Love: Today, my loving fiancé informed me that my new perfume makes... - FML

04/11/2014 02:39 - United States - Baraboo

Today, my loving fiancé informed me that my new perfume makes me smell like a urinal cake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 524

You deserved it 5 512

This Charming Man

This guy is a GENIUS

Noise annoys

31/07/2013 21:23 - Netherlands

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I were spooning in bed, nude, when I accidentally farted. He freaked out and asked in all seriousness if I was trying to give his dick pink-eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 941

You deserved it 8 032

30/07/2012 06:41 - United States - Centralia

Today, my girlfriend decided it would be hilarious if she pulled a prank on me, so she did the classic "bucket of water on a door" one. I ended up getting stitches and a concussion on my birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 299

You deserved it 1 965

Gratitude

By Anonymous - 23/08/2021 19:01 - United States - Chicago

Spicy

Today, it's my 35th birthday. My wife greeted me naked, and with an itemized list of what's off limits. A list of what was on the menu would've been much shorter and might have had better spelling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 883

You deserved it 168

24/12/2010 03:03 - United States

Spicy

Today, my fiancé and I attempted to have sex in my childhood bedroom. As we were falling onto the bed, I smacked my head on the wall, which caused a shelf of stuffed toys to fall onto the bed. Not only did it kill the mood, the shelf also hit me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 730

You deserved it 9 508

12/08/2014 21:23 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I went to a job interview, and a guy ahead of me went to enter the building, only to walk face-first into a glass door. I rushed to help him up, and after we had a good laugh about it, I turned to walk inside, only to walk straight into the door as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 084

You deserved it 9 990

04/01/2011 03:35 - United States

Today, I had a job interview. The interviewer asked me to give 5 adjectives describing myself. I listed 7. The last one being "listener." FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 067

You deserved it 37 266

27/04/2012 15:22 - United States - Pleasant Hill

Today, I woke up, got up, and felt something crunchy under my feet. My son thought it would be funny if he spread cat litter all around the house. Used cat litter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 200

You deserved it 2 558

21/09/2013 17:28 - Sweden - Malm?

Today, while sorting through my clothes, I found one of my ex's old sweaters. After a lot of thought and difficulty, I threw it out. I felt empowered, until my father later rifled through my trash and claimed the sweater for himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 550

You deserved it 3 943

17/08/2010 04:21 - Canada

Today, my friends thought it would be a good idea to make fun of a homeless man. I didn't fancy making fun of the less fortunate, so I stayed a bit back. Still, the homeless man didn't think it would matter to throw a rock at me after my buddies ran away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 590

You deserved it 14 482

29/06/2011 14:55 - United States

Today, my brother got a pet ferret. He told me it had a flexible spine, so I bent it backwards. It farted, and clawed my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 326

You deserved it 87 006

31/12/2010 05:58 - United States

Today, I was getting my chest waxed. The woman dipped the stick into the wax and hit her elbow, making wax fall into my eyes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 990

You deserved it 3 713

02/06/2011 07:26 - United States

Today, I applied for a dental insurance that claims "you cannot be denied". I was denied. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 882

You deserved it 3 504

05/08/2011 07:04 - United States

Spicy

Today, my mother and aunt got into an argument about who had gotten groped more times in public. I don't know what's more disturbing, that my own mother would brag about getting groped, or that she won the argument, at 34 times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 735

You deserved it 2 703

28/01/2011 17:00 - Slovakia

Today, while presenting a project I've worked on for months, one of the professors exasperatedly cut in mid-sentence, saying, "Look, it's shit. Just stop already." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 831

You deserved it 4 599

05/01/2012 05:17 - United States

Today, I'm so insecure that I was still slightly flattered when the demented old man at the nursing home where I work hit on me, because at least somebody finds me attractive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 079

You deserved it 3 536

14/02/2019 15:00 - United States

Today, I was walking along a crowded pier when I stopped to read a sign next to an oddly placed bush. Not even two seconds later, a man popped out of the bush and made me wet myself. People were filming it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 624

You deserved it 5 418

01/02/2018 19:00

Today, because I left my wallet at home, I got arrested for "underage smoking." I'm 32 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 674

You deserved it 658

04/04/2011 10:15 - United Kingdom

Today, I was excited about being set up on a blind date by one of my new co-workers. It turns out the guy she thought would be a "totally perfect match" for me is the ex who cheated on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 609

