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FML - The follow-up

Today, I found out that my new husband is expecting two children: ours, due in January, and our 16-year-old neighbor's, due in March. FML

Just_Me_88 Say more :
Well, I am OP, and I am indeed 23...I met my husband when I was 18....and his ex was 17. She "lied" to him about her age. I am amazed I have bought it for so long. Yup, he is certainly a soon-to-be ex. Right after he loses his jewels. (kidding...maybe, lol) My soon-to-be-ex just turned 36.
By Just_Me_88 / Saturday 18 August 2012 05:09 / United States - Salem
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By  lenamartinovic  |  13

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By  lenamartinovic  |  13

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  emilyjgraham  |  34

I wouldn't have said that mattered, but I'd say they're in their mid to late twenties! Also, it's a divorce when you're married, if it were as simple as dumping them everyone would be married!

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  Jaxx66  |  21

Noo, she shouldn't just divorce him, my ex husband did this(except she was 14). He's just gotten out of prison last year and is on the run and wanted again. Free divorce and you get everything, he gets charges. Seriously it's a bad situation. But don't make the same mistake I did, OP. get a lawyer before you talk to the detectives. If he does it once, he will do it again to another child. Don't let that disgusting bastard get away with it. It's up to you now to save future innocents. Sorry for such a serious message. :( this is a serious sore spot for me.

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  perdix  |  29

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  Qandol  |  26

Perdix, yes i got question, what if this asshole don't learn anything and go ahead and do the same thing to another kid while OP is pregnant?

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  perdix  |  29

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  slurshies  |  11

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  Qandol  |  26

Perdix, son you're saying that its okay to look stupid just because it will show you to the world a bad ass? Man what world do you live in? And its okay to lose all the money etc and ruin your own life just because to teach some idiot asshole a lesson? Ummm interesting!

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  Narcisse_fml  |  23

Perdix, your original comment is ridiculous. No self respecting woman would continue to have sex, let alone stay in a relationship, with a pedophile. The women who do constantly deny or make up excuses for their husband's deplorable behavior. Trust me when I tell you that family members are NOT off limits to some pedophiles. If she decided to stay in the relationship, she'd possibly be putting her own child at risk in addition to other family members. Your response to 161 was way off. I'm in the medical field. Believe it or not, teens and adults suffer from "it'll never happen to me" syndrome. It doesn't matter to some people whether they have prior knowledge about their potential partner's STI status, so saying he has herpes won't deter everyone. Besides, spreading such rumors is slander.

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  Cskier  |  3

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  doctorhook86  |  24

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  Teyros  |  23

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  outoftown  |  26

#129 and 210, Good advice. You are absolutely right: guys like this will commit the same crime (yes, even against family and own kids, too) if not caught, prosecuted, and locked up. So very sorry for your situation, OP. Lawyer up, call the cops, and get this bastard out of your family's life and off the streets.

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  outoftown  |  26

#207, Forgive? Stay quiet? Exactly wrong. It's women with these inclinations who provide these guys cover for their crimes. How's "accessory after the fact" sound? How would you like your name on a rap sheet with that charge? The only reason more women aren't locked up is that courts are reluctant to leave kids with no parent, after they lock up the dad. I hope this will knock some sense into women inclined to think this way. End of rant.

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  simonsaysYDI  |  8

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  ecstacie  |  2

FYL OP. Your husband sounds like my grandfather. He slept with my father and uncles girlfriends when they were in high school. It's sad but true... I didn't find out until he died and they showed up to the funeral. I now have 6 more aunts and uncles. It's a tough situation to be in not knowing what to do. Him being the father of your unborn child and all.. Good luck.

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  SenselessPattern  |  12

What the hell is happening here? First DocBastard gets major heat over his usual impatience with the meme-spouting forces of evil, and now Perdix is having logic being brought against him? Go find me a serious Perdix comment with a grand total of 0% sarcasm/joking attitude, and once you do, THEN can you treat his obviously light-hearted joke with the due gravity that a tiny paragraph on FML deserves.

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  XKXKKXK  |  10

DocBastard and Perdix are not gods. They make a comment people don't like? Sucks for them. I thought it was funny enough, but you people can't cry when the "untouchable" get disliked.

