By Anonymous - 18/12/2011 10:09 - Australia

Spicy
Today, I found out my boyfriend has been using my moisturiser as lube when he wanks. It's $90 per bottle. FML
I agree, your life sucks 38 543
You deserved it 17 481

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Soooo make sure he doesn't have to wank that often.

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That's not swag. Shut up.

Well hope you find a way to let this one slide...... Ha? No...? I tried...

Why would anyone want $90 moisturizer anyway. That's crazy if you ask me.

More like someone who's not very good with spending money.

chickenpie90 16

???

I used to masturbate furiously with lube, but then I took an arrow to the knee.

Or if OP has the same sensitive skin issues I do, and that's the only type you can use.

Atleast you can look forward to his soft penis?

112- If it makes for a good wank, I would..

If your going to get the first comment don't make it the most stupid f****** comment of FML history.

218- If you're going to make a comment on FML, make sure you know the difference between "you're" and "your".

mY pH0n3 D03snt auT0 c0rr3ct oN FML Mr. know it all. Go wash YOUR mouth out with buck shot.

He's getting more than $90 worth of enjoyment out of it.

maybe make him buy the next bottle? since your sharing it.

Swag up your ass.

"today, my slampeice bought $90 moisterizer. I used it as lube, MLIB

Holly shit. I didn't realize I'm in an english class. Sorry 4.0

TorturedXeno 27

Sounds like he has some pricy vices.

More like she's got some pretty pricey vices. Who buys moisturizer for $90?

It could have been a gift, a huge bottle, or a specialty moisturizer. It could also have been a medicinal one for a special condition. Cheap moisturizers use cheap and harmful ingredients. If it was an all natural one, and especially if it uses some more expensive oils and extracts, the price could run high quickly. However, that's not the point here. The point is that it's pretty much gone now.

Or at least some of it was gone, it doesn't matter. It's expensive so of course she would be upset about it.

Dude you kinda look like the Zohan

Well it's nice to have a well moistened dick

I think the point is, using someone else's $90 expensive shit to jack off is kind of douchey when you could've used 99 cent lotion. I mean, I'm not a guy, but I imagine it all feels the same...right? o_O

#140 - I think you're right about that

Who needs $90 moisterizer when they can get a 99 cent one unless its medicinal i dont see why

140- no, expensive moisturizer is better than cheap lotion when coming into terms with the penis

I think the real question here is why he's masterbating when he has a girlfriend. We can logically assume she keeps her legs closed thus forcing him to wank with her moisturizer, therefore, this is her fault and not his. I rest my case

182 maybe they just started dating. Some people don't have sex right away, they wait. You can't blame the girl because the bf is still an idiot or maybe he didn't know how much it costs.

Holy fuck, $90???

204 - if he's using her moisturizer for jerking off, it's safe to assume that they're either living together, or he spends lot of time at her place. I know I would NOT be carrying around a $90 moisturizer around.

maybe give him sex then he won't use it duh

I have never heard of any medicinal moisturiser costing $90. I suffer with all sorts of horrible skin conditions all over my face and body and a whopping great tub of the stuff I use costs me about £7 (about $14). anything that pricey almost always tends to be high-end branded stuff.

Not all girls would like to open their legs for their boyfriends the moment they get with them.

182, wait... What? There's nothing wrong with still masturbating even though you're in a relationsship! No need to assume that they don't have sex.

182- agreed, she could be pleasing her boyfriend for free. 204- I'm assuming they live together, because how would he be able to use her lotion if they didn't? If that's the case, then they had to have been dating for a while already. Which means they should be comfortable having sex

If he's your boyfriend, why does he need to wank?

What are you, the 51 year old virgin? I'd expect that question from a teenager, but really? I didn't know that in your land whenever you feel horny you get to stick it in your girlfriend and use her as a sperm receptacle or some kind of sex toy. Get over it, even people with healthy sex lives wank. It's natural.

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Uh, don't know if you're aware, but "read between the lines" doesn't mean "make shit up" like you think it does. It says a bottle, not a basement. She'd be pissed if he did it even a few times. And your point has nothing to do with mine, even if it had actually been valid.

57- Are you high?

The real problem here is you spending $90 on moisturizer

57- has been lawyered!

OP should buy him some generic version of Vaseline that costs about a dollar for a vat!

Mula!! You are Beautiful!! Brooklyn's lucky as hell to have such a lovely women!

160- *continues to watch the awkward pick up scene from a distance*

53 - That is the best land. Just stick it in when your horny. No waiting!

42 - Sometimes you just want a solo tug job. You should know that by now.

Lotion makes the penis soft, hydrated and healthy. Good for him

Perhaps at $90 per bottle he thought it was a magical growth elixir!

It's called aveda. It's the best moisturizer you will ever use.. Yes, I use it myself.

306 Cool story, bro.

Wow, thats a slippery situation..

