Work: Today, I received a rejection letter from a job I desperately... - FML

Nearly

01/10/2021 22:55

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43

You deserved it 3

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 103

You deserved it 6

Spicy

Spicy

Lightning Bolt

By LightningRod - 18/10/2021 11:00

Spicy

Today, I have an internal defibrillator from trauma to my heart 12 years ago. I finally experienced for the first time what it's like when it shocks me. Nothing says I'm a keeper like getting kicked in the chest and smacked upside the back of the head with a baseball bat while clapping cheeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 436

You deserved it 54

Weird flex, but OK

By Anonymous - 17/10/2021 08:01

Spicy

Today, I’m aware that comparing yourself too much to other people can make you unhappy. I now learned that the same goes for comparing yourself to objects. For example, between myself and the shared toilet in my student house, guess who has the most pubic hair? FML

I agree, your life sucks 518

You deserved it 143

03/03/2015 17:18

Today, I received a rejection letter from a job I desperately wanted. Yesterday, the job offer I'd been stalling on in while waiting for news about this one expired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 264

You deserved it 9 910

Dysfunctional

Best birthday ever!

Overreach

21/04/2012 14:50

Today, I got home from work to find my boyfriend sobbing hysterically over the death of his cat. The only cat he could be talking about is the one on his Sims account. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 140

You deserved it 3 211

24/12/2011 12:51

Today, I wrapped my boyfriend's Christmas presents for him, because he was too lazy to do it himself. This included my own present. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 505

You deserved it 6 327

20/07/2016 02:54

Today, I went to a local Asian restaurant where this adorable Japanese girl works as a server. We had formed a friendship and I was hoping for something more, but I decided to play "hard-to-get" for the last couple of weeks. When I went there today, the place was closed. Permanently. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 864

You deserved it 14 726

24/01/2011 22:47

Spicy

Today, I was talking to my girlfriend on the phone. The subject of abuse came up and I told her that if her father ever hurt her I would cut his dick off. The next thing I hear is, "Don't say shit you can't back up!" Her father had picked up the phone the moment I'd said it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 632

You deserved it 13 629

They'll go at night

By jesuschrist - 22/03/2020 00:30

Today, my daughter asked me why NASA hasn't gone to the sun yet. She's seventeen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 610

You deserved it 418

27/12/2010 08:39

Today, I was told by my mom that I'm a terrible person because I won't help my brother get a girlfriend. He's gay, but won't tell her because he thinks it's hilarious when she yells at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 994

You deserved it 4 887

17/12/2018 20:00

Today, I'm 7 weeks pregnant. For the first time in a week I feel well enough to eat something that isn't cheerios, a bagel, or crackers . I woke up 2 hours after going to bed with the shits. I'm almost convinced this kid hates me already. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 153

You deserved it 239

30/08/2017 13:00

Today, I found the $3,200 engagement ring I dropped in my yard. I ran over it with my lawnmower. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 325

You deserved it 765

Hoarded in

By nola2005 - 01/10/2019 00:01

Today, as my gaze went from the cobwebs hanging from my ceiling to the opened and unopened Amazon boxes in the corners of my house, I realized I'm on my way to being a hoarder. I'm too tired and depressed to do anything about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 323

You deserved it 468

It's not what you think!

By Anonymous - 05/08/2021 14:01

Today, I bought my daughter a rape alarm after she had a near-miss with a creep following her to her part-time job. As soon as I handed it to her in the car park, she accidentally set it off and one of her coworker's put me in a rather painful headlock and threw me to the ground, breaking my arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 446

You deserved it 109

Dad jokes

By Anonymous - 10/10/2011 22:26

Today, I wore my brand new Wonderbra to school. When I got home, my dad looked at me and started laughing hysterically. Between breaths, he asked if anyone actually thought my chest was that big and said, "You know why it's called a Wonderbra? Guys take it off and wonder where your tits went." FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 133

You deserved it 27 803

27/08/2011 00:20

Today, while waiting for a doctors appointment, my husband started playing angry birds. Continually losing the game ended up raising his blood pressure to the point where he now has to have his medication changed. The new medication is $100 copay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 666

You deserved it 3 252

HR FML

By jobless - 01/12/2015 04:01

Today, HR sent a review email to me asking me to anonymously tell them about my boss. I decided to use this opportunity to tell them what a dick he was. I printed off the review, filled it out, then scanned and emailed it to myself. Or so I thought. Turns out I'd sent the review to my boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 423

You deserved it 18 610

The cheek!