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  downtime  |  12

385, Apparently some people aren't aware that they'll never agree with every single opinion people they like will have...Oh well, the rest of us will keep living in reality where people are flawed :)

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  MDTeddy  |  13

Either he got her pregnant or he was just waiting for her's as well, but i think he did it with her. Dumb people are dumb. Nobody ever learns that cheating is wrong and nobody will like you. It is best to tell all of your friends to stay away from people you know that cheated.

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  JockoKC  |  3

Why would she continue to have sex with him? I get the feeling this guy wouldn't care if the sex was passionless as long as he gets to stick his dick in something. You're a special kind of dumb.

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  NandaPanda  |  22

Actually, now a days in most states the age of consent is 16. Which means he may not get a statutory rape charge, depending on what the age of consent is in the state he lives in. Which, in my opinion, is perfectly fine because by 16 you should be able to know whether or not you feel as if you are ready to have sex and you should also be old enough to have the common sense to use condoms or another form of BC. Just because one girl didn't have the decency not to sleep with an older married man and one man didn't have the decency to stay away from a significantly (and by significantly I mean by more than a few years) younger girl, or any other girl/woman considering that he is married doesn't mean that the responsible teens at or over the proper age of consent should be judged for the mistakes of the minority of sluts and cheaters. In some states it's as low as 14 though and personally I do find that to be too young and moderately ridiculous...

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  dntbeadouche  |  24

I actually meant to down vote that comment. she should divorce him and he should lose everything he cares about, but then again if he cared he wouldn't have knocked up the neighbor who is 16!!!

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  DjeePee  |  24

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  DjeePee  |  24

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  miserypoison  |  13

#55 is correct, pedophilia isn't the right term - as a psychiatric definition (DSM) it is sexual interest and possible engagement with a prepubescent child.. Having sexual interest towards teenagers as a on adult is a whole other term (but still a philia). Just wanted to clear some things up guys.. But yes, what this person did is still a major offense.

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  ImanAzol  |  4

Nope. That's what "Consent" means. In most states it's 16, some 17 or 18. It doesn't take parental permission, and it doesn't matter if he's 20 or 80. Over age of consent is legal. If she was 16 when they did it, it's probably legal. So he's a douchebag. And creepy. But not legally a pedophile most places.

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  chell1894  |  13

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  chell1894  |  13

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  cantthink123  |  11

Not true, #67. In states where the age of consent is 16, that means that a 16-year-old can consent to sex. Their parents don't have to consent to sex if they're old enough to do it themselves. Actually, in no state can a parent consent to sex for their child - that's usually called child trafficking. The age of consent varies from state to state - 18 is commonly used in the media because it is the highest age of consent. Movies don't want to popularize the idea that it's legal to sleep with a 16 year old (though in many states it is) because in some states, it's illegal to do so. Unfortunately for OP, the age of consent in Oregon is 18. So her husband's screwed.

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  cantthink123  |  11

THANK YOU for knowing what you're talking about. But too bad for OP's husband, because the FML was posted in Oregon - where the age of consent is actually 18. But he still wouldn't be a pedophile because she's sexually mature - he'd just be a statutory rapist and a sex offender.

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  geko911  |  22

Ok let's clarify some misinformation going on here. The clinical term pedophile means an an adult who is sexually interested in prepubescent children. In this situation, we are talking about a man sexually interested in a post pubescent girl and the clinical term for that, as perdix stated earlier, is ephebophelia so OP's husband is an ephebophile not a pedophile. Also and although I'll most likely get down voted for this, ephebophilia is a mental illness. A sexual deviancy by our social standards. What OP's husband needs is help, not simply prison. There are help groups scattered all around the world for for those deviant ones. There are also some ways that can help him control his urges or even fully remove them. And just to put things back in perspective, people with mental illnesses such as schizophrenia were once killed because they were believed to be possessed. We now know that it's simply an illness and that we can help them. The same thing is now happening with pedophilia and ephebophilia.

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  BatemanFML  |  0

Guys, he willingly had sex with a sixteen year old girl while he was married. Who gives a shit what the "technical" term is. I think we can all just agree that this guy is a fucking idiot.

