Love: Today, I finally got the courage to ask out a girl I've had a...

By hoppgrasser - 12/11/2016 15:17 - United States

Today, I finally got the courage to ask out a girl I've had a crush on for months now. She told me I was very cute and then walked off. I still don't have an answer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 490

You deserved it 884

Love

BO Central

Triage

Classic switcheroo

By Anonymous - 21/04/2009 04:43 - United States

Today, my husband and I were talking about names for our expectant child. I told him since I named our daughter he could name our son. He's decided on a name from 'God of War'. My son is going to be named after a make-believe cartoon character - Kratos. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 469

You deserved it 31 909

It's the thought that counts…

By Charlatan126 - 03/02/2021 05:00 - United States - Hilliard

Today, I finally had a man say, "I love you" to me in a sincere tone. It was a customer, who was high, over the phone. I said it back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 789

You deserved it 126

Long thought

By Anonymous - 05/01/2020 03:00

Today, I was on the toilet and jumped when I saw a face at the window. It was my own reflection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 419

You deserved it 733

Creeper Alert

By "of fucking course" - 05/09/2017 06:00

Today, I was feeling a little frisky and started making out with my husband on our couch. He had just taken off my shirt when a strange smell hit my nose. I turned my head and saw my alcoholic neighbor with a cigarette in his hand, watching the entire thing unfold. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 008

You deserved it 863

By fuckadaisical - 06/12/2013 20:23 - United Kingdom - Pontypridd

Today, my boyfriend's idea of foreplay was to offer to make lunch, leave the room for a few minutes, then come back with no clothes on and offer me a "cockmeat sandwich". FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 283

You deserved it 8 867

By Anonymous - 02/06/2013 04:36 - United States

Today, I won a local arm-wrestling tournament. Too bad I have to use the prize money to repair the tendon I tore in the competition. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 897

You deserved it 15 798

By Red - 04/12/2014 16:31

Today, my girlfriend found out that I secretly watch porn while she sleeps, but she seemed to be fine with it. That's until the next day, when she got on my Facebook account and publicly shared every porn page I visit. My father even commented, "Poor choice in porn, son". FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 620

You deserved it 14 970

By nocatlover - 21/01/2010 21:40 - United States

Today, I woke up to the news that my son had put the cat in the dryer the night before. He didn't turn it on, and the cat is just fine, but now I need a new dryer so my clothes won't smell like cat urine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 634

You deserved it 3 378

By bigmouthedmommy - 13/04/2015 05:35 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my husband and I caught our 12-year-old son "experimenting" with a 5-foot tall stuffed Mickey Mouse. He even made sure to rip Mickey's pants off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 481

You deserved it 3 992

By Simon - 30/12/2008 11:14 - France

Today, as a prank I shook my girlfriend's can of soda. I hadn't noticed that it was already open. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 126

You deserved it 53 377

By Son of a Bitch - 01/08/2015 17:17 - United States

Today, an hour into a family road trip, my mother informed me that she didn't put my suitcase in the car because it "didn't fit". FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 766

You deserved it 2 069

By amiezingme - 26/07/2013 13:09 - United States - Swansboro

Today, my boyfriend's dream came true; he had always wanted to break a bed during sex. The bed he broke was a heirloom in my family for 150 years. The best part: he was by himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 078

You deserved it 5 525

By thatsucks4u - 14/08/2010 00:56 - United States

Today, I went to a tanning salon. I guess nobody mentioned that you have to lift your fat rolls or you'll end up with weird stripes where the spray never reached. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 060

You deserved it 51 056

By Mothertucker - 08/03/2017 00:00

Today, I came across one of the pitfalls of having open discussions with my 15-year-old son when he asked me how to shave his pubes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 640

You deserved it 657

By Interrupted - 27/11/2010 01:03 - United States

Today, while I was making love to my fiancé, his mom walked out of the hotel bathroom and sat in a chair less than two feet away from the bed. She made idle conversation with us for the next 15 minutes. My fiancé was still inside me the entire time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 724

You deserved it 8 103

By Anonymous - 21/01/2010 14:29 - Canada

Today, I was the only girl in my lab class. The instructor was learning our names. When he came to me, I went to say "mine will be easy" and it came out as "I'm easy." FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 883

You deserved it 30 947

By Amberizzle - 26/09/2009 16:43 - United States

Today, it is my three-year-anniversary with my boyfriend. I asked if he had planned anything for us, and he said yes. My parents volunteered to watch our daughter, I got all excited, and apparently our "plans" are to watch a football game. What do I get to do? Make sandwiches. For him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 754

You deserved it 8 530

By monogamous - 28/10/2010 09:26 - Australia

Today, I met my husband's other wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 323

