Work: Today, I noticed that I've been spelling my company's name wrong... - FML

27/10/2009 22:24 - Canada

Today, I noticed that I've been spelling my company's name wrong in my email signature for over a year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 912

You deserved it 43 998

Best teeth in the game

The smell detective is on the case

Late term

15/01/2009 15:07 - United States

Today, I had lunch with a couple of my friends and a guy I like. Another guy I have a crush on came and ate with us too. After lunch, one of the guys I have a crush on told me the other guy I like is sexy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 608

You deserved it 4 927

06/05/2014 22:47 - United States - Sparks

Today, while working at Home Depot, a customer tried to engage me in a conversation about which gardening tool would "hypothetically" be the best to kill his wife with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 345

You deserved it 3 819

10/12/2009 20:38 - United States

Today, was my birthday. I have been heavily hinting that I want an iPhone. I opened my present from my parents and found an iPhone box. Ecstatic, I quickly opened it. Apparently, my parents thought it would be funny to wrap my present, a $10 iTunes gift card, in the box my Dad's iPhone came in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 212

You deserved it 8 444

07/09/2014 01:34 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I'm moving out of the house. My little sister can't wait and I've never seen my dad so happy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 860

You deserved it 4 658

29/08/2010 15:45 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out that my very expensive and beautiful smelling perfume attracts wasps. Whenever I go out, wherever I am, I am followed by multiple wasps. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 683

You deserved it 6 243

16/01/2009 14:45 - United States

Today, I took a dump at work. When I went to flush the toilet, it clogged and began to overflow. I left the bathroom as it was and as I walked out, my boss came in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 805

You deserved it 11 301

30/09/2010 13:25 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was given new meds, and apparently my body doesn't understand the difference between "may cause stomach upset" and "you will crap yourself as you have an orgasm while having sex with your boyfriend." FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 985

You deserved it 5 449

06/04/2012 11:32 - United States

Today, I realized I'm too short to use the urinals at work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 371

You deserved it 2 972

27/06/2011 04:21 - Canada

Today, I went camping. My tent is flooded, a raccoon ate all my food, I lost the anchor to my boat which as a result is now across the lake. Three more days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 656

You deserved it 6 869

17/08/2009 20:48 - United States

Today, I went to retrieve my sneakers that my wife made me leave outside the door of our hotel room. Somebody had shat in one of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 668

You deserved it 7 042

11/06/2014 00:39 - United States - Rocky Point

Today, I had to go to the police station after my son got arrested for shoplifting 15 packs of gum. He got away with it at first, but got busted when he tried to return it all because he "didn't like the flavor". FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 176

You deserved it 8 937

08/04/2016 21:01 - United States - East Orange

Spicy

Today, I asked a customer for a number we could call her at to let her know when we'd finished fixing her PC. I'm so desperately lonely that when she wrote it down for me, I got a raging boner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 368

You deserved it 5 459

Happy Birthday

By Anonymous - 30/01/2013 22:50 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I spent most of my daughter's 8th birthday with her in the hospital while her broken arm was put in a cast. Apparently, my son had told her that some people gained the ability to fly on their 8th birthday before encouraging her to find out by jumping off the slippery slide. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 649

You deserved it 2 471

21/09/2013 18:10 - United States

Today, it's my birthday. I don't mind crappy gifts, but I have to wonder why the hell my boyfriend bought me a home enema kit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 033

You deserved it 4 145

03/05/2018 11:00 - United States - Denver

Today, the woman I've loved for 15 years and had children with told me she's remarrying to the man she cheated on me with. Since her father passed last year, she wants me to give her away at the wedding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 557

You deserved it 317

30/01/2009 18:23 - United States

Today, I meant to forward an email to my friend mocking a coworker's email, but I hit "reply" instead of "forward". FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 235

You deserved it 45 753

05/08/2015 17:35 - United States - Keuka Park

Today, my boyfriend tried to claim it was my fault that he cheated on me, all because I "deprived" him of sex for two weeks last month when I went on a family vacation. If his mental gymnastics were physical, I swear he'd be able to suck his own cock. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 274

You deserved it 2 538

30/06/2015 06:18 - Belgium - Li?ge

Today, my boss is on the phone with a Russian customer, who keeps saying, "Speak Russian please!" My boss asks me to translate, as he hired me for my knowledge of Russian. He says something, I translate in Russian, then the customer says, "Speak English please!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 264

You deserved it 2 067

10/06/2010 16:07 - Canada

Today, I had to get an ultrasound, which required me to drink 3 glasses of water beforehand. The doctor said I had too much and told me to go pee out just a little and come back. It took a lot of effort to hold the rest in. The first thing she did when I got back was press on my abdomen. I peed myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 009

