Today, I finally got enough courage to ask out this girl that... - FML

By e.middlechild - 13/6/2009 12:15 - United States

Today, I finally got enough courage to ask out this girl that I've liked for a year. While we were out at lunch, she ran into her ex that she had just broken up with. They then had a long conversation about their relationship, and ended up getting back together. She was my ride home. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55302

You deserved it

3689

Tweet

Share

Work name

Great boyfriend

A beautiful truck decoration

By Anonymous - 16/9/2019 02:00

Alexa, play "Confusion" by New Order

Today, I found out my husband has been telling everyone he doesn't want a baby. He has been telling me he does. We have been trying for months. I'm now pregnant and confused. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1622

You deserved it

121

Tweet

Share

By baddad - 23/9/2013 04:44 - United States

Today, I started shaking my son's Little Bill doll in frustration, as the batteries weren't working. My nosy neighbor saw through the window and called the cops. They wouldn't believe me and now the whole neighborhood thinks I'm a child abuser. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56352

You deserved it

7705

Tweet

Share

By cuntingbitchofawhore - 6/2/2016 03:11 - United States - Bloomington

Today, I told my step-mom that my medication is causing me to lose weight. She looked me up and down and suggested I triple my dosage. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21902

You deserved it

2150

Tweet

Share

By Dogless - 21/8/2011 05:51 - United States

Today, over a year on from my parents telling me my dog had died, I went to the shelter to volunteer, and saw my old dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52391

You deserved it

2596

Tweet

Share

By unproud - 15/11/2013 07:05 - United Kingdom - Luton

Today, while my hometown mayor becomes a world-famous crackhead and douche-bag, here in the UK it has come to this: when people hear my accent and ask me if I'm American, it's less embarrassing just to say, "Yeah", rather than admit I'm Canadian. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41994

You deserved it

6989

Tweet

Share

By tanisLX - 25/10/2014 21:58 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I went to the police station to find out if the tint on my new car's windshield was too dark. The officer took one look, told me that windshield tints are illegal in California, and ticketed me. So much for being honest. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36074

You deserved it

9614

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 2/4/2012 05:01 - United States - Portland

Today, I came home from work to find a burglar in my house. He then said that he was just leaving, and went back out of the broken window. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30751

You deserved it

2388

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 1/11/2010 13:00 - United States

Today, I was laying in bed with the covers over me, when I got an itch on my leg. It felt really good to scratch it so I got really into it. At that very moment my mom walked in, saw me doing a back and forth motion under the covers, gave me a look of disgust, and walked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30778

You deserved it

5831

Tweet

Share

By cap - 9/12/2019 01:00 - United States - Manhattan

Last trip

Today, I had sex with my wife only to be told that the sex was horrible and to be given divorce papers. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2077

You deserved it

237

Tweet

Share

By kill me - 20/6/2017 04:00

Today, while serving at my restaurant, a mother acted as a wing-woman for her son by insisting I read a note he'd written, asking for my number. I had to awkwardly reject the guy in front of his entire family, before having to keep serving them for another hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6873

You deserved it

472

Tweet

Share

By cantgetup - 3/4/2011 04:10 - Canada

Today, I discovered that my girlfriend can only orgasm when we have sex to gospel music. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55317

You deserved it

6387

Tweet

Share

By geedeewhy - 1/1/2019 04:00

Today, my period was officially 2 weeks late. I have a phobia about giving birth, so I had a panic attack, went to Walmart, spend $15 on four pregnancy tests and a drink, came home, and took the tests. All four came back negative. As I went to clean up and throw everything away, I got my period. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2458

You deserved it

719

Tweet

Share

By olalala2382 - 2/4/2009 05:09 - United States

Today, as I worked the drive-through at Wendy's, the hottest girl from my math class pulled up to the window. As I handed her the drink, I asked her what she thought of our math test today. She screamed "How did you know I had a math test, you creep!", threw the drink at me, and drove off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

91888

You deserved it

7202

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 1/12/2015 09:49 - Australia - Corrimal

Today, I couldn't see my car in a crowded car park. I pressed unlock on my keys and saw the lights flash. As I walked over I also saw someone run from my car with an armful of my stuff. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25596

You deserved it

6556

Tweet

Share

By lolographic24 - 13/2/2010 13:44 - Norway

Today, it was my turn to take out the trash. While walking to the dumpster, I slip and fall. It doesn't really hurt, so I get up and go to the dumpster, but the top is frozen stuck. It won't budge. Then I really pull with a lot of force, and the lid swings open and busts my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25241

