Today, an old guy phoned the cops on my daughter because she was drawing with chalk on the sidewalk. Apparently, he thinks it's vandalism. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, a woman accused my husband of being a pedophile because he was at the playground with our daughter alone. To make matters worse, our daughter punched the woman in the face, so now she's pressing charges. FML
Today, my neighbor called the cops on me, claiming I'd threatened him with a gun. Despite zero proof, they took me to the station and gave me hell. I guess what I've learned today is that you should never offend your crazy neighbor by breaking up with his daughter. FML
Today, my daughter was charged with multiple counts of vandalism and trespassing. It seems she's been sneaking out in the middle of the night, stealing and breaking our neighbors' lawn ornaments. Specifically garden gnomes. FML
Today, the cops were called to my apartment because my daughter had a temper tantrum while I was at work. She was naked when they were there. FML
Today, I visited my dad's grave to give it a clean, since moss and shit were starting to grow on the gravestone. Apparently this counts as vandalism, according to the groundskeeper, because soap and water can damage the stone and make it crumble faster. Yes, the city cops sent me a fine. FML
Today, I had to tell my daughter that just because markers say "washable", it doesn't mean that you can draw all over our newly-painted walls. She's 15. FML
Today, I woke up to find "GO HOME N***AS" written on my house. After filing a police report, crying with fear, and looking into the fastest way to sell my house, my 14 year-old daughter let it slip that she wrote it to "get popular." FML
Today, my son's school called to inform me that I had to come pick him up, as he was caught vandalising. What shenanigans had he gotten up to? Writing "Epstein didn't kill himself" on various desks and walls around the school. I'm not sure if I should applaud the sentiment, or be annoyed that he got caught. FML
Today, I punched an older woman in the face. I only hit her after she grabbed my 4-year-old daughter and told her to, "stop dancing like a whore!" My daughter was so terrified, she peed her pants. FML
Today, my 17 year old told me he wanted to pursue a career in art. Knowing he's extremely talented at drawing, I congratulated him and told him to pursue that dream. A few hours later I learn that he's been arrested for spray painting graffiti dicks all over a school wall. Well, he's famous now. FML
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Top comments
Crofty92 17
Some petty people have nothing better to do with their lives than bring misery on everyone else's.
thxnder 14
Chalk would wash away in the rain though surely? Some old people are just grumpy, OP.
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Comments (184)
jenna5960 7
When I was a kid my great grandmother used to let me blow bubbles on the porch. Sometimes the wind would take them to the next door neighbors windows. She would come out and scream at me. When I got older, my super soaker always aimed for her open windows lol.
willmatrix 6
Good thing you're in Canada. In the US, cops are not above beating up little kids or murdering their parents over small infractions. Heck, they'll even do it for a medical emergency 9-1-1 call.
pita1331 7
When I was a kid an elderly neighbor used to call the cops on us kids just about every other day bc we were riding our bikes on the sidewalk n were apparently going to break the sidewalk and she once called the cops on me n my best friend and told the officer we were running underneath her porch...the cop laughed at her and said "mam please tell me how these 2 young girls were running underneath a completely solid cement porch! Haha I feel for you OP :(
darkfireflame 15
Hope he got an ass-chewing from the cops.
magicali525 8
awkward, pretty sure it was gramps.....
noblerush 6
That happened to me when I was like ten
blackcatgirl46 21
That is just ridiculous!
B13H 0
Glad the cave paintings that have been studied and admired for centuries weren't considered vandalism by our ancestors 30 or 40 thousand years ago!
booda44 7
It's illegal in Australia they actually have classed it as vandalism because the government has run this country so hard into the ground that they now feel the need to fine children for doing stuff that they did as children
focenspeil 7
Maybe if she didnt keep drawing all those gang signs