By Anonymous - 18/08/2012 05:15 - United States

Today, as I was riding my bike, my foot slipped and I did a slow speed-tumble over the top, ripping my balls wide open. Number of stitches: too many to count. Size of balls: softball. Color: blue. FML
I agree, your life sucks 43 895
You deserved it 2 650

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That must be some serious painful shit! I closed my legs and I'm a girl!

Tbh the pain in this fml might actually trump giving birth...

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That must be some serious painful shit! I closed my legs and I'm a girl!

Tbh the pain in this fml might actually trump giving birth...

Erm 14 ok, let's rip you from vagina to asshole

I feel for you OP, I really do. But, as a regular cyclist myself I find myself trying to picture how that all unfolded. I think I'll walk today...

28: That's pretty much what happened, except imagine having your ovaries punctured in the process. Yeah that's what I thought.

I'm curious to how his balls managed to split open. Did he not have something on? Or did he catch them on something and got stuck and tore them open?

Erm 28, ok. Let's have your testicles ripped open and have them swell up to five times their normal size. 54, I'm assuming they caught on the handlebars... *shudder*

>< I'm a girl and I'm still holding my legs shut.

Actually the pain of getting hit in the testicles is 9000 units of pain. It is also like breaking every bone in your body at one time or giving birth to 160 kids at one time. Look it up if you don't believe me!

28- He ripped his BALLSACK WIDE OPEN. That's equal to, if not worse, than ripping something that's meant to, and has already ripped before.

136: Exactly. Also, please feel free to go on about vaginas.

114: There's no such thing as a "unit of pain". If you're talking about the "Del" measurement, it's not even scientific, pretty much an urban legend. Do your research next time.

I can't get that picture out of my head... god.

Everyone experiences pain differently.. My mom has described birth as pushing a basketball out ur vagina and I can't imagine that would be fun.. N guys always double over when they get hit in the balls so lets not say one is more painful than the other because they are both very painful and be grown up about it.

I'm pretty sure the entire male population of this here community of FML, died a little on the inside from reading this FML. I know I did... :L

114 - Yeah... no. I heard that but it's based off of people going, "Oh my god it hurt like soooooooooo much man." As a girl with two brothers, I have kicked numerous balls in my life, and my brother going, "Ohh fuck you" and falling down and wincing for a minute doesn't seem bad compared to when my brother snapped his femur and was screaming and sweating from the pain. Soooo yeah >__> I mean like... maybe getting your balls torn open is that bad, but just getting "hit" in them... yeah man up. Guys do it to each other all the time.

Did he ride naked or something? I mean we all wear pants.....

Your bike gave you blue balls.

As someone who has recently passed kidney stones... testicular pain really makes you want to crawl in a hole and die. ^^^only time in my life I have thrown up from, and literally writhed on the floor from pain. Thank go for the man who invented morphine.

Seriously everyone... can we leave the whole 'this pain is worse than that pain' thing alone? These arguments are 100% pointless because nobody is ever going to experience both - men can't have kids and women can't get kicked in the testicles. In fact I'm sure that's why people claim to have absolute knowledge of one or the other - noone can really prove you wrong (and yes, I'm including women in this - child birth sucks but you haven't had your scrotum ripped apart by a bike so you can't say one is worse, just like I'm not going to say the worst pain I ever dealt with was worse than childbirth.) Let's just all agree that what the poor OP went through was much worse than your standard kick to the groin, but there is NO WAY to compare it to child birth cause OP isn't going to be giving birth... or possibly having kids at all now ;).

On a brighter note...this caused a chain reaction of guys I work with nearly curling into a ball starting with me. It was kind of amusing.

Ive been kicked in the balls, and ive shattered my pelvis before. The kick was worse

Our scrotums are our temples, sacred structures if you will, the splitting of such a sanctuary bodes ill for mankind *puts on a cup*

Actually, 28, In a lot of cases, women actually can rip down there. The severity ranges, but I hear having your vagina rip isn't exactly pleasurable. ;)

I've had my balls swell to enormous sizes. Both at different times, but painful as shit to move either way. Having a doctor pull on your testicle to put your intestines back in place hurts more than one may imagine. Hernias suck. Though I imagine this hurts more.

Took balls to go through that.

1, that was my same thought. I'm a girl and my balls hurt. Sorry Original Poster. I hope you have a speedy recovery.

And first of all, being hit in the balls hurts for 5 minutes when a woman can be in labor for up to three days. If I had balls, I'd rather be hit in the balls. And I don't believe it should be argued about because guys will never know the amount of pain child birth gives you. And girls will never know what it feels like to be hit in the balls

Thanks for the vivid description, OP. You couldn't have just stopped at "ripped my ballsack open" eh?

234- thats definitely a lie

You know what, I did the same >_

Why don't you try ripping a basketball out of your vagina and tell me?

It's over 9000!!!

No offense, but girls reacting this way is just freaken weird. Yes it would hurt like hell, but can you react a normal way instead of looking like you have to pee?

Nooooo birth trumps everything been there done that

Oh sweet Jesus Why did you allow this?

"units of pain" is not a measure that exists in any way...maybe YOU are the one who should do your research.

