Miscellaneous: Today, I found out that my flatmate wears my underwear. FML

By anon - United Kingdom - Birmingham

Today, I found out that my flatmate wears my underwear. FML

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27217

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Miscellaneous

Dangling modifier

Billy no-mates

Kids

By Anonymous - United States

Today, it's my birthday. My best friend decided to have a birthday party for me at this new bar. She texted the wrong address to all of my friends. They showed up at a computer store. FML

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26807

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I won a local arm-wrestling tournament. Too bad I have to use the prize money to repair the tendon I tore in the competition. FML

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44862

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15789

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By Annabelle - United States

Today, I got a call from my parents that they have decided to get a divorce. My brothers and I just shelled out $5,000 each and spent months planning their 50th Anniversary party that was supposed to be next month. FML

I agree, your life sucks

57106

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3181

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By meish - United States - Chicago

Today, I got my own row on an almost full transatlantic flight. All it took was having food poisoning two hours into the flight. FML

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13394

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964

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I decided I would eat healthy in order to lose weight. Feeling powerful, I threw away all of the icecream in my freezer. An hour later, I picked the icecream carton out of the garbage and ate the entire half-melted carton. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23382

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I'm the only one at work in a small office. The water tank sprung a leak. Guess who had to call the boss and get instructions via cell phone to turn it off? I can't even leave the office to change my soaked clothes, because I need to wait for an important phone call. Seven hours to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26007

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2437

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By cdaniel2 - United States

Truth bomb

Today, I was sitting at home, venting to my parents about how I never get asked out by any of the guys at school. My Dad's words of wisdom were, "Don't worry, looks don't matter so much in college. Once they've had a few beers in them, they'll date anything." FML

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50075

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4605

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By Anonymous

Today, someone burgled my hotel room. As always, I had locked my passport, extra cash, and other valuables in the closet safe, so I thought the losses would be superficial. What a discovery that the safe hadn't been fastened to the closet shelf, so the thief just picked it up and took it home. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30576

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2877

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By stupidboss - United States - Bellingham

Today, I got into a car accident with my boss, and he asked if I could come to work the next day. I'm in the hospital and he knows it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20429

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1146

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By Anonymous - United States

Mixing it up

Today, I woke up next to my boss naked. We are both women and she is married. Work should be interesting tomorrow. FML

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23756

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48685

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By pea - United States

Today, I had a lady come in to order a pizza. She wanted to use a free delivery coupon. After telling her several times that she couldn't use a free delivery coupon, unless she was having the pizza delivered, she told me I have horrible people skills. FML

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33286

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By Anonymous - 4/12/2020 05:02

Gotta start somewhere

Today, I found out my parents paid my "best friend" to be my friend for the past 7 years. She's my only friend too. FML

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919

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By veggiepower11028

Today, I told my boyfriend that I love him. He responded with, "That's nice. You know what I love? Chicken wings. Let's go get some." Apparently, he doesn't remember I'm a vegetarian either. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45746

You deserved it

8823

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, my boyfriend announced he has stopped wearing deodorant because he thinks his BO smells "manly." FML

I agree, your life sucks

32999

You deserved it

3296

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By anonymous - Canada

Today, I had to lie to my female roommate about what happened last night. She was drunk and spent half the night cuddling with me and trying to get me to kiss her. I've loved this girl for two years, but I promised her I wouldn't let her cheat on her boyfriend with anyone. Even me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

72915

You deserved it

12742

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By Anonymous - United States - Bessemer

Today, while working at a client's house, I noticed that their sliding calendar was several months off. I fixed it. Later the daughter saw and started crying. Apparently the date was the last one her mother had set it to before she died. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33851

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58759

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By YouAREthefather - United States

Today, I ran into my ex-boyfriend at the store, holding hands with his very pregnant girlfriend. They were buying baby supplies. We had a very nasty and painful breakup not even three months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45252

