Love: Today, after three weeks of putting it off, I decided to ask...

By straightasaneedle - 02/02/2011 17:11 - Germany

Today, after three weeks of putting it off, I decided to ask out the girl I've had a major crush on since third grade. When I told her, she smiled, but then quickly said, "But aren't you gay?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 504

You deserved it 4 848

Love

Best teeth in the game

Dysfunctional

Tough choice

By Lisa - 01/10/2012 21:09 - United States - Bayside

Today, my boyfriend told me that the main reason he was dating me was because he was intimidated by pretty girls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 019

You deserved it 2 338

By Anonymous - 01/10/2009 05:38 - United States

Today, I invited over 30 people to come to the park with me since the day was nice and cool. I sat there for three hours by myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 319

You deserved it 5 082

By Trollface - 31/01/2017 20:00 - Canada

Today, while cuddling in bed, I tried to tell my girlfriend she was cute. It came out, "I wish you were cuter." FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 179

You deserved it 3 584

By Anonymous - 19/01/2016 14:18 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was fired. Not only was I fired with no warning, not only was my friend the one who fired me, but I was fired from the unpaid volunteering position I took to help her out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 346

You deserved it 2 165

By dyingtinkerbell - 18/10/2009 11:14 - Australia

Today, I went to my company's HR manager to ask what the procedure was to file a sexual harassment complaint since my boss exposed himself to me. His response was that the procedure is to "get over it." And he went back to reading. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 729

You deserved it 4 410

By Anonymous - 14/09/2012 20:47 - New Zealand - Dunedin

Today, I learned that you can be so sleep deprived that you sleep through your alarm, a construction crew outside your house, and your bladder completely voiding itself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 048

You deserved it 2 773

By Annonymous - 18/10/2012 14:41 - United States

Today, an exterminator sprayed for cockroaches in my dorm room. After classes I got back to find three large cockroaches on top of my bed. Now that the exterminator has sprayed everything, all the cockroaches are coming out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 291

You deserved it 1 906

Brain melt

By coco1234 - 09/03/2020 12:35

Today, I stood there for 10 minutes trying to fix the toaster, until I called my brother to help me. I'd forgotten that it wasn't plugged in. He now thinks I'm a complete idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 482

You deserved it 1 347

By Anonymous - 24/10/2010 00:52 - United States

Today, a woman got out of a car to scream at me as I was walking with the kids I babysit, demanding to know where I was taking her children. Apparently the woman who pays me is also a babysitter, who I have been "covering" for on her party nights. The mother doesn't believe I didn't know this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 515

You deserved it 2 796

By Anonymous - 02/09/2009 09:20 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend and I were having a shower together for the first time. He was trying impress me and did some sort of dance move, he slipped, and when he fell he kicked my leg out causing me to fall and hit my face on the faucet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 253

You deserved it 4 196

By Etrius - 17/08/2014 15:19 - United States - La Grande

Today, I went to get my hair cut. My stylist had the greatest tattoo of a rat on her arm. I spent the whole appointment thinking about how cool the tattoo was, and what an interesting person she must be to choose such a thing. So I complimented her on it and she said, "Oh it's a wolf." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 261

You deserved it 7 149

Get back here!

By frenchie12 - 24/03/2019 02:00

Today, I hooked up with a girl. The condom fell off when I pulled out. When the girl left I could not find it. I saw my roommate cat's with it, so I chased him and he escaped. My roommate now wants to kill me. She found the condom on her bed and does not believe me. I might have to move out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 989

You deserved it 459

By Anonymous - 18/09/2010 06:31 - United States

Today, I was bringing the garbage cans inside and noticed one felt a little heavy. I opened it, only to find a raccoon. A very angry raccoon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 375

You deserved it 2 919

Caught

By EllaElle - 04/05/2021 06:01

Today, I went on a date with a guy. I lost interest in him quick, so I excused myself to go to the bathroom, hoping to make a run for the hills. As soon as I reached the front door, our server yells out, "I hope you’re not thinking about dining and dashing!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 375

You deserved it 2 891

By committedandalone - 24/11/2016 14:45

Today, I spoke with my boyfriend about where we want to live when I graduate. He says he doesn't know what he wants and his mother wouldn't approve of us living together. We've been together 3 years with the understanding we would live together once I graduated my Master's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 734

