Love: Today, I attempted to ask a girl out by doing a flash mob and...

By Well, crap - 18/06/2013 15:02 - Denmark - Kongerslev

Today, I attempted to ask a girl out by doing a flash mob and singing for her in the store where she works. Turns out, she suffers from anxiety and the overwhelming amount of attention caused a panic attack. No, I didn't get a date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 300

You deserved it 22 186

Love

Vulture

Stop talking!

Another great day to be alive

He may be disappointed

By PureFallPain - 23/11/2019 20:00

Today, I am Catfishing a guy on Twitter. I didn't mean to start it, I had an account I use to vent with and I used a pic with a cute girl. He sent me a DM that he liked my pic. He wants to talk on the phone. We have fallen for each other. He thinks, I am 18. I am a 39 year old single mother of 3 kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 469

You deserved it 4 996

By foreveralone - 23/07/2013 09:51 - New Zealand - Torbay

Today, I was finally asked out on a date after a year of being single. Turns out he got the wrong number. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 902

You deserved it 3 528

By unloved - 18/01/2010 05:06 - United Kingdom

Today, my wife changed her name back to her maiden name. Why? So people would stop asking questions about us. We have been married for 15 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 969

You deserved it 2 737

By Anonymous - 14/01/2013 10:06 - Australia - Sydney

Today, my mum excitedly discussed with me the prospect of starting a mother-son YouTube duo. Thinking she was joking, I went along with it. She is now installing a 24-hour webcam in the house to record our conversations, which she perceives as hilarious, and is going to upload them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 475

You deserved it 8 269

Not cool, not at all

By dammed - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I got a text from my roommate asking me if it was cool that my ex was coming over to console him because he's sick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 529

You deserved it 2 176

By dinosawerr - 05/05/2009 12:42 - United States

Today, I was riding my bike with my parents. They make me wear a helmet when I'm with them. Some college age kids drove past and yelled, "Nice helmet!" My mother then told me, "They like you!" I'm sixteen and my helmet is blue. With flowers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 590

You deserved it 9 017

By cheerymama - 23/01/2012 00:49 - United States

Today, I did my old "toe-touch" cheerleading move to try to impress my 5-year-old daughter. When I landed, I broke my toe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 903

You deserved it 26 054

Getting the point across

By Anonymous - 05/05/2020 02:00

Today, I was discharged from hospital and I took a cab home. The driver drove really fast and made sharp turns that made me feel nauseous. As I opened my mouth to tell him to slow down, I threw up all over the back seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 613

You deserved it 113

By Anonymous - 25/04/2016 16:03 - United States - New York

Today, I finally got to meet the new Director of my department. She was my intern eight years ago, the one I declined to recommend for a full time position due to interpersonal conflicts. She knows. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 977

You deserved it 5 520

By Crypticbeerbelly - 11/01/2017 14:44

Today, I was reading a recipe list on my tablet. I moved a little, and one of my fat rolls came into contact with a button which closed the tab. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 215

You deserved it 3 718

By fml - 10/08/2013 10:48 - United States - Perry

Today, my new husband and I were called up to have our first dance at our wedding. While I rested my head on his shoulder, he whispered the most romantic thing to me: "Your breath stinks." FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 555

You deserved it 12 240

By Helpful Smile - 20/05/2014 23:50 - United States - Davenport

Today, after my bosses excitedly told me I'm getting promoted to customer service at our grocery store, a customer called me an idiot in the parking lot for accidentally backing into the shopping cart she left in my blind spot. And so it begins. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 035

You deserved it 5 386

By dogbreederssuck - 03/02/2015 15:26 - United Kingdom - Ormskirk

Today, at work, I had to tell a woman that there is no such thing as a "pedigree Beahuahuadoodle", and that she'd essentially paid $500 for a mutt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 425

You deserved it 2 846

Rude awakening

By oww - 15/11/2009 19:38 - United States

Today, I woke up with a bloody nose and my lamp next to me in bed. Apparently I grabbed the cord of the lamp and yanked while I was sleeping, and it fell on my face. The worst part? My boyfriend saw it was going to happen, but didn't stop me because he thought it would be funny to "see my reaction." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 167

You deserved it 3 365

By rebeccacaissie - 21/11/2010 18:16 - United States

Today, I was being a little playful with my boyfriend when we began wrestling. He then put me in a choking headlock and wouldn't let me out until I "tapped out". FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 532

You deserved it 8 868

By soulaar - 02/10/2015 14:22 - Vietnam - Dong Nai

Today, I was sitting outside in a pair of shorts. After about 15 minutes of getting weird looks from people, I realized my cock was sticking out of a hole that wasn't in my shorts when I put them on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 607

