Today, I was eating a banana, and decided to practice my blowjob skills, since my boyfriend is always complaining that I'm bad at giving head. Let's just say my lungs now have their daily dose of potassium. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I decided to practice putting a condom on with my mouth. Then my roommate walked in on me using my mouth to roll a condom onto a banana. FML
Today, I was so sexually frustrated that I tried getting off with a banana. It was not enjoyable, for me or the banana. FML
Today, I was giving my boyfriend a long blowjob and had to pause for a minute because my mouth became exceedingly dry. His solution? Spit directly in my mouth. FML
Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blow job. I thought it was going great and I was doing a good job, until he told me to "stop chomping on it like it's a hot dog." FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were cuddling on the couch. He held a Kool Fruit in his teeth, and motioned for me to kiss him, so he could put it in my mouth. Just as he was about to do this, I inhaled. He then had to watch me dry retching, trying to get it back up. FML
Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blowjob. I was laying in between his legs because it's just more comfortable. I looked down, and he had pieces of toilet paper sticking out of his butt cheeks. FML
Today, I walked in on my mom showing her friends that she can deepthroat a banana. That's something I could've lived a long and happy life without seeing. FML
Today, my boyfriend wanted a blowjob, shortly after we've started dating. He said to be careful because he blows a massive load. Thinking he's full of crap, I rolled my eyes and got to work. Had him going and then a massive load shot down my throat and a bunch of fire hoses sprayed out my nose. It burned so bad. FML
Today, I was giving my boyfriend head. As I was beginning to enjoy and really get into it, I heard him say, "Oh my god, this is good shit." I looked up sexily, only to find that he was eating a Twinkie. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were cuddling on the couch. Trying to be suave, he put a Kool-Fruit between his teeth and motioned for me to kiss him so he could put it in my mouth. Just as he was about to do so, I inhaled, swallowing it. He then had to watch me dry-retching as I tried to get it back up. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thank you, your FML was submitted, and will appear the moderation soon!
Top comments
Tweekz14 5
So I'm guessing you swallow?
nofearjenshere 12
It's a sin not to swallow, there are people starving in Africa.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (322)
haidere 3
Go buy a ***** or watch ****. Middle schoolers use bananas.
ninjaboy18 6
Your boyfriend should not be complaining. At least he gets some head. My girlfriend thinks it's nasty and does not want to do it. He should be thankful..
ninjaboy18 6
.
xcarxcrashx 9
33 Wtf is wrong with you? Where the hell are the mods?
alexup24 13
should middle schoolers really be practicing these techniques?
ghostlilac 25
K. ^ lame chem joke
Enslaved 36
Q: What did the banana say to the vibrator? A: Why are you shaking? It's me she's going to eat!
SoSickWithIt 14
^ clever, clever! It took me three times to read that and get what it meant. I think my mind wanted to block off all perverted thoughts, but then again, vibrator was in the paragraph..
VeganVampyre 26
47- I guess I'm lame too then 'cause I thought that was pretty cute :P
EagorLuvsBigFoot 8
Haha even though the joke wasn't that funny I still thumbed it up anyways. Always looking out for a fellow comedian :)
The_DoritoNinja 4
I once told a chemistry joke.... .... There was no reaction I'm going back to my box now.
ghostlilac 25
:) love youu guys
stalkerstatus101 5
Wait 47 i dont get it...
tellithowitis 13
One time I told a lame joke... Everyone thought it was lame. Heh heh heh... Okay no *crawls back into corner
effy19 7
2- who cares if practicing on food items is "for middle schoolers"? bananas are much yummier than rubber/glass toys!!
max_wilder 9
Chemistry jokes are periodically funny.
nofearjenshere 12
Sometimes you just have to make a lame chemistry joke because all the good ones argon.
ladyLALAA 28
If loving my kids is lame, I guess I'm just a big lame!
ShyAnn29 14
179, glass toys!? That just isn't right, what if it shattered?
TheHaHaNoGuy 5
The glass would be much too thick to shatter. Glass is a very strong material when it's not thin like in glasses and windows
p3mguin 7
What do we do with chemists when they die? WE BARIUM
eon07 0
That's pretty funny lol
p3mguin 7
How do Chemists have fun in an amusement park? THE FERROUS WHEEL
p3mguin 7
Why do chemists like nitrates so much? They are cheaper than DAY RITES I could go on all day
nofearjenshere 12
Why are chemistry jokes sodium funny??
