Intimacy: Caught red handed

Caught red handed

By scarred_sibling - 15/10/2012 12:10 - United States

Today, I caught my brother whacking off with my expensive bottle of lotion. This might not have been quite so disturbing had he not been caught with his entire penis in the bottle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 475

You deserved it 3 054

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Same thing different taste

By LemonLearn - 06/10/2016 20:59 - United States - New York

Today, I walked in on my brother completely naked from the waist down. I wouldn't have cared if he wasn't masturbating using my lingerie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 042

You deserved it 1 095

Privacy

By Anonymous - 20/07/2019 22:00 - Australia - Brighton

Today, I walked in on my brother masturbating. In the living room. For the second time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 906

You deserved it 257

Are you OK?

By Anonymous - 01/05/2016 04:36 - United States - Bloomfield

Today, I walked in on my brother trying to stick his knob into a cola bottle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 944

You deserved it 1 582

That's that, then

By Anonymous - 12/09/2020 08:02

Today, I walked in on my brother having sex. With my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 601

You deserved it 211

Tanned

By caughtorangehanded - 01/10/2010 22:12 - United States

Today, I found out my older brother put tanning lotion in the lotion I use to masturbate with. Now I have orange palms and an orange penis which won't go away for weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 918

You deserved it 46 336

Dude, gross!

By utensils123 - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, I discovered my brother likes to use our kitchen utensils to scratch his private areas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 647

You deserved it 2 357

By Perpetually F-ed. - 17/01/2009 14:25 - United States

Today, my younger brother and my parents were in my dorm room. When I wasn't looking, my brother opened the top drawer of my dresser (where I had a tube of half-used lube) and asked out loud: "What's Astroglide?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 370

You deserved it 9 329

By Anonymous - 25/04/2009 04:13 - United States

Today, my 10 year old brother caught me masturbating and then said "Oh, so that's how you do it!". He then ran to his room and locked the door. I inadvertently taught my little brother how to masturbate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 529

You deserved it 64 339

By ugh, why - 22/11/2015 05:12 - Australia

Today, I walked in on my brother jerking off to a breast cancer awareness advert. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 952

You deserved it 3 003

By anon - 20/11/2015 00:53 - New Zealand

Today, I found my expensive lingerie I thought I had lost. In my 15-year-old brother's room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 650

You deserved it 2 231

s0m3guy2010 21

Monday 15 October 2012 19:02

If it can fit in a lotion bottle, I'm assuming it was too small for you to see too much anyway.

cpucooler 4

Monday 15 October 2012 19:01

Your skin has been really smooth and silky lately though, right?

Comments

traedaria 14

Monday 15 October 2012 19:00

That is....wow...nasty xD get new lotion and hide it from him

JocelynKaulitz 28

Monday 15 October 2012 19:02

Smooth like a baby's butt…

ydi_4_suking 20

Monday 15 October 2012 19:25

His balls must be as smooth as eggs

habibiiiiiii 2

Monday 15 October 2012 21:28

He better reimburse her!

desoto96 9

Monday 15 October 2012 23:45

Either her brother has a small john or, she had a big bottle of lotion.

zuzupetalsYO 11

Tuesday 16 October 2012 1:09

27-you made me cackle

AKGirlinSD 20

Tuesday 16 October 2012 9:47

It's better than the Original Poster walking in on her brother using a donut to get off (FML reference). So, OP, look at the bright side, you can find a new expensive lotion and still enjoy donuts!

cpucooler 4

Monday 15 October 2012 19:01

Your skin has been really smooth and silky lately though, right?

Srs_business 7

Monday 15 October 2012 19:08

Probably a little sticky to.

Fishinaddict22 1

Monday 15 October 2012 20:16

"It rubs the lotion on its skin. Wait, what? No! Get your dick out of the bottle!"

ScaughtieHolden 11

Monday 15 October 2012 20:22

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

mfischer 17

Monday 15 October 2012 20:32

Silence of the Lambs reference. A mediocre one, but recognisable.

alizzleschizzle 1

Monday 15 October 2012 22:15

Hahaha. Always funny when someone ignorantly calls someone else out on something and ends up being wrong.

KaeporaGaebora 4

Monday 15 October 2012 23:55

He wasn't entirely wrong. The entire quote shouldn't gave been in quotations.

ScaughtieHolden 11

Tuesday 16 October 2012 1:16

Wow I get the movie reference, the second part isn't in the movie though.

Fishinaddict22 1

Tuesday 16 October 2012 2:04

Yes, I was referring to the movie but I wasn't necessarily quoting it. I was more using the quotes as someone talking. Sorry for the confusion there guys, was just supposed to be funny.

superrocket19 17

Tuesday 16 October 2012 4:19

Lol nice 16

chili10 18

Tuesday 16 October 2012 9:33

Quotation marks aren't just for direct quotes, they could also be used for dialogue, which is obviously what he meant to do.

klrindal 2

Monday 15 October 2012 19:01

Get him to buy you a new bottle.

MormonPornstar 7

Monday 15 October 2012 19:40

And a new memory to replace the old one.

kenbarbz72 0

Monday 15 October 2012 23:07

And a brand new bottle opportunity after he suddenly runs out of the last one.

s0m3guy2010 21

Monday 15 October 2012 19:02

If it can fit in a lotion bottle, I'm assuming it was too small for you to see too much anyway.

MormonPornstar 7

Monday 15 October 2012 19:49

Step 1: Put your Dick in the Bottle...

YacL 15

Monday 15 October 2012 20:30

Okay so maybe he could get it in there thanks to the lotion, but how the hell is he going to get it out?

BulldogHoops 14

Monday 15 October 2012 20:36

60- The same way...

narnia_monster5 7

Monday 15 October 2012 20:42

60: wait for his Willie to shrivel... if you know what I mean

Inheritance 10

Monday 15 October 2012 22:00

I'm curious to how old he is. If he's older and small he has a problem, now if he's young and small then well he has time to develop.

mlmmt3 6

Tuesday 16 October 2012 2:55

Indeed.. that was first thing I thought.... "If its small enough to fit in a lotion bottle... damn.. I feel sorry for him"

timjones 8

Tuesday 16 October 2012 7:21

But it doesn't say OP's age. A young person will have a tiny Tim instead of a russel the wonder muscle.

onlychildFTW 33

Tuesday 16 October 2012 9:08

I'm assuming he is younger because I'm hoping most older people wouldn't put it in a bottle.

jubskant101 4

Sunday 28 April 2013 22:09

Or even if they tried to it wouldn't fit.

daken96 21

Sunday 10 May 2015 8:11

Two words. Pencil dick.

william8691 10

Monday 15 October 2012 19:02

I'm assuming he's really young cause I've never seen a lotion bottle with a big enough hole to fit a penis in otherwise I'd do it too.... But thats just me...