By Anonymous - 01/06/2014 16:36

Today, my daughter used her spare key to get into my house while I was at work, then took and pawned off all of my jewelry. She only confessed when I confronted her with video camera footage. Her defense was that I told her I'd leave her everything in my will. Honey, I'm not dead yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 908

You deserved it 5 278

29/08/2013 18:12

Today, my girlfriend freaked out, thinking she might be pregnant due to her period being late. I found myself reminding her that one actually has to have had sex recently to become pregnant. We've been living together, sexless, for over a year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 637

You deserved it 6 518

Criminals

By Jonny - 22/09/2021 20:01

Today, I heard from my little nephews that in school, the father of one of their peers has his arms all covered in tattoos. Their grandpa told my nephews to stay away from people with tattoos, as they were likely criminals and wanting to kidnap children. He doesn't know I have a tattoo in my back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 768

You deserved it 148

03/03/2015 10:41

Today, I walked 20 minutes in rain, winds that almost knocked me over, and face-fulls of stinging hailstones. Less than a minute after I finally got inside, the weather cleared up, the sun came out, and a rainbow appeared. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 731

You deserved it 3 147

11/10/2015 12:31

Today, while on a haunted trail, I accidentally punched a high-schooler in the throat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 620

You deserved it 4 561

28/11/2010 02:17

Today, I woke up with extreme stomach pains. After being rushed to the hospital and having numerous tests performed, I was told my intestines were over-stretched with stool. I'm essentially so full of shit it hurts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 988

You deserved it 4 570

24/08/2009 07:09

Spicy

Today, I ended up gashing my leg rather badly on the corner of a chair, fell to the ground with a very loud thud, and yelled "OH F*CK ME!!". I hobbled to the bathroom making more noise in the process. My neighbor came by and asked if I could "keep my sex noise to a minimum". FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 592

You deserved it 7 548

Makes sense

By lovegame - 28/06/2014 15:48

Today, two months after forgiving my girlfriend for breaking my heart by cheating on me, I found out that she's cheating again with the same guy. When I confronted her, she basically said I brought it on myself and that I was an idiot for not dumping her the first time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 883

You deserved it 26 824

13/07/2009 18:33

Today, while riding on the car with my family, I put on my headphones and pretended to be listening to music and when my parents talked to me, I pretended I couldn't hear them. They took this opportunity to discuss how fat I was and how I can't hold down a boyfriend. They were laughing as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 573

You deserved it 22 414

01/03/2019 04:00

Today, I got a call from my boyfriend's wife. He's still saying he is not married. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 442

You deserved it 301

You kinda deserved that one

By hlev24 - 03/03/2009 00:11

Today, I was walking down the street when a homeless man asked me for some spare change. I told him I didn't have any. I then tripped. Not only spilling the soda I was drinking all over myself, but also spilling the spare change I had from buying it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 140

You deserved it 109 946

Outdoorsy

By Anonymous - 22/03/2012 03:21

Spicy

Today, I found out that sex in the woods is amazing. I also found that the roar of a nearby bear will end the amazement. Not only was I cockblocked by a bear, I almost shit myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 679

You deserved it 7 167

That's kinda sweet

By rond9 - 06/06/2021 04:01

Today, after spending the night with my girlfriend for the first time, I discovered why she would always want to rush home after dinner dates. Her stomach gurgles so loudly after eating, I can hear it in the next room over, with the TV on. This apparently happens no matter what she eats. FML

I agree, your life sucks 780

You deserved it 102

27/11/2015 17:55

Today, within 20 minutes of waking up, my dad gave me a pained look and said: "Uhh, turns out your laptop isn't waterproof." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 827

You deserved it 1 413

24/01/2012 16:42

Today, I had to do community service work, so I helped out at a senior center. One of the confused elderly patients, who believed the Cold War was still on, thought I was a Soviet and started screaming about how I was going to nuke his country. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 858

You deserved it 4 045

16/06/2011 06:20

Spicy

Today, I went from a party where both of my girlfriends decided to show, to a hospital bed with no girlfriends and a painful left testicle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 473

You deserved it 243 381

17/05/2017 18:00

Today, I went to a comedy show, expecting to feel better about a difficult relationship. Instead, I saw a performance written by the girl who loves my husband, about my husband, and how she loves him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 084