The internets has turned into a very hostile place

4- That didn't even make sense...

152- it does. Moisturizer on his dick would make it slippery. I'm assuming...

Well OP, I reckon you have to keep your penis moisturized too. Quit complaining

174- I don't think OP has a penis...

I meant dicks need to be moisturized also

Well, you don't want him to hurt himself.

Is it scented? If so I think you might have a problem.

Then his dick could smell like lavender or some other weird scent. And honestly now, would you want that

239 - Sounds better than it smelling like smegma.

If your penis smells of smegma, you may have bigger issues.

Soooo make sure he doesn't have to wank that often.

Yes, I agree. Keeping a proactive sexual relationship with your significant other is just as important as keeping a positive emotional relationship. On a side note: ShroomsonAcid- If I'm not mistaken, Alex Grey is the artist of your icon photo. If I am mistaken, you would be facinated by his art as well as his insight on life.

While my comment was somewhat of a joke since it's perfectly normal to take care of yourself sometimes, what you said was completely true and I agree. Also, yes, it is Alex Grey! I was wondering if anybody would recognize it. I absolutely love his artwork.

Yes, I can see your comment as being a joke but, I agree with it. Yes, self-sex is healthy and sometimes necessary, but I believe connecting sexually with your SO could be enough for a couple if they understand each others needs to the fullest. Alex Grey helped change my perspective on life through his explanation and wisdom on the "spirit molecule". His rich understanding on, vibrating on such high frequencies, is powerful! Of course, I had to try it out myself, and I found Alex Grey to be pure truth!

Yay for masturbation, sometimes my right, middle finger is my only friend (Forever alone) :(

Damn it took me forever to get this posted. I must have sent it 3 or 4 times already. If all of them suddenly appear, you'll know why. 133- I agree, as sex can be a profoundly intense experience that leaves you satisfied for extended periods of time, but often regular daily life responsibilities can restrict its occurrence. My SO works long hours, and that coupled with my sex drive is a sure recipe for some self love. As you said, sometimes it's necessary. Thank you for suggesting I look into Alex Grey's philosophies. I haven't read about them specifically, but I certainly will now. I find the Western view of reality skewed, materialistic, and severely limited, so I'm always interested in new perspectives on the subject.

If you was doin your job he wouldn't have to wank thus you would still have your 90$ bottle of moisturizer

222, You can expect to be a lonely old man.

+1 to what shrooms said about 222

222 if you were doing your job you'd have a dictionary.

"..that was..YOUR moisturizer?"

You're**

73, no. Just no.

73- you're=you are. Your was the correct word. Nice try.

73, I wasn't aware you can BE moisturizer. Not while you're still alive, at least.

73- seriously? Are you.....fucking stupid?

It's moisturiser, not moisturizer.

It's moisturiser, not moisturizer.

Try hiding it? Or when you run out of the lotion fill the bottle with a cheap lotion. He probably won't notice the difference. Hopefully.

Or you know, make him pay for it next time.

Well that too, of course.

But she probably needs the lotion too. If it's that expensive then it's probably for some skin problem she has.

Op is a girl they don't need a reason to buy a 90$ lotion bottle other then liking it-.-

Not true! I'm a girl and even I wouldn't spend 90$ on moisturizer just because 'I like it'. I'd spend 90$ on it if I needed that particular brand though. Maybe OP needs that brand because of allergies or a skin condition. It's not necessarily a matter of 'just liking it'. Though it totally could be, lol.

No guy should have to wank if they have a girlfriend!

Being in a relationship doesn't mean you can't get off by yourself every once in a while. Sometimes you just need to release the tension quickly and efficiently. Having to wait around until you can do that with your SO can get frustrating.

^This. Either that or long distance relationships (though the OP isn't in one,) suck too. Lots of lonely time...

#17 So true. Sometimes you just need a bit of 'you' time, guys don't apologize to themselves for finishing too early and girls can get the job done faster (in my case anyways) haha.

Ummm..../have/ to? No /want/ to?? Completely different. There's nothing wrong with appreciating ones own body. Everyone has needs and expecting someone to complete each and every one of them doesn't sound fair to either party. (as long as it doesn't interfere with the time spent together) touch away all you want. Hell even use my $90 lotion, just make sure it was worth it to you!

Females don't just spread their legs every time their boyfriend wants a piece.

Like a boss.

I have sex all the time with my husband.. Doesn't stop me from getting myself off without him. Doh

Really? Ive jerked off before while my g/f was sleeping right next to me. I was being considerate in not waking her!

Exactly, 153. I don't see why people just assume it must be because you don't have sex or because you're not satisfied by your partner.

Physiologically speaking, it is healthy for a man to "wank" even when they are in a relationship.

my boyfriend has done the 5 finger shuffle once in the 2 years we've been/lived together, and that was to last longer for a crazy sex session