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  megantaptap  |  2

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  devandanae  |  11

In Oklahoma it is 16 for consent, but, if there is an age difference greater then 4 years the parent has the choice to file rape charges no matter what the girl or boy says. Also if the girl is drunk she can not legally consent to sex by Oklahoma law.

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  schausbaby17  |  5

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  anarchistpunk  |  3

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  waz433  |  0

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  doctorhook86  |  24

OP's name is Just_Me_88. If she was born in 1988, she's either 23 or 24. It's fair to guess that her husband is of a similar age: too old for a 16 year old girl in this day and age, regardless of legality. Creepy bastard. The fact that he knocked her up two months after he did the same to his wife makes him a despicable creepy bastard, at that.

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  doctorhook86  |  24

164: It's kinda strange to consider ephebophilia a mental disorder. From a biological perspective, there is no "age of consent," only an age of "old enough to carry on my genes." In fact, through most of human history, it was normal to marry and impregnate girls shortly after they finished puberty (somewhere between age 12 to 15). The reason we made it illegal is because having children when she's young tends to really fuck up a woman's education and potential economic power. (Also true for young fathers, but less so.)

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  myschyveus  |  0

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  klovely22  |  13

This is stupid. Does it really matter if the girl was old enough to consent? Either way the husband is a lying, cheating, pathetic bastard. He doesn't deserve OP, and she should divorce him and focus on providing a good life for her baby.

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  Btelgeus  |  11

I mean #214 comment. And all the people who has put thumbs up for it either are stupid and didn't understand the implications of the "joke", or are reaaally sick

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  doctorhook86  |  24

389: What's wrong is that A) she was a child and he's an adult (regardless of legality) and B) he was married to somebody else who was already pregnant with his kid. He's a scumbag, How about you?

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  billigoat  |  8

Actually, no. Pedophile means attracted to children, and a 16 year old looks and acts more like an adult. I'm sick of people throwing that word around.

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  kitkattgirl  |  2

#164 Let's justify every perverse act in the world by simply saying it's a mental illness. Heck, let's give murders help instead of prison time. By your logic, there is no evil in the world. He knew what he was doing was wrong and against the law. Just because he had illegal sexual urges doesn't mean he can't control them. And I don't see how schizophrenia should even be mentioned in your post. Don't you freakin' dare lump schizos and sexual predators together. I have schizoaffective. I have paranoid delusions and bipolar mood swings. That is most definitely different than having sex with teenagers.

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  NoSleepovers  |  5

I don't think people should keep calling him a pedophile, this girl was not a child. At 16 she has probably already gone through puberty, and though she is only 16, it's a far cry from being a small, hairless, breastless child. I have a 16 year old sister, and I have yet to see any girls her age who look like children, most of them could even pass for adults. What he did was probably against the law, but he is by no means a pedophile.

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  onlychildFTW  |  33

Sexual offenders list and prison. So he will have 2 kids, be in jail, be in the sex offenders list, and probably get beat up to a pulp before he sees the light of day in jail. Guys in jail don't like people that do that stuff to kids.

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  p3mguin  |  7

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  purpledrizzle  |  5

Erm, I think the phrase you're referring to is "if your name isn't on the clock, you're ready for the cock" or something along those lines. 11 & 12 year olds shouldn't be ready for any kind of cock.

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  Psych101  |  9

173- That might be the most fucked up thing I've ever read. The clock only contains numbers 1-12. I don't even want to know what your sex life is like.

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  hama806  |  19

173 and 195. The phrase "if the AGE isn't on the clock, you're ready for the cock." I still think 16 is way too young either way. But to each his own.

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  usarmywife  |  17

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  darnellq  |  8

Ms Graham is correct though. The OP just said the 16 year-old was expecting for her husband. She did not say if it was just the teenager saying that or the husband admitted it. I work with teenagers and the majority of them would say something like that just to be a dick or if they felt that by saying it, the older gentleman would take care of her if she said it. They don't think far enough ahead to a test showing it was a lie.

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  noelykins1  |  19

Just to clear things up the age of consent in Oregon is the same as where I live. 17 years old. So technically he "raped" her. She or the parents could press charges and have the husband arrested.

