Today, at work, I slipped and fell on my backside. The creepy security guard offered to 'kiss it better.' FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, before work, I was quickly cleaning when I tripped and the side of my neck hit the countertop, causing a dark bruise. During work, people wouldn't stop giving me high fives for getting laid and I was too embarrassed to tell them truth that I'm not desirable, just clumsy. FML
Today, I slipped at work while putting out a "wet floor" sign to make sure the customers didn't slip. FML
Today, I was walking into my office building when I tripped over a doormat and fell flat on my face right in front of the security guard. As I tried to stand up, I kicked the door, slamming shut with a dramatic bang. I looked up to see that the entire building lobby was watching. FML
Today, while working at my job at a nursing home, I slipped and fell. It wouldn't be so bad if it was just water. No, one of the residents had just had an "accident". FML
Today, at work, my manager accidentally bumped into me, brushing my behind with the back of his hand. He was a bit embarrassed, so I jokingly said, “You could at least buy me dinner first!” He went to HR and told them I made him uncomfortable. I was just trying to lighten the mood. FML
Today, I was leaning over cleaning a table at work, when my pretty coworker came up behind me and slapped me on the butt. I was so startled that I slipped and smashed my face into the table. Now she can't look at me without laughing. FML
Today, within 24 hours at my new security job, I accidentally tasered the head of security in the groin, causing him to piss himself. FML
Today, at work, I tripped and fell face-first into a food display. As I picked myself up, totally humiliated, I tripped again and fell right back into it, earning a bunch of pitying looks from nearby customers. FML
Today, I went to go give my boss a high five for a job well done. I missed his hand and accidentally slapped his ass on the way down. FML
Today, I walked into work to see my boss's hot son. I wanted him to notice me, so I did my "sexy walk". I then slipped and fell onto my desk, broke my desk, and sprained my wrist. Oh he noticed me alright. FML
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Top comments
Torva_fml 16
What a romantic! He sure knows how to get a lady...
cradle6 13
What an asshole. You should have yelled, "KISS MY ASS!" Oh wait...
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Comments (135)
aj98 2
Was he creepy because he offered to kiss it or did you already think he was creepy
ilarsnl 9
sue him for sexual intimidation, if you win, you'll be rich! No?
BeefyQueef 5
No.
HandsomeRatch 20
Well he was just being sweet and caring! No need to call such a loving, romantic person a creep!
shrekus 0
It's amazing how people get all butt hurt now a days over stupid stuff.
Margemander 4
The use of the term "butt hurt" seems especially appropriate here.
zoe768532 1
Eeww what the hell is wrong with him
mrfreak219 3
What is wrong with him? How dare he joke about!
chrisiffer 17
haha
desireev 18
Omg people! It was just a joke! If you want that to stop, be even "creepier" than he was by responding with "Yeah you can.. But I'm just warning you! There's some 'nasty' on there.. I've been saving it for a couple months now".. And that will be the end of it.. No need to sue. Just make him think that you're the "creep" of the workplace..
ohmandapants 17
"it was just a joke"? It was an inappropriate joke to make. You do not joke that way with coworkers because you know what? You could be sued for sexual harassment. OP sure didn't take it as a joke and she would have every right to sue him if she wanted. You can speak that way among friends, but no one wants to hear it from the "creepy" security guard at work.
Wangan_Warrior 9
Bit too far no? Would you like to be known in the office as the girl that doesn't wipe her ass?
ohmandapants 17
I'm not saying she should sue, but if she was really uncomfortable, she could report him. It's not like she wouldn't have grounds to do so.
Enslaved 38
Or.... She could tell him directly "Hey, I don't like jokes like that". If he's the problem then address the problem. No need to involve anyone else, except if he continues with those type of comments and refuses to stop. Most people could handle the joke just fine. Apparently there are some extra sensitive people out there.
desireev 18
It really is sad to know that there are so many people who would sue for something as small as that. I'm not saying, by any means whatsoever, that was he said was okay or justifiable.. You could respond with "I didn't find your joke funny" or something like that. Suing him for that would ruin that mans life. He would be tagged as a sexual predator for the rest of his life and, if he has kids, lose his children, and possibly never get a job again. But it's okay! Because he made you feel "uncomfortable" for a temporary time.. Just blow it off and know that he is someone you don't want to associate with. No need to sue.. If OP was to sue, she could ruin his life forever.. For a very small not-so-funny-or-cute joke..
GoW_Chick 15
That's why America is suffocating with frivolous lawsuits because people are ready to jump on the 'sue them' bandwagon for the most simple of things.
TheDrifter 24
If he was "cute" I'll bet this would have led to a unique facebook status in the morning. Instead it's on FML. Damned people and their standards, discriminating against my ugly and/or creepy bretheren.
shrekus 0
Haha, but it's soooooo true
silentblack 0
He was being a gentleman
msukmh 1
Geez, if it weren't for the fact that my coworker got fired 2 weeks ago I would have thought you were talking about him!