Miscellaneous: Today, I was walking home when an old guy came up to me asking...

By SpongeAbii2 - 24/01/2012 11:47 - United Kingdom

Today, I was walking home when an old guy came up to me asking for directions. After I pointed him in the right direction, he held my hand, stroked my face then pushed me into a bush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 717

You deserved it 2 950

Miscellaneous

Vulture

Compromises

Don't Give Up

By itsover - 11/12/2010 05:05 - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me via facebook. I don't even have a facebook. My friends had to tell me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 423

You deserved it 3 371

By Anonymous - 02/08/2012 19:16 - Canada - Lloydminster

Today, on more than one occasion, I was mistaken for my boyfriend's mother, by his own family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 209

You deserved it 2 569

By IHaveTwoOwies - 06/10/2017 13:00

Today, I pinched a nerve in my shoulder while pulling the bedcovers higher in the morning. After excruciating pain all day, I climbed back into bed at night, twisting my knee in the process. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 020

You deserved it 372

By Toast514 - 29/07/2009 23:49 - Canada

Today, I was short shifted at work because one of my employee's decided not to show up. Furious, I wrote her up and made predetermined judgments about her. When she came in, I went off on her for being absent and leaving me stuck. She then informed me her mom tried to commit suicide. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 125

You deserved it 62 088

By William Johnson - 26/12/2013 23:57 - United States - Anchorage

Today, I went on a 70-mile drive to the next town over to finally meet this beautiful girl I had talked to online. To my surprise, she looked exactly how she did in her pictures, minus the ring on her finger and the fiancé who wanted to punch me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 399

You deserved it 5 797

By Anonymous - 30/09/2011 02:54 - United States

Today, my car got keyed because I was parked in a handicapped parking spot. I'm handicapped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 217

You deserved it 2 538

Smash face

By Tori - 29/10/2021 11:01

Today, I remembered to show some customers at work photos of my cat that I had taken recently, and they love my "flat face" cat. All good, until I scrolled to a whole body nude I had taken to send to my boyfriend. I showed it to an entire family during my breakfast rush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 346

You deserved it 1 664

By Anonymous - 27/09/2013 20:33 - United States - Spring Branch

Today, I broke up with my abusive girlfriend. She responded by breaking into my place and stabbing my hamster with a fork. FML

I agree, your life sucks 79 867

You deserved it 4 545

By Username - 13/11/2010 00:24 - United States

Today, I was leaving the car wash when I saw my friend walking on the sidewalk. I pulled over next to her and asked if she wanted a ride. Only after getting a face full of the soda she was drinking did I realize I was talking to a complete stranger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 879

You deserved it 7 587

By Derps - 04/05/2011 09:11 - Denmark

Today, my mother said she called our internet provider, and told them to cancel it. In rage, I left for a friends house for a couple of hours. When I got home, she told me she was joking, and wanted me out of the house so she could eat all the ice-cream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 449

You deserved it 39 312

Dorsia? On a Friday night?

By DoYourWorst - 10/03/2017 06:00 - Canada

Today, marks yet another day when I've been threatened to be ruined with the words, "I know people in high places!" and had objects thrown at me at my workplace. I'm a hostess. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 707

You deserved it 317

By Anonymous - 15/10/2013 20:16 - United States - Chicago

Today, my fiancé's best friend, who will be our best man at our wedding, decided to confess his feelings for me and tell me how he's always dreamed of us eloping together. The wedding is going to be awkward. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 789

You deserved it 3 309

By Sam - 04/03/2010 15:51 - United States

Today, I went out to eat with a group of couples and my boyfriend. All my friends boyfriends paid for them. Mine didn't, and said that I should order off the diet menu. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 868

You deserved it 5 612

By Anonymous - 18/07/2011 04:26 - United States

Today, my house got robbed. They left a note: "Next time, we steal your souls." FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 080

You deserved it 3 723

By Anonymous - 11/09/2011 19:16 - United Kingdom

Today, I had to clean up after the kid that discovered he could finger paint with his poo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 182

