Miscellaneous: Today, I was so bored at a family gathering that I pretended...

By hello - 11/07/2010 00:57 - Jordan

Today, I was so bored at a family gathering that I pretended to be busy texting the whole time. I don't know what's worse, that I'm not close to anyone in my family, or that I have no one close enough to text to about such things. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 283

You deserved it 8 793

Miscellaneous

Own it

Recycle this!

Help! I need somebody!

By TabbyCat87 - 13/01/2016 00:16 - United States - Lamar

Today, my mom informed me she got married two weeks ago. Hard to congratulate her when this is her eighth husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 539

You deserved it 1 450

Beware what you wish for

By germified - 08/09/2021 17:01

Today, my kids and I have been ecstatic about them being back in school. After a year on Zoom, they couldn’t wait to get back into the classroom because every day they bring home something new and interesting. This time, they brought home a cold so bad it’s knocked me flat on my ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 860

You deserved it 126

By what the fuck, mate - 30/09/2012 19:00 - Australia

Today, I started working my crappy, minimum-wage retail job at a local electronics store. An hour into my shift, my boss sent me to scrub out a discount bin, after some drunk cunt in his teens staggered into the place yelling, and puked his guts into it. What a life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 384

You deserved it 2 548

By bluewatersify - 18/01/2010 14:23 - Australia

Today, I got a letter in the mail, my mother has applied for a reduction in her child support payments for my brother and I. She's paid $10 child support in 16 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 131

You deserved it 2 212

By Anonymous - 22/07/2019 00:01

Today, my family drove me to the airport. Before they said goodbye, my mom discreetly pulled me to one side and asked if I'd remembered to pack my birth control pills. Unfortunately, my little sister heard, then chased me through the security line, yelling, "YOU'RE ON BIRTH CONTROL?!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 636

You deserved it 225

Territorial

By grow up! - 07/08/2021 14:01

Today, I went back home for a visit after nearly 10 years. I met up with some old friends at a bar and had an amazing evening. Afterwards, two of the wives told me I’m never allowed to speak to, nor see their husbands again, since I slept with them in high school. This was years before they even met. FML

I agree, your life sucks 986

You deserved it 168

By Anonymous - 17/02/2013 22:44 - Hungary - Szeged

Today, while at church, I received a text from my girlfriend, saying, "It's not working. We're over." Not only was my phone not on silent mode, I was sitting directly beside my now ex-girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 841

You deserved it 4 491

By stillwaiting - 15/09/2009 21:32 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out that my boss plays a trick on all the interns. He calls you to his office, then leaves you waiting outside until you get annoyed and leave. Apparently, the old record was 45mins. I waited 4 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 314

You deserved it 11 121

By hamandegger - 04/02/2013 20:17 - United States - Raynham

Today, my friend asked me to fix his laptop for him because it is loaded with viruses. When I turned it on and started searching for the problem, I couldn't find it. Luckily I was able to find a video of him banging my girlfriend. We've been together for eight years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 76 200

You deserved it 4 483

By hatemyboss - 13/04/2012 00:37 - United States - Alameda

Today, I asked my boss if I could have a bigger cubicle. I'm now working in one that is half the size of my old one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 094

You deserved it 6 809

By FMLimsomad - 29/12/2009 20:59 - United States

Today, I looked outside and I saw that my new car had been snowed on. Sadly the snow had frozen onto the car, so I spent the entire day getting it off. I came inside. By 8pm, my car had snow all over it again, and this time I left the window open. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 559

You deserved it 38 226

Welcome back!

By Anonymous - 09/11/2020 20:02

Today, it's the last day of my three-week vacation, during which I couldn't go anywhere due to COVID and lockdown. I just learned that some of my colleagues are infected and I will have to fill in for two department superintendents at the same time when I go back to work tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 888

You deserved it 81

By gmac0417 - 01/09/2012 06:02 - United States

Today, I found out my husband has been talking to another woman on Facebook. His only defense was "I thought I deleted the messages." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 399

You deserved it 3 167

By Sophie - 27/12/2011 04:21 - United Kingdom

Today, I got hit by a car. My friends left me to get to the hospital myself. The cab was double fare. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 055

You deserved it 2 456

By Ohwhy - 27/10/2012 11:53 - United Kingdom - Liverpool

Today, as I waited to fly home, a very attractive woman smiled and gestured towards the seat next to me. However, a hyperactive child and his mother barged past into said empty seats. The woman really hit it off with the guy behind, while I was stuck listening to a kid scream at Angry Birds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 418

You deserved it 2 060

By dating a moron - 14/12/2014 17:30 - United States - Dearborn

Today, as I was about to lose my virginity to my girlfriend, she started doing stupidly fake moaning, which then went really high-pitched like a little girl's, killing my hard-on. She says she thought that because I'm Japanese-American, I'd only be able to cum if she copied "those Japanese pornstars". FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 393

