Today, I finally got enough courage to ask out this girl that... - FML

By e.middlechild - 13/6/2009 12:15 - United States

Today, I finally got enough courage to ask out this girl that I've liked for a year. While we were out at lunch, she ran into her ex that she had just broken up with. They then had a long conversation about their relationship, and ended up getting back together. She was my ride home. FML

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True hero

Boozehound alert

My body, my choice

By sifa - 10/4/2009 07:06 - Malaysia

Today, I went for a lunch interview for my dream job. The interview was great and at the end, I tried to seal the deal by complimenting my future boss. I said, "You're really hardworking. Do you always work on a Saturday?" He looked at me, smiled and then wrote something down. Today's Friday. FML

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By qourt - 14/2/2019 15:34 - United States

Today, my stomach growled so loud in class that a boy sitting next to me thought his phone had vibrated. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/5/2013 07:24 - United States

Unfair

Today, I got a call from work stating that my employment was being terminated. This was after being suspended while they investigated my sexual harassment claim. Their reason for firing me: misuse of company time. Yes, I suppose reporting being sexually harassed is a huge waste of time. FML

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By Loser - 4/5/2009 20:15 - Canada

Today, I decided to modify my resume since I've handed out over 30 of them in the past couple of weeks and I haven't gotten any calls back. As soon as I opened it on word document, I noticed that I had forgotten to include my phone number for employers to contact me. FML

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By shocked - 12/10/2009 14:52 - United States

Today, my "future" wife got drunk in front of my parents, who she was meeting for the first time. She called my dad a piece of shit and told my mom she wants to tear her own eyes out. FML

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By unattractive - 18/12/2010 09:32 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend asked me to pick his nose for him. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/11/2010 19:52 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of over a year looked at me and said, "Sometimes I just want to hit you." FML

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By walker - 4/10/2009 21:33 - United States

Today, my family and I went on a picnic in the park 45 minutes drive away from our house. I fell asleep beneath a tree. They left me there. FML

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By bip - 15/12/2008 05:36 - France

Today, I wanted to see if the frying pan was hot. I no longer have fingerprints. FML

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By thisisnotavirustrustme.exe - 18/4/2015 19:34 - United States - New City

Today, I discovered why my pet bird has been hiding behind my couch pillow lately. It's not because she was nesting, as I thought. She's been secretly tearing apart the whole couch from behind there instead. FML

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By jll14 - 31/3/2013 22:27 - Malaysia - Kota Kinabalu

Today, my mom has forbidden me from drinking skim milk, because my sister is upset that I'm skinnier than her. The same sister who refuses to drink any other milk than 2% chocolate. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/9/2020 05:05

Life decisions

Today, I decided to break up with my girlfriend after I got home and realised I was happier sat in my car on the street than I would be if I went inside and had to put up with her whining and her 2 spoiled daughters for even one more day. So now I’m happy, but also homeless. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/12/2012 06:07 - United States - Cottonwood

Today, I found my diary on my mother's nightstand. Bookmarked. FML

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By Sal - 9/2/2009 18:32 - United States

Today, I found a used condom and wrapper in the bathroom trash can at my girlfriends house. The condom is not a brand I've ever used. She lives alone. FML

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By English_Nut117 - 30/10/2013 19:17 - Canada - Georgetown

Today, my boyfriend came onto me in a romantic gesture. We ended up having sex, forgetting that the window repair guy was supposed to come today and do some work on our third floor apartment windows. I still don't know how much he saw. FML

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By Noname - 13/3/2009 07:27 - United States

Today, I finally got the courage to tell my best friend that I've had a crush on him since our junior year. Since I couldn't see him I shot him a text. His response: "Yeah I know. I've tried kind of ignoring it." FML

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By Anonymous - 22/11/2010 02:51 - United States

Today, I woke up to find that my cat had knocked over a $35 can of powdered baby formula, and there were TWO different colonies of ants warring over the bounty all over the counter. FML

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By linked - 19/4/2019 20:00 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I found out my boyfriend was cheating on me using LinkedIn, a platform people use to connect with potential employers. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/6/2014 22:44 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I went on a date with a guy I've had a crush on for ages. Midway through the meal, he sighed and said, "I'll be honest, this is a horrible date. You got zero personality and I'm too lazy to do a window escape, so..." He then got up and walked out. FML

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By Blueshock08 - 23/2/2012 07:03 - United States

Today, I learned that it doesn't matter how good you've screwed a satellite dish onto the side of your house, it won't stop the wind the ripping it off and taking half the wall with it. FML

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By SoreNips - 12/4/2013 23:57 - United Kingdom - Brentwood

Today, I was lying in bed with my girlfriend, when she reached over and twisted my nipples to the point of tears. I'm still not sure what in the name of Dawkins I did to deserve that. FML

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By suspiciouspeople - 5/8/2009 05:09 - United States

Today, I discovered that sitting in the back of your car from 8-9 p.m. talking with a friend in a park area is suspicious enough behavior to have cops called on you, then for backup to arrive. FML

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By wow - 8/11/2010 18:23 - United States

Today, my virgin girlfriend who wanted to lose her virginity to me got on Google, and quizzed me on how to properly put on a condom. She doesn't trust me. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/7/2019 14:00

Today, I went home for lunch. Upon opening the door, I smelled something horrid. My dog had opened his cage, eaten all the dog treats, and had diarrhea all over my bed and bedroom floor. FML

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By Omegared - 14/4/2011 22:12 - United States

Today, I gave myself a bloody nose while trying to show my brother how to use a yo-yo. FML

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By lene - 17/2/2009 21:53 - United States

Today, the 9th grade dean called me into his office to talk. He asked me if I was new because it seemed like I was having trouble making friends. I've been going to the same school, with the same people, since kindergarten. FML

