Today, as I was riding my bike, my foot slipped and I did a slow speed-tumble over the top, ripping my balls wide open. Number of stitches: too many to count. Size of balls: softball. Color: blue. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I slipped on a patch of ice and fell. I would have fallen straight onto my ass, but thankfully my testicles broke my fall. FML
Today, at physical therapy, even though I was wearing underwear, when I went on the leg press machine, my balls popped out of the bottom of my shorts. A bunch of times. The therapist saw. FML
Today, I was riding my bike home from the store. Wanting to impress some passers-by, I tried to do a trick on a sharp turn. I hit a pole with my balls. As I was lying on the ground in agony, a guy pulled over, took a picture, and took off laughing. FML
Today, we were playing dodgeball at school. I tried to duck and jump around so the idiots on the other team couldn't nail me with the ball. Mid-jump, it tore through the air and smashed straight into my ballsack, sending me curling into a fetal position on the floor. I feel like I got sterilized. FML
Today, I was clearing out the garage when a large bouncy ball rolled into the drive. Only when I blasted it full force with my foot and collapsed did I realise it was actually a bowling ball. Two of my toes are broken. FML
Today, I was riding my bike without the seat cover on. I hit a curb wrong and the two metal rods from the skeleton of the seat went through my jeans. I went to the med clinic to then find out that I had to get stitches in my scrotum. There were no male doctors. FML
Today, I was taking my phone out of my pocket when it caught on the fabric and began to fall. I managed to catch it, but also smacked myself in the balls in the process. FML
Today, I ended up in the ER because I ruptured a testicle by accidentally sitting on it. Last time I ever go commando. FML
Today, I thought it would be cool to hit a basketball with a baseball bat. Ended up in the ER with seven stitches. FML
Today, while sprinting, I tripped, fell, and somehow managed to kick myself in the balls. Legs shouldn’t bend like that and I’m frankly amazed I didn’t break my knee. My wife got the whole thing on video too. FML
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Top comments
illabye 0
That must be some serious painful shit! I closed my legs and I'm a girl!
airforce987 20
Tbh the pain in this fml might actually trump giving birth...
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Comments (322)
305Miami 0
, thats gotta hurt man
xxDefiantxx 0
So uh was docbastard your surgeon?
Schizomaniac 24
I'm almost sure that nutsac repair doesn't require surgery.
DocBastard 38
It depends how deep the laceration is and if there were any deeper injuries (ie to the testicles, vas deferens, epididymis, etc).
Schizomaniac 24
Shut up. You don't know what you're talking about.
kman4evah 16
Not sure if 40 is stupid, butthurt, or a troll.. I'm gonna go with the first two.
Schizomaniac 24
Stupid and butthurt? No. I just watch enough medical shows to know I'm talking about, and I didn't appreciate the interjection from that other guy trying to tell me I was wrong.
Schizomaniac 24
what I'm talking about* Sorry, I'm trying to watch House as I type this.
BulldogHoops 14
51- So you get all of your knowledge from shows? Do you watch castle? If so, you should know that aliens are going to EMT New York. Also, I watch a lot of White Sox games. Pardon me, I'm going to go win the Home Run Derby.
DocBastard 38
If you watch the entire series of "House" from beginning to end, you're automatically granted a medical degree. True ******* story.
kimg0885 23
I'm ordering the box set now... med. school here I come!
HiIAmKevin 8
62- what the hell? Do they mail it to you when you're done? If so I haven't gotten mine yet :(
Dracoboxer357 35
^ Schitzo, you're still popping up after several months just to once again provoke DocBastard again? :) Last time you did, Doc blasted you back to dark ages for your ignorance. But please, go on and try again. My very visual memory would love another show. After all, one can hardly say they've lived, until they've had their ass beat by DocBastard. ;)
b3tazoid 5
51- docbastard is a trauma surgeon at 2 hospitals, so therefore has enough medical lnoedge to know that house is completely innacurate, and scrubs is just funny. You are probably a nerd sitting at a keyboard, yelling at people who think phantom menace was the best star wars movie.
Schizomaniac 24
I do love putting on a good show. ;)
DocBastard 38
Draco and b3taxoid - There are two possible reasons why Schizo would act like this: A) He's the worst troll here, or B) he and I are acquaintances outside FML. Or it could be both...
mikeymayhem_87 15
What if I watch all of the other medical shows from start to end as well, like ER or Scrubs? Do I qualify as a surgeon, dentist, AND chief of medicine?
Dracoboxer357 35
125- ......*Face palm* How obvious. Now I feel like idiot. :) Apologies all around. :)
laden_swallow09 34
Either way, Doc, PLEASE lambast him. We love when you play rough.
TheMathMajor 26
Sorry, ignore this
phatdaddy62 23
So hey Doc, does that mean if I had watched the entire series of Perry Mason or LA law I could've skipped that whole law school gig I suffered through?
b3tazoid 5
Or I could watch the while of TOWIE ad automatically be a twat? Oh wait, that happens anyway...
rattusrattus 18
Yikes, that sounds painful. On the other hand, at least you'll have an interesting scar you can show people in exchange for free alcohol.
MindFreakazoid 10
It's his bitten by a shark story! Well, violated by a shark.
Outnuendo 8
So your balls got ripped wide open today–your actual balls–and you're still able to post it on FML? Holy hell, are you on a steady diet of testosterome or something?
Outnuendo 8
Ahaha testosterome. Slick as always.
AznSamoan52 10
The wording of this FML made me cringe. I hope you feel better soon Op.
Feverrotes 15
I'm trying to picture the situation in my head. When the sack ripped open, did your balls come rolling out and hit the pavement? (Note: it doesn't say anything about the sack ripping open in the FML but I'm assuming it did if the balls needed countless stitches)
coried91 28
Damn, from the imagery your comment left in my head, I'm still laughing. Thank you.
yellow_jello 3
The mental image of your comment is hilarious
BradTheBrony 19
49 just said the same thing.
maemadness 2
The visuals... -eye twitch-
TheGreasyHobo 2
My balls hurt for you...
mintcar 9
Well, there goes your ice breaker story.
perdix 29
Yikes! Your poor girlfriend is not going to be getting any action in the near future. She's going to need to be consoled. What's her number?
xplainphrox 8
Boo!!! Rofl!!! You obviously don't "feel his pain"...! Lol
perdix 29
#60, I do, but it seems that everyone is forgetting about the other victim in this story. She's not the one who can't ride a bike, yet she is going to be deprived in the near term. I think she needs some TLC. Maybe you can get her number for me from the OP because you're a chick and he'll trust you. Thanks, babe!