You deserved it 343

20/05/2011 23:30

Spicy

Today, I had my new girlfriend over for dinner. Halfway through the meal, my dad started poking her with his fork. When I asked him what the hell he was doing, he barked back, "Just making sure she isn't a blow-up doll!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 423

You deserved it 4 591

24/06/2009 14:34

Today, by request from my new boss, I came into work over an hour early to finish some backed-up filing. This seemed like a great opportunity to earn some extra overtime pay. After spending an hour and half filing, I realized I hadn't clocked in for the day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 388

You deserved it 41 204

03/08/2016 15:31

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me by handing me a ring and saying "Let's get this dumb shit over and done with." FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 971

You deserved it 1 865

Insane parents, part 38765

By Anonymous - 31/12/2020 09:32

Today, my mum vented her anger on me by shattering my mouse on the floor, taking my keyboard and nearly ripping out my monitor. At least a spare mouse and the on screen keyboard are better than nothing. This hurts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 796

You deserved it 99

06/08/2012 23:25

Today, whilst on a cycling holiday, in a somewhat hungover state, I accidentally chained my bike to the back of someone else's caravan. As I walked away, I heard a loud scraping noise. I turned around and watched my bike get dragged down a long gravel road and through a pile of horse shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 804

You deserved it 29 814

31/01/2011 02:34

Today, after 2 years together, my boyfriend finally proposed. I excitedly said yes. Just as we began to kiss, my half crazed cat ran in, dropped a half eaten bird at our feet, and promptly threw up on the carpet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 923

You deserved it 5 233

30/04/2011 19:03

Today, my bladder decided to empty itself while I was on a rollercoaster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 211

You deserved it 10 680

02/08/2019 12:00

Today, my friend and I were playing football in the street, when out of nowhere a skinhead sucker-punched me in the gut, grabbed my football, and ran away, giggling like a maniac. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 370

You deserved it 117

18/04/2012 13:43

Today, while vacuuming my new apartment, I farted a few times. After my last fart, I turned to find my super-hot neighbor standing at the door. Panicking, I asked in a "I-didn't-just-fart-my-ass" tone, "Oh hi! Been standing there for long?" She replied, "Since your initial rip." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 708

You deserved it 6 734

16/12/2009 19:28

Today, my boyfriend of over a year told me that he will never marry me because we are different ethnicities and his parents don't approve. I was of course very upset and crying. His way to comfort me was by saying, "Don't worry, I will always cheat on my wife with you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 799

You deserved it 3 702

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Wednesday 4 March 2015 0:12

Should've just taken the job offer. At least then you would've had a job while you waited.

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Wednesday 4 March 2015 0:09

A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush

Comments

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Wednesday 4 March 2015 0:09

A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush

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Wednesday 4 March 2015 5:07

The smug smiley face makes the adage that much better

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Thursday 5 March 2015 20:17

Now I finally understand that expression.

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Wednesday 4 March 2015 0:10

Never stall on an offer. if you have a job offer that will pay the bills then dont wait for the dream job.

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Wednesday 4 March 2015 1:53

You can always quit a job if you get a job you like more. Apply for everything.

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Wednesday 4 March 2015 4:54

What if the other job required OP to sign a contract, binding her to that job for several years? If that's the case, I can see why OP would wait. Perhaps she can reapply?

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Wednesday 4 March 2015 0:10

Why not apply for both? Unless selection of you as the best candidate was contractually binding. But how often does that happen?

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Wednesday 4 March 2015 0:12

Should've just taken the job offer. At least then you would've had a job while you waited.

SkylaChristian 18

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Wednesday 4 March 2015 0:15

Sorry OP. That's a tough break. I hope you find another job soon.

Vanessa_Leeann26 17

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Wednesday 4 March 2015 0:15

You always accept the offer if you need it. Then if you get the other job, you can quit. If not, you still have a job! ?

19990231 29

Wednesday 4 March 2015 0:19

Hindsight is 20-20. But you should have entertained to idea that you wouldn't get your dream job

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Wednesday 4 March 2015 0:21

yeeeah good luck with that one. should have just taken the job and if you got the other one leave the less important one. at least you would have been payed while waiting.

Dick_diamond 22

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Wednesday 4 March 2015 0:33

Shouldn't have stalled. You could always have quit if the better job offer came thru

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Wednesday 4 March 2015 0:49

Let's hope you learnt from this unfortunate incidence. Don't put all your eggs in one basket ?