Tell me, then. If what you're saying is true, then how exactly do you measure pain?

I can tear my balls with 1 handlebar, 1 handlebar... but Damn that WILL literally and figuratively scar you for life. FYL OP and I imagine your face looked like my profile pic when you flew majestically into the "no-kids-for-you" zone.

I think he said something more like: OHMYGODMYBALLSARERIPPEDOPENFUFUFUFUDUFUFUFUFUFUFUAHHHHHH!!!!!!

I want to post an FML after reading this just from the pain I imagined, that's terrible. Sorry OP! Sounds like a bad case of the blue balls

Why vote negative in "ouch"????? Should even be Fouch!

OP, YDI for riding a bike…

Failed attempt at first

Biggest understatement ever uttered...

20- I think his reaction would have been beyond words, more like a primal, earsplitting, soul chilling, scream of utter agony and anguish. To put it lightly.

I agree

You didn't even get blue balls in a fun way, FYL

I'm pretty sure there is no, 'fun way' to get blue balls.. It's the lack of fun that causes them in the first place.

One way can be exciting in the moment but afterwards the blue balls are not so fun

What are you girls talking about? You girls have no idea how much it hurts when our balls get hurts, man wish you girls had balls to feel the pain.

That's why I said there's no fun way to getting blue balls? I can only imagine it would hurt, I never said the contrary.

#19, actually the worst cases of blue balls are brought on after you have a lot of fun, but not quite enough fun to finish.

I wish you'd get assfucked so you'd know to stop complaining.

26- You wish girls had balls?

26- we have child birth. Pretty sure that's worse and the pain lasts much longer.

26- No, women have their fair share of pain too. Granted, they don't quite understand how sensitive our balls are, but there are pains that they experience that we don't quite understand either. Chill out.

It's been proven that child birth does NOT hurt as much as being kicked in the balls. A guy will NEVER want a ball kick again after the first. Women want kids over and over, and over and over again.

supportcommand-Really? So have scientists found a way to measure pain? That's the only way the study would be accurate. What I heard is that child birth is painful to the point that women forget the pain; hence mothers having kids over and over. If you want an idea of the pain of birth, imagine pushing a marble out of your penis. For hours at a time.

I hate women like you

The thing is not ALL women can have children. Therefore not ALL women have to go through child birth. ALL men get hit in the balls in their lifetime. Whether or not it's on accident doesn't matter but it will eventually happen to EVERY guy.

But every girl gets her cycle, and let me tell you, cramps hurt like a mother. So imagine feeling like your going to shit out your organs for a few days straight every month until your 50. I'm sure being kicked in the balls hurts, but don't say women don't get their fair share.

Jesus everyone! Girls: Getting kicked in the balls hurts so much that it is nauseating. Guys: 10cm is a really long way to dilate. Pushing a multi-pound human being out of you is just as painful as it sounds. There. NOW STOP ARGUING!

I agree with 80 - before I got on meds for my cramps, I would vomit for about 12 hours a day from the amount of pain I was in, I was unable to eat anything, no over the counter medicine could ease the pain and I had to skip school for a full week, if not more. Trust me, I'm pretty sure I understand the pain of being kicked in the groin.

72- yes they have. The unit of measurement for pain is "U", and childbirth was about 10 U while kicked in the balls is anywhere from 50-100 U. Scienc'd.

I think my brain rebelled and caused me to have a seizure and black out after reading this thread. How the FUCK can you compare the pain of childbirth with ANYTHING? Pain is subjective. It therefore can NOT be measured objectively. Therefore you cannot compare a women-only pain to a men-only pain. Full stop.

also, every woman has a different experience with childbirth, so you can't exactly measure it. comparing a woman giving birth to triplets compared to a woman giving birth to a tiny premature baby just doesn't work out. plus, some people are good at handling pain while others have a lot of difficulty

#97, you're telling me, Doc! I was expecting this thread to be a light-hearted discussion about dry-humping and unfinished hand jobs, but it devolved into a pissing contest about excruciating pain. What a waste of a Saturday!

There is is only one example that might come close. It's an ovarian cyst that's about to rupture. I'm a male nurse, and I've never seen a woman who wasn't in screaming pain with one of those. Would never wish it on anyone.

64- it's been scientifically proven that given birth is about 57 ibs of pain/ per second, and an average kick in the balls is about 600 ibs of pain/ per second....so.... Ya

Jeffers123 - You just scientifically proved that you are a moron. There's no such thing as "ibs" (or lbs, I assume you meant) of pain. In fact, there is no such thing as any objective measurement of pain (yet), though there are some imaging modalities that are being investigated. People like you who throw up impressive-sounding statistics which are clearly fabricated are the worst type of debaters. I'm sure you'll stand by your evidence because you either read it somewhere (but you can't remember where) or because "someone" told you. It's complete and utter bullshit.

97 It seems like every thread I looked at had these arguments

Bahahaha!! Why so many thumbs down??

72 Thank you! I'm sure both are equally painful. Birth and kicked in the balls that is.

I love how you guys are all saying "it's a proven scientific fact, look it up" yet you all have completely different measurements and units! I'm pretty sure that right there should tell you it's not :/

72-First I never said anything about scientific proof of pain measure. Your reading too much into my comment. And since you're talking about what we've " heard " , i heard that kidney stones are a close comparison.