You deserved it

3825

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By socargone

Today, I'm so bad at parking that I saw the guy next to me openly cringe as I pulled into a spot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5327

You deserved it

1874

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By krh14 - United States - Crofton

Today, my girlfriend was feeling a little down, so I tried to console her. She said she just needed space and I respected that. Then an hour later she was fine, so I asked how she did it. She replied that she talked to her ex for a whole hour. This is a common procedure. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40287

You deserved it

5169

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By mary - United Kingdom

Today, some guy asked me if he could borrow my lighter. I said "of course," reached into my handbag, and gave him the lighter. He stared at me for a few seconds until I realised I'd given him a tampax. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27938

You deserved it

6834

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By perfectlybrokenx - Canada

Today, while I was on a date, I noticed my ex-boyfriend in the restaurant, and he looked sad. So I walked over to see him and jokingly said, "You look like your mom died or something!" She had. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16747

You deserved it

52031

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By BrewPack - United States - Slinger

Today, the couple who had written the offer we had accepted for our house withdrew it because apparently when they came by for the home inspection, my next door neighbor's teenage son tried to sell them heroin. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46964

You deserved it

3403

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By trashed - United States - North Las Vegas

Today, I painted the guest bathroom. Once finished, I noticed the paint splatters on my arms matched my lily white chalky skin. Paint matches me better than my makeup. Guess I need a different paint, and new make up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3851

You deserved it

413

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By Craig - United States

Today, I was awarding medals to finalists in a school club. While putting one around someones neck, I ended up poking a girl in the eye. She tried to be a trooper by continuing to walk across stage but i guess her eyes got really watery because she missed the step and fell, breaking her ankle. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29178

You deserved it

7954

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, a stoned man tried to break into my house. Naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42193

You deserved it

4506

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By Milo - Mexico - Mexico

Today, one of my tires blew out on the highway. I managed to slow down and pull over without dying, and went to get my spare tire. I found it right where it was supposed to be, knifed to hell and with a taunting note from my psycho ex taped to it. We broke up nearly 3 years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31077

You deserved it

3277

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, marks the fourth straight night that my girlfriend has screamed and cried in fear, scratching and kicking me in her sleep. The reason? I took her to see Paranormal Activity 3. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17916

You deserved it

51124

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By Rachel247 - Israel

Today, we had a hike at my camp. We hiked in a line. I suddenly felt things hitting me at the back of the head. After a few minutes I finally turn around, only to discover a bunch of older guys throwing tampons at my head. They were my tampons, falling one by one out of my unzipped bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42267

You deserved it

9964

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By Chubby - United States - Lake Worth

Today, my grandmother came to visit and asked me, "Did you change your hair, or are you just fatter now?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

29990

You deserved it

3006

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By drivingmecrazy - United States - Sacramento

Today, I called 911 to report a drunk driver. The operator yelled at me for following the guy and told me to get off the phone because I shouldn't be driving with a phone to my ear. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29268

You deserved it

7236

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By Deborah - United States

Today, I saw my upstairs neighbor outside getting the mail. She asked how my day was, and then apologized that the sound of her baby's crying through the walls kept me up last night. Apparently she heard me when I yelled at 2am for her fucking demon spawn to shut up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16736

You deserved it

40232

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By chelseaface - United States

Today, I braved the winter weather conditions to get to a clinic for a prescription anti-diarrhea medication. When I arrived to find it closed, I turned around to walk to my car where I slipped on the ice. The impact made me simultaneously bruise my elbow and shit myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37501

You deserved it

3613

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By nick - United States

Today, I was on my grandparents' computer looking for my old high school resume. I came across a word document titled "Experiences". Thinking it was part of my resume, I opened it up and started reading. It was a brief, yet explicit record of my grandfather's recent sexual frustrations. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20263

You deserved it

5344

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By Ouch

Today, I learned that bees like to get out of the hot sun, too. And that they do this by crawling into people's bed sheets. I also learned that these bees don't like it when you go to lay down in your own bed. They don't like it at all. Now it hurts to put weight on my right butt cheek. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1655

