Miscellaneous: Today, I didn't even bother to turn my cellphone off in a movie... - FML

By Rick - 22/05/2012 11:02 - United States - Spartanburg

Today, I didn't even bother to turn my cellphone off in a movie theater because I knew no one would text me or call. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 991

You deserved it 4 792

Dementia or hate? You decide

Age difference

Murphy's Law

By wellthen - 12/07/2016 21:35 - United States - Clarksville

Today, I was at a rodeo warming up while my mom unnecessarily bragged about my training skills to a client. My horse then threw me into a gate at a full gallop, in front of everyone. That was the first time he'd ever misbehaved. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 242

You deserved it 964

Be careful what you wish for

By cottage cheese-cunt - 21/10/2021 08:01

Spicy

Today, I’d been bicurious for years but always much too shy to seek out a woman to attempt intimacy. Well, I finally hooked up with a girl I’ve had a crush on for a while. Not only was it an amazing, mind-blowing experience, she also left me with a crotch searing yeast infection from hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 363

You deserved it 340

By ditsy - 15/07/2010 09:17 - United States

Today, I was on webcam for the first time with a guy I've been texting for a while. Trying to show off my guitar skills, I lean down to pick it up and fell on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 735

You deserved it 28 040

By PanFace - 13/10/2009 06:54 - Australia

Today, I had an argument with my wife. I told her to get back in the kitchen. How does she respond? By doing what I told her to do, and returning to hit me with a frying pan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 101

You deserved it 121 100

By Alyssa - 19/10/2009 19:37 - United States

Today, my manager mentioned that she'd hired a "cute boy" to help me out at work with paperwork. The "cute boy" was my ex-fiancé and now I have to be with him in an office for 30 some hours a week while his current fiancée brings him lunch everyday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 713

You deserved it 3 228

By Anonymous - 27/12/2009 03:09 - Canada

Today, I woke up to an unfamiliar male face right beside mine. I flipped out fell of my 4 foot raised bed and got a concussion. Who, you may ask, was in my bed? My Robert Pattinson pillowcase. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 494

You deserved it 71 307

By appaluver - 03/09/2011 23:53 - United States

Today, I was at my friend's house and accidentally blew out a candle that was supposed to be lit for seven days straight. It was in honor of her grandmother who had recently died. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 703

You deserved it 14 725

By Anonymous - 27/01/2010 02:28 - France

Spicy

Today, I was having sex with a girl when her parents decided to come home early. Trying to run out the back door I fell and broke my ankle. Not only did her former Navy Seal father find out I was banging his little princess, he drove me to the ER, alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 787

You deserved it 30 600

By GrandmasWhore - 04/04/2009 05:59 - United States

Spicy

Today, my grandma gave me the 'abstinence' speech. I had thought she already left to go back to FL but then came into my room to tell me how proud she was of me to keep my virginity. I was doing it doggie-style with my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 110

You deserved it 90 234

By Anonymous - 15/04/2016 20:18 - United States

Today, I found out how acidic some of the chemicals I work with are. After a chemical shower, minor burns, and having to throw away my clothes due to a biohazard, I had the pleasure of running across the parking lot to my car, wearing only a lab coat around my waist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 359

You deserved it 2 306

By svenska75 - 03/09/2014 21:30 - France - Paris

Today, I told my physiotherapist a funny story. She got so entertained that she started giggling and twisted my broken arm. The pain was worse than when it broke in the first place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 798

You deserved it 3 804

By Anonymous - 15/09/2010 15:53 - France

Today, I went to the airport with my mom, who requested a wheelchair for me, since I have a broken leg. I'm 24. Embarrassed, I insisted I push myself around, instead of an airline assistant doing it. A few seconds later, I crash into the same airline assistant, who then falls back into my lap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 098

You deserved it 29 704

Shitty prank

By Crohn - 03/07/2021 04:01

Today, when I woke up, I discovered that someone thought it'd be hilarious to set up an obstacle course of boxes and furniture in the dorm hallway. I have Crohn's disease, and the bathroom is at the other end of the hall. No, I didn't make it in time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 801

You deserved it 43

By Eskyew - 23/07/2009 21:40 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I were talking on the phone, and things got a little heated. We were in the middle of some kinky dialog, complete with hand action when he suddenly goes silent. While waiting for a response, I heard typing on the other end. He was checking his email. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 595

You deserved it 8 975

By Anonymous - 28/11/2010 20:03 - United States

Today, my friend peed her pants while we were sledding. I could feel it trickling down into my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 437