You deserved it 3 160

By Flyboy - 18/07/2010 05:02 - United States

Today, during an early morning preflight check, I spotted liquid pooling under the aircraft. I rubbed my fingers in it and sniffed. Good news? No dangerous fuel or hydraulic fluid leak. Bad news? My copilot was too lazy to walk back to the hangar to take a leak. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 777

You deserved it 4 372

By My Daughter Fails at Life - 26/09/2015 01:17 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I asked my shut in of a daughter why she was sniffing black pepper. She said she was practicing to make her sneezes sound like coughs, thereby decreasing the likelihood of someone talking to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 798

You deserved it 2 565

By jeed(1) - 25/08/2013 21:36 - France - Marseille

Today, at work, I stepped out for a few minutes to use the bathroom. Shortly after returning, I found out the hard way that one of my coworkers had used my computer to send a profanity-filled email to our boss, calling him an asshole and telling him to go fuck himself. I'm now jobless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 492

You deserved it 5 256

By Anonymous - 10/06/2013 01:52 - United States

Today, my husband farted, grabbed a fan and blew the smell right at me. Disgusted, I reminded him that I’m a lady, not a dude. He burst out laughing and sang, "Dude looks like a lady." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 630

You deserved it 7 880

By sweeeeet - 09/02/2010 03:29 - United States

Today, I got called out of class to talk to some cops. Turns out my car was involved in a hit and run accident, while I was in school and there was no possible way it could have been me. But since they have no one else, it's my fault. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 921

You deserved it 2 209

By BleakExpectations - 12/03/2017 16:00

Today, my boyfriend of 3 years revealed he'd got me a complete collection of Charles Dickens' novels for £3 from a charity shop. He was particularly proud as he said it meant he could give me one for Christmas and my birthday each year, thus avoiding having to buy me presents for the next 15+ years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 858

You deserved it 587

By Nicoli - 10/11/2011 18:22 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of five years was in a bad car crash, and ended up with a concussion. He didn't remember me. At all. But he remembered his other girlfriend he had cheated on me with for two months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 834

You deserved it 3 966

By Nose bleed - 16/04/2014 02:48 - Canada - North Vancouver

Today, I was eating an apple in class. When I went to take a big bite, my teeth went right through the apple, causing me to scrape the apple right up my face. My nose then started to bleed. I'm now known as the girl who punched herself in the face with an apple. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 160

You deserved it 7 771

By Anonymous - 07/05/2009 10:44 - Malaysia

Today, one of my teachers asked me to babysit their kids saturday night. She didn't forget that it was Prom night, she was going to chaperone it. My teacher assumed I wasn't invited to Prom... I wasn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 680

You deserved it 5 188

By kl - 26/10/2009 06:15 - Canada

Today, after waiting a couple weeks, I finally slept with this guy I really like. It went like this: 1 Mississippi, 2 Mississippi, 3 Mississippi, done. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 055

You deserved it 4 760

Barbarian rolls a 1 for Charisma

By fishyrael - 26/01/2021 23:01

Today, my best friend of a decade ended our friendship, all because I wouldn't kick someone from our Dungeons and Dragons table that he disliked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 708

You deserved it 113

By Rainman - 14/06/2009 20:39 - United States

Today, I had to water my entire garden. After an exhausting hour of watering hundreds of plants, I turned off the hose and started to feel good about the grueling job. That is, until it started pouring rain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 768

You deserved it 14 276

Mama's Boy

By Anonymous - 08/03/2017 04:00 - United States

Today, my husband answered a FaceTime call from his mother not 30 seconds after sex. I was naked in bed next to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 678

You deserved it 569

By Anonymous - 01/01/2010 00:06 - United States

Today, I met my boyfriends mother for the first time and hoped to make a good first impression. When I tried to say 'Hello', a loud rippling burp comes up from my throat. And not only that. A small chunk of mucus flies out and lands on the floor between us. So much for a good first impression. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 917

You deserved it 5 808

By Missyangel - 31/12/2009 07:39 - United States

Today, my 7 year-old looked at me and stated, "When I grow up Mommy I want to be fat just like you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 318

You deserved it 11 432

By lauren - 08/07/2010 04:51 - United States

Today, I discovered that my cleaning lady steals valuables from me, and covered it up by saying that "the vacuum must've eaten it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 026

You deserved it 7 080

By a very unlucky dude. - 18/06/2014 06:37 - Canada - Surrey

Today, I learned the valuable lesson that taking care of a baby crow isn't the best idea. He finally can fly away, but sits on my porch all day cawing for food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 147

You deserved it 13 370

About that...