You deserved it

4048

Tweet

Share

By Gustav Fjorder - 4/7/2011 07:27 - Switzerland

Today, for breakfast, there were scrambled eggs, boiled eggs, bacon, sausages, fresh bread, croissants, brownies, donuts, fruit smoothie, coffee, tea and orange juice. Too bad no one bothered wake me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39741

You deserved it

10248

Tweet

Share

By max - 7/2/2009 23:33 - United States

Today, I thought I was going on a date. About 20 minutes into it, after giving her my arm to hold (like a true gentleman) it came up in conversation that my brother is gay. Her response: "oh, so both you and your brother are gay?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

40282

You deserved it

2914

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 6/6/2019 20:01

Today, I found out that the airhead sitting next to me at work who can't get anything done on her own, makes more money than I do. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1859

You deserved it

130

Tweet

Share

By son - 18/3/2010 11:15 - Israel

Today, my mom told me that she doesn't want me to help any of my friends get a job at the restaurant I work at. Apparently, she thinks that they would do a better job than me and get me fired. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27119

You deserved it

4252

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 16/11/2009 18:14 - Canada

Today, my sister was playing a rock star in a play. When she got home, she told me she used one of my old guitars, because I told her it was ok. I said she could take one to practice on, not destroy on stage. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33930

You deserved it

4010

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 27/2/2016 09:12 - United States - San Antonio

Today, I'm neck-deep in debt paying for med school. What's worse, the professors here are so terrible that even the morons on Yahoo Answers are 100 times better at explaining my coursework to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20004

You deserved it

1914

Tweet

Share

By lebowski101 - 3/11/2011 01:45 - Canada

Today, I was invited to a party to celebrate my ex-fiancée's recent engagement. The party is at work, because my ex is also my boss. Her new fiancée is some guy she met while on a "business trip" that happened while we were still engaged. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37755

You deserved it

2982

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 12/3/2010 16:55 - United Kingdom

Today, while celebrating at my friend's birthday party, I fell down a flight of stairs, got into a fight with my flatmate, and ruined my friend's outfit after drinking too much. I'm expecting I'll need to find a new place to live tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6638

You deserved it

31932

Tweet

Share

By Nxydolli - 29/4/2011 19:34 - United Kingdom

Today, I found myself crying for an hour when my recreated crush on The Sims 3 game rejected my character and ran off with someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20105

You deserved it

56235

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 29/4/2009 04:13 - United States

Today, as I was picking up my 7 year old daughter at my ex husband's house my daughter started crying saying that she wanted to stay with daddy forever. I asked why. She said her stepmom was a better mommy. Apparently the woman who broke up my marriage is now a better "mommy". FML

I agree, your life sucks

102881

You deserved it

9109

Tweet

Share

By klsdhjla - 15/2/2010 01:23 - United States

Today, while losing my virginity to my boyfriend, I had my first orgasm. I don't remember much of what I said during, but after it was all over, he looks at me and says, "You have terrible grammar during climax." FML

I agree, your life sucks

25091

You deserved it

5527

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 13/5/2020 02:00

Team breaking

Today, I went on a work team-building day at a snow park. Thirty minutes in, while I was climbing out of a slide, my 210 lb coworker ploughed into me in a donut ring. He obliterated my ankle and I've now got three months in a cast to look forward to. So much for the building. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1345

You deserved it

112

Tweet

Share

By howdoesthatmakesense - 2/5/2016 20:05 - United States - San Francisco

Today, we were doing research on contraceptives in class. Afterwards, the girl next to me starts explaining how "cringey" and "grossed out" she gets when she sees/hears "the words for the private parts." She then tells me all about her getting her period that morning in explicit detail. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13269

You deserved it

1069

Tweet

Share

By blk8764 - 15/3/2011 22:35 - United States

Today, I was at the grocery store when an elderly woman walked up to me and said, "Why can't every guy be as handsome as you?" I would have been flattered by the comment, if I was a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39443

You deserved it

4755

Tweet

Share

By davifilo - 26/10/2012 09:40 - Australia - Queanbeyan

Today, I went bowling. I noticed a 10-year-old holding an iPod Touch which had the exact same customized case with my name on it as my iPod that was stolen a year ago at the same bowling centre. Even better, the parents yelled at me for accusing him. I got kicked out the bowling centre. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31863

You deserved it

2598

Tweet

Share

By soundbox - 27/1/2009 00:21 - United States

Today, I was watching 'Tool Academy' with my girlfriend. When asked which Tool I would be, I replied with Power Tool. She then stated I would be 'Tiny Tool'. I'm 240 pounds. I don't know if she was calling me fat, or saying I have a small penis. My best guess would be both. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24371