You deserved it 5 046

By Anonymous - 09/02/2014 19:00 - United States - Lowell

Today, I caught my boyfriend stealing money from my purse. He tried to turn it on me by claiming I'll owe him for the flowers he'll get me on Valentine's Day, then tried to make me feel guilty by saying the whole thing is for "selfish bitches anyway". FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 563

You deserved it 5 416

By nhyari - 25/08/2014 18:58 - South Africa - Cape Town

Today, my girlfriend got her period. It seemed more painful for her than usual, so I offered to go out and buy some painkillers and maybe some chocolate for her. She thought I was being sarcastic and slapped me so hard I saw stars. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 054

You deserved it 4 140

By spanishsucks - 01/04/2012 03:01 - United States - Livingston

Today, I introduced my mother to my new girlfriend. My mom made a very nasty comment about her in Spanish, not realizing that my girlfriend teaches Spanish at the local school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 201

You deserved it 2 861

Frustrating!

By horny I’m so horny - 15/04/2021 17:00 - United States

Today, we’ve been unable to have sex for months due to my boyfriend’s health issues. I would never EVER cheat on him; however my unconscious mind has other ideas. I’ve dreamt of kinky sex with everyone from the maintenance man to gettin' freaky with detective Stabler. I’m so horny I’m gonna burst. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 312

You deserved it 237

By vaylosa - 22/02/2015 20:36

Today, I decided to go all-natural and go to work without any makeup on. My boss swore I was on drugs, which I guess had absolutely nothing to do with the completely "random" drug test I had to take later in the day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 488

You deserved it 3 590

By SkinsCastSelection - 17/01/2011 06:24 - France

Today, I signed my own plaster-cast to make people believe that I actually have friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 803

You deserved it 7 670

By fu2then - 09/03/2010 06:04 - Canada

Today, I ran into my manipulative ex-boyfriend at a party. We were chatting and I mentioned that the guys I have been seeing lately all turn out to be jerks. He says "yeah well you dumped me and don't deserve to be happy." Apparently he has been creeping and scaring off any guys interested in me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 524

You deserved it 4 097

By Anonymous - 22/04/2009 05:22 - United States

Today, I got a call from the Hollister manager yelling at me for not showing up for work that night. I was never informed I got the job. I missed my first day of work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 677

You deserved it 5 569

By titsmcgee - 11/02/2015 21:51 - United States - Oak Brook

Today, the CEO of my company leaned over and said, "Hey, I've been meaning to thank you…" I thought he was going to thank me for all of my hard work, but he continued, "…for wearing that shirt today. I can totally see your boobs." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 115

You deserved it 7 034

By Benji - 22/01/2009 12:06 - France

Today, my 19 year old girlfriend dumped me because she thinks I'm immature. I'm 30. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 509

You deserved it 65 170

By peanutprobs - 31/10/2014 21:12 - Germany - Bochum

Today, my friend took our prank war too far when he secretly added peanuts to my food. I have a peanut allergy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 799

You deserved it 3 324

By Anonymous - 12/11/2012 13:29 - United States - Lancaster

Today, my boyfriend of three years, whom I recently got engaged to, asked me to take a photo of my mother's boobs while she was sleeping so that he could see what mine would look like when I got older. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 742

You deserved it 3 989

By Lisa - 04/11/2010 14:42 - United States

Today, I received an overdue bill for my now nonexistent car that caught fire in July. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 113

You deserved it 3 545

By ElaborateScheme - 14/08/2016 20:52 - United States - Palm Beach Gardens

Today, I was feeling a little bored so I decided to go outside for once. Living in Florida is nice and all except for the fact that right now I'm putting ice over two snake bites. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 679

You deserved it 1 121

PUA

By Anonymous - 13/03/2016 16:16 - United States - Smyrna

Today, while jogging in the park, a confused elderly gentleman asked me for directions, so I told him how to get to where he needed to go. He paused for a long moment, then asked me if he could eat me out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 221

You deserved it 2 211

By Rojo - 14/08/2018 03:30

Today, I was notified that my work is cutting my pay almost in half. I just renewed my long-term lease on an expensive apartment because I was able to afford it before this morning. Now I have no idea how I’m going to pay for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 353

You deserved it 207

By MandieL - 30/01/2016 08:56 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I rushed over to stop my infant daughter from falling off her swing. Luckily just before she hit the ground, I woke up. Unfortunately, I woke up because I'd rolled off my bed and hit the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 157

You deserved it 1 787

By Anonymous - 14/08/2011 20:21 - United Kingdom

Today, my religious parents were hosting a family dinner. Not only did we have to wait over an hour for my grandma to finally show up, but when she did, she had her 30 year old boytoy in tow. Apparently, "Granny has needs too you know, hahaha!" Goodbye peaceful family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 257

You deserved it 3 251

By LetItRip - 12/07/2012 20:35 - Czech Republic - Prague

Today, I nailed every single move in my routine at a gymnastics competition. I then finished off with a perfect split, letting out a fart loud enough to wake up a kid in China. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 478