You deserved it 900

By AbsolutelyEffed - 19/02/2009 16:57 - United States

Today, I woke up at 5 and studied for my 9:30am exam for 4 hours. When I left my dorm at 9, it was dark outside. Turns out I slept through the entire day and woke up at 5pm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 045

You deserved it 30 463

By DormHater - 23/08/2010 23:09 - United States

Today, I helped move my current boyfriend into his new dorm room. This would've been fine if I didn't have to do this while avoiding eye contact with my ex-boyfriend, who just happens to be my boyfriend's new roommate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 187

You deserved it 4 700

By girl_what - 02/09/2018 23:30

Today, my parents informed me that my dad is leaving my mom and moving to Florida from New York tomorrow. I just spent $300 on a new crossbow for his birthday, which is tomorrow, in hopes that he would spend more time with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 142

You deserved it 195

It's hot!

By joyf - 08/12/2019 20:00 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my boyfriend's parents came over. It got hot, so I took off the jacket I was wearing, but I forgot I wasn't wearing a shirt underneath. FML

I agree, your life sucks 777

You deserved it 2 347

By jazopalchris - 25/11/2013 23:42 - Australia - Mount Gambier

Today, my 7 year old daughter explained to a taxi driver that she was born from my "vagina that doesn't have hair". He winked creepily at me and said, "I bet it doesn't." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 942

You deserved it 5 818

Dad of the year

By hispanicsmyass - 26/10/2020 16:59 - United States - Cleveland

Today, my ex thinks he's such a good parent that he is arguing about making up parenting time. Yet our court agreement says he's to be responsible for doctor's appointments, carry health insurance for our child, and life insurance. Plus pay child support. None of which he has followed through on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 067

You deserved it 135

Involuntary

By hannahthedino - 20/07/2021 04:01 - United States

Today, my friend spent the night. I now know that she masturbates in her sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 038

You deserved it 113

By Anonymous - 13/05/2019 22:00

Today, I drove my truck into the garage for a couple of minor repairs. It was returned on a flatbed with a blown engine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 760

You deserved it 94

By Anonymous - 25/12/2011 08:09 - Canada

Today, my brother and I drove 3 hours to pick up our puppy. The woman we bought him from said not to put him in the cage for the ride home as he would pee for sure. She recommended I put him on my lap. Not only did he shit on the seat backing out of her driveway, he pissed on me an hour later. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 965

You deserved it 7 206

Slicy slicy

By ChloeLuvzAnime - 30/03/2021 17:01

Today, I got the courage to surprise my boyfriend by shaving my pubic region. To my agonizingly painful dismay, the razor sliced through an apparent zit on one of my lips. Now my vagina is bleeding for a whole different reason, and I'm possibly traumatized. FML

I agree, your life sucks 956

You deserved it 218

By overlandparkmommie - 14/05/2009 21:09 - United States

Today, I was so totally stressed out at work that I took my car into the park and reclined my seat and shut my eyes. Soon I noticed the soothing sounds of raindrops on my car and I felt a little better for once. I opened my eyes to see that a bunch of birds had crapped all over my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 357

You deserved it 3 716

By Anonymous - 15/06/2019 06:43

Today, my husband was finally moving out. I picked up his enormous duffle bag full of clothes to help get him out faster, and I threw out my back. I now can't move. I can't even wipe my own ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 607

You deserved it 723

Volcanic eruption

By Anonymous - 10/01/2020 18:00

Today, while getting a lump in my private region examined by a very cute nurse, I got a massive erection. The smartest thing I could think to say at the time to her was: "I haven't been touched there in a very long time." FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 231

You deserved it 921

By Randomspaghetti - 15/09/2016 21:11 - United States - Lehi

Today, a cute guy complimented me on my legs. I, being the awkward person that I am, panicked and replied, "Thanks, I grew them myself." FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 097

You deserved it 2 303

By notfromanisland - 04/12/2015 05:41

Today, through a mutual friend I met with a girl from Netherlands for dinner. At some point, she told me I have an Antillean accent, referring to the Dutch Antilles. I was born and raised nowhere near those islands, but my former boyfriend of 5 years is Antillean. Now I have his accent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 096

