By willstaysingle - 29/04/2014 14:18

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend of three years. I worked my ass off planning everything down to a T. It seemed perfect, until I actually proposed, at which point I was rejected and dumped, in front of my family, friends and two coworkers. FML
I agree, your life sucks 55 271
You deserved it 5 865

willstaysingle tells us more.

I am the Original Poster. I'm only replying because so many of you requested a follow-up and so many of you are misconceptualizing the context. From the beginning I discussed my interest in a serious relationship and expressed my eventual wish to be with her. I did not explicitly say I wanted to marry her. In common logic, there is no need for that. It is to be expected. For the ones asking about age. I am 30 years old, she is 25 years old. That was clearly not the problem. I am not seeking attention in all of this. But I will let you people know I emigrated for this girl. I made entire reservations for the family members I wished to see. I sacrificed a lot for her. I adapted to her needs. Some of you people say just because there is effort, she doesn't need to accept. While I agree, at some point, when you realize how much sacrifice is made, you are bound to love. There is no love whatsoever without sacrifice. I told her from the beginning that I am not wasting my time. If you are not sure what to do with the rope I gave you, let go early before we get to high grounds, so you could spare me a killer downfall. To all the people who felt sympathetic and gave me a "chin-up". Thank you. A lesson learned that I will teach every single one of you here. Be selfish. I have filled my heart with hate. Love and cherish. Just do not sacrifice so much that you find your life so strained you realize that you wasted years of hard work, effort and emotion. Mind your mental health.

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Aww! Don't stay single! You sound like a sweet, dedicated guy.

That's just... That's fuckung horrible...

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Aww! Don't stay single! You sound like a sweet, dedicated guy.

maybe its for the best! you have to find some awesome girl who is really care about you

We are saying that he's a sweet guy because of all the time and effort he put into planning his proposal. If he wasn't sweet, he wouldn't have taken all that effort. Sorry OP, I hope you find another lucky girl who will love you and care for you as much as you cared for your ex.

That's precisely why he's a nice guy...

I don't get how you can propose to someone when you're not actually sure they want to be with you. surely if you're at the point where you're ready to marry them you'd have talked over all these things already. If one of you isn't ready neither of you are.

agreed 136. if you are thinking about marriage, then you need to about it with your partner before you propose. if you don't, how do you know she even wants to get married?

True, yet he said she dumped him and rejected, wouldn't she just say she wasn't ready if she wasn't, but ACTUALLY wanted to be with OP? Sorry OP, hope you have better luck in the future :/

Yeah 154 if you don't know someone well enough to know whether or not they want to get engaged you then you're definitely not ready to propose.

That's just... That's fuckung horrible...

It is bad enough she said no, but breaking up too, that is just... indescribable.

What else is she really suppose to do? yeah they perhaps should of talked about it first but if she doesn't want to be married and he does there isn't much to talk about

Nobody is forced to accept a proposal, no matter how well it was planned and how much effort was put into it. Some people don't want to get married or simply don't feel ready for it yet. Proposing in public makes it worse - there are people standing around waiting for an answer that you're forced to give immediately, instead of calmly talking about it. Additionally, rejecting someone's proposal will put a serious strain on ANY relationship, and it's really hard to figure out how to continue with such different expectations. I'm not exactly saying OP deserved it, it's a shitty situation, but the hate his girlfriend is getting is undeserved. You're always allowed to say no.

@askullnamedbilly: You are completely right, but also publicly dumping him was a bit harsh. She could have at least waited to be in private before ending the relationship.

True, but most of the hate is aimed towards the fact that she broke up with him directly afterwards in front of everyone. She could have spoken to him later on privately as to not embarrass him even more after rejecting the proposal...

Ex-girlfriend, and that was really embarrassing go OP. I mean in font if his family and friends, really?! That's a bitch move. -_-

Her reaction (and thus, the breakup) to the proposal was public because he chose to propose publicly. I strongly dislike elaborate public proposals because of the exact same reaction a lot of people here on FML are having. Unless you've discussed the topic of marriage at length and are a hundred percent sure of your partner's reaction, it's basically emotional blackmail - everyone's watching and you've put a lot of effort into it, so if they dare to say no, your partner's a horrible person who's going to face a lot of hate from everyone who ever finds out about it. OP's girlfriend could be the kindest, sweetest person you know, but because he put her into a situation where she had no option but to give him an answer in front of an audience, everyone here is calling her a bitch.

NOT dump him and humiliate him in front of his family and friends? Save that bit for private?

You guys never know. This could have been a Van Gogh situation where he proposed after a few months/weeks.

Except the part that says she was his girlfriend of three years?

#89 it's his girlfriend 'of three years.'

