By Anonymous - 18/12/2011 10:09 - Australia

Today, I found out my boyfriend has been using my moisturiser as lube when he wanks. It's $90 per bottle. FML
I agree, your life sucks 38 629
You deserved it 17 515

Same thing different taste

Top comments


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Viciousstorms 7

Well hope you find a way to let this one slide...... Ha? No...? I tried...

Why would anyone want $90 moisturizer anyway. That's crazy if you ask me.

More like someone who's not very good with spending money.

gunmania0 12

I used to ********** furiously with lube, but then I took an arrow to the knee.

Or if OP has the same sensitive skin issues I do, and that's the only type you can use.

Atleast you can look forward to his soft penis?

112- If it makes for a good wank, I would..

If your going to get the first comment don't make it the most stupid f****** comment of FML history.

218- If you're going to make a comment on FML, make sure you know the difference between "you're" and "your".

mY pH0n3 D03snt auT0 c0rr3ct oN FML Mr. know it all. Go wash YOUR mouth out with buck shot.

He's getting more than $90 worth of enjoyment out of it.

lil_miss_katii 7

maybe make him buy the next bottle? since your sharing it.

"today, my slampeice bought $90 moisterizer. I used it as lube, MLIB

Holly shit. I didn't realize I'm in an english class. Sorry 4.0

Steve95401 49

If he's your boyfriend, why does he need to wank?

What are you, the 51 year old virgin? I'd expect that question from a teenager, but really? I didn't know that in your land whenever you feel horny you get to stick it in your girlfriend and use her as a sperm receptacle or some kind of sex toy. Get over it, even people with healthy sex lives wank. It's natural.

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Uh, don't know if you're aware, but "read between the lines" doesn't mean "make shit up" like you think it does. It says a bottle, not a basement. She'd be pissed if he did it even a few times. And your point has nothing to do with mine, even if it had actually been valid.

The real problem here is you spending $90 on moisturizer

Midnite_2raw 5

OP should buy him some generic version of Vaseline that costs about a dollar for a vat!

jayAZ 3

Mula!! You are Beautiful!! Brooklyn's lucky as hell to have such a lovely women!

160- *continues to watch the awkward pick up scene from a distance*

bobbycorwen 5

53 - That is the best land. Just stick it in when your horny. No waiting!

42 - Sometimes you just want a solo tug job. You should know that by now.

Lotion makes the penis soft, hydrated and healthy. Good for him

RedMosquito 4

Perhaps at $90 per bottle he thought it was a magical growth elixir!

Torva_fml 16

It's called aveda. It's the best moisturizer you will ever use.. Yes, I use it myself.

HetaliaFreak 10
doltkid 3

Wow, thats a slippery situation..

The internets has turned into a very hostile place

The_Troller 14

4- That didn't even make sense...

152- it does. Moisturizer on his dick would make it slippery. I'm assuming...

Well OP, I reckon you have to keep your penis moisturized too. Quit complaining

I meant dicks need to be moisturized also

missamazinggg 12

Well, you don't want him to hurt himself.

Is it scented? If so I think you might have a problem.

Then his dick could smell like lavender or some other weird scent. And honestly now, would you want that

239 - Sounds better than it smelling like smegma.

coletrain11 5

If your penis smells of smegma, you may have bigger issues.

ShroomsOnAcid 16

Soooo make sure he doesn't have to wank that often.

sleepRX 16

Yes, I agree. Keeping a proactive sexual relationship with your significant other is just as important as keeping a positive emotional relationship. On a side note: ShroomsonAcid- If I'm not mistaken, Alex Grey is the artist of your icon photo. If I am mistaken, you would be facinated by his art as well as his insight on life.

ShroomsOnAcid 16

While my comment was somewhat of a joke since it's perfectly normal to take care of yourself sometimes, what you said was completely true and I agree. Also, yes, it is Alex Grey! I was wondering if anybody would recognize it. I absolutely love his artwork.

sleepRX 16

Yes, I can see your comment as being a joke but, I agree with it. Yes, self-sex is healthy and sometimes necessary, but I believe connecting sexually with your SO could be enough for a couple if they understand each others needs to the fullest. Alex Grey helped change my perspective on life through his explanation and wisdom on the "spirit molecule". His rich understanding on, vibrating on such high frequencies, is powerful! Of course, I had to try it out myself, and I found Alex Grey to be pure truth!