AllThatHit 7
what do you say to the chemist who steals your gold ring? au get back here
muffinsx3 0
I don't use bananas?
AceArctic 4
So an electron walks into a bar and asks "How much?" the bartender replies "For you? No charge!"
BlueEyes9812 5
Omg it's thick and won't shatter unless u dropped it
xsarax_fml 10
The name is bond. Ionic bond. Taken, not shared.
jbuckets_404 38
#166: Suggest you go look at the periodic table....
jbuckets_404 38
#233: They're also "enhanced" during the mfg. process to be near-unbreakable....
Tweekz14 5
So I'm guessing you swallow?
nofearjenshere 12
It's a sin not to swallow, there are people starving in Africa.
Epiqness 0
I wish all girls had 28's mentality.
SkoomaKi 27
Slightly cold with a hint of meanness.
ASSASSIN95 17
Well at least your trying :)
xoconnie 8
lmao practice makes perfect..
MDTeddy 13
Swallowing is good for you. Just don't choke.
cc_the_beast 6
1-I do believe she inhales. Way more hardcore than swallowing...
hawkey126 0
Dafuq did I just read?
kayla_ann0o 9
Why is everyone saying she swallows? When you swallow does it go to your lungs? Hope not.
ProhibitionRose 14
80- it's called a joke.
kayla_ann0o 9
84-go figure?
ContractedTyler 0
93-Go away please, ****
skoob1 12
"swallow bitch, there's people starving in Africa... Single every single day, do it every single way, make the single ladies say oh Bo"~Bo burnham
nuggetmonster 12
113, I love you.
The_Hitdude 12
kayla_annOo: Do yourself a favor and shut the **** up. Not only will you be doing yourself a favor, you will be doing all of us one aswell. Why? Because we won't have to waste or time watching your idiocy play out. Thanks in advance.
MrBrightside21 20
113 - "They can be Spanish, French, Swedish, or Cambodian, I'll slime you so hard, you could be on Nickelodeon." Bo Burnham is my idol.
ColCyclone 17
137- you must feel pretty bad ass trying to talk down to a girl on the Internet.
ThatCrazyRebel 2
137 - Watch out, we have a badass over here
KeannaLove 32
#137- Dude chill out. Don't get your panties in a bunch.
MDTeddy 13
It was wrong on so many l-l-levels.
strike2867 13
Why? I've came, you could gargle it for all I care, I'm going to sleep.
ClaremoreZebra 8
Picturing this girl, being suffocated, by a piece of molested banana has me quite amused.
dapheronixx03 6
i said the same thing:S
TiffTiffGirl 0
Lol nice meme
Calumae 8
More like inhaled it. ..
Downyyyy 0
28 is awesome.
nofearjenshere 12
^ why thank you.
GetDirtyDoWork 1
Hahaha
call4agoodtime 3
Spitters are quitters.
klrfish1968 0
Me to
adamo_erebus 26
that time of the month? :(
rinblack1612 10
Spitters are quitters!
suncifir 6
Lovely mental image if you think about it
UsernameHere234 13
I find it very easy to ********** to as well. Unless that's not what you meant... ( ._.)
BehindU 5
FAP FAP FAP!!!
Give_Linux_A_Go 28
Well, that sucks.
kirstenthegreat 3
kind of blows if you ask me.
BehindU 5
Aw guys cum on no more clever puns.
coolstorybro6969 6
I don't think I could swallow one one more of these bad puns, they all blow
Mooish 18
But I like the clever puns, you guys all pleasure me with your hands!
MrBrightside21 20
It's a lot harder to cum up with a good pun than you think, Mooish.
Thepunspotter 3
I see what you did there
btnhdude 0
Punspotter spotted a spot of puns.
ClassyCommando 13
Dear God, imagine having to explain that to a doctor at a hospital...
Heinousness 0
... Or your boyfriend who is driving you to the hospital.
MaydayParadexx 18
My health teacher is a nurse, and she said one woman came in with a curling iron stuck in her ****** and said she fell on it......
br0ccoli 14
151- LOL "I was just walking and then suddenly I fell and in the process my pants fell to my knees which caused my curling iron to stick straight up and I happened to land on it perfectly so much so that it penetrated me." LOL.
SkoomaKi 27
I wish my girlfriend was that dedicated....
nick315 8
......I wish I had a .....girlfriend......
SoccerForTheWin 5
/ thinks he's cool cuz he uses /
tellithowitis 13
Forever a nose
prepayedtank 0
72 - forever alone guy has a friend!!
ycrem0n 21
I wish I had someone who knows I exist.