You deserved it 4 770

By racchhh - 26/07/2009 15:25 - United States

Today, I sent a forward to everyone in my phonebook saying, "HOUSE PARTY-NO PARENTS, LOTS OF ALCOHOL, MAYBE A CHANCE TO HOOK UP." I then got a reply from my mom saying, "I'm probably the only one that would show up." Even my mom thinks I'm a loser, and I'm now grounded for 3 weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 836

You deserved it 88 326

By what - 26/11/2010 19:17 - United States

Today, while shopping, a few giggling girls came up to me and asked why I was wearing a dress in public. Highly confused, I didn't answer. When they walked away laughing, I realized they thought I was a man. I'm a woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 393

You deserved it 4 145

By Sabre777 - 17/08/2019 22:00

Today, while as a therapist, a client made an audible fart and pointed out that she had done so. Shortly after, she wrinkled her nose as she savored the odor. She began to discuss her significant trauma issues. Before I could respond, her fart wafted over to me, making any mature response pointless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 491

You deserved it 135

By Anonymous - 28/10/2012 10:43 - United States

Today, my mom decided to wake me up by pouring ice cold water on my face. Again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 047

You deserved it 4 435

By greeple - 10/09/2012 16:19 - Singapore

Today, I decided to clean my face of unwanted visitors, and spent my shower popping the pimples on my cheeks. Twenty minutes later, I remembered that I was showering ahead of a date with my girlfriend. My cheeks now look like the crater-filled surface of Mars. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 712

You deserved it 12 738

By bruised - 19/05/2016 20:54 - Australia - Sydney

Today, while playing hockey, one of my teammates decided to swing her hockey stick like a golf club. She missed the ball, but managed to hit me right in the vagina. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 242

You deserved it 1 219

By IntimidatorStag - 06/02/2009 23:54 - United States

Today, I gave my girlfriend some non-alcoholic beer as a joke. In slurred speech, she told me I have the body of a monk seal. She then took my keys, staggered to my car, and drove away. She crashed into a tree two blocks later. She's fine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 286

You deserved it 30 472

By aliqi - 12/05/2012 20:48 - United States

Today, I noticed a little white ball in the corner of my bedroom ceiling. I guess it had been there for a while already, but the teeming mass of baby spiders crawling out made it a lot more conspicuous. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 253

You deserved it 3 406

Caught

By luckoftheirish - 18/07/2021 11:01

Today, I found out that masturbating on an airplane isn't frowned upon like they say in the movie 'The Hangover'. It's actually illegal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 206

You deserved it 2 559

By Anonymous - 10/05/2014 13:00 - United States

Today, a guy drunkenly professed his love for me. He did this after walking in on me peeing, which he decided was the time to tell me such a thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 919

You deserved it 3 760

By AW - 10/01/2011 12:48

Today, my husband and I are both suffering from food poisoning. He has horrible, raging, rank smelling, explosive diarrhea; I am vomiting every 15 minutes. We have one bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 594

You deserved it 3 012

By Anonymous - 13/07/2019 06:30

Today, my friend explained to me that the toilet paper in his bathroom is "just for show." Now I know why his hamper smells like shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 728

You deserved it 117

By Beepbeepbeep - 01/09/2011 02:50 - United States

Today, I lost power. That didn't stop my house alarm from running on battery, loudly informing me in a British accent, "AC power disconnected. BEEP. AC power disconnected. BEEP." It's been going on for 5 hours and the battery takes a special screwdriver to remove. One we don't have. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 207

You deserved it 4 326

By fuckmylifeLulu - 09/04/2011 16:07 - United States

Today, I filed my taxes. As a divorcée with children, I was supposed to get $3,500 back from the IRS. Alas, my ex's new wife already filed with my children, who don't live with her. I now owe the IRS $250. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 907

You deserved it 4 073

By owew - 09/12/2010 05:33

Today, I don't know anyone in the city where I just moved. I felt really lonely so I picked up my cat to try and cuddle with her. She freaked out and ripped my face apart. She ran then away to go play with the cats outside. Even my cat has more friends than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 030

You deserved it 5 174

By keiran123 - 27/06/2013 23:15 - United States - Welsh

Today, on my first day at my new job delivering pizzas, I got bit by a guy dressed as Dracula. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 237

You deserved it 3 317

By JudasThePriest - 01/12/2013 07:42 - United States - Greensboro

Today, while delivering pizzas, someone ordered $19.41 in pizza and wings. After finally finding her appartment, she paid me in two sandwich bags full of pennies and nickels. I had to count them out before giving her the pizza. We aren't allowed to enter the residence, and it was 22 degrees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 488