You deserved it

4661

Tweet

Share

By firegirl - 5/7/2018 15:00

Today, I finally got over a long bout of constipation. I was scared to ask my mom for laxatives because I had the feeling she would tell all her friends, but on the 6th day of absolutely no bowel movements, I caved. I later overheard my mom telling all her friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3763

You deserved it

294

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 6/12/2016 20:14

Today, my boss yelled at me for leaving on time. After months of management hounding us about our overtime, I get in trouble for doing what I was supposed to do. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8777

You deserved it

512

Tweet

Share

By WTF. - 3/8/2019 20:00

Today, I was interviewed by a WalMart employee for a position in their pharmacy. I didn't get the job. I was more qualified than the woman who gave me the interview. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1600

You deserved it

165

Tweet

Share

By Davios - 27/12/2010 20:48 - United States

Today, I crossed a one-way street after looking for oncoming traffic only to be hit by a car driving in reverse. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37481

You deserved it

5593

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 21/12/2012 04:05 - United States - Springfield

Today, in the "end-of-the-world" spirit, I asked my boyfriend to marry me. His response was, "It's really windy out." FML

I agree, your life sucks

20956

You deserved it

29186

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 28/7/2015 12:22 - United Kingdom - Slough

Today, I went to a garden party my friend had invited me to. I soon discovered they had seriously downplayed the formality of the event, as I noticed trays of fancy hors d'oeuvres and glasses of champagne lined up on the table. I showed up with Kool Aid and Ritz crackers. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27026

You deserved it

3819

Tweet

Share

By youonlyneed2squares - 24/9/2014 04:10

Today, as I was lying in my bed eating my dinner, my roommate says to me: "I don't know how to say this, but we need more towels. The room is flooding." FML

I agree, your life sucks

34030

You deserved it

2889

Tweet

Share

By thatsucks4u - 14/8/2010 00:56 - United States

Today, I went to a tanning salon. I guess nobody mentioned that you have to lift your fat rolls or you'll end up with weird stripes where the spray never reached. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11027

You deserved it

50992

Tweet

Share

By Cat Piss - 15/12/2013 16:58 - United States - Lavon

Today, I was woken up to the sound of my cat peeing on the pillow next to mine. When I yelled at him, he jumped over my face and off the bed. He was still peeing the entire time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47543

You deserved it

6843

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By weinerdog | 2

#301488 - Saturday 13 June 2009 20:21

She left you stranded there?! If she did she's an ass, and you're better off without her.

By dacho | 7

#301496 - Saturday 13 June 2009 20:22

I'm not sure if this FML is about losing a potential GF or losing a ride home :D

Comments

By weinerdog | 2

#301488 - Saturday 13 June 2009 20:21

She left you stranded there?! If she did she's an ass, and you're better off without her.

Reply

BamBAmGG | 14

#6492459 - Thursday 24 December 2015 6:27

The whole predicament is just unfortunate for OP. Should of taken her on a picnic somewhere secluded perhaps, but things happen for a reason, and there are plenty of fish in the sea!(:

By sophie1070 | 0

#301489 - Saturday 13 June 2009 20:21

lol that sucks, i'm sorry
FYL

By FBIWarning | 0

#301490 - Saturday 13 June 2009 20:21

well that's an awkward ride home eh?

By dacho | 7

#301496 - Saturday 13 June 2009 20:22

I'm not sure if this FML is about losing a potential GF or losing a ride home :D

Reply

MrCatman1125 | 2

#5134380 - Saturday 10 November 2012 7:12

Both.

By LockonStratos_fml | 3

#301500 - Saturday 13 June 2009 20:22

Ouch. If she knew the lunch was a date, wow what a bitch. Couldn't even wait until it was over to tell you she was going to get back together with her ex and apologize for leading you on.

By EmtionalScene | 0

#301505 - Saturday 13 June 2009 20:23

OMG! horrible!
I would be soooo sad

By jonnymohio | 2

#301517 - Saturday 13 June 2009 20:24

I agree, you're better off without her. Get over her and find someone new.

By GENNNA_ | 0

#301521 - Saturday 13 June 2009 20:25

You poor thing

By SluttyMcNugget | 0

#301537 - Saturday 13 June 2009 20:28

Well you didn't say they LEFT together so I'll just assume you ALL left together and it was an awkward ride....but I guess it's kind of an FML.

By MaiLouIsLegend | 0

#301539 - Saturday 13 June 2009 20:29

First off what she did was totally uncalled for and rude! Second, why deal with stupid chics like that. Third, should have drove your own car buddy hahah