You deserved it 2 907

That's not how that works, it's not how anything works

By Ariane - 26/09/2021 14:00

Today, in France, a "Vaccine Pass" is needed to do most things. Some family members came to visit, but as they aren't vaccinated they usually just stay home. They told us that we're dangerous, because we carry "millions of viruses" from the vaccine, and it will be our fault if they get Covid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 932

You deserved it 150

By Pika - 09/10/2017 01:30

Today, in the midst of an interview, I was asked what my best qualities are. I panicked and quickly responded that I can make a great Pikachu impression. They wanted to hear it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 029

You deserved it 2 895

The customer is always a dong

By Obviously works everywhere - 20/09/2017 23:15

Today, a customer filed a formal complaint with corporate about me, because I wouldn't help her find things she wanted while I was off the clock. We were in a completely different store than the one where I actually work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 850

You deserved it 196

By Yikes - 27/09/2016 04:34 - United States - Cumberland

Today, I finally found the single flaw in my perfect boyfriend. It's herpes. Genital herpes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 858

You deserved it 1 704

By Braxam - 15/06/2011 16:42 - United States

Today, I was walking to class, when a kid came up behind me and smacked me in the face a few times until I fell to the ground. I rolled over and he said, "Oh shit! Wrong person, my bad." FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 504

You deserved it 3 612

By Tymer - 23/11/2012 15:56 - Canada - Malahat

Today, while at school, a bra fell out of my coat. After the initial shock, people started congratulating me on finally getting a girlfriend. I didn't have the heart to tell them it was my mom's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 668

You deserved it 3 813

Jumping the gun

By thanksalotdickhead - 14/10/2020 08:01 - United States

Today, I discovered that my boyfriend was planning on proposing to me tomorrow. I found out after receiving a couple of a dozen texts from friends and relatives bitching me out for not telling them. Apparently, my dad thought it would be appropriate to make the announcement for me on his Facebook page. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 546

You deserved it 67

By catguy - 19/08/2009 09:08 - United States

Today, and for quite some time, my girlfriend has been telling me that she needs to go home each night to take care of her cat. Taking care of her cat is, it seems, an euphemism for having it off with her neighbor Tom since her cat died three months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 561

You deserved it 3 779

Revenge is rarely satisfactory

By forgettable - 21/06/2020 20:08

Today, I wanted to rub my success in my ex's face to get her back for breaking my heart. I typed the perfect email, included every detail of opening my own business, buying my own home and cleverly intertwined insults. A few hours later, she replied, "That’s nice. Who’s this?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 515

You deserved it 3 738

By daddyrobyn - 17/04/2017 04:00 - South Africa - Johannesburg

Today, I met an important figure in my line of work who also happens to know my dad, Alan. Upon meeting said person, I let my social anxiety get the best of me and I greeted him by saying, "Hi! I'm your Alan!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 377

You deserved it 644

Classic Dave

By not the mama - 24/10/2020 02:01 - United States - Hesperia

Today, after years of trying, I got the wonderful news that my husband is going to be a father. Too bad I’m not the mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 537

You deserved it 70

By rubmytummy - 10/06/2009 21:12 - United States

Today, I was helping my church clean up a park. I was given a sledgehammer and told to break up a concrete picnic table so we could haul it off. About half way through I swung the sledgehammer REALLY hard, completely missed the table, and hit myself in the shin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 720

You deserved it 23 293

By Courtney - 07/11/2011 06:49 - United States

Today, I was so tired that I fell asleep on the toilet, and then had to give my boss a valid reason for why I was late. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 991

You deserved it 5 200

Hard test

By Too Late - 19/12/2019 03:00 - United States - Sheboygan

Today, I went in to take my College Placement tests. I'd spent all week ignoring actual homework to study for these tests. When I got there, the responsible told me that the tests were last week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 832

You deserved it 1 981

By elena02 - 21/11/2015 19:45 - United States - Wayne

Today, my house is so cold that I chipped a tooth from chattering so hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 364

You deserved it 2 930

By Kara - 15/12/2011 21:43 - United States

Today, my downstairs neighbor had a home birth. Not only did I hear eighteen hours of uninterrupted screaming, they called me afterwards, asking if I could come over to help them clean up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 193

You deserved it 2 770

By Anonymous - 23/04/2013 15:49 - Australia

Today, my mother and I saw a stall selling colourful treats at the shopping centre. Some were placed on small dishes, so we thought we'd sample their goods. Turns out that the colourful goodies that we'd bit into were very creative pieces of soap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 199

You deserved it 45 375

By thefailure - 02/08/2009 04:21 - United States

Today, it was my wedding day, and while I was standing next to my husband in front of all of our guests, I was rocking on my heels because I was nervous. I rocked too far and fell backward. My husband didn't come to help me up. He just said at the top of his lungs, "FAIL!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 012