You deserved it 5 333

By Sawarski - 07/01/2013 20:09 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I took a nap on my couch. She used my arm as a pillow, and everything was pretty peaceful, until she moved over and practically dislocated my shoulder. My screams of pain woke her, which was apparently an "asshole move" on my part. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 591

You deserved it 3 282

"Based on your purchase history…"

By Anonymous - 19/09/2020 20:02

Today, in the break room at work, I was looking through my email on my phone about my Amazon orders. There was a suggested product that looked like a dildo. I turned around to see my boss behind me glancing at my phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 941

You deserved it 243

By jenni6488 - 22/02/2012 07:56 - United Kingdom

Today, I called the toaster a "cheeky thing" for being done before the kettle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 481

You deserved it 23 225

By Anonymous - 05/09/2013 20:28 - United States - Virginia Beach

Today, I went to college, where I'm studying for my dream job. Despite getting up at 5am to catch the earliest bus into town, I arrived ten minutes late. My professor knows my circumstances, but is still threatening to kick me off the course if I don't "arrive on time like everyone else." FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 768

You deserved it 7 979

By Anonymous - 23/02/2011 18:46 - United States

Today, I spent my remaining cash on a doctor's visit, only to find out that at the age of 22, I'm getting major health problems brought on by stress. I came home to relax, only to find out my roommate can't pay his rent, and needs me to cover for him so we don't get evicted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 574

You deserved it 2 750

Ex-Lax Time

By savagepixie - 01/06/2019 14:09

Today, my boyfriend and I were playing around, and he thought it would be funny to steal my ring and "pretend" to swallow it. I tried to get it back, but unfortunately I "surprised" him. He reckons I'll get it back some time tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 710

You deserved it 208

By Le Dookie - 19/10/2018 15:00 - United States - Sugar Land

Today, I got denied a refund for my dream coffee machine. I've overdrafted my bank account to buy it on Offer Up for an excellent price, but USPS delivered the package to a wrong address. Someone got it for free. Offer Up won't refund me because it says "delivered" on the tracking page. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 193

You deserved it 730

Wild thing

By ChrisBak - 24/11/2021 14:02

Today, my wife keyed my car and spilled wine on the seats because she saw I commented on a female friend’s picture on Facebook. I told her how repairs are gonna be expensive, and she responded, “You should have thought about that before complimenting other bitches on Facebook!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 070

You deserved it 352

By Marcipaud - 05/05/2016 17:51 - United States - Detroit

Today, I opened up an English textbook to find someone else's dirty fingernails between the pages. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 548

You deserved it 977

By LonelyGuy - 15/12/2014 11:59 - Australia

Today, I called this girl I've had a crush on for 2 years to confess my love to her. However, as she picked up the phone, I got so nervous that I froze and couldn't say a word. I was standing there, breathing heavily for 20 seconds. She got so freaked out that she threatened to call the police. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 072

You deserved it 9 524

Time to shop

By Anon - 24/03/2021 00:30

Today, I made my whole grocery list out in my head. While having sex with my fiancee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 833

You deserved it 385

By Anonymous - 12/03/2010 12:01 - United States

Today, my dog managed to get into our cabinet and eat an entire bag of hershey kisses. Now she is puking all over the house and outside too. When I called the vet to tell her about it, she said that it was normal, and to call her back when it was "coming out the other end." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 391

You deserved it 3 847

By Dave - 23/04/2012 13:22 - United States - Brookfield

Today, I left my number on my receipt for a cute waitress. As I was leaving the bar, she came running out and called me over. I obviously got excited. Turns out I'd forgotten to sign my slip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 581

You deserved it 21 795

By BadBreath - 09/04/2009 03:43 - United States

Today, I was having a horrible day. I was laying on the couch, crying, when my dog came up on the couch to console me. I was thinking about how great it was to have a dog, because they're there for you when no one else is. As I was sobbing, I heard something. My dog farted into my mouth. Twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 596

You deserved it 9 369

By GT716 - 07/04/2009 12:50 - United States

Today, I was at work at a local hot dog chain. A child (about 10, who I've seen there before) came in to order food for his Dad. He orders very excitedly, and I told him he'd be a great worker here when he gets older. He said "oh no, my Dad says I'm too smart to work in a place like this." FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 959

You deserved it 13 904

Good old gender stereotypes

By Brian - 05/11/2020 13:59 - Macedonia - Skopje

Today, I couldn't open a jar of mayo and my cousin had to open it for me. She's a 16 year-old girl and I'm a 24 year-old guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 486

