Miscellaneous: Today, I found out that my flatmate wears my underwear. FML

By anon - United Kingdom - Birmingham

Today, I found out that my flatmate wears my underwear. FML

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27229

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2149

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Miscellaneous

Late term

Out of it

Detection

By Anonymous - 4/6/2020 05:00

Issues

Today, I woke up from a vivid dream in which I murdered my entire family. It took 20 minutes after waking up, drenched in sweat and tears, to realize I'm not a murderer and my life is OK. This dream is recurring. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1718

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129

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my fiancé turned 21. I stayed up and took care of him for 3 hours while he puked his guts out. When I FINALLY get him to bed, he jumps up and rips the lid off a plastic container on the floor and pukes in it. It was full of all my yearbooks, baby pictures, and childhood memories. FML

I agree, your life sucks

153312

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14332

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By FinanciallyF*ked

Today, after my husband applied for a VA loan so we could move out of our ridiculously overpriced apartment and into our first home as a mortgage would be significantly cheaper, we were denied. If we can afford $1400/month in rent, we surely can’t be trusted with $1000/month for a mortgage, right? FML

I agree, your life sucks

3103

You deserved it

181

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By effinit - United States

Today, while I was on a second date with this guy, my roommate tried calling me and I ignored her. After dinner my date brought me back to my apartment and there was a waterfall gushing down from the balcony above our apartment. The guys above us had started a fire and our apartment was flooded. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29014

You deserved it

6594

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By emily - United States

Today, my cell phone was stolen. I work in a morgue. By myself. Obviously it wasn't stolen by any of those people. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43960

You deserved it

4300

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By anonymous - United States - Chicago

Today, I was a pregnant man for Halloween. Everyone at school thought it was funny, except my principal, who gave me a detention and said it was, "inappropriate and making a pregnant teacher feel uncomfortable". That pregnant teacher asked me to take a selfie with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39731

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2685

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By soreloser - United States - Manhattan

Today, I beat my extremely competitive friend in a game of pool. He responded by breaking a pool stick over my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47770

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6177

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By Secondyearcollegekid

Today, one of my housemates licked or bit all 12 of the cupcakes I bought to give to a friend as a thank-you gift. No one will own up to it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2922

You deserved it

293

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By Miriden - United States

Today, I got a call from a creditor asking for a Sarah. I told them that I'm not Sarah, nor do I know one. They then asked if she was my wife. Annoyed, I said, "Alright, when did I get a wife? I don't even remember having a girlfriend." They sniggered and hung up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30441

You deserved it

7468

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By Zak - United States

Today, I was in an audition for a production at this theater in town. The directors at the table loved my audition. One of them said "I'd love to talk to you about coming to TCU." I said "Oh, yeah! I know Harry Parker at TCU who runs the theater department." I said this to Harry Parker. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12633

You deserved it

91620

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By *sigh* - United States

Today, I was working as a counsellor at a special needs camp when one of the parents came up to my friend and asked her what my disorder was. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31804

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By Anonymous - 6/8/2020 17:00

Yikes

Today, while arguing with my husband, I asked him what was making him so angry. He threw a spoon at the kitchen floor and yelled, “I AM NOT ANGRY!!!!” FML

I agree, your life sucks

1332

You deserved it

206

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By Noname - United States

Today, I got drunk and hooked up with some random chick. Later, I found out she's Facebook friends with my girlfriend. They used to be best friends when the girl was a senior. Small world. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7423

You deserved it

61151

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By Anonymous - United States - Tampa

Today, my flight was at the other side of the airport. I ran to the gate, to find that the flight had moved to the other side of the airport. So I ran again to miss my plane by a minute. However I did get a new flight... at the other end of the airport. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26971

You deserved it

1940

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By sonofanut - United States

Today, I found out my mom has been stealing from me to pay for Scientology courses. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33090

You deserved it

2401

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By sleepless - United States

Today, I let my little sister sleep in my room because she had a nightmare. She is currently snoring like an overweight 40 year old man with a cold. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26660

You deserved it

3506

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By Anonymous - United States - Vallejo