By Gay younger brother - 30/06/2018 01:30

Today, my brother came out to our parents. They weren't super happy with it, but they said that it was ok since they still had a straight son. I don't know how to tell them that I'm gay too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 526

You deserved it 485

By thesockmancometh - 30/07/2009 15:21 - United States

Today, I told my therapist that I suspected my partner was unfaithful, but I don't think he believed me. "What, did you find a membership card to a sex club in his wallet or something?" he asked. When I got home, I looked in my partner's wallet. I found a membership card to a sex club. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 034

You deserved it 4 632

By Thanks Santa - 17/12/2016 05:24

Today, 3 weeks after leaving my job, buying a larger car and moving to Ohio so my boyfriend could be near his family, he secretly drove my car and all my belongings back across several states just to break up with me. This was completely out of the blue while I was home visiting family for Christmas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 490

You deserved it 556

By NoctisMax - 25/12/2016 06:47 - United States - Humble

Today, I was caught doing it with my boyfriend in a car because we wanted to have privacy from my family. I'm a grown adult with my own home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 449

You deserved it 2 377

By pooperscooper - 20/02/2017 00:00 - Australia - Hunters Hill

Today, I had to wipe someone else's shit off the toilet seat for the third day in a row. We had a new staff member join our team three days ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 192

You deserved it 451

By tryon777 - 29/07/2010 00:40 - United States

Today, my girlfriend begged me to stay up late and video chat with her because she missed me. Even though I work early mornings, I reluctantly agreed. After waiting up until 2am for her to get online, I gave up. She had fallen asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 250

You deserved it 5 068

By uhoh901 - 25/03/2010 11:07 - United States

Today, I just had a phone interview with a college. The lady asked me to spell out my password to a site so she can access my test scores. The password was "dick." FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 920

You deserved it 51 970

By Anonymous - 07/06/2019 02:00

Today, I was feeling sick so I decided to lay down. As soon as I did, I felt the sudden urge to throw up, so I ran to the bathroom. When I bent over the toilet to throw up, my glasses fell in along with my vomit. Before I had a chance to retrieve them, I threw up again. And again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 831

You deserved it 156

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Top comments

every1luvsboners 11

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Tuesday 24 January 2012 18:54

He said erection, not direction. No wonder he's pissed.

GoW_Chick 14

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Tuesday 24 January 2012 18:52

STRANGER DANGER, STRANGER DANGER!!

Ali_Br_fml 33

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Tuesday 24 January 2012 18:50

That's why I don't give directions... Fyl op There are always some creeps around...

DooleyFTW 17

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Tuesday 24 January 2012 19:01

Yeah op this singular isolated incident is the sole reason number 1 doesn't give directions! How can you live with yourself knowing you were part of that?

SkoomaKi 27

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Tuesday 24 January 2012 19:35

You get out of that bush and stroke him back! Return the favor.

LiyIa_fml 8

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Tuesday 24 January 2012 19:48

Why didn't you use pepper spray!? ;D

flamegrilled123 3

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Tuesday 24 January 2012 20:12

Because pepper spray is illegal in the uk

RaggleFrock 13

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Tuesday 24 January 2012 20:41

Bush push!

Wederoney 16

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Tuesday 24 January 2012 21:11

WTF?!? I bet this guy had some kind of gore fetish. Some people are into really weird stuff these days.

Nxty 2

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Tuesday 24 January 2012 22:21

Well, at least you helped someone out today OP. They may have been really creepy but you did a good deed!

jomo111 5

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Wednesday 25 January 2012 0:28

Talk about life's "ah ha" moments

Jonkbaby 22

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Wednesday 25 January 2012 20:03

was his name David Wain?

