Today, after having watched a scare story on the news about heart disease, my mom is now insisting that we have daily, hour-long, family yoga sessions together. I have a job, and barely have enough time to do my homework as it is. I'm going to be grounded if I don't take part. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I told my mom I've been taking yoga lessons, and that it'd be cool if she took some with me. She immediately went on a rant, calling yoga "satanic" and accusing me of trying to get her into "devil worship". Well, that's the last time I try to patch our relationship up. FML
Today, my mom told me to do karate with her, and so I said no. Now my mom won't let me do anything until I go do karate with her. FML
Today, my mother complained all day while I'm trying to work from home. I started getting chest pains from the stress of everything having to be perfect or she has one of her meltdowns. FML
Today, my mom heard on TV that teens need at least ten hours of sleep a day. Now she makes me go to bed at 7pm. I told her I can't finish my homework in time, and my grades will suffer. She wouldn't listen. Last week, she threatened to punish me if I don't get straight As this semester. FML
Today, my mother threatened me if I keep wearing yoga pants to school, she's going to have my dad pick me up in a speedo. FML
Today, I complained to my parents about chest pains. My mom said, "For fuck’s sake, it’s our day off. Can we just have ONE day without your drama?" Turns out, I was actually having a heart attack. She still won’t apologize, and is in fact mad at me for having a heart attack on her day off. FML
Today, it seems that I can't enjoy one fucking weekend without my mom finding work for me to do to take up my time, and I'm sick of it! FML
Today, my mom spent an hour lecturing me on how I'm a doormat who lets people walk all over me, and that I needed to be more assertive. So I stood up and told my dad, no, I am not going on that forestry camp he wants me to go to. Mom sat silently by as he screamed and grounded me for the entire summer. FML
Today, my mother admitted to me that she sends me up and down the stairs to get things for her because she thinks I could use the exercise. FML
Today, I woke up early, went to the gym, then came home and showered. When I went into my room to change, my mom woke up and started pounding on my door, screaming about how lazy and useless I was for sleeping so late. When I tried to tell her otherwise, she grounded me for "talking back". FML
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Top comments
MelTheGreat 23
Clone yourself.
evilplatypus 39
And? What's the problem with being grounded if you don't have any time for anything but school, homework and your job? It sounds like if you're grounded things will be just as you need them.
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Comments (206)
poecowmoo101 8
Just pray she doesn't use the "wind release" position!
BuhBuhBoomer 2
I found this joke lame.
chili10 18
They used to make us do that position before our races, it's extremely awkward.
Pelreskovich 11
Consider yourself lucky, some people wish for relationships like that with your family, and some people can never have them.
FmaFangirl 9
That sounds like something my mom would do.
arttyruiz 7
Maybe being grounded isn't that bad? Since you're always busy anyways.
GoW_Chick 15
Looks like you're going have to find some time to stretch for yoga so you can make everyone happy, except yourself because you are going to be running on empty by the end of it.
Amrel 10
I forgot what it was, but i heard yoga is really helpful for something
BuhBuhBoomer 2
Fascinating.
drlove78843 6
No shit!
Dracoboxer357 36
(sigh) It's good for stress relief, stretching and flexibility, muscle toning and balance development, to name a few....
bruinboy44 0
Nice poses
bitter3ulogy 0
Man i love your profile pic ;)
shovels 0
Thanks
ifuckmonsters 5
Maybe the yoga will relax you so that it's easier to do homework.
kumochan_fml 5
You should be thankful your mother cares enough about you and your entire family's health that she's willing to enforce a healthy routine. Most parents could care less about the health of their kids, and just fill them with junk food and stick them in front of the tv so they aren't a bother. You're lucky to have a mom who cares.
Amrel 10
Well the mom wants to ground OP even though shes aware of her full schedule, she is just being unreasonable i guess
JillianBall 18
What planet are you from? Most mothers aren't anything like that.
ShroomsOnAcid 17
91, You're right for the most part, except you'd have to be really out of shape for even everyday yoga to cause a significant strain on your muscles, unless you are not doing it right. I agree that doing it reluctantly can be stressful mentally, but I can say that anytime I've been busy and yoga was the last thing on my mind, I've been very grateful to have someone force me into it. If OP hasn't tried it yet, she doesn't know if it would be just what she needs to relax.
AmbrosiaWriter 17
Yoga can be great for stress, physical discomfort, or physical maladies such as back pain. However, if you can't get your mind OFF things that are worrying you (work) then it won't do any good at all. Your body will respond to the stress in your head and you won't be able to focus on your breathing and body posture like you should be.