174-Oh, please. Don't try and play off your comment. When you said ' it's been proven', I face you the benefit of the doubt that it was scientific, and not some asshat on the internet. I guess I was wrong.

Doc- I found out 2 things that you should know. 1:ibs stands for International Bull Shit, hence why his argument is wrong and fabricated in pretty much every way. 2: approximately 45.3% of all statistics are made up on the spot.

To build on 72's comment, imagine also that as you're shoving that marble out your dick that the tip of it is tearing open.

Everyone gets hurt. The. Fucking. End.

72- Personally I would choose getting the marble pushed out of my penis rather than endure a direct, hard hit to the balls. But that's just my opinion.

Ok everybody. I need to clear something up here. It has come to my attention that maninthemachine has absolutely no sense of humor or sarcasm. Good day.

186 - It's one of the big marbles you know ;)

This is probably the most moronic thread I have ever read. #69 you are an idiot. #97 thank you for adding logic to this thread.

For the second time today, you leave the dumbest fucking comment ever. No fun way to get blue balls. /yo own wrist

26- Are you retarded? Getting hit in the breasts is the equivalent of getting hit in the balls.

How is it fun to get blue balls?

208- let me kick you in the sac with some work boots on, then I will ask you if you'd like another.

198: When all else fails, say you were being sarcastic, right? You're either a complete fucking idiot or you suck at trolling. Probably both. Piss off.

Is there ever a way to get blue balls in a fun way?!?!?

You haven't got a clue have you? Trust me, there is NO 'fun way'.

She is 16. She must not realize that blue balls equals not having had sex in a long time!

It is fun when you finally get to cum.

Please explain how anybody could possibly get 'blue balls' in a 'fun way'???

Look at the posters picture,who the hell could she give blue balls to?

Blue balls are never fun.....

Dude that is so uncalled for. She is beautiful. Just because she doesn't understand how blue balls happen doesn't mean you should insult her. Guys don't understand the pain of periods and what comes along with it. So don't go insulting a girl for not understanding male issues. With your attitude you probably don't get much interaction with females at all.

Just thinking about it sounds extremely painful, and I'm a girl. FYL OP.

Your a girl and can think how it would feel, I'm a guy and....:'( I feel so bad for OP that sounds terrible

I'm a girl and I can't imagine it. I need like an example that doesn't include the male genitalia because I have no idea what pain tolerance there is down there. I'm not trolling, I honestly can't picture it.

113- ...and unless that has actually happened to you, you're just like the girl, you can only imagine..

If OP really did get a huge gash I'm surprised they didn't like.... fall out... or just hang there... ouch...

134 it's hard to describe the pain, it's kind of like getting a body part crushed 5x more than the amount of force used to be kicked there, then you start feeling sick for a while sometimes you could throw up

134, maybe think about what it would feel like if someone punched your boob really hard....I doubt that's the same, but it's the best I could think of.

Woah that would hurt, however when I picture it I picture it feeling worse than your head being crushed against the cement and being cup down from ear lobe to chin.

I thought getting kicked between the legs would be bad anough never mind that fyl

Getting kicked is bad enough. But that would be when dying of pain could happen. that would be some serious painful stuff.

ouch! that sounds terrible OP, FYL :(

I'm never riding a bike again after reading this.

7- Last time I was on a bike, I ended up going over the handle bars, face first into the curb. That earned me a trip to the hospital with a concussion and the left side of my face torn open vertically (sunglasses shattered and gave me an unbelievable slash with broken glass). I never thought I'd look "normal" again after that experience, but a fantastic doctor, time, polysporin and vitamin E oil did wonders for the scar. Now, 12 years later, you can't even tell unless you're looking for it. Never got back on That horse again, figuratively. Maybe one day. ;P

I don't know why that didn't post.. Stories like that make me afraid of wearing sunglasses in my car in case I get in an accident and the airbag shatters them into my eyes.

I haven't gone near my bike ever since a car sent me over the handle bars and the worst I got was bad road burn...if I were in OP's position I think even a picture of a bike night give me panic attacks. No man should ever have his balls so violated...

Psh who needs bikes now a days!

Handlebars are pure evil

248- in my city bikes are becoming very popular, on paper. Let's of money was put into designated permanent bike lanes by taking away car lanes and parking. Now there's lanes for bikes that aren't used as much as they should be, more traffic congestion, and a city trying to find out where to cut the few million for what it cost to build them. Ahh bikes in a modern city, bad after thought when not engineered properly.

163- But chicks dig scars!

How the hell did you tear your sack? Is your bike covered in knives or were you riding naked?

Both bro! He is an extreme cyclist!

I saw this FML when it was in moderation. Before it got here, it said he was riding down a volcanic mountain in Hawaii. So maybe he hit some sharp rock.

oh and btw awesome username :)

Ouch...You don't deserve this

I'm not even a guy and I think that no one deserves this. Ouch

Wow, they actually ripped open. Golly that must be some kind of unearthly pain.