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  acidkitten  |  12

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  ImanAzol  |  4

The age of consent in Oregon is 18. Sexual offenses are defined under the Oregon Revised Statutes Chapter 163. With regards to age only, the following offenses are defined. 18 - Consent for all laws. (ORS 163.345 - ORS 163-425) Under 18 - Defined as Sexual Abuse 3 (Class A Misdemeanor) Under 16 - Defined as Rape 3 / Sodomy 3 (Class C Felony) Under 14 - Defined as Rape 2 / Sodomy 2 (Class B Felony) Under 12 - Defined as Rape 1 / Sodomy 1 (Class A Felony) Additionally, Oregon has a 3 year rule defined under ORS 163.345. However, this does not apply to Rape 1, or Sodomy 1, effectively limiting the age to 12. However, a person can still be charged with Sexual Misconduct (Class C Misdemeanor) under ORS 163.445, if the victim was under 15 years old.

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  PYLrulz  |  17

177 - They could push for "Corruption of a Minor" charges. Some minor league baseball player a few years back in my area got caught diddling with a 16 year old. Age of Consent is 16 in PA, but the parents wanted the guy busted in anyway possible

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  amiemariej  |  0

Age of consent also matter on the age of the person being accused, it may be 17 but there's a limitation of "okayness" of a 2-3 year lead way (depending on the state), mine is 3. So here a 16 year old can have sex with a 19 year old and it's fine. But if he's above 19 then it isn't, as long as they're within the 3 year range. With that, OP said "new husband" and they're having a baby soon, I'm assuming they're a very young couple and getting married because of the baby which just shows his poor decision making in the First place

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By  turtlechef  |  2

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  Crazberry  |  5

How many decades has that excuse been used for? That isn't a "nowadays" thing. To be fair, men like OP's husband should show a little f*cking self control and not sleep around when they're f*cking married, no matter how old the girl "looks".

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  BRLHP  |  24

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  DjeePee  |  24

Ffs, 42, I don't see anyone calling the neighbour a saint. You know why we all are so mad at the husband? Because he isn't a fucked-up-by-all-those-hormons-and-trying-to-look-cool-and-feel-loved teenage girl, but a grown-up man who should known what's appropriate and what not. Cheating on his wife? With a minor? Without proper use of contraception? God, now I think about it, OP should have herself checked out asap.

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  shinshoku13  |  19

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  notyobabymomma  |  4

Because she probably would have said if it was... I'm surprised the girl isnt crying rape anyway because we was stupid enough to have sex with a married man and get pregnant

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  Dracoboxer357  |  35

^ There's no way to actually know if she was raped or not, just off of this one post. I believe I read somewhere that much more than half of the time, a rape goes unreported and a rapist on average gets arrested after he's commit such an act....6 times over? 10? :( Just because the girl is expecting, doesn't mean she wanted to be, necessarily. She might be too scared to say she was raped, roofied and raped, pressured or blackmailed into it, or she might even blame herself for his actions, telling herself she provoked it somehow. :p *Shrugs* No way to tell either way.....

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  SammyS2012  |  21

That not true; I'm 18 and I look 12 =P Both parties are in the wrong, but the husband is more to blame. He is married, older, and supposed to be more responsible. Yeah the girl is obviously a slut for sleeping with a (presumably) much older man who is married; but teenagers are known to not really plan that far into the future or think about consequences when their hormones are going crazy. Out of both of them, the husband should have known way better.

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  cinderella10383  |  6

Also the husband had the commitment with his wife, the girl didn't promise her to be faithful etc. the husband made the contract when he said I do. The girl is still a tramp for sleeping with a married man!

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  downtime  |  12

218, Honestly, while it is an offense he can be jailed for I don't think it will really be a good move for anyone involved to put him away yet. It's not like he is going to get away with it, his life will be hell from now on in his marriage if he sticks around, he has responsibilities to both women and his friends will have shunned him to hell and back. It would be better for the children to keep him out of prison for support both financially and paternal, and keep in mind that having a father in jail for this kind of thing won't escape the radar of the childrens peers. These charges need to be reserved for people who seek out girls like this, rather than one off instances. Odds are he won't ever sleep with a girl this age again, and what is in the best interest of the children is what should be focused on. It's impossible to say from this short story whether he preys on younger girls or not.