You deserved it 16 661

By probablyfired - 25/07/2019 02:01

Today, I was running late for work. I was trying to find my car keys, then realized I'd left them in my boyfriend's car. My phone charger was locked in my car, and my phone was dead. I couldn’t get hold of my boss and explain what had happened. I’m fired, aren’t I? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 274

You deserved it 549

By uni life - 15/05/2012 08:08 - Australia - Perth

Spicy

Today, whilst working in a pharmacy, I was given the pleasure of listening to an old lady share the details of what she sticks up her vagina. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 096

You deserved it 2 829

By :( - 19/03/2013 20:12 - United States - Hilton Head Island

Today, we started our 17 hour drive to Michigan for spring break. My mom decided to go to Target to buy some music CDs. All she bought was three Nicki Minaj CDs. She has already replayed the first CD four times. 14 hours to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 831

You deserved it 4 023

Stained

By maddie94 - 27/04/2009 09:14 - Australia

Today, I was in a shopping center when I went to the toilet. I came out, washed my hands and suddenly got a massive itch in my crotch. Without thinking I itched it. I then had to walk around the center with a wet hand print on my crotch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 360

You deserved it 54 450

By Leslie - 30/12/2009 07:03 - United States

Today, my husband left me for one of the college students I was tutoring in Spanish. We have two kids and are expecting a third. He left a note that said he would "stay in touch." FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 070

You deserved it 2 816

By adam - 15/02/2010 02:16 - United States

Spicy

Today, I made heart shaped cookies for my girlfriend. My mom's reaction? "They look like dicks." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 043

You deserved it 4 189

By Anonymous - 21/08/2019 14:00 - United Kingdom - Bradford

Today, I got run over. Not by a car, but by a lady in a wheelchair. Am I really that invisible? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 543

You deserved it 145

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Top comments

I_Punch_Babies 7

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Tuesday 22 May 2012 16:05

telemarketers dude. telemarketers

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Tuesday 22 May 2012 16:04

Hey, you never know!:) But at least you are being considerate to those around you, so that's a good thing. And with that way of thinking, you would probably make friends alone on that, so stay positive if you can.

Comments

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Tuesday 22 May 2012 16:04

Hey, you never know!:) But at least you are being considerate to those around you, so that's a good thing. And with that way of thinking, you would probably make friends alone on that, so stay positive if you can.

TraeThaTruth07 7

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Tuesday 22 May 2012 16:10

He isn't being considerate because he didn't bother to turn it off or on vibrate. But it's all good. What's your number, OP? I'll text you right now.

Idonebeenhad 17

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Tuesday 22 May 2012 16:10

How is that being considerate? He didn't turn his cellphone off

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Tuesday 22 May 2012 16:11

13, op did not mention anything about vibrate so. When he knew no damage would be done, I would say he is kind of considerate. There are some popular people that know they will get messages but still have phone at max volume at cinemas

Idonebeenhad 17

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Tuesday 22 May 2012 16:17

So according to you, he's being considerate because he has nobody that would text him?

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Tuesday 22 May 2012 16:18

He was thinking rationally about those around him and not to be a bother so :)

Idonebeenhad 17

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Tuesday 22 May 2012 16:25

Yes, but that's still not being considerate to keep his phone on...

ManInTheMachine 19

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Tuesday 22 May 2012 16:28

Break it up guys. Idonebeenbad obviously isn't used to Keevarou's ever-present positive attitude. It'll grow on you.

Idonebeenhad 17

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Tuesday 22 May 2012 16:29

IT'S CREEPY

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Tuesday 22 May 2012 16:39

I wonder who you go to the movies with O.o I hope you don't go alone because that would suck it's more fun when you're with someone

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Tuesday 22 May 2012 16:52

lmao, #43 i was wondering the same thing too!

ProfessionalTrol_fml 14

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Tuesday 22 May 2012 17:13

Tommy texter is forever alone...

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Tuesday 22 May 2012 17:29

It grows on you like gangrene.

CyborgBanana 12

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Tuesday 22 May 2012 18:59

There is always a possibility the OP could of recieved a text, no matter how little the chance. In that case, the OP wasn't being considerate.

CaramelMacchiato 13

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Tuesday 22 May 2012 19:02

Idonebeenhad, you do know there's such thing called "silent", right?

skoob1 12

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Tuesday 22 May 2012 20:15

I'm not going to lie, I think keevs attitude is pretty annoying sometimes. He is the FML buzzkill.