You deserved it 4 431

20/07/2009 20:05 - United States

Today, I went on a rollercoaster for the first time. I sat in the back, which was a bad idea. When it ended everyone in front of me turned around and stared. When I asked my friend what was going on, she said I had been screaming the Lord's Prayer the whole time. I hadn't even noticed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 530

You deserved it 26 888

18/04/2014 22:07 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I met my girlfriend's dad at a tennis game. I could tell he despised me from the start, but it only got worse when I played him. He smashed the ball at me and I went to hit it, but I missed and fell over, tearing my arm up on the gravel. He had a smirk on his face for the rest of the day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 355

You deserved it 4 215

Fair enough

By Anonymous - 26/07/2012 16:39 - United States - Dallas

Spicy

Today, my long-term boyfriend insisted on me going down on him. When I asked what he would do in return, he said, "I was thinking McDonald's." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 214

You deserved it 5 127

30/10/2012 14:27 - United States

Today, I was stuck in the bathroom yelling for someone to get me toilet paper. My grandpa slips a small leaf under the door and says, "This is what I used in my day." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 049

You deserved it 4 646

26/03/2011 06:32 - United States

Today, I was hiking, and four miles away from my car and civilization, I tripped over a rock into a cactus. I used duct tape, which ripped all the hair off my arms and legs but ignored the spikes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 999

You deserved it 6 936

14/12/2009 23:26 - United States

Today, I was on AIM talking to a really cute guy, whom I've had a crush on for forever, when he asked me to video chat. I got so excited and immediately pressed accept, without thinking. Not until he started screaming and cursing did I realize that I was still using my laptop on the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 926

You deserved it 63 693

01/10/2009 14:25 - United States

Today, during an argument with my daughter she screamed "everyone hates you!" and stormed off. I flopped down on the couch in frustration where the cat jumped on my lap. "You love me, don't you?" I asked the cat. She crapped on my leg and went to my daughter's room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 285

You deserved it 6 825

Horoscopes are horseshit

By Fuck horoscopes. - 26/05/2021 17:01

Today, my (ex)girlfriend broke up with me because she read the horoscope and it stated that people of the Aquarius sign are toxic and emotionally volatile. I am Aquarius and did nothing wrong to my friends or family as far as I can recall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 883

You deserved it 64

Check that expiration date man, it's later than you think

By Anonymous - 17/05/2021 11:01 - Chile - Santiago

Today, I found out that I might not get a job in the States, because I let my certification expire and haven't driven in the States in two years. I can't get the experience without a job, can't get a job without experience. FML

I agree, your life sucks 629

You deserved it 296

06/11/2009 00:40 - United States

Today, I got to work in the ER at the local hospital. A lady came in with high blood sugar. She was concerned because the same thing happened to her husband. I reassured her, telling her she'll be back with her husband in an hour or so. Her husband died four years ago from something similar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 386

You deserved it 7 564

27/08/2012 22:16 - United States - Dover

Today, I went to see my orthodontist. He informed me that I have an underbite and I will probably need braces again. I just had them taken off last year, after five and a half years of oral hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 434

You deserved it 2 060

19/05/2010 20:19 - France

Spicy

Today, I discovered my boyfriend has a thing for pregnant women. I'm not pregnant though, my roommate is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 119

You deserved it 3 548

Quickie

By HolyyMolyy - 11/07/2016 10:24

Today, I was ecstatic to have received a friend request from my crush of grade 4 after 11 years. He's grown up to be such a hottie. I quickly accepted his request, he messaged me and we ended up chatting for hours. Later, when I messaged him, he called me clingy and unfriended me from Facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 601

You deserved it 1 993

18/10/2014 23:05 - United States - Evanston

Today, I laughed at my grandma's chihuahua poodle mix, as it barked at me entering the house. "What are you going to do, nibble me to death?" is apparently enough to make it jump and bite me. I needed five stitches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 418

You deserved it 13 195

15/03/2009 01:46 - United States

Today, I was eating at a restaurant in town, when this small boy starts looking at me. I simply smiled and went back to eating, only to hear out of the corner of my ear, "Daddy, why does that kids face look like that"? He said it so loud 3 tables next to us turned and looked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 060

You deserved it 3 504

Reset my life

By Username - 17/05/2011 04:05

Today, I updated my Facebook status as, "Lost all my contacts, need numbers". My mom commented, "Her phone didn't get reset, she just doesn't have any friends." Her comment got 32 likes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 058