GoW_Chick 14

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Tuesday 24 January 2012 18:52

STRANGER DANGER, STRANGER DANGER!!

shellz102 12

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Tuesday 24 January 2012 19:29

It's just one of those days....

j_cat187 19

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Tuesday 24 January 2012 20:11

*op kicks nuts with such force in which nuclear fusion occurs*

Pentium_4 27

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Wednesday 25 January 2012 1:53

Favorite movie of all time

gogreen8856 0

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Wednesday 25 January 2012 4:51

at least he didn't rape you

iDoubtWhales 7

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Wednesday 25 January 2012 4:58

That's a way to show love. My grandpa does that all the time!

aarmyoftoast 0

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Wednesday 25 January 2012 22:58

Wow you comment a lot

every1luvsboners 11

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Tuesday 24 January 2012 18:54

He said erection, not direction. No wonder he's pissed.

skittihorse 8

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Tuesday 24 January 2012 23:16

I believe your username fits perfectly with your comment.

amanda_d95 9

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Tuesday 24 January 2012 23:31

That happens with a lot of people's comments and pictures, too lol

khaya 9

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Wednesday 25 January 2012 23:20

He will have to get rid of that erection before he can piss.

farhil 14

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Thursday 26 January 2012 17:50

It's called sitting down and leaning forward... I learned that one the hard way. Sorry, I couldn't resist the pun.

VoteForTaco 8

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Tuesday 24 January 2012 18:54

That's what you get for being nice, something like that happened to me once...

KiddNYC1O 20

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Tuesday 24 January 2012 20:29

It's what you get for running into psychos.

VoteForTaco 8

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Tuesday 24 January 2012 22:43

True...true....

KiddNYC1O 20

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Tuesday 24 January 2012 22:47

Thank you.

wave7891 0

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Friday 20 April 2012 2:59

I luv ur profile pic knida creepy tho...

islander03 5

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Tuesday 24 January 2012 18:54

darn those sneaky old people!

Pentium_4 27

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Tuesday 24 January 2012 19:14

Old people can be expert trolls! And they know they can get away with it

akito11 5

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Tuesday 24 January 2012 18:57

Well I'm sure you've been told this but no good deed goes unpunished

calithebandgeek 0

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Tuesday 24 January 2012 18:58

Chuck Testa strikes again.

BBGeeks 5

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Tuesday 24 January 2012 18:59

I think you're leaving out a part. What happened after he pushed you into the bush?

modulusoperandy 7

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Tuesday 24 January 2012 19:35

#9 have the exact same thought as me. Did he just merely pushed you into the bush and just ran away? Or is there something more to this FML?

skittihorse 8

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Tuesday 24 January 2012 23:17

Oh you'll see it on the news tomorrow.

CookieMonstr19 0

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Wednesday 25 January 2012 7:41

Rape.

ImFrackinBored 13

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Friday 27 January 2012 8:39

He sped off in his cart.

DocBastard 38

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Tuesday 24 January 2012 19:06

Maybe he was pushing you out of the way of a speeding car and saved your life. Did you ever think of that? NO! You're too caught up in bashing the elderly to see the truth! Get your head out of your ass, you ungrateful fuck!

GoW_Chick 14

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Tuesday 24 January 2012 19:10

^ Angry old man...

DocBastard 38

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Tuesday 24 January 2012 19:19

I AM NOT! AND GET THE HELL OFF MY LAWN!

ICATiger 13

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Tuesday 24 January 2012 19:21

I guess he has a dildo up his ass. Maybe that's why his crancky

ICATiger 13

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Tuesday 24 January 2012 19:24

Damn it *he is... Wait wait I can phrase this better how about.... "you would be angry to if you had a dildo up your ass" there much better

GoW_Chick 14

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Tuesday 24 January 2012 19:32

Oh Doc, it's okay I'll get you your meds crushed in applesauce. Doesn't that sound nice? :)

Jakesterk96 8

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Tuesday 24 January 2012 22:41

Old people don't have those kind of reflexes.

shoopd 19

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Tuesday 24 January 2012 23:38

22 - Sooooo close...*too

diamondace1 0

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Wednesday 25 January 2012 12:51

Hey doc y would someone ask for directions in the middle of the street thats just stupid

l0v3p4in 7

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Thursday 26 January 2012 4:34

The driver had a hypoglycemic episode and fell unconscious. Car steered onto sidewalk. Old man tried to save OP after attempts to seduce her were cut short.