Today, my insomnia wins. I'm too wired and awake to sleep, but too stoned on my sleeping pills to get up and do something productive. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36440

You deserved it

4655

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By tinygirl

Today, it's official, we measured. My boyfriend's manboobs are bigger than my breasts. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54211

You deserved it

11166

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By "penne_pasta580802"

Ultimately

Today, I decided to take my car to work as I had some errands to do after. I only live a few blocks away. After driving round to find a car park for ages, the closest car park available was outside my house. I ended up walking to work instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1789

You deserved it

558

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By It burns down there

Today, I used a new fragrance-free hypoallergenic laundry detergent for my underwear, as I have sensitive skin. I got a rash. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2025

You deserved it

209

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By Silentshdw13 - United States - Arlington

Today, after moving back in with my parents, I found out they had held on to a chunk of mail still being sent during the time I had been changing my old address. Included was a summons to jury duty. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17660

You deserved it

1406

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By LLCK - United States - Owatonna

Today, a lady on the bus came up to me and asked if she could sit down. Thinking she meant the seat next to me, I said sure. She meant my lap. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26476

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2244

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By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, my pregnancy hormones were so bad, I broke down crying because my cat sat on my husband's lap instead of mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22883

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2822

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By pissypants

Maybe he's into that...

Today, at the movies on a date, I drank all my soda and waited too long. I couldn't take it anymore and quickly got up, knocking my dates popcorn on the floor, and ran to the bathroom. I didn’t make it and went home in shame. It’s better he thinks I stood him up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2072

You deserved it

3310

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By I.Want.Food. - United Kingdom

Today, I was watching Ratatouille. Piece of advice for starving students: never watch it when you've only eaten two apples in two days, or you'll find yourself in the ridiculous position of being jealous of a fucking rat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44762

You deserved it

8089

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By Kidsthesedays - United Kingdom - Saint Neots

Today, a kid came into the classroom I teach in to tell me there was "something" in the girls' toilets. "What kind of something", I asked? I was not expecting the answer "A period mural". FML

I agree, your life sucks

24715

You deserved it

3262

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By Heather - United States - Bethesda

Today, I realized that the bird I supposedly heard during the night throughout my childhood is actually the sound my mom makes when she comes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45006

You deserved it

3198

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Middlewich

Today, I was talking to my friend, who was telling me he's having suicidal thoughts lately. He then said he'd be back in a few minutes. Nearly an hour passed. I panicked, thinking he'd offed himself. Several minutes after I called the emergency services, he messaged me, saying "K, back." FML

I agree, your life sucks

28340

You deserved it

3203

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By Anonymous

Today, it was the first day after my promotion. Everyone, including myself, was shocked that I was promoted so quickly. I figured it was because of all the hard work and overtime I'd put in. However, my coworkers figure I'm just sleeping with the boss, and constantly glare and snicker behind my back. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1835

You deserved it

160

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By Anonymous - United States - Rainier

Today, I received a prank phone call that woke me up. I actually kept them on the line because they were the first person to call me in weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51246

You deserved it

6132

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By BackToRehab - Canada

Today, I treated my mom to a movie and lunch after she'd attended weeks of AA meetings. She snuck in a flask to the movie, and during lunch, she started calling people muggles. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33995

You deserved it

3543

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By Tweenmom

Today, my tween daughter found an exciting new book series to replace her two-year obsession with Harry Potter. Hello, Team Jacob. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4652

You deserved it

528

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By milkndstufff - United States

Today, I went snowboarding and fell backwards, hitting my head on a patch of ice. When I got home, I told my brother I thought I might have a concussion. He told me I should be a man and suck it, swiftly smacking my head, causing me to pass out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39268

You deserved it

3604

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By Anonymous - United States - Aurora

Today, I went to see one of my favorite bands. They were having signings, but only the first one hundred could get one. When I finally got to the desk, they said I was number hundred and one, and to get lost. FML

I agree, your life sucks

57926

You deserved it

4604

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By non believer - United States