You deserved it 8 676

24/09/2017 10:00 - United States - Fort Wayne

Today, I had my first astounding orgasm during which I simultaneously shit myself and vomited. So thankful my new partner was present. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 229

You deserved it 602

Delusional

By Anonymous - 26/07/2020 02:01

Today, my mom is 100% positive that she saw me meeting up with a stranger and buying some kind of drug from "him." I didn't even pass by anyone on my walk. I went to get dollar store pizza, because I can't afford to buy any decent food this week, let alone drugs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 393

You deserved it 86

17/06/2019 01:00 - United States - Fort Washington

Today, I was telling my fiancée about my Hashimoto's symptoms when my MIL to-be said, "You must be drinking too much alcohol. My aunt had a goiter and it only swelled when she drank, usually bourbon or beer." She then walked out of the room, perfectly content with her "diagnosis." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 606

You deserved it 130

20/06/2009 04:22 - United States

Today, while teaching at a daycare, a child came up to me and asked if he could go to the bathroom. Obviously, I said it was fine. He then pulled his pants down, and pee on my brand new shoes, and all over my leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 988

You deserved it 4 714

It's not me

By LDF - 25/12/2008 10:30 - France

Today, I was sitting in a train when the old lady sitting next to me started staring at me. I asked her if she was OK, and she exclaimed, "Willy! It's you! Where have you been all this time?" The entire train trip went like this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 068

You deserved it 1 920

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Wednesday 28 October 2009 0:29

Retard.

AshleyRose784 0

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Wednesday 28 October 2009 0:44

at least they haven't fired you yet for your blatant stupidity

Comments

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Wednesday 28 October 2009 0:29

Retard.

Send a private message

Wednesday 28 October 2009 0:54

Obviously not important if you didn't notice after a year

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Wednesday 28 October 2009 0:57

How exactly did you manage to spell "McDonalds" wrong?

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Wednesday 28 October 2009 1:10

You sir, are a genius :)

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Wednesday 28 October 2009 1:17

#13, you did.

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Wednesday 28 October 2009 1:20

Barely.

Send a private message

Wednesday 28 October 2009 3:18

That's not spelling; that's punctuation.

Send a private message

Wednesday 28 October 2009 13:47

I know.

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Thursday 29 October 2009 4:54

Will you use chemicals or a rope to end your shame?

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Wednesday 18 April 2012 4:46

Anybody else notice that OP's name is "nobodyreadsmyemails"?

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Wednesday 28 October 2009 0:31

That's not really Fuck My Life material, though. It just makes it look like you weren't paying attention. Hardly even noteworthy.

nokillnobeepbeep 0

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Wednesday 28 October 2009 0:43

Unless it is something easy like "The Company"

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Wednesday 28 October 2009 0:59

You mean thee cum penny? Retard.

ireply_w_lyrics 0

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Wednesday 28 October 2009 6:41

Whats with all these new types of pennies??? I prefer the good ol' days when there were 2 types, the money kind, and the whore kind. And one could purchase the other

Send a private message

Wednesday 28 October 2009 0:34

now you know why you'll never get promoted, dumbass.

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Wednesday 28 October 2009 0:36

You're a dumbass.

AshleyRose784 0

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Wednesday 28 October 2009 0:44

at least they haven't fired you yet for your blatant stupidity

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Wednesday 28 October 2009 0:45

failure. you just realized?

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Wednesday 28 October 2009 0:51

Annddd....That's why you suck.

The_Advice_Guy 0

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Wednesday 28 October 2009 0:53

I would fire any employee that not only has been spelling my companies name incorrectly,but didn't notice for a year...My God,I hope your companies name wasn't your bosses name,followed by something like.'goods'. Signed,Sma's Goods....No wait...That's how you spell Sam....Right?

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Wednesday 28 October 2009 1:02

Or Dick Indabugg? Actually, he might like being called Dick Indabutt, who knows?

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Wednesday 28 October 2009 3:25

At least he puts a space after punctuation marks, #11.

ohbamitsnonen 0

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Wednesday 28 October 2009 1:05

wooooooooooow ur stupid

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Wednesday 28 October 2009 1:12

Lmao this made my day.. Someone deserves a raise XD

Nearly

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65

You deserved it 6

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 134

You deserved it 8

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I’d been bicurious for years but always much too shy to seek out a woman to attempt intimacy. Well, I finally hooked up with a girl I’ve had a crush on for a while. Not only was it an amazing, mind-blowing experience, she also left me with a crotch searing yeast infection from hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 470

You deserved it 121

Today, for the first time I had to lie to the man I intend to marry, because I had a very intense and hot dream about Leslie Nielsen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 451

You deserved it 136