You deserved it 2 472

By Clumsy76 - 20/04/2018 15:00

Today, I moved into a new downstairs flat. I promptly fell down said stairs. I have a broken pelvis now and can't walk or go down steps for 3 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 618

You deserved it 323

By Lola - 26/12/2008 06:32 - France

Today, I dressed in my sexiest clothes to meet my new boyfriend at a restaurant. As I was a bit early, I took the opportunity to smoke a cigarette outside while I waited. The restaurant owner came out and said, "Hey, you. Go and 'work' somewhere else, please." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 437

You deserved it 18 857

By FootInMouth - 20/01/2015 19:16 - South Africa

Today, I made fun of a friend at a dinner party after he forgot to put his engagement ring on. It turned out his fiancée actually ended the engagement last week, and everyone thinks I was being spiteful just because the girl is my ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 152

You deserved it 9 185

Unmatched

By Anonymous - 02/02/2021 01:01 - United Kingdom - Buckie

Today, my girlfriend of three months broke up with me. Her reason? I'm "not interesting." I said things that might have led to a conversation, she would say "yeah" to everything. She argued about stuff I said that she didn't like; called my mates cunts; didn't let me have female mates. All her mates are lads. FML

I agree, your life sucks 894

You deserved it 235

By Anonymous - 22/07/2009 11:29 - Netherlands

Today, my husband and kids celebrated my 50th birthday. I turned 47. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 637

You deserved it 3 812

By Jenna - 03/07/2012 23:20 - United Kingdom - Reading

Today, my dad was driving me home and was angrily explaining how my boyfriend was a bad influence and that he was hanging out with the wrong crowd. After finally convincing him to give him another chance, we stopped at a traffic light just in time to see my boyfriend being chased by police. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 713

You deserved it 38 704

By Cody1324 - 04/12/2018 15:30

Today, my girlfriend of 4 years is better friends with my younger sister and when she has free time to go out and do something, she would rather spend it with her than with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 497

You deserved it 381

By Awkward - 01/02/2013 22:53 - United Kingdom - Wolverhampton

Today, I tripped while walking down a large flight of stairs. As I fell forward, I instinctively reached out and grabbed onto one of the guys walking up. I ended up taking him and two other people down with me, earning myself a great many disgusted glares as I dusted myself off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 219

You deserved it 7 998

By anonymous-canada - 07/12/2010 05:28

Today, I was working a midnight shift when a guy came in drunk and was trying to get me to come home with him. I said I had a boyfriend. As I said this, my manager, who has no teeth and B.O, said he was my boyfriend. I will never live this down with my co-workers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 743

You deserved it 4 260

Alas, poor Doggo

By suchatwat - 09/10/2020 05:02

Today, I accidentally hit my dad in the eye with our dead dog's squeaky toy. He cried. FML

I agree, your life sucks 907

You deserved it 223

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Top comments

perdix 29

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Wednesday 2 February 2011 23:17

Unless you have just started fourth grade, then you've been putting off asking her out for a hell of a lot longer than three weeks! (If you are just starting fourth grade, you are too young to date (except if you are perdix, but he was an exception)) You've probably put on this gay act to get close to her. Girls are rightfully suspicious of the motivations of straight guys, but often let their guard down to non-threatening gay ones. Now, if you were clever, you'd tell her that she "straightened" you out ;) (I hope this gets in before the inevitable dreaded "Comments are deactivated.")

Yeah_Thats_Me 0

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Wednesday 2 February 2011 23:10

Sirin I'm gay.

bowlingstar 1

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Wednesday 2 February 2011 23:05

ouch . . .

dayleno 1

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Wednesday 2 February 2011 23:05

Haha wow, that sucks.

Sirin_fml 46

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Wednesday 2 February 2011 23:06

Okay, let's try to act like civilised humans and avoid knuckle-dragging bigotry on this one. If you don't like it, move on to the next FML. Failure to take a damn hint will result in me kicking your ass, freezing you in carbonite, and handing you over to a fat green space slug just for the hell of it.

Yeah_Thats_Me 0

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Wednesday 2 February 2011 23:10

Sirin I'm gay.

Yeah_Thats_Me 0

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Wednesday 2 February 2011 23:12

I'm....

McMan 23

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Wednesday 2 February 2011 23:13

Sirin Fett?

Yeah_Thats_Me 0

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Wednesday 2 February 2011 23:16

Curse you Sirin.