Heinousness 0
Forever wanting her to notice me.
DracoSpirita 21
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
I don't understand this FML... Mostly because where I live I am not exposed to things like sex, so I know next to nothing about it.
Shrike 23
Nice edit. How do you know it's sexual but not what a ******* is?
DracoSpirita 21
I was told about oral sex in theology class last year but the class never went into details about sex.
zombicidal 11
she inserted the banana into her mouth then aspirated it
DracoSpirita 21
Okay, that makes more sense now. ^^'
berichsoon 11
There is your Theology class summary
downtime 12
7, What backwards place do you live in? Enjoy being the last generation I guess...:P
ReAnnMichelle 0
Dude that must suck. You never get to enjoy the pleasure of sex && you never get to have a baby!
coolstorybro6969 6
...if you didn't know she put in her mouth...what did they tell you about oral sex?
rubyliu8420 7
Where do u live, another planet?
Uramonkey 11
i'm 99.9999999% sure you are not from a public school. either that or you are the least curious person i have ever heard of. you post on fml yet you have never searched up sex.
Fml_FTW228 10
Either you're lying or stupid/unobservant. You say you live where you have not been exposed to, at least, sexual education in school. Also, you're 17... WTF?!? You don't know even what a ******* is at 17?
mccaincracker 6
7 - you have Internet; you're doing it wrong!
eeppiicc 8
If what your little profile thing says is true, that you live in the USA then you must be blowing smoke out your ass. Of course you probably wouldn't understand that either because of where you live. But seriously you live in the US are 17 have the powers of FML and the internetz and you don't understand. I call BS Tldr: #7 I call BS because you live in the USA and are 17
Awsumuzzie 12
Wtf 95, that's not all the pleasures of life. You're too young to give "funny advice" like that. Go enjoy being a kid while you can... Btw, anyone understand the mentality of girls when as soon as they have sex, apparently, they know all there is to know about it?
koolkat27 13
I could understand if you were homeschooled or just very devoutly religious, but really? You don't know what a ******* is and you're 17? Sad life you live I guess.
DracoSpirita 21
I do go to a private catholic school, taught by nuns, and live an extremely restricted life because my parents are religious and won't let me go out with friends or date.
becka344 0
17? Riiiight.
Llama_Face89 33
95- you're...13... A child your age shouldn't be having sex and certainly not giving advice about it...
DracoSpirita 21
What is so wrong with the people of this world that it's hard for people to believe that someone can be innocent at the age of seventeen? I swear, people disgust me.
bizarre_ftw 21
By 17 many are (nearly) sexually mature and have passed through some of their horniest years, if you're completely innocent you either have a hormonal issue, you lack all form of curiosity, or you're psychologically damaged Also, might I mention, curiosity is know to be one of tge most important things we humans have, it in a sense makes us human
DracoSpirita 21
After the hell that is my life, it's most likely that out of those options, I am psychologically damaged. I doubt it, however, seeing as all of my friends are just as innocent as I am.
downtime 12
291, Ignorance is nothing to be proud of. The sad thing is, you think people disgust you because of their ability to embrace humanity. There are plenty of things humans do that are disgusting, sex is not one of them.
DracoSpirita 21
I don't think sex is disgusting. I think the people who treat it like a worthless activity are. Sex is sacred, and people have it just to have it.
MackenzieLove 0
Well..you're just fantastic to say the least(=
downtime 12
That's an opinion. Not a fact. You also assume people think it's a worthless activity. Why don't you just make a few more assumptions while you're at it.
DracoSpirita 21
I was not making assumptions. I did not say that everyone treated it like a worthless activity. It just seems to me that, based on the comments of other FMLs, a lot of people on here think that. Sorry if you take offense to my opinion. Jeez.
downtime 12
Bitching because I think what you're saying is crap is not a valid argument. You can give your opinions, I don't have to agree with them, and I don't have to keep mine to myself.
_krystallynn_ 11
at least theres one guy in the world who's whole life doesn't revolve around sex. and he's honest about it. unlike a lot of guys, who **** anything they can get their penis in.
T1A2Z3 34
I think being 17 and knowing nothing about sex is the real FML here 😂
C94_ 0
Well.... Yea fyl
girlwithmoodeyes 0
i dont like bananas.
dancinwookie 21
More of a taco lover?
girlwithmoodeyes 0
bawahahahahahha, no. :/
markrs 0
A banana can't give you advice though.