You deserved it 727

By peteswentzbass - 26/01/2013 17:18 - Netherlands - Nuenen

Today, my roommate and I noticed a foul smell in our apartment. After looking around for a little while, I found that her cat had pooped on a pair of my jeans, and apparently tried to cover it up by dragging a shirt over the mess. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 937

You deserved it 3 398

By Anonymous - 21/05/2010 12:07 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out that I'm named after my dad's favourite drink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 384

You deserved it 4 550

She's right, you know

By Anonymous - 27/07/2009 16:52 - United Kingdom

Today, I was babysitting some kids and helping them make a poster about insects. They couldn't think of any more insects to add so I suggested a spider, and got told to "not be a dumbass, spiders aren't insects they're arachnids." The girl is six. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 904

You deserved it 55 889

Wrong number

By Hth - 08/11/2008 01:07 - United States

Today, for the 25th time, some Indian dude called my cell phone asking for 'Pinkie'. I don't know who the hell Pinkie is, but I don't appreciate people calling wrong numbers while I'm having sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 552

You deserved it 9 714

By kismet_fire - 04/11/2014 22:57 - United States - San Francisco

Today, a customer yelled at me because I gave her a wrinkled bag. I work in retail, and the bags are all cheap plastic. She wouldn't stop, even when I gave her 3 different bags. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 753

You deserved it 2 700

By Anonymous - 18/05/2012 11:49 - United States

Today, I sat down on a chair after my very large boss sat on it all day. When I got up, my pants were damp. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 995

You deserved it 2 739

By Everest - 22/11/2018 14:00

Today, I got several thumbtacks jabbed into me. Why? Because my cousin thought it would be a funny prank to superglue a bunch of thumbtacks to his nerf darts. My left forearm is still bleeding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 746

You deserved it 170

By plzdontclapme - 01/07/2012 23:03

Today, I tripped on the way back from collecting a prize in front of 600 students and their parents. I got more applause than I did when collecting the prize. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 574

You deserved it 2 284

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Top comments

debbster7 18

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Tuesday 18 June 2013 19:27

Why go all out when something as simple as you saying "will you go out with me?" would work? Save that shit for marriage proposals.

Vidrill 22

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Tuesday 18 June 2013 19:28

Well, maybe try to tone down the extravagant gestures towards people you don't know very well yet? I hope she appreciated the effort, though....

evilraider 5

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Tuesday 18 June 2013 19:26

You tried to sweep her off her feet

debbster7 18

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Tuesday 18 June 2013 19:27

Why go all out when something as simple as you saying "will you go out with me?" would work? Save that shit for marriage proposals.

drjohnnyboy 15

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Tuesday 18 June 2013 19:42

If he wanted to do it, then whatever happens would be on him

CallMeMcFeelii 13

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Tuesday 18 June 2013 21:24

I wouldn't have expected her to have a panic attack if I were OP, but I'd surely be embarrassed if she said no in front of everyone.

omg36 7

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Wednesday 19 June 2013 4:39

There's nothing more admirable than a man whose spontaneous, romantic, and isn't scared of expressing his love. OP had a fantastic idea by doing this, he just didn't know the girl would have a panic attack.

lysx84 24

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Wednesday 19 June 2013 10:00

A man should be very scared of expressing his love when he hasn't even been on a date with the girl yet. That's restraining order shit right there.

franchoi1 5

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Wednesday 19 June 2013 17:07

I agree

that_band_nerd 22

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Tuesday 18 June 2013 19:27

Hey at least you tried! Even if you failed...

mydadpulledout 17

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Wednesday 19 June 2013 4:20

Yeah, but if he does that just to ask a girl out, think about what the marriage proposal will be!

ZeroThree03 6

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Tuesday 18 June 2013 19:27

That was sweet, too bad you didn't know.

theaaxis 27

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Tuesday 18 June 2013 19:28

Guess she's not a big fan of the "it's the thought that counts" mindset...

Vidrill 22

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Tuesday 18 June 2013 19:28

Well, maybe try to tone down the extravagant gestures towards people you don't know very well yet? I hope she appreciated the effort, though....

RedPillSucks 31

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Tuesday 18 June 2013 22:27

He didn't get the date.

olpally 32

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Tuesday 18 June 2013 19:28

Very cool, but over kill just for a first date, just be yourself next time.

Aryn16 14

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Tuesday 18 June 2013 19:33

maybe that is him being himself.?

olpally 32

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Tuesday 18 June 2013 20:02

This stunt is usually used for marriage proposals, I've seen a lot of flash mob proposals on youtube. not just for a simple date. At least it was creative though.