Money: Today, I sent out my resume to about a dozen jobs on Craigslist....

By waitingformyfoodstamps - 24/01/2009 10:50 - United States

Today, I sent out my resume to about a dozen jobs on Craigslist. I realized that I hadn't updated it in a while and went to double check it after the fact. My ex at some point had changed my objective to "I'm a cocksucker who needs a job real bad." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 114

You deserved it 8 395

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Same thing different taste

By sam - 26/10/2017 08:00 - United States - Sun Prairie

Today, I realized I sent over 2 dozen job applications with my dating profile word doc instead of my resume. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 519

You deserved it 3 634

Slipped up

By hate my job - 24/09/2021 20:00

Today, I sent my resumé to a former coworker to get some pointers, except that I sent it to his old work email account and now my boss knows I’m looking for a new job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 351

You deserved it 980

By mareecasellafml - 27/03/2015 09:51 - Australia - Belrose

Today, I handed out 20 resumes to a variety of stores. To my delight, I got a phone call the same day. Unfortunately, they weren't calling about a job, they were informing me on my resume it says, "I have a dick." All thanks to my boyfriend, who thought it would be hilarious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 433

You deserved it 4 248

By captainfail - 14/07/2009 15:27 - Germany

Today, I applied for my first job. I didn't know how to write a resume, so I copied and pasted one from someone else and reworked it. I got on the bus, handed it in, and left. Then I remembered I forgot to change the contact info and date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 627

You deserved it 74 999

By KayIsKiwi99 - 29/08/2016 19:00 - United States - Houston

Today, I realized after turning in my resume to over 100 job openings over the past month, that the resume I've been submitting does not have my phone number or any other contact information besides my name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 378

You deserved it 16 213

By fuck you, tasha - 24/08/2014 21:50 - United States - Milwaukee

Today, my sister felt guilty and told me about the changes she secretly made to my résumé months ago. She'd put "doing your mom" and "corporate espionage" as my hobbies, and "Justin Bieber's pussy waxer" as a previous job. No wonder I'm still unemployed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 276

You deserved it 8 643

By larsn - 03/06/2016 20:32 - United States - San Antonio

Today, I regret calling my hardass boss a cocksucking bastard when I quit a few months back. My new job just laid me off, and I could desperately use a good reference from the aforementioned cocksucking bastard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 893

You deserved it 20 214

By jellymoon14 - 28/07/2011 22:25 - United States

Today, after being recently laid off at work due to "cutbacks", I went job searching around town. During my drive, I cruised past my old workplace and saw a "now hiring" sign in their window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 866

You deserved it 4 052

By fuckel4 - 01/07/2016 20:12 - United States - El Dorado

Today, while updating my résumé, I noticed that in my list of achievements it said "Torturing middle school students". I meant "tutoring", but I guess this explains why I'm still unemployed a year after I started looking for a job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 527

You deserved it 5 330

By Almostfunny - 16/03/2011 13:01 - United States

Today, I emailed my potential boss a copy of my résumé. However, I didn't realize until too late that it was my fake resume, created for an English class project. Some of my former jobs included being a certified gangster, as well as the former president of Canada. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 354

You deserved it 52 244

DrewKolar 0

Monday 16 February 2009 11:25

The good news is that on Craigslist, that may actually get you some attention...

0___0 9

Tuesday 3 March 2009 2:38

you may get a job as a cocksucker :O

Comments

teethingtom 0

Thursday 5 February 2009 3:00

You sure he wasn't helping get a normal office job?

Spillinthembeans 0

Friday 6 February 2009 3:04

Well played sir, well played.

MCart_fml 0

Wednesday 11 February 2009 1:12

Bad breakup eh? I reserve my vote on whether it's your fault or not until I know if you cheated on your ex.

omg123 0

Thursday 12 February 2009 19:18

It is a good thing you are not with such a lowlife anymore.

DrewKolar 0

Monday 16 February 2009 11:25

The good news is that on Craigslist, that may actually get you some attention...

thewelshmetal 0

Monday 16 February 2009 20:52

so, any offers?

nhomerding 0

Tuesday 24 February 2009 8:53

deserved. I'm sure whatever you did to him was way worse!

genericnickname 0

Friday 27 February 2009 21:13

I think they're here for suggestions, #6. If it's not already too late, might I recommend immolation?

i_am_tiff_21 0

Sunday 1 March 2009 3:37

hahahahaha! At least you're trying.

FlickMyBean 0

Sunday 1 March 2009 3:41

Amazing. I hope you get a call.

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I attended a cooking class with my co-workers. As the chef prepared to cut up a load of onions for his dish, he warned us to be ready for the "typical reactions". Everyone teared up. Meanwhile, I popped a boner. So much for typical. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 317

You deserved it 9 464

Today, it's day one of my suspension and probably being fired from my job. Why? I accidentally took a beer out my bag instead of a soda, then got distracted working to make sure everything got done. FML

I agree, your life sucks 95

You deserved it 501

The Top

Today, my partner convinced both of our little brothers that we are naming our son Obi-Wan. They now won't stop rubbing my belly and quoting Star Wars. This is going to be one long Christmas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 532

You deserved it 1 077

Today, my math TA showed the class how one of her "dumb" students answered a test question. Everyone laughed as she wrote out the students answer, including myself, until I looked down at my answer sheet and saw that I submitted an identical answer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 956

You deserved it 30 008

Today, I found out through 23andMe that my ex-husband and father of my children is my 5th cousin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 767

You deserved it 215

Today, I know my son is a blockhead so I left him very specific instructions on how to put the pre-prepared ingredients in the slow cooker, set to high, and cook for 4 hours. He did all that, except the instructions didn’t tell him to press the START button. So he didn’t and our dinner is still raw. FML

I agree, your life sucks 968

You deserved it 332

Today, I went to meet my girlfriend's parents at her sister's play. The moment I introduced myself, I realized that her father was my probation officer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 372

You deserved it 20 497

Today, we had a great night out with my girlfriend and even won a costume contest together. I guess I wasn't the only one who had a great night, because when I got home I found that someone had robbed my apartment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 318

You deserved it 1 333

Same thing different taste

Slipped up

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