Today, I found out that my roommate was responsible for stealing my socks. When I confronted him about it, he told me that he did it because he likes looking at my bare feet and jerking off into my socks. We’re both guys. FML

Some fun was had

Today, I got home from a holiday to find out that my flatmate had thrown a party. Everything seemed fine at first, then I noticed that someone had taken a dump in my running shoes that were in my bedroom closet. FML

Today, I found out that my roommate has a masturbation problem; the problem is that he does it in my bed. FML

Today, I found out that my flatmate wears my underwear. FML

Today, I walked in on my roommate having sex in my bed, because apparently hers is "for sleeping only". FML

Toot toot

Today, I had my new boyfriend come over. Within five minutes of him arriving, I accidentally let one rip. Shocked, I quickly tried to explain it away with, "That was my shoe." I was barefoot. FML

Today, I was walking in my apartment when I felt something stab my foot. Thinking it was a piece of glass, I looked down. It was one of my roommate's toenail clippings. FML

Today, I walked in on my roommate whacking off to clown porn. FML

Today, I caught my roommate trying to use my flashlight as a dildo. FML

Today, after getting into bed, I found a used condom under my covers. I asked my roommate about it. She freely admitted that since my bed was comfier than hers, she had sex with her boyfriend on it. FML