You deserved it 3 204

By screwedhousemate - 28/03/2011 11:52 - United Kingdom

Today, my three housemates got into a huge fight and ended up declaring their undying hatred for each other. They now refuse to talk to each other, and I've become their go-between. Yesterday, we signed the lease for another year in the house together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 848

You deserved it 4 259

Assumptions

By Anonymous - 08/05/2020 17:00

Today, I found out that most of the people I work with secretly refer to me as the "designated bottom" because they assumed from my slight stature and soft spoken personality that I was a submissive homosexual. My wife thinks it’s hilarious and keeps grabbing my ass to make me jump in shock. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 878

You deserved it 231

By Anonymous - 09/10/2010 09:41 - United States

Today, I was in the elevator with my new boss. He asked things like "How are you?" "How's your day going?" and "What's for dinner?" I answered everything and tried to make small talk. I then noticed that he was wearing a bluetooth and was talking to someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 463

You deserved it 7 352

By Jekyll - 06/08/2019 08:00 - United States - Norwell

Today, I decided that after three days, I had to cut short my hiatus from social media. I saw a correlation between that and my anxiety going through the roof, causing my work performance to suffer. I’m so addicted to social media that in my off time, I think I was having withdrawal symptoms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 808

You deserved it 1 217

By grapes - 15/11/2015 22:12 - United States - Westfield

Today, I asked my dad for help on some homework I didn't fully understand. He walked away and came back with a huge bowl of grapes and said, "Here's your brain food." Then he left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 237

You deserved it 1 882

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

Lucyyy123 10

Send a private message

Sunday 13 November 2016 9:02

I think she was trying to say no, but in a nicer way. I'm sorry OP, at least she wasn't an asshole about it!

RichardPencil 30

Send a private message

Sunday 13 November 2016 9:16

That's a yes. Get ready for your date and sit in your car outside her place. Monitor her movements with binoculars and night-vision goggles to see when she's ready to go out with you.

Lucyyy123 10

Send a private message

Sunday 13 November 2016 9:02

I think she was trying to say no, but in a nicer way. I'm sorry OP, at least she wasn't an asshole about it!

Demon_of_Light 27

Send a private message

Sunday 13 November 2016 10:04

I don't know, I think in retrospect the nicest way might have been to be very clear.

tounces7 27

Send a private message

Sunday 13 November 2016 17:55

Maybe it would have been clear to most people. Like "Awwww, you're cute...."(Pats OP on head)

MrsHumanFrog 19

Send a private message

Sunday 13 November 2016 9:06

yeah..... the answer was No. sorry. at least she was nice about it.

bartsj88 6

Send a private message

Sunday 13 November 2016 15:22

Playing a game with him isn't being very nice about it. OP is confused. Causing confusion is not being nice at all.

MrsHumanFrog 19

Send a private message

Monday 14 November 2016 8:01

seriously doubt it was intended as a game or to confuse him. it sounds like a pretty obvious no.

Goblin182 26

Send a private message

Monday 14 November 2016 13:48

I don't think she was being nice. I think she was mocking him.

RichardPencil 30

Send a private message

Sunday 13 November 2016 9:16

That's a yes. Get ready for your date and sit in your car outside her place. Monitor her movements with binoculars and night-vision goggles to see when she's ready to go out with you.

blissfully_me 16

Send a private message

Sunday 13 November 2016 9:26

That is an answer. If she wanted to go out with you she would have said yes. Sorry OP.

Moerighan 23

Send a private message

Sunday 13 November 2016 10:28

Sounds like she thought you were joking? I could be wrong though, it all depends on tone.

hpandher 16

Send a private message

Sunday 13 November 2016 11:17

Well that's a yes. She wants you to woo her

sparkledoge 29

Send a private message

Sunday 13 November 2016 11:27

I like how, in this comment section, you can clearly see how men think that's a "yes but you have to seduce me" while women say that's clearly a no.

darkshadus 10

Send a private message

Sunday 13 November 2016 12:38

When someone says you're cute then walks away that pretty much means a very big NOPE

Xtrafresh 7

Send a private message

Sunday 13 November 2016 18:20

I think you have this site confused for a dating advice site. This is FML, where we laugh, snark and practice a thing called sarcasm. Nobody actually said OP should consider this a yes or a challenge.

Lalala579121 27

Send a private message

Monday 14 November 2016 0:00

The only people who said it meant yes before your comment were quite clearly being sarcastic so...

sparkledoge 29

Send a private message

Wednesday 16 November 2016 4:48

I didn't say anyone was being serious about what they said, nor that i thought this was serious advices. I was just stating a thing i found funny to see.