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Tuesday 22 May 2012 22:08

Keevarou, when I first saw that you commented I got excited to read it because you seriously have the NICEST comments here on FML, always finding the positive things in the post. Just thought I'd let you know. :)

ADuckOnQuack_fml 0

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Wednesday 23 May 2012 8:07

I'm gonna get down-voted to shit but... What the hell?! Idonebeenhad makes so much more sense... I have no idea how in any way that OP is being "considerate" maybe it's some unspoken detail but whatever.

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Tuesday 22 May 2012 16:05

You poor thing.......

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Tuesday 22 May 2012 16:05

Forever Alone

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Tuesday 22 May 2012 17:30

Not necessarily, I've kept mine on loud because I knew I wouldn't get any calls and I have family all around me and a fiancé who's my best friend in the entire world. So no, OP is not "forever alone."

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Tuesday 22 May 2012 17:44

I'm alone too but not forever lol.

MizzErikaHart 8

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Tuesday 22 May 2012 18:25

65, do you just know everything?

ElricMustang 23

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Tuesday 22 May 2012 20:03

65- Wow, the magnitude of failure from your comment is just too much to measure...

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Friday 25 May 2012 4:06

104- Aha.

I_Punch_Babies 7

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Tuesday 22 May 2012 16:05

telemarketers dude. telemarketers

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Tuesday 22 May 2012 16:36

Telemarketers don't call cell phones.

SqueakyChipmunk 20

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Tuesday 22 May 2012 16:47

Lies. They've called mine plenty of times.

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Tuesday 22 May 2012 16:50

40 I really wish that was true.

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Tuesday 22 May 2012 18:17

Or the scourge of man. Ex wives looking for alimoney checks *cringes in disgust*

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Wednesday 23 May 2012 0:06

Or for child support. It's the leading cause of male morning sickness.

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Tuesday 22 May 2012 16:05

try an make some friends with your interests, like the library if you like to read.

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Tuesday 22 May 2012 16:06

Watch your phone alarm go off

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Tuesday 22 May 2012 17:00

Or some one actually does text or call

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Tuesday 22 May 2012 17:02

His masturbation reminder! One of several.

Objectofdespair 1

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Tuesday 22 May 2012 16:06

Haahaha well at least your honest with yourself...

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Tuesday 22 May 2012 16:07

That's okay. We can be friends...

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Tuesday 22 May 2012 18:57

Yay!

SqueakyChipmunk 20

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Tuesday 22 May 2012 19:02

Louder.

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Tuesday 22 May 2012 19:23

OP just got friend-zoned

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Tuesday 22 May 2012 20:30

BAH FLUTTERSHY!

SqueakyChipmunk 20

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Tuesday 22 May 2012 20:58

LOUDER!

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Tuesday 22 May 2012 16:07

Be a rebel, YOLO, right? Oh and btw cool story bro

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Tuesday 22 May 2012 16:14

Nice job. Two terrible phrases used in one comment. Not many people can give up their dignity in such a way.

ManInTheMachine 19

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Tuesday 22 May 2012 16:15

You're just asking to get verbally crucified. May God have mercy on your soul.

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Tuesday 22 May 2012 16:16

LOL at 19

SqueakyChipmunk 20

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Tuesday 22 May 2012 16:20

Dude. You have angered the commenting gods. COMMENCE THE BURYING! *lightning flash & thunder*

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Tuesday 22 May 2012 16:57

Hahaha

itssosparkly 21

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Tuesday 22 May 2012 17:00

Well, at least you can laugh at yourself, 50.

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Tuesday 22 May 2012 21:36

YODO You Only Die Once to i dont see people yelling that out ????????

ManInTheMachine 19

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Tuesday 22 May 2012 16:07

I can't imagine anyone would want to talk to you after that incident with the man with the breathing tube and the popcorn. (really old FML reference)

Nearly

Today, I realized that I wore ripped jeand AND ripped boxers to work. Both ripped at the same place, in between the legs. The result was my looking down and seeing my dick halfway out of my trousers. I can't get up from my seat the rest of the day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8

You deserved it 18

Today, my maid sat me down to tell me that she doesn’t like it when me and my partner fight. We don’t like each other anymore and I keep trying to break up with him, but he won’t let me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35

You deserved it 18

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I'm on day 11 of having COVID. My husband said to me, "I hope you get better soon so we can finally have sex again." Thanks for being concerned about MY health and wellbeing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 677

You deserved it 148

Today, I realized why my boyfriend drove me to his “favorite” hospital about one agonizing hour away while I was in labor. His friend who's a nurse worked there. Or should I say, his side chick. He made out with her in the room while I was “sleeping” after giving birth to our first child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 412

You deserved it 102