Today, an old guy phoned the cops on my daughter because she was drawing with chalk on the sidewalk. Apparently, he thinks it's vandalism. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, a woman accused my husband of being a pedophile because he was at the playground with our daughter alone. To make matters worse, our daughter punched the woman in the face, so now she's pressing charges. FML
Today, my neighbor called the cops on me, claiming I'd threatened him with a gun. Despite zero proof, they took me to the station and gave me hell. I guess what I've learned today is that you should never offend your crazy neighbor by breaking up with his daughter. FML
Today, my daughter was charged with multiple counts of vandalism and trespassing. It seems she's been sneaking out in the middle of the night, stealing and breaking our neighbors' lawn ornaments. Specifically garden gnomes. FML
Today, the cops were called to my apartment because my daughter had a temper tantrum while I was at work. She was naked when they were there. FML
Today, I visited my dad's grave to give it a clean, since moss and shit were starting to grow on the gravestone. Apparently this counts as vandalism, according to the groundskeeper, because soap and water can damage the stone and make it crumble faster. Yes, the city cops sent me a fine. FML
Today, I had to tell my daughter that just because markers say "washable", it doesn't mean that you can draw all over our newly-painted walls. She's 15. FML
Today, I woke up to find "GO HOME N***AS" written on my house. After filing a police report, crying with fear, and looking into the fastest way to sell my house, my 14 year-old daughter let it slip that she wrote it to "get popular." FML
Today, my son's school called to inform me that I had to come pick him up, as he was caught vandalising. What shenanigans had he gotten up to? Writing "Epstein didn't kill himself" on various desks and walls around the school. I'm not sure if I should applaud the sentiment, or be annoyed that he got caught. FML
Today, I punched an older woman in the face. I only hit her after she grabbed my 4-year-old daughter and told her to, "stop dancing like a whore!" My daughter was so terrified, she peed her pants. FML
Today, my 17 year old told me he wanted to pursue a career in art. Knowing he's extremely talented at drawing, I congratulated him and told him to pursue that dream. A few hours later I learn that he's been arrested for spray painting graffiti dicks all over a school wall. Well, he's famous now. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Crofty92 17
Some petty people have nothing better to do with their lives than bring misery on everyone else's.
thxnder 14
Chalk would wash away in the rain though surely? Some old people are just grumpy, OP.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (184)
worldclassrager 41
Didn't he have chalk when he was little? False alarm...time to chalk that on the list of pointless calls
cryssycakesx3 23
perhaps it hadn't been invented yet...
Enslaved 38
If I were the OP, just for kicks, I'd draw a chalk outline in the shape of that same old guy.
LisaDay 14
sidewalks are public property and at least where i live, nobody cares unless you are also knocking down trash cans and leaving them or hitting mailboxes with a bat. if she was drawing on his personal walkway, like one leading from his driveway to his porch, then i see where hes coming from
simsgirlgem 25
Yeah Chalk washes off with water now if it were spray paint okay but chalk no this guy needs to be fined for being an ass
amiralj 12
I hate miserable people that complain at every little thing!
Kaspar999 7
How sharp minded is this neighbor? Is it possible that he was ignorant to not know that your daughter was drawing in chalk that easily washes away--hence his thinking/perception that the drawings were somewhat permanent and thus defacing his neighborhood? That said, the guy must feel pretty foolish.
Dontalktome 9
You should apologize to the cop... not for your kid drawing, but for having to deal with your moron neighbor.
skyeyez9 25
Reminds me of the stupid old couple who lived in my neighborhood when I was a kid. I was happy when that old bastard died and his wife. He would always look out his window and come running out screaming at us if the neighborhood kids had the nerve to play on the street in front of his house. One time my pet bird escaped out of my house and I saw it landed in his front yard tree. I went to his yard to try an get my bird back and he comes out screaming at me to leave. I tried to explain why I was there and he cut me off mid sentence "I dont give a shit! Get out!" I never saw my pet bird again. His wife heard some kids cussing in the woods behind their house and she called my parents and told them it was me. And it wasn't (I was there in the group, but it was another kid who said it). Naturally, my parents believed her cause she was an "elder" and I got grounded. Calls the cops if a kids ball rolled in their yard and we "trespassed" and got it. If he ran out there first before we could get it, he'd snatch the ball and cut it up with a big hunting knife in front of us. From then on his house was targeted by all the neighborhood kids for vandalism. I never understood why he hated kids so much and why he thought he'd think it a good idea to move into a subdivision full of parents with children.
skyeyez9 25
One would assume you'd live in the country with no nearby neighbors if you hate kids and didnt wanna be near them. Surprisingly, they had grown kids and grand kids who lived in town.....but they never visited them. Probably they were tired of those Grouchy ass motherfuckers.
cryssycakesx3 23
perhaps because kids were trespassing in his yard, climbing his tree, and being disruptive. I wouldn't want kids climbing the tree in my yard either. it's not his fault the bird got out. (how does that even happen?)
skyeyez9 25
Like I said earlier, my pet bird was on a lower branch in his tree. I went in to try and retrieve her. I didnt just go in his yard to climb the tree because I was bored. He said "I dont give a shit" when I told him why I was there and chased me out. Also, neighborhood kids play kickball, tag, foursquare outside, laugh, giggle, yell...etc if he doesnt like kids and the noise that comes with kids playing outside all summer, he should have lived in a rural area vs a kid filled subdivision. His own kids and grandkids never visited.....that there should tell you something about him. And they lived in the same town not even 4 blocks away. They were just hateful assholes.
skyeyez9 25
My bird got out because my mom thought the birds should enjoy the sunshine so she put the cage on the picnic table in our backyard and didnt shut the cage properly so that the latch didnt catch. Whether she did it on purpose, I have no clue. Anyways, they got out and I caught one and the other flew off and landed in his tree. Its pretty heartless imo to forbid a child into your yard to retrieve a domesticated parrot who will not survive. It would have done no harm to him if I walked up, held my hand on the lower branch and she hopped on my arm. And I walked out. He refused out of spite and knew my bird would die. He didnt give a shit and the world is better off without people like him in it.
skyeyez9 25
And you sound like a jerk for justifying a grown man to look outside his window for a stray kickball to roll into his lawn, so he can run out and cut it up with a knife in front of a group of kids.
Kaspar999 7
You might want to keep tabs on this guy. If he continues to make these kind of pointless calls to the police, the neighborhood can band together to press charges using your local/regional harassment laws. That should shut the guy up.
skyeyez9 25
I read that the BTK serial killer would do the same petty shit. He was the head of the homeowners assoc or something to that effect in his neighborhood. He'd write people up if their grass was too long, like go in their yard and measure the grass with a ruler and if it was 1/8 of an inch too tall type of petty shit. Calling police of every minor issue...etc
crazymentalblond 25
Like many of the previous commenters stated I honestly don't know why this guy had an issue. If she was drawing in front of his house common sense (which he obviously lacks) thing to do would be to come and talk to you and politely request your daughter to draw somewhere else. It doesn't sound like she was and I hope the cop told him calling them wasn't necessary. Rain or a garden hose will take care of that in just a few minutes. Some adults forget what it's like to be a kid.