You deserved it 3 551

16/02/2009 00:33 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blow job, he was twitching and moving around and saying "oh yeah" then he said "take that bitch". I looked up to see he was only excited about how he is domination in Call of Duty 4. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 907

You deserved it 10 564

06/02/2018 19:00

Today, my best friend of 12 years traveled cross country to help me recover from major surgery. I've been sitting in the hospital by myself while she has sex in my empty apartment with some guy she met. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 582

You deserved it 445

15/08/2010 09:47 - Reserved

Today, my Platoon Sergeant caught me unshaved, so now I have to write a 1000 word essay on "The importance of shaving." FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 552

You deserved it 40 473

11/09/2009 04:39 - Australia

Today, I saw a cute girl at a night club. When I approached her and introduced myself, she said "Don't you remember me? We danced here last weekend... but you were smashed that night". I cheekily replied "Oh really? That's hot, what happened next?" She said "You were hitting on me. So, I left." FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 656

You deserved it 43 332

12/09/2011 07:36 - United States

Today, I found out that my parents used all of the college money I have been saving up for 8 years to buy a beach house. The reason they waited until now to tell me? A tree fell on it, and they need more money for repairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 258

You deserved it 2 476

07/04/2013 14:51 - Australia - Glen Waverley

Today, I was at University when a giant mascot started walking in my direction. As they walked past, they whispered my name seductively. I still don't know who it was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 596

You deserved it 5 308

07/12/2013 17:30 - Bahrain - Isa Town

Today, a lady told me that I should sue whoever screwed up my "nose job" so badly. This is the nose I was born with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 116

You deserved it 3 186

13/09/2014 00:19 - United States - Farmingdale

Today, I ran one of the hardest cross-country courses in the country. I'm a pretty good runner, and I was feeling confident for the first mile. Then the chipotle from last night's dinner hit, and my legs weren't the only thing running. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 935

You deserved it 9 819

08/05/2012 20:48 - Belgium - Brussels

Today, against my wishes, my son snuck out of my house to go partying. When he came home, I called him in so I could properly discipline him. While I was talking, he staggered to our fish tank, pulled open the lid, and vomited straight into it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 319

You deserved it 5 198

21/10/2010 19:22 - United States

Today, I found a parking ticket on my car. Out of five cars who were in violation of the same infraction, I was the only one who received a ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 358

You deserved it 8 994

03/10/2013 16:42 - United States - Albuquerque

Today, I got kicked out of English class shortly after our teacher told us we have to write an essay on how the storyline of Harry Potter is one big allegory for "the futility of socialism." Apparently, reacting with disbelief makes me a "disruptive influence." FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 846

You deserved it 3 953

05/09/2011 20:23 - United States

Today, a five year old that I am babysitting picked up a knife and said he would chop my nuts off if I didn't give him his ice cream before dinner. Only 5 more hours to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 376

You deserved it 3 454

19/11/2009 20:09 - Brazil

Today, I met my boyfriend's parents. Later on, his mom pulls me aside and tells me to back off, saying he will never marry someone like me and he should be with a nice girl like his ex. They broke up after he found her in his bed with his roomate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 707

You deserved it 2 192

05/10/2010 00:47 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was giving my boyfriend road head. He closed his eyes when he came, and crashed into a pole. I have whiplash, and a very very angry father. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 682

You deserved it 61 526

14/03/2012 07:51 - United States

Today, my girlfriend called and said she had great news. Turns out I've cured her of that illness she gets every month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 711

You deserved it 20 776

10/02/2016 02:29 - United States - New Baltimore

Today, I met up with my 'on again, off again' girlfriend of 4 years that I'm still madly in love with. We've been broken up for a few months and she's been dating someone else. We talked about possibly trying things again. When I got home, I found out she's engaged. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 621

You deserved it 4 536

16/07/2019 00:01

Today, I went in for I thought would be an interview for a promotion, but turns out there was no interview set up, and they'd already decided who would be the next manager. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 498

You deserved it 112

14/10/2010 22:10 - Australia

Today, it's my birthday, and the only person that called me was my boss. He wants me to cover his shift tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 424

You deserved it 3 039

10/06/2014 02:46 - United States - Brightwood

Today, I returned home after a four day weekend at my parents' house. Upon entering by the front door, a horrid stench assaulted my nose. Hours later I still cannot find the source of the foul odor. I'm starting to wonder if this is how it's always smelled without my knowing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 891

You deserved it 6 912

14/03/2015 08:22 - Netherlands

Spicy

Today, what my friends call my "resting bitch face" freaked my boyfriend out enough during sex that he went soft inside me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 173

You deserved it 8 238

12/02/2018 19:00

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me and threw all my stuff out into the yard because she caught me "texting another woman". Guess it didn't matter to her that the contact name was "Mom". FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 403

You deserved it 401

Scandalous!

