Today, an old guy phoned the cops on my daughter because she was drawing with chalk on the sidewalk. Apparently, he thinks it's vandalism. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, a woman accused my husband of being a pedophile because he was at the playground with our daughter alone. To make matters worse, our daughter punched the woman in the face, so now she's pressing charges. FML
Today, my neighbor called the cops on me, claiming I'd threatened him with a gun. Despite zero proof, they took me to the station and gave me hell. I guess what I've learned today is that you should never offend your crazy neighbor by breaking up with his daughter. FML
Today, my daughter was charged with multiple counts of vandalism and trespassing. It seems she's been sneaking out in the middle of the night, stealing and breaking our neighbors' lawn ornaments. Specifically garden gnomes. FML
Today, the cops were called to my apartment because my daughter had a temper tantrum while I was at work. She was naked when they were there. FML
Today, I visited my dad's grave to give it a clean, since moss and shit were starting to grow on the gravestone. Apparently this counts as vandalism, according to the groundskeeper, because soap and water can damage the stone and make it crumble faster. Yes, the city cops sent me a fine. FML
Today, I had to tell my daughter that just because markers say "washable", it doesn't mean that you can draw all over our newly-painted walls. She's 15. FML
Today, I woke up to find "GO HOME N***AS" written on my house. After filing a police report, crying with fear, and looking into the fastest way to sell my house, my 14 year-old daughter let it slip that she wrote it to "get popular." FML
Today, my son's school called to inform me that I had to come pick him up, as he was caught vandalising. What shenanigans had he gotten up to? Writing "Epstein didn't kill himself" on various desks and walls around the school. I'm not sure if I should applaud the sentiment, or be annoyed that he got caught. FML
Today, I punched an older woman in the face. I only hit her after she grabbed my 4-year-old daughter and told her to, "stop dancing like a whore!" My daughter was so terrified, she peed her pants. FML
Today, my 17 year old told me he wanted to pursue a career in art. Knowing he's extremely talented at drawing, I congratulated him and told him to pursue that dream. A few hours later I learn that he's been arrested for spray painting graffiti dicks all over a school wall. Well, he's famous now. FML
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Top comments
Crofty92 17
Some petty people have nothing better to do with their lives than bring misery on everyone else's.
thxnder 14
Chalk would wash away in the rain though surely? Some old people are just grumpy, OP.
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Comments (184)
LifeMD 14
What did the cops say?
iOceanus 18
I want to punch myself in the face when I read that in that "What Does the Fox Say" tune. *facepalm*
silverkaast 9
yip yip yip yiiiiiiip yip yip yip yip.. what does the cop say!
a_wiener_d0g 15
#74 why the **** would he say that (Mark Wahlberg voice)
Articulation 12
Well, your daughter was obviously leaving a permanent, negative mark on that sidewalk! She should go to jail!
91hayek 31
Time for some "re-education" to get her to see the error of her ways.
cakefete2 31
Inmate: what are you in here for? OP's daughter: i drew on the sidewalk with chalk. Inmate: oh shit, you can have whatever bunk you want. Just please don't hurt me.
bombielol 20
what a douche ): gosh they call the cops for the smallest things now a days. .
rks01 13
believing that cops don't have anything better to do ! how stupid can some people act
SweetasCandy0609 28
Sorry OP that apparently your neighbor has nothing better to do with his time other than call the cops on your daughter for writing on the sidewalk with chalk, I'm guessing he probably doesn't have any grandkids since he doesn't know using chalk on a sidewalk isn't actually graffiti.
doodlecloud 27
Actually, it is. It's enough of a problem that multiple children have been arrested for it and there have been protests about in some states (protests that involved people drawing with chalk in protest and then promptly getting arrested themselves). It's ******* stupid but, yes, it is a crime. Just something to be aware of.
TheDrifter 24
Yeah, it's technically graffiti if you're drawing on public sidewalks, but it's chalk, so unless you're drawing something hateful, nobody cares here. If you're good at it there are even a couple sections of sidewalk that they open up for chalk art every summer here. Show off your talent for a couple days. We've also got designated graffiti art walls for the spray can artists. Really helped keep them from just painting all over the city.
gjikvtj 18
Some old people man.....
zandalee 20
Maybe this old cranky man has forgotten what it's like to see kids playing in the street. Quite frankly, I never see kids on my streets. As a kid I was always out playing. The world has changed a lot since then I guess.
cakefete2 31
The internet is a hell of a drug.
q7shium 6
you should bake him a cake hes in need of a friend
DanielleinDC 34
Yes, well, calling the cops on a kid drawing on the sidewalk in chalk isn't the way to make friends. The proper response, if the cranky old dude didn't like it, would be to ask the neighbor to have her daughter not draw on the sidewalk with chalk. However, if the girl was drawing on the sidewalk in front of her house and not the old man's house, he really doesn't have a leg to stand on. Besides, this crap washes off in the rain, even if it isn't sidewalk chalk.
sweetprettykitty 10
#26 And put weed in it, then just maybe he'd lighten the **** up.
fsomelife 26
What if he reads FML? Aren't you afraid to post stuff on the Internet??
JD1147 27
He might call the cops for vandalising the Internet as well! :O
91hayek 31
Well when the cyber police get involved you know someone has dun goof'd. Consequences will be very different for ever more.
JD1147 27
It's not illegal / not vandalism to write on someone's fence with shaving cream. Or using shaving cream to make their letterbox look like an angry face. And no, I didn't do it. Someone else did and it looked piss funny.
cryssycakesx3 23
so just how funny is piss?
phatdaddy62 23
Sex. Give him sex and he'll leave you alone.
zandalee 20
Dirty old man you!