Today, I caught my brother whacking off with my expensive bottle of lotion. This might not have been quite so disturbing had he not been caught with his entire penis in the bottle. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I walked in on my brother completely naked from the waist down. I wouldn't have cared if he wasn't masturbating using my lingerie. FML
Today, I walked in on my brother masturbating. In the living room. For the second time. FML
Today, I walked in on my brother trying to stick his knob into a cola bottle. FML
Today, I walked in on my brother having sex. With my boyfriend. FML
Today, I found out my older brother put tanning lotion in the lotion I use to masturbate with. Now I have orange palms and an orange penis which won't go away for weeks. FML
Today, I discovered my brother likes to use our kitchen utensils to scratch his private areas. FML
Today, my younger brother and my parents were in my dorm room. When I wasn't looking, my brother opened the top drawer of my dresser (where I had a tube of half-used lube) and asked out loud: "What's Astroglide?" FML
Today, my 10 year old brother caught me masturbating and then said "Oh, so that's how you do it!". He then ran to his room and locked the door. I inadvertently taught my little brother how to masturbate. FML
Today, I walked in on my brother jerking off to a breast cancer awareness advert. FML
Today, I found my expensive lingerie I thought I had lost. In my 15-year-old brother's room. FML
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Top comments
s0m3guy2010 21
If it can fit in a lotion bottle, I'm assuming it was too small for you to see too much anyway.
cpucooler 4
Your skin has been really smooth and silky lately though, right?
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Comments (87)
traedaria 14
That is....wow...nasty xD get new lotion and hide it from him
JocelynKaulitz 28
Smooth like a baby's butt…
ydi_4_suking 20
His balls must be as smooth as eggs
habibiiiiiii 2
He better reimburse her!
desoto96 9
Either her brother has a small john or, she had a big bottle of lotion.
zuzupetalsYO 11
27-you made me cackle
AKGirlinSD 20
It's better than the Original Poster walking in on her brother using a donut to get off (FML reference). So, OP, look at the bright side, you can find a new expensive lotion and still enjoy donuts!
cpucooler 4
Your skin has been really smooth and silky lately though, right?
Srs_business 7
Probably a little sticky to.
Fishinaddict22 1
"It rubs the lotion on its skin. Wait, what? No! Get your dick out of the bottle!"
ScaughtieHolden 11
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Said no one ever. Why is that in quotations?
mfischer 17
Silence of the Lambs reference. A mediocre one, but recognisable.
alizzleschizzle 1
Hahaha. Always funny when someone ignorantly calls someone else out on something and ends up being wrong.
KaeporaGaebora 4
He wasn't entirely wrong. The entire quote shouldn't gave been in quotations.
ScaughtieHolden 11
Wow I get the movie reference, the second part isn't in the movie though.
Fishinaddict22 1
Yes, I was referring to the movie but I wasn't necessarily quoting it. I was more using the quotes as someone talking. Sorry for the confusion there guys, was just supposed to be funny.
superrocket19 17
Lol nice 16
chili10 18
Quotation marks aren't just for direct quotes, they could also be used for dialogue, which is obviously what he meant to do.
klrindal 2
Get him to buy you a new bottle.
MormonPornstar 7
And a new memory to replace the old one.
kenbarbz72 0
And a brand new bottle opportunity after he suddenly runs out of the last one.
s0m3guy2010 21
If it can fit in a lotion bottle, I'm assuming it was too small for you to see too much anyway.
MormonPornstar 7
Step 1: Put your Dick in the Bottle...
YacL 15
Okay so maybe he could get it in there thanks to the lotion, but how the hell is he going to get it out?
BulldogHoops 14
60- The same way...
narnia_monster5 7
60: wait for his Willie to shrivel... if you know what I mean
Inheritance 10
I'm curious to how old he is. If he's older and small he has a problem, now if he's young and small then well he has time to develop.
mlmmt3 6
Indeed.. that was first thing I thought.... "If its small enough to fit in a lotion bottle... damn.. I feel sorry for him"
timjones 8
But it doesn't say OP's age. A young person will have a tiny Tim instead of a russel the wonder muscle.
onlychildFTW 34
I'm assuming he is younger because I'm hoping most older people wouldn't put it in a bottle.
jubskant101 4
Or even if they tried to it wouldn't fit.
daken96 21
Two words. Pencil dick.
william8691 10
I'm assuming he's really young cause I've never seen a lotion bottle with a big enough hole to fit a penis in otherwise I'd do it too.... But thats just me...
priceyfml 7
Your profile picture .... (>^(>0.0)>
Axipiter 24
Your profile picture... -3. Haha sorry, couldn't resist. I REALLY hate the Habs. More than a Leafs fan.
HiIAmKevin 8
Or get a girlfriend... Warm and wet>>>
bondgirl69 5
Are you sure it was lotion that you'v been using all this time?
florido_fml 10
That must feel good
Enslaved 38
I'm thinking there's more than just lotion in that bottle after he's done.
mfischer 17
That was the gist of the FML, yes.
ydi_4_suking 20
That was the **** of the FML. Yes
Posthuman 26
He's trying to make you a skin ointment for your butt acne
missababgaga 19
...Oh my gosh
ICastillo 25
Hey more lotion for better motion I guess OP.
ICastillo 25
Um sorry Joker.... The batman is cool though.