By mustanggt - 04/09/2018 16:00 - United States - Utica

Today, I got marked down in a performance review for not being able to keep my relationship with a coworker a permanent secret. I think if her engagement ring hadn't given it away, eventually the baby bump would've. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 790

You deserved it 409

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Tuesday 4 November 2014 12:08

Eau de toilette?

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Tuesday 4 November 2014 12:06

like most guys, he has probably used a public restroom at some point.

Comments

JustBecausePie 12

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Tuesday 4 November 2014 12:03

So, how does he know?

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Tuesday 4 November 2014 12:06

like most guys, he has probably used a public restroom at some point.

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Tuesday 4 November 2014 13:17

doesn't that piss you off

Lebeaugars95 20

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Tuesday 4 November 2014 15:41

did he try peeing on you? Is your fiancé R Kelly?

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Tuesday 4 November 2014 12:04

urinal cakes smell like perfume?

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Tuesday 4 November 2014 16:00

no, her perfume smells like urinal cakes

xleanne_aLly 23

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Tuesday 4 November 2014 18:22

Anyone else get hungry hearing the words urinal cakes? To me it reminds me of an yellow yummy sponge cake. With vanilla whip cream in the middle and butter icing on top. Mmmm with some raspberry sauce drizzled over it.

orbit 22

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Tuesday 4 November 2014 22:01

Dammit, now I never want to eat cake again. Thanks a lot...

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Wednesday 5 November 2014 20:02

#43 lol you're gross.

BBlah 26

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Tuesday 4 November 2014 12:04

At least he said it was the perfume and not you yourself...?

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Tuesday 4 November 2014 14:33

no at least he was honest, he could have said nothing and let her walk around smelling like that

ChristianH39 30

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Tuesday 4 November 2014 17:44

He also could've found a nicer way to say it.

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Tuesday 4 November 2014 20:28

he did find a nicer way, he said urinal cake instead of telling her that it smells like a men's bathroom

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Tuesday 4 November 2014 12:05

that's a comfortable smell to some. always a silver lining right?

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Tuesday 4 November 2014 12:07

At least he was honest..

Marcella1016 31

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Tuesday 4 November 2014 13:25

Yeah she kinda said it like she was mad he told her. Bet if someone else told her, she would've asked her "loving" fiance why he didn't tell her. Poor guy probably just can't win. Almost made me hit YDI. Be grateful, OP. Honestly, it sounds like dear fiance's life sucks if he tells you something to help you out and you just complain about it.

CaptainCookie 8

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Tuesday 4 November 2014 14:28

I don't think she was mad at him but mad at having bought bad perfume. That stuff can be expensive, so it'd be upsetting to be told that it smells like urinal cake.

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Tuesday 4 November 2014 12:08

Eau de toilette?

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Tuesday 4 November 2014 12:10

Aww urine love

weaponofchoice6 11

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Tuesday 4 November 2014 12:12

good thing he told you! Otherwise you'd be walking around smelling like a pee hole!

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Tuesday 4 November 2014 12:37

I was thinking the same thing! Id want to know rather than smelling.

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Tuesday 4 November 2014 22:11

I think it actually was just a bad joke. Or the perfume is so good that he doesn't want her to wear it because it turns too many noses around. In a good way.

rapunzel3416 28

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Tuesday 4 November 2014 13:04

Some scents just don't work. For example, Axe body spray.

feven 32

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Tuesday 4 November 2014 13:05

Well they must smell good if they're used as a deodorant for urinals

False_Stupidity 41

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Tuesday 4 November 2014 23:37

Not necessarily.. I've smelled some where I'm not sure which is worse, the cake or the pee.

Nearly

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65

You deserved it 6

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 134

You deserved it 8

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I’d been bicurious for years but always much too shy to seek out a woman to attempt intimacy. Well, I finally hooked up with a girl I’ve had a crush on for a while. Not only was it an amazing, mind-blowing experience, she also left me with a crotch searing yeast infection from hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 474

You deserved it 121

Today, for the first time I had to lie to the man I intend to marry, because I had a very intense and hot dream about Leslie Nielsen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 451

You deserved it 136