Yay for masturbation, sometimes my right, middle finger is my only friend (Forever alone) :(

ShroomsOnAcid 16

Damn it took me forever to get this posted. I must have sent it 3 or 4 times already. If all of them suddenly appear, you'll know why. 133- I agree, as sex can be a profoundly intense experience that leaves you satisfied for extended periods of time, but often regular daily life responsibilities can restrict its occurrence. My SO works long hours, and that coupled with my sex drive is a sure recipe for some self love. As you said, sometimes it's necessary. Thank you for suggesting I look into Alex Grey's philosophies. I haven't read about them specifically, but I certainly will now. I find the Western view of reality skewed, materialistic, and severely limited, so I'm always interested in new perspectives on the subject.

If you was doin your job he wouldn't have to wank thus you would still have your 90$ bottle of moisturizer

ShroomsOnAcid 16

222, You can expect to be a lonely old man.

cryssycakesx3 22

222 if you were doing your job you'd have a dictionary.

Llama_Face89 33

73- you're=you are. Your was the correct word. Nice try.

ShroomsOnAcid 16

73, I wasn't aware you can BE moisturizer. Not while you're still alive, at least.

73- seriously? Are you.....******* stupid?

Try hiding it? Or when you run out of the lotion fill the bottle with a cheap lotion. He probably won't notice the difference. Hopefully.

Or you know, make him pay for it next time.

soccer7777 0

But she probably needs the lotion too. If it's that expensive then it's probably for some skin problem she has.

Op is a girl they don't need a reason to buy a 90$ lotion bottle other then liking it-.-

Not true! I'm a girl and even I wouldn't spend 90$ on moisturizer just because 'I like it'. I'd spend 90$ on it if I needed that particular brand though. Maybe OP needs that brand because of allergies or a skin condition. It's not necessarily a matter of 'just liking it'. Though it totally could be, lol.

No guy should have to wank if they have a girlfriend!

ShroomsOnAcid 16

Being in a relationship doesn't mean you can't get off by yourself every once in a while. Sometimes you just need to release the tension quickly and efficiently. Having to wait around until you can do that with your SO can get frustrating.

Shadow_Phantom 26

^This. Either that or long distance relationships (though the OP isn't in one,) suck too. Lots of lonely time...

kikiwi_fml 9

#17 So true. Sometimes you just need a bit of 'you' time, guys don't apologize to themselves for finishing too early and girls can get the job done faster (in my case anyways) haha.

Ummm..../have/ to? No /want/ to?? Completely different. There's nothing wrong with appreciating ones own body. Everyone has needs and expecting someone to complete each and every one of them doesn't sound fair to either party. (as long as it doesn't interfere with the time spent together) touch away all you want. Hell even use my $90 lotion, just make sure it was worth it to you!

Females don't just spread their legs every time their boyfriend wants a piece.

I have sex all the time with my husband.. Doesn't stop me from getting myself off without him. Doh

RedMosquito 4

Really? Ive jerked off before while my g/f was sleeping right next to me. I was being considerate in not waking her!

ShroomsOnAcid 16

Exactly, 153. I don't see why people just assume it must be because you don't have sex or because you're not satisfied by your partner.

arezra39 1

Physiologically speaking, it is healthy for a man to "wank" even when they are in a relationship.

cryssycakesx3 22

my boyfriend has done the 5 finger shuffle once in the 2 years we've been/lived together, and that was to last longer for a crazy sex session

mom2pen 4

Find something of his to use a vibrator

RedPillSucks 31

Why all the thumbs down at #68? It was just a joke. I thought it was funny.

Llamacod 11

164- it would be used for his anal pleasure, so he can stimulate his g-spot.

201- oh I forgot about the other hole. My bad haha