Go buy a dildo or watch porn. Middle schoolers use bananas.

Your boyfriend should not be complaining. At least he gets some head. My girlfriend thinks it's nasty and does not want to do it. He should be thankful..

.

33 Wtf is wrong with you? Where the hell are the mods?

should middle schoolers really be practicing these techniques?

K.

^ lame chem joke

Q: What did the banana say to the vibrator?

A: Why are you shaking? It's me she's going to eat!

^ clever, clever! It took me three times to read that and get what it meant. I think my mind wanted to block off all perverted thoughts, but then again, vibrator was in the paragraph..

47- I guess I'm lame too then 'cause I thought that was pretty cute :P

Haha even though the joke wasn't that funny I still thumbed it up anyways. Always looking out for a fellow comedian :)

I once told a chemistry joke....

....
There was no reaction

I'm going back to my box now.

:) love youu guys

Wait 47 i dont get it...

One time I told a lame joke...
Everyone thought it was lame.
Heh heh heh...
Okay no
*crawls back into corner

2- who cares if practicing on food items is "for middle schoolers"? bananas are much yummier than rubber/glass toys!!

Chemistry jokes are periodically funny.

Sometimes you just have to make a lame chemistry joke because all the good ones argon.

If loving my kids is lame, I guess I'm just a big lame!

179, glass toys!? That just isn't right, what if it shattered?

The glass would be much too thick to shatter. Glass is a very strong material when it's not thin like in glasses and windows

What do we do with chemists when they die?
WE BARIUM

That's pretty funny lol

How do Chemists have fun in an amusement park?
THE FERROUS WHEEL

Why do chemists like nitrates so much?
They are cheaper than DAY RITES

I could go on all day

Why are chemistry jokes sodium funny??

what do you say to the chemist who steals your gold ring? au get back here

I don't use bananas?

So an electron walks into a bar and asks "How much?" the bartender replies "For you? No charge!"

Omg it's thick and won't shatter unless u dropped it

The name is bond. Ionic bond. Taken, not shared.

#166: Suggest you go look at the periodic table....

#233: They're also "enhanced" during the mfg. process to be near-unbreakable....

So I'm guessing you swallow?

It's a sin not to swallow, there are people starving in Africa.

I wish all girls had 28's mentality.

Slightly cold with a hint of meanness.

Well at least your trying :)

lmao practice makes perfect..

Swallowing is good for you. Just don't choke.

1-I do believe she inhales. Way more hardcore than swallowing...

Dafuq did I just read?

Why is everyone saying she swallows? When you swallow does it go to your lungs? Hope not.

80- it's called a joke.

84-go figure?

93-Go away please, cunt

"swallow bitch, there's people starving in Africa... Single every single day, do it every single way, make the single ladies say oh Bo"~Bo burnham

113, I love you.

kayla_annOo:

Do yourself a favor and shut the fuck up. Not only will you be doing yourself a favor, you will be doing all of us one aswell. Why? Because we won't have to waste or time watching your idiocy play out. Thanks in advance.

113 - "They can be Spanish, French, Swedish, or Cambodian, I'll slime you so hard, you could be on Nickelodeon." Bo Burnham is my idol.

137- you must feel pretty bad ass trying to talk down to a girl on the Internet.

137 - Watch out, we have a badass over here

#137- Dude chill out. Don't get your panties in a bunch.

It was wrong on so many l-l-levels.

Why? I've came, you could gargle it for all I care, I'm going to sleep.

Picturing this girl, being suffocated, by a piece of molested banana has me quite amused.

i said the same thing:S

Lol nice meme

More like inhaled it. ..

28 is awesome.

^ why thank you.

Hahaha

Spitters are quitters.

Me to

that time of the month? :(

Spitters are quitters!

Lovely mental image if you think about it

I find it very easy to masturbate to as well. Unless that's not what you meant... ( ._.)

FAP FAP FAP!!!

Well, that sucks.

kind of blows if you ask me.

Aw guys cum on no more clever puns.

I don't think I could swallow one one more of these bad puns, they all blow

But I like the clever puns, you guys all pleasure me with your hands!

It's a lot harder to cum up with a good pun than you think, Mooish.