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By crapcrapcrap - 14/3/2010 07:00 - United States

Today, I went on my first date with a guy I really like. He completely ignored me. FML

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By bacon lovers worst nightmare - 26/9/2012 06:57 - United States - San Diego

Today, I heard of an inevitable world-wide bacon shortage on the news. FML

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By apparentlyhesbusy - 23/11/2009 05:09 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of almost a year invited me over to dinner at his house. Before leaving, I called him to let him know I was on my way. Just as he begins to tell me he'll call me back, I hear another girl in the background say, "Why don't you just tell her you're busy?" FML

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By misopower - 25/7/2009 18:50 - China

Today, after 9 months in our relationship, my boyfriend and I lost our virginity to each other. We had incredible, mind-blowing sex. An hour later, he broke up with me because apparently "my orgasm face is ugly." FML

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By Dumbfuck - 25/9/2009 04:41 - United States

Today, I found out that being rhythmically challenged really really sucks. I was trying to dance around sexily for my girlfriend, and I was doing that one move where you thrust your pelvis forward, and swing you hand from side to side. I hit myself in the nuts. FML

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By aaalias34 - 26/2/2010 11:13 - United States

Today, my dog farted. Immediately, he turned around to sniff his stink then furiously licked his butthole. He then licked my nose. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/9/2014 17:45 - United States - Phoenix

Today, I found out that when I asked my buddy to make sure my girlfriend was safe while I was abroad, he really did; he even used a condom. FML

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By kk- - 17/6/2019 17:05

Today, after my boyfriend broke up with me and I'd chained-smoked all night, I had a driving test. With only 3 hours of sleep, I literally drove through a red light during the test. FML

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By Clumsy Clumsy - 16/4/2016 16:27 - Canada - Spruce Grove

Today, I ran up to my boyfriend to kiss him when he got home from work. I tripped and I fell on him, and he fell backwards. He ended up hitting his head on the sidewalk and had to get stitches. He also had a concussion. FML

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By fuckoffandfuckoffagainyoucunt - 17/8/2012 16:27 - United Kingdom - Sittingbourne

Today, I was at the gym, when a pretty overweight guy started staring and eventually taunting me. Let me tell you, lines such as "Lay off the cake, fatty!" and "I can see your gut hanging out your ass, for fuck's sake!" don't exactly boost one's self-confidence. FML

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By Great. - 22/2/2013 22:32 - Brazil - Belo Horizonte

Today, I found an old toy that I gave to my daughter several years ago. It was still unopened, and long forgotten, so I decided to re-gift it to one of my friend's children. My daughter immediately remembered her "favorite" toy and started crying inconsolably. FML

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By Username - 15/12/2010 17:22 - United Kingdom

Today, I was listening to music while I wrapped Christmas presents. All was going well when the music was cut off, literally. I snipped the cable to my very expensive headphones in half. FML

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By besviken - 18/11/2012 22:53 - Sweden - Uppsala

Today, I had the best sex of our relationship with my boyfriend. Afterwards, he took off his condom, looked me sweetly in the eyes for a few moments, then decided to slap me in the face with it. FML

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By stood-up - 12/9/2010 05:22 - United States

Today, I filed a missing persons report on my boyfriend. He was out fishing and then was supposed to meet me for a romantic weekend getaway. He never showed up and didn't respond to my texts. I found out, courtesy of a voicemail from the sheriff's department, that he'd broken up with me. FML

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Top comments

By weinerdog | 2

#301488 - Saturday 13 June 2009 20:21

She left you stranded there?! If she did she's an ass, and you're better off without her.

By dacho | 7

#301496 - Saturday 13 June 2009 20:22

I'm not sure if this FML is about losing a potential GF or losing a ride home :D

COMMENTS

By weinerdog | 2

#301488 - Saturday 13 June 2009 20:21

She left you stranded there?! If she did she's an ass, and you're better off without her.

Reply

BamBAmGG | 14

#6492459 - Thursday 24 December 2015 6:27

The whole predicament is just unfortunate for OP. Should of taken her on a picnic somewhere secluded perhaps, but things happen for a reason, and there are plenty of fish in the sea!(:

By sophie1070 | 0

#301489 - Saturday 13 June 2009 20:21

lol that sucks, i'm sorry
FYL

By FBIWarning | 0

#301490 - Saturday 13 June 2009 20:21

well that's an awkward ride home eh?

By dacho | 7

#301496 - Saturday 13 June 2009 20:22

I'm not sure if this FML is about losing a potential GF or losing a ride home :D

Reply

MrCatman1125 | 2

#5134380 - Saturday 10 November 2012 7:12

Both.

By LockonStratos_fml | 3

#301500 - Saturday 13 June 2009 20:22

Ouch. If she knew the lunch was a date, wow what a bitch. Couldn't even wait until it was over to tell you she was going to get back together with her ex and apologize for leading you on.

By EmtionalScene | 0

#301505 - Saturday 13 June 2009 20:23

OMG! horrible!
I would be soooo sad

By jonnymohio | 2

#301517 - Saturday 13 June 2009 20:24

I agree, you're better off without her. Get over her and find someone new.

By GENNNA_ | 0

#301521 - Saturday 13 June 2009 20:25

You poor thing

By SluttyMcNugget | 0

#301537 - Saturday 13 June 2009 20:28

Well you didn't say they LEFT together so I'll just assume you ALL left together and it was an awkward ride....but I guess it's kind of an FML.

By MaiLouIsLegend | 0

#301539 - Saturday 13 June 2009 20:29

First off what she did was totally uncalled for and rude! Second, why deal with stupid chics like that. Third, should have drove your own car buddy hahah