Yeah_Thats_Me 0

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Wednesday 2 February 2011 23:22

Sirin I uhh... I love you. *rubs the back of his head looking down and smiles innocently*. Maybe coffee next Tuesday?

Sirin_fml 46

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Wednesday 2 February 2011 23:24

I thought you were gay. But fine; black, no sugar. Blacker than a moonless night, hotter and more bitter than hell itself... that is coffee. I stole that from McMan's profile, but then, he stole it from Godot, so it all evens out.

Yeah_Thats_Me 0

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Wednesday 2 February 2011 23:25

Well, I was. But you made me become straight sweet heart. ;).

KingDingALing 9

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Wednesday 2 February 2011 23:29

Get a room you two! So what if I'm jealous? :(

KingDingALing 9

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Wednesday 2 February 2011 23:29

Get a room you two! So what if I'm jealous? :(

I_iz_B_a_troll 23

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Wednesday 2 February 2011 23:34

Well op, it's unfortunate that she misjudged you! Maybe she or some other girl will like that you're a little bit mo' sensitive or feminine! Ya never know, but if you've seriously waited years and obsessed over this one girl, you may want to try and avoid similar experiences in the future!(:

brianjman14 22

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Thursday 3 February 2011 1:00

Sirin, I am also gay.

TheRealFamilyGuy 5

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Thursday 3 February 2011 2:34

I'm not gay, except if you count that time in Tijuana with that donkey and Mexican midget.

GrandTheftPants 0

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Thursday 3 February 2011 3:44

I just erotically shat my pants, and I liked every moment of it!

GrandTheftPants 0

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Thursday 3 February 2011 5:32

Wee-woo-wee-woo-wee-woo.

iSnowboard 0

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Thursday 3 February 2011 6:58

ascension came out today w00t!

adventuretime25 0

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Thursday 3 February 2011 8:45

Damn sirin, a man with power.. that's hot ;)

MyMuffinsAreDead 0

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Thursday 3 February 2011 10:37

what the hell happened to number 1 and 2?

mfjkr 10

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Thursday 3 February 2011 13:29

We will make coffee metal, we will make everything metal. Blacker than the blackest black times infinity.

pattheaninal 9

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Thursday 3 February 2011 13:32

...did anyone say McDonalds?

Exhausti 0

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Thursday 3 February 2011 17:47

id smack her

annabanananaa11 0

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Friday 4 February 2011 5:19

20, you're adorable. Just so ya know.(:

jpest17 5

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Friday 4 February 2011 6:19

this is why we can't have nice things !!!

Cypherrr 13

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Wednesday 2 February 2011 23:11

This is the reason why people shouldn't judge others before getting to know them or just assuming something about them before getting the actual truth. -_-

you_failed 15

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Wednesday 2 February 2011 23:11

Aww man! That sucks! D: But at least shr accepted the date, right? :]

DenisV95 2

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Wednesday 2 February 2011 23:15

Ouch..

TheOptimist 0

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Wednesday 2 February 2011 23:42

Straightasaneedle? Needles are easily bent boy.

Kebby8D 2

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Thursday 3 February 2011 2:07

That's actually exactly what I thought.....not a very good analogy.

F14Shado 0

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Thursday 3 February 2011 13:13

LOL IM DYING.

istylez2 0

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Friday 4 February 2011 4:08

u sexy

perdix 29

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Wednesday 2 February 2011 23:17

aback 4

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Thursday 3 February 2011 0:14

That "three weeks" was puzzling me, too.

leprachaun405 0

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Thursday 3 February 2011 0:25

by "three weeks" he means he had been considering asking her out, before that he had just had a crush on her and wasn't going to do anything about it

Doortje 29

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Wednesday 2 February 2011 23:17

Aww, not the answer you were hoping for :( I hope she still agreed to go out with you OP :)

Thejackel79 9

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Wednesday 2 February 2011 23:18

wow i love how people assume these things. People assume since im a wrestler that im gay so i feel for you man.

TheDrifter 23

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Thursday 3 February 2011 1:14

Yeah that's rough. High school wrestling outfits lead to way too many jokes.

emerica34 0

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Thursday 3 February 2011 20:35

dude seriously they look uber homo and it honestly dose make me think there gay cuz dude they get down on the floor with other dudes junk all up on there face