I see what you did there

Punspotter spotted a spot of puns.

Dear God, imagine having to explain that to a doctor at a hospital...

... Or your boyfriend who is driving you to the hospital.

My health teacher is a nurse, and she said one woman came in with a curling iron stuck in her vagina and said she fell on it......

151- LOL

"I was just walking and then suddenly I fell and in the process my pants fell to my knees which caused my curling iron to stick straight up and I happened to land on it perfectly so much so that it penetrated me."

LOL.

I wish my girlfriend was that dedicated....

......I wish I had a .....girlfriend......

/ thinks he's cool cuz he uses /

Forever a nose

72 - forever alone guy has a friend!!

I wish I had someone who knows I exist.

Forever wanting her to notice me.

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

Nice edit. How do you know it's sexual but not what a blowjob is?

I was told about oral sex in theology class last year but the class never went into details about sex.

she inserted the banana into her mouth then aspirated it

Okay, that makes more sense now. ^^'

There is your Theology class summary

7, What backwards place do you live in? Enjoy being the last generation I guess...:P

Dude that must suck. You never get to enjoy the pleasure of sex && you never get to have a baby!

...if you didn't know she put in her mouth...what did they tell you about oral sex?

Where do u live, another planet?

i'm 99.9999999% sure you are not from a public school. either that or you are the least curious person i have ever heard of. you post on fml yet you have never searched up sex.

Either you're lying or stupid/unobservant. You say you live where you have not been exposed to, at least, sexual education in school. Also, you're 17... WTF?!? You don't know even what a blowjob is at 17?

7 - you have Internet; you're doing it wrong!

If what your little profile thing says is true, that you live in the USA then you must be blowing smoke out your ass. Of course you probably wouldn't understand that either because of where you live. But seriously you live in the US are 17 have the powers of FML and the internetz and you don't understand. I call BS


Tldr: #7 I call BS because you live in the USA and are 17

Wtf 95, that's not all the pleasures of life. You're too young to give "funny advice" like that. Go enjoy being a kid while you can... Btw, anyone understand the mentality of girls when as soon as they have sex, apparently, they know all there is to know about it?

I could understand if you were homeschooled or just very devoutly religious, but really? You don't know what a blowjob is and you're 17? Sad life you live I guess.

I do go to a private catholic school, taught by nuns, and live an extremely restricted life because my parents are religious and won't let me go out with friends or date.

17? Riiiight.

95- you're...13... A child your age shouldn't be having sex and certainly not giving advice about it...

What is so wrong with the people of this world that it's hard for people to believe that someone can be innocent at the age of seventeen? I swear, people disgust me.

By 17 many are (nearly) sexually mature and have passed through some of their horniest years, if you're completely innocent you either have a hormonal issue, you lack all form of curiosity, or you're psychologically damaged
Also, might I mention, curiosity is know to be one of tge most important things we humans have, it in a sense makes us human

After the hell that is my life, it's most likely that out of those options, I am psychologically damaged. I doubt it, however, seeing as all of my friends are just as innocent as I am.

291, Ignorance is nothing to be proud of. The sad thing is, you think people disgust you because of their ability to embrace humanity. There are plenty of things humans do that are disgusting, sex is not one of them.

I don't think sex is disgusting. I think the people who treat it like a worthless activity are. Sex is sacred, and people have it just to have it.

Well..you're just fantastic to say the least(=

That's an opinion. Not a fact.
You also assume people think it's a worthless activity.
Why don't you just make a few more assumptions while you're at it.

I was not making assumptions. I did not say that everyone treated it like a worthless activity. It just seems to me that, based on the comments of other FMLs, a lot of people on here think that. Sorry if you take offense to my opinion. Jeez.

Bitching because I think what you're saying is crap is not a valid argument. You can give your opinions, I don't have to agree with them, and I don't have to keep mine to myself.

at least theres one guy in the world who's whole life doesn't revolve around sex. and he's honest about it. unlike a lot of guys, who fuck anything they can get their penis in.

I think being 17 and knowing nothing about sex is the real FML here 😂

Well.... Yea fyl

i dont like bananas.

More of a taco lover?

bawahahahahahha, no. :/

A banana can't give you advice though.