You deserved it 3 354

By smashleighfig - 08/03/2010 05:14 - France

Today, I found out my husband of 10 years has a online blog. Excited to read about myself, I began skimming, only to find out that every entry is him explaining how he let his "soulmate" walk away 9 years ago because of his "previous commitment" and how he regrets it every day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 022

You deserved it 3 595

Rolled

By shushingmoon - 18/09/2009 19:15 - United States

Today, I was in class, playing online poker and keeping up my winning record. I eventually got seated against a guy who beat me at every hand. I heard laughing behind me after I lost all my winnings. The guy behind me had just made an account, looked over my shoulder, and won all my money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 913

You deserved it 53 548

By Sam - 04/05/2014 06:12 - United States - Eureka

Today, my art teacher showed off a painting of his name he got in Japan. I can read Japanese, and it actually says "Old idiot". I really don't want to break it to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 606

You deserved it 5 201

By patient_mom - 14/06/2015 01:27 - Australia - Surrey Hills

Today, I had to wait for my daughter's pet python to finish taking a bath before I could take a shower and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 987

You deserved it 3 942

Ouch

By rnw - 21/07/2016 05:34 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I thought my knee hurt because of over exercising in the gym. Then I remembered it was because I smacked it against my chair so hard I crumbled down and couldn't move for 5 minutes. And how I remembered? I did it again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 055

You deserved it 2 037

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moon21_fml 0

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Sunday 11 July 2010 9:16

well i don't know your family but why don't you try to ease yourself in with the group? maybe in time, you'll find something great about them so that the family gatherings won't be as bad.. as for the friend thing, you should ask for your friends' phone numbers then actually start texting..

nahunahi 0

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Sunday 11 July 2010 9:41

you should really get to know your family because friends aren't going to be there forever but usually family is and you obviously have no close friends so you should talk to your family instead of trying to look 'cool' in front of them...just sayingggg

ashylarry102 0

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Sunday 11 July 2010 9:05

maybe your a whore

houseofame 4

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Sunday 11 July 2010 9:09

lol get some friends....

White_Fury 0

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Sunday 11 July 2010 9:13

Maybe you should socialize instead of trying to fool people into thinking you are talking to others...

luvpav 0

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Sunday 11 July 2010 9:18

I'm 16 and don't even have a phone. I have to text off my moms. :(

Silkie 0

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Sunday 11 July 2010 9:32

#4- Way to point out the obvious. Lol :) I'm sure it took some hard thinking to come up with that. :P

EduardoCollazo1 0

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Sunday 11 July 2010 9:43

you should talk to your family and make lies about your self lol say my gf wants me back home so I can sleep with her I'm sure they think that you're cool haha

Hotshot132 0

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Sunday 11 July 2010 10:04

what's with all these "I don't know what's worse" FML's?i dont know about everyone else, but I think it's getting kinda old... btw I'm only replying to this comment to be near the top :) lol

Hotshot132 0

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Sunday 11 July 2010 10:10

what's with all these "I don't know what's worse" FML's...I don't know about everyone else, but I think it's kinda old and btw I'm only replying to a comment so I can be near the top :)

andruha1123 5

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Sunday 11 July 2010 10:51

I don't have any friends either, it ain't as bad as you would think...

BabyDacey 0

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Sunday 11 July 2010 16:56

wow your a loser go talk to one of them that's the reason you have no friends too.

msyelowbubblegum 0

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Sunday 11 July 2010 19:34

awww pooor youu haha u always have me to text :) hehe you could tell random people that! i tell people who arent soo close to me bout wats wrong.. but i do have bff i tell everything to :)

crimsongetsu 0

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Sunday 11 July 2010 20:27

aww I'm sorry I feel ya..

tweetbaby14 18

Monday 12 July 2010 2:12

you're as lame as that girl that pretended she was on the phone. here let me fill you in on a little secret: NO ONE GIVES A DAMN WHETHER YOU TEXT/CALL A PERSON YOU ARE STILL A LOSER. you're welcome

sulfuras24 0

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Tuesday 13 July 2010 13:53

I don't like my family, what I do is just put on my head phones and listen to music. Don't try and act cool by "texting."

rhieee 8

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Sunday 11 July 2010 9:07

that's a little harsh. mabey they are just a loner.

alex1502 0

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Wednesday 17 November 2010 7:54

I have the same problem...

moon21_fml 0

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Sunday 11 July 2010 9:16

Shookitup 0

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Sunday 11 July 2010 9:28

true :) family + friends = happiness (at good times ^.^ )

letmeinplease 0

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Sunday 11 July 2010 12:45

Sounds like OP has issues socialising in general. Here's a hint OP, focus on the people you're with, because those pretend people a) aren't going to give anything back, and b) make you look stuck up and isolate you even more from your family. Oh, and pretending you're popular at school by fake texting won't help either.