You deserved it

311

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By Grossed Out - Australia

Today, my dad asked me if I could convince my mother to get a Brazillian wax. If that's not bad enough, my mother heard and yelled from the other room, "I like my furball." FML

I agree, your life sucks

38685

You deserved it

2777

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By eric - United States

Today, my mom caught me talking to my penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22190

You deserved it

96195

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my mother woke me up at 4:30 A.M. to tell me our dog was running down the street. I ran for an hour, chasing after her. Turns out it was our new neighbor's dog. Ours was in our basement. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29802

You deserved it

4114

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By Guilpie - Germany - Heidelberg

Today, I politely asked our overweight neighbour to park on her side of the garage. Three unsuccessful tries later, she drives out and parks on the street in a huff, and I'm now the world's biggest bastard because she can't legally park on her side and still open her door due to her size. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7317

You deserved it

711

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By llord - United States

Today, I found out that my engagement ring was actually my husband's ex-fiancée's. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35534

You deserved it

3922

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By worldsmosthonestdad

Today, I got a call from my 8-year-old's 3rd grade teacher. Apparently a question went around class asking, "Why do you think you were put on this Earth?", and my son answered, "My dad says it's because I swam the fastest." FML

I agree, your life sucks

2955

You deserved it

529

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Top comments

By 8Dirty1 | 24

#6297966 - Friday 22 May 2015 13:55

he just wants to get in your fruit of the loom

By DA3Z | 16

#6297961 - Friday 22 May 2015 13:53

Not ok.

COMMENTS

By DA3Z | 16

#6297961 - Friday 22 May 2015 13:53

Not ok.

By Nicolasaur726 | 21

#6297962 - Friday 22 May 2015 13:53

That sounds fishy.

By Greenteamextreme | 16

#6297963 - Friday 22 May 2015 13:54

Underwear burning time!

By muarif | 19

#6297964 - Friday 22 May 2015 13:54

Start leaving off your underwears with itch powder in them as a trap for him. :3

JustinJK | 21

#6298063 - Friday 22 May 2015 15:56

Why is this being down voted :(

muarif | 19

#6298295 - Friday 22 May 2015 19:57

I suppose people don't like my evil plan. xD

muarif | 19

#6298417 - Friday 22 May 2015 22:20

Oh shit! You're THAT guy!

By janfleury | 19

#6297965 - Friday 22 May 2015 13:54

give the old one to him then buy new ones.

Llama_Face89 | 33

#6298277 - Friday 22 May 2015 19:39

Fuck that! The flat mate should buy new ones!

Miss_Whipped | 43

#6298713 - Saturday 23 May 2015 5:43

As in, the flatmate can KEEP the old ones and still buy OP new ones.

By 8Dirty1 | 24

#6297966 - Friday 22 May 2015 13:55

he just wants to get in your fruit of the loom

kmaheynoway | 25

#6298002 - Friday 22 May 2015 14:24

Was his name Calvin? Because he seemed very inkleinned to try them on.

OysterPearls | 33

#6298046 - Friday 22 May 2015 15:41

Or was it Victoria? I guess you discovered her secret...

MrConcise | 34

#6298052 - Friday 22 May 2015 15:47

At least we know his occupation wasn't a commando.

By mike3775 | 32

#6297967 - Friday 22 May 2015 13:55

time to put a lock on your bedroom door

By AndyPurdy | 31

#6297970 - Friday 22 May 2015 13:59

What the hell

By HappyItalian | 38

#6297974 - Friday 22 May 2015 14:02

Time to lock your drawers.

HappyItalian | 38

#6297985 - Friday 22 May 2015 14:06

Oops just noticed #7 commented something similar. Oh well.

By Solano2580 | 24

#6297977 - Friday 22 May 2015 14:03

Tell them to stop, if they don't then buy a combination lock and a metal box then hide all of them in the box, hide the box too