Today, I found out that my resume contained the word "masturbation" in the skills section, courtesy of a practical joke by my best friend. I have been using this CV unsuccessfully for over two months. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I handed out 20 resumes to a variety of stores. To my delight, I got a phone call the same day. Unfortunately, they weren't calling about a job, they were informing me on my resume it says, "I have a dick." All thanks to my boyfriend, who thought it would be hilarious. FML
Today, my sister felt guilty and told me about the changes she secretly made to my résumé months ago. She'd put "doing your mom" and "corporate espionage" as my hobbies, and "Justin Bieber's pussy waxer" as a previous job. No wonder I'm still unemployed. FML
Today, I sent out my resume to about a dozen jobs on Craigslist. I realized that I hadn't updated it in a while and went to double check it after the fact. My ex at some point had changed my objective to "I'm a cocksucker who needs a job real bad." FML
Today, while updating my résumé, I noticed that in my list of achievements it said "Torturing middle school students". I meant "tutoring", but I guess this explains why I'm still unemployed a year after I started looking for a job. FML
Today, I realized I sent over 2 dozen job applications with my dating profile word doc instead of my resume. FML
Today, I realized I had misspelled "Education" on all the resumes I've been submitting. FML
Today, I had a job interview. I was feeling upbeat and confident I was gonna get the position, until I saw that my main qualification on my resume was being a "real n**ga" and "getting bitches and hoes 24/7." My brother had changed it as a prank. FML
Today, I emailed my potential boss a copy of my résumé. However, I didn't realize until too late that it was my fake resume, created for an English class project. Some of my former jobs included being a certified gangster, as well as the former president of Canada. FML
Today, I realized after turning in my resume to over 100 job openings over the past month, that the resume I've been submitting does not have my phone number or any other contact information besides my name. FML
Today, my job application got denied once again. I looked over it, and saw that my roommate added "screwing over customers" and "hiding dead bodies" under my skills. FML
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Top comments
PiErC3 0
u should kick ur best friends ass
KMtheDrummer 6
How do you not notice that in 2 months?
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Comments (191)
Putidub 5
Best skill lol
5t3ff1k4h 47
Yeah, YDI. This is why you read important shit like that over and over again to make sure it's correct before you hand it out to a potential employer, professor, or what have you.
kei1108 13
There are some pretty awesome people in this world. Does he really have to be your best friend?
dansco 25
So ydi for not proof reading it! D'oh!
picturescrazy 24
That's such a dick move, it's really hard to find jobs nowadays and your friend just dug you a grave. Remember to check it next time before handing them in!
danielelmadany 5
What have we learned edit before you submit....
5t3ff1k4h 47
Says the person who can't use punctuation.
Joshawott 21
This is why I proof read mine every time I go to print it off.
Ethan1999 0
Wow, ur best friends a huge dick, you should kick his ass
Alex_purr 8
That was so funny!!! I literally laughed out loud.
BlAzEtHiS 0
Real great friends you've got there.