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  noelykins1  |  19

398 - I see where you're coming from I can't say I completely agree. He's an adult and the 16 year old is a teenager. He shouldn't be free to rape or have consensual with possibly another minor. This might not be the first time he's done this and it might not be the last. He could leave and never actually support either child. He's not only ruined the teenager's life but his and his wife's and everyone around these three people. This young girl can never take back her innocence, from the FML it can be inferred she's not having an abortion neither of them. So both of their lives have been ruined by this man, because of what he did. He's a grown man, the girl was their neighbor he knew how old she was, he is in other words not only a criminal but in every way that counts a pedophile he doesn't belong in society.

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By  dacuar  |  0

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  KM96  |  24

A multi-tasker? Doing what? 1. Ruining a marriage? 2. Being a horrible cheater? 3. Being a creepy person who sleeps with teenagers? Yep - that is sooooo great! (Sarcastic grin and applause)

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  shinshoku13  |  19

Ive seen many stupid comments but I dont even know how your brain managed to conceive such a demented thing when reading this. Dont just think before you speak, apparently you didnt realize you should also think before you hit send

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  DinoDropns  |  1

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  AClassActx3  |  7

Exactly ^^ so all the child needs is the money for support because he screwed up being a good "father role". & not having two parents (which usually corrupts the child in SOME way). This is sad, fyl OP. You may find the right one in the future cause he is a jackass

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  DocBastard  |  38

ClassAct - I can't think of many comments I've read here which are more wrong than yours. Although he screwed up royally, all children are better off with two parents (unless one is abusive).

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  R3TROxLOV3  |  32

122, that's not true. My dad never cheated on my mom or abused me or my brothers, and we still see him every Wednesday and alternating weekends, but he's a crappy father and we'd be better off without him. It's not that he hurts us, it's that he doesn't care about us either way. I screwed myself up royally during my middle school years because I was still stuck on trying to get him to love me the way he should. At this point, I've realized that won't happen. But I know from experience that it's not always the best thing to have both parents. I would have rathered that he payed child support and just moved away instead of demanding partial custody of us only to ignore us when we're with him. If the OP's husband was cheating on his wife while he most likely knew she was pregnant, then it shows he has no regards for his wife and future child's feelings. I don't think I'd want someone like that around my child.

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  klovely22  |  13

I'm not sure if I'm the one reading 119's comment wrong, but from how I read it, I think she meant that NOT having both parents is what screws up a child's life. In response to that, my mom was a single parent. My life turned out just fine. I'm now 23, with a baby and husband of my own, in college (although it's taking me a little longer to graduate with a one year old running around), and I have my own house. My dad was never there, never paid child support, and I'm doing great.

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  R3TROxLOV3  |  32

400, it's not like he goes "oh you're invisible in my presence." He still makes us food, takes us to church, takes us out to dinner, and runs errands with us. He just doesn't particularly care about our personal lives. My father is pretty self-involved so if it doesn't directly affect him, he doesn't see a point in getting involved. He basically tried to do the absolute bare minimum. So while there is some attention payed, it's no where near where it should be, but it's also not neglect because he fufills our basic needs.

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  Naitras  |  15

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By  DerrickJames  |  33

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  Dracoboxer357  |  35

12- Not that being a cheating douchebag isn't bad enough, but what difference does it really make that they're neighbours? Still, I'd bet my left pinky toe he met the girl one day by looking over the fence and saying "Hi, Neighbour!". *Add creepy grin* :p

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  mmmmIdiots  |  5

Firsty! Poor OP not only is you're husband a cheating prick but he cheats with a minor!!! But atleast you found out now! Secondly 64# it makes me sick that someone you're age is perfectly happy with writing about ones sex life on a public forum!!

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  Naitras  |  15

Please learn the difference between your and you're! " Not only is you are husband" and "someone you are age" make about as much sense as an ejector seat on a helicopter.

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  terrykayez  |  6

This doesn't even sound relevant to the fml because it's so beyond the point. Do you not realize he is a cheating pedophile? Kind of a big deal, don't exactly understand what being neighbors has to do with it.

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