They've been together for three years, the topic of marriage has probably come up, but then if you're 100% sure that your partner wants to get married, it kind of ruins the point of the proposal. But all of that is besides the point, if ops ex girlfriend was kind she wouldn't have broken up with him after the proposal, it's fine if she wasn't ready for marriage , but ending the relationship in front of everyone, especially after she saw all the effort OP did for the proposal, is not a "kind" thing to do. Plenty of people can survive a rejected proposal, some can't, but usually if you're in a relationship, you can tell if a person wants to get married and who doesn't and you talk about it or you break up before a proposal is offered.

#73. I don't disagree one bit with your comment but would it have killed her to reject the proposal with the audience and save the breakup for a private time later?That is a lot for someone to take. Yes, he is the one who made it public but they dated 3 years and I would bet he really though she would say yes.

# I'm amazed that more comments haven't been like yours. The break up after the proposal in front of everyone is just awful!

What if her reply was along the lines of "No, I'm sorry, I can't (marry you). I don't think I can do this anymore" *leaves*.... if she was stunned, upset at the public proposal, not sure what she wanted. We don't know the delivery of her reply. If it was "No, and I'm leaving you." Then, yeah she's a bitch and he deserves better. But the first one? Surely that's an acceptable answer. Not what he wanted, but acceptable. OP is seeing this from his side, not hers, and is hurt and angry. Maybe speaking to her in private could resolve the issue and they can move forward. It really, really sucks that she turned him down. And if it was the second reply she is a bitch. But the first? That's kind of his fault for the public proposal.

She also could have said I'd rather talk about this in person. Or pulled him aside and away from everyone.

Sucks op :( she could've at least waited to break it off until you were in private.

Rejecting the proposal is sorta like breaking up, isn't it?

Not necessarily, someone could just not be ready for something as serious as marriage. But in OP's case it sounds like she just wasn't interested.

@23, OP said that he was rejected and dumped.

Well... OP was the one to propose in a public setting, wasn't he? Pulling him aside to talk about it would have changed very little. As soon as you don't immediately start to cry and say yes, everybody knows the proposal went wrong. If they didn't discuss the issue of marriage and their opinions on it before, it's possible she didn't know it was something he eventually expected of their relationship. It's a legitimate issue to end a relationship over, and he kind of forced her hand by putting her into the spotlight.

I agree. don't ask someone to marry you with an audience, it's just wrong

#117 I don't think it's fair to say that it's wrong period, but defiantly make sure everyone is on the same page as far as marriage is concerned. Asking how they feel about it doesn't ruin the surprise, and also helps prevent things like this from happening

Or... he could have proposed in private, rather than putting the poor girl on the spot!

I'm sorry to hear that OP. I hope you can still work things out together.

Yes because even though she declined his proposal AND broke up with him completely, they can still work things out

You never know, that may have been her panic response and she still loves OP. We need a follow up to be sure.

Sorry man, if she really wants to be with you she'll eventually come around if not then it might be time to move on

she obviously doesn't want to be with him, and even if the bitch came crawling back there's no way he should have her!!! that's heartless.

well you could not have planned for that to happen. Don't let it stop you from doing it for a person that will appreciate it.

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

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Well there could be a backstory, just because someone doesn't accept a proposal doesn't mean they're a bad person.

Although I feel terrible for OP and would never vote YDI, I think death is a little harsh

But without that information you shouldn't base your judgement on that.

Possibly YDI for doing the proposal so publicly. Believe it or not some people would rather the privacy. Myself included. Even if I wanted to say yes I'd be freaked out and feeling PRESSURED to say yes (if I didn't want to) having all eyes on me like that. She might be the same.

Agree 100%. We are so reality TV hungry that we want everything to be public. A proposal should be private and personal, not made for a highlight reel. Re: public proposals Guys: don't do it. Ladies: don't expect it. BTW: sorry that happened to you, OP.

That's a bit of an over reaction. Sounds like someone needs a snickers. Also, there will never be an FML without a YDI, like there never will be a youtube video without negative votes. It's just people yo, they be all zippity zap and shiz.

I voted YDI on this as I do on all marriage proposal FMLs because if OP had taken the time anywhere in all this planning to talk with his ex and find out her views on marriage and/or public proposals, he could've spared himself. Never propose, especially publicly, without being 100% certain you'll get a yes!

Would you still YDI if they had already spoken about it and she was planning to say yes but decided to be a bitch instead just because she could?

Be a bitch because she could? For fuck's sake, you're ALWAYS allowed to say no to a proposal. No matter what was discussed beforehand. If she doesn't want to marry him, whatever the reason, she is absolutely entitled to reject him. Talking about maybe, theoretically marrying a person someday is NOT the same as actually doing it. You're not forced to say yes because you might hurt the other person's feelings, or because they 'deserve' a yes for putting a lot of effort into it, and it doesn't make you a bad person or a 'bitch'. If you're not ready or entirely comfortable, say no.

nope. if he asked her in front of an audience rather than in private, he got the answer he deserves.

For the record, I was agreeing 100% with #53, NOT #8.

I am so sorry OP. Good luck to you.

Keep your chin up and look for someone worth of your time! You seem like a sweet person and there's plenty of girls out there.