write individual cover letters for each job you apply for. If it was important to you, you should put in the effort and attention to detail.
FMLsOhilarious 6
So who are you blaming, your best friend? Because it seems like it's your fault to me. You should be responsible for checking your own resume. YDI.
davymac718 4
I'm sure that "masturbation" was replaced over " excellent proof reader"
agreedtodisagree 4
Totally off-topic here, but I really like Justin Bieber.
davymac718 4
Suck a dick!
desireev 18
Yeah, nothing says 'Good one, Buddy!' like sleeping around with your best-friends' girl!
Senseless_487 29
When did that become awesome? The only time a guy should watch that is if he has a six year old daughter who watches it.
groupleader 7
So it's a lie? No wonder you haven't been hired.
agreedtodisagree 4
Your friend sounds like a bitch to me.
davymac718 4
You ******* suck!
BaconBoy75 2
While I know this must be frustrating, it is nonetheless pretty funny. I can only imagine the looks on HRs' faces when they read that. But good luck on finding a new job.