Today, I told my parents I no longer believe in the religion they strictly raised me under. They responded by kicking me out of the house. I'm broke, jobless and the only person that will take me in is my psycho ex-girlfriend who never got over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38493

You deserved it

16424

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By stutterernotschizophrenic

Today, I was alone in my dorm room rehearsing comments to make in my writing class tomorrow. I grew up with a severe stutter, and rehearsing like this is one of the ways I keep my speech under control. What I didn't plan on was my roommate walking in. I think she now thinks I'm schizophrenic. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26698

You deserved it

2967

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By FML4evs - United States

Pete Townshend has a lot to answer for

Today, my little brother watched an old video of The Who, who are know for smashing up their guitars and such. He decided it would be cool to try it with mine. That guitar was worth over $3000. FML

I agree, your life sucks

85675

You deserved it

4656

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By Anonymous

Forever alone, episode 7864

Today, I lied at a store when the checkout person told me the cologne I was buying was for men. I told him it was for my boyfriend. I haven't had a boyfriend in 2 years, I just wanted it to smell like one. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1314

You deserved it

361

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By Anonymous

Today, while blowing my nose after being bunged up for days, it finally unblocked. A solid slimy multicoloured booger roughly the size of a grape shot out, blew right through the tissue and landed on my manager's shoe. Hell hath no fury like a lady sneezed upon. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3702

You deserved it

479

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By CollegeKID - United States

Today, I went to orientation for college. They gave us a name tag and I tried to figure out how to put it on for a few minutes. After struggling with it I realized it was a sticker. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7828

You deserved it

29768

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Top comments

By 8Dirty1 | 24

#6297966 - Friday 22 May 2015 13:55

he just wants to get in your fruit of the loom

By DA3Z | 16

#6297961 - Friday 22 May 2015 13:53

Not ok.

COMMENTS

By DA3Z | 16

#6297961 - Friday 22 May 2015 13:53

Not ok.

By Nicolasaur726 | 21

#6297962 - Friday 22 May 2015 13:53

That sounds fishy.

By Greenteamextreme | 16

#6297963 - Friday 22 May 2015 13:54

Underwear burning time!

By muarif | 19

#6297964 - Friday 22 May 2015 13:54

Start leaving off your underwears with itch powder in them as a trap for him. :3

JustinJK | 21

#6298063 - Friday 22 May 2015 15:56

Why is this being down voted :(

muarif | 19

#6298295 - Friday 22 May 2015 19:57

I suppose people don't like my evil plan. xD

muarif | 19

#6298417 - Friday 22 May 2015 22:20

Oh shit! You're THAT guy!

By janfleury | 19

#6297965 - Friday 22 May 2015 13:54

give the old one to him then buy new ones.

Llama_Face89 | 33

#6298277 - Friday 22 May 2015 19:39

Fuck that! The flat mate should buy new ones!

Miss_Whipped | 43

#6298713 - Saturday 23 May 2015 5:43

As in, the flatmate can KEEP the old ones and still buy OP new ones.

By 8Dirty1 | 24

#6297966 - Friday 22 May 2015 13:55

he just wants to get in your fruit of the loom

kmaheynoway | 25

#6298002 - Friday 22 May 2015 14:24

Was his name Calvin? Because he seemed very inkleinned to try them on.

OysterPearls | 33

#6298046 - Friday 22 May 2015 15:41

Or was it Victoria? I guess you discovered her secret...

MrConcise | 34

#6298052 - Friday 22 May 2015 15:47

At least we know his occupation wasn't a commando.

By mike3775 | 32

#6297967 - Friday 22 May 2015 13:55

time to put a lock on your bedroom door

By AndyPurdy | 31

#6297970 - Friday 22 May 2015 13:59

What the hell

By HappyItalian | 38

#6297974 - Friday 22 May 2015 14:02

Time to lock your drawers.

HappyItalian | 38

#6297985 - Friday 22 May 2015 14:06

Oops just noticed #7 commented something similar. Oh well.

By Solano2580 | 24

#6297977 - Friday 22 May 2015 14:03

Tell them to stop, if they don't then buy a combination lock and a metal box then hide all of them in the box, hide the box too