By Anonymous - 12/8/2020 05:01

Frustration level: 2000

Today, I have an incredibly high sex drive. My boyfriend doesn't. He made me throw away my, rarely used, sex toys because he's jealous of them. I wouldn't need them if we had sex more. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1819

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Don't you know that you're toxic?

What did I do?

Thanks, I'm cured!

By CapNCook - 24/7/2013 09:15 - United States - Chicago

Today, a co-worker verbally abused me because I yawned. His excuse was that, "It's contagious". FML

I agree, your life sucks

43016

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4377

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By Gloria Lovestar - 13/9/2019 20:00

Heaven Knows I'm Miserable Now

Today, my husband explained that talking to me makes him miserable. FML

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1521

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179

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By Noname - 22/1/2009 23:27 - Canada

Today, I danced with a girl until the bar closed. We went back to my place. She had a penis. FML

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54750

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10198

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By Anonymous - 18/1/2011 02:13 - United States

Today, I had sex with my boyfriend. Right after, he left the room and went to the bathroom to throw up. FML

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35275

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5188

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By dramaqueen15 - 16/10/2015 02:38

Today, I was working out in the gym when a fitness trainer came up to me and said it wasn't safe to be exercising while this far along in a pregnancy. I was too ashamed to tell them that I'm not pregnant, so I went along with it. Time to find a new gym. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27087

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4159

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By anonymous - 13/2/2012 11:32 - United States

Today, I cracked a rib coughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34988

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2954

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By me - 6/5/2013 00:56 - United States - Floresville

Today, my 6-year-old daughter walked into the bathroom where I was grumbling about my weight. Seeing how upset I was, she took my hand and said, "Mom, you're not fat. You just look fat." FML

I agree, your life sucks

52415

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6911

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By Username - 6/11/2010 17:58 - France

Today, at my cousin's baby shower, there was a discussion on what to name the baby. When the name Jacqueline was brought up, I made a face and exclaimed, "Ugh, I hate that name!" I was then informed that's the name of my cousin's mother-in-law. She definitely heard me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10581

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27475

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By Anonymous - 23/6/2014 19:52 - United States

Today, I found out that the loving nickname my Chinese mother has been calling me my entire life essentially translates to "little retard". FML

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54566

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6013

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By go fish - 8/7/2019 06:00

Today, my boyfriend gently pointed out that when we hug, it's our stomachs that touch first. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1389

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369

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By embarrassed - 1/6/2009 20:11 - United States

Today, I went to my doctor to get the morning after pill. I explained to her that the condom broke and I was nervous. She simply asked me "when" so I replied "...towards the end". I didn't realize she was really asking what day this happened. FML

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16450

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By me - 11/11/2010 18:11 - United States

Today, my friend and I were racing on our bicycles, when my chain snapped. I went over the handlebars and slid, on my back, for about ten feet. FML

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30187

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4837

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By budbunny13 - 30/6/2011 23:08 - United States

Today, I saw a pink, slimy thing coming out of my dog's knob. I got really freaked out so I took him to the vet, only to find out that it was his penis. FML

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10647

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63820

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By Anonymous - 12/3/2017 04:00

Today, I went to my kid's band concert. She's 12 and in the advanced team. They were the first ones to play and they were so incredibly bad that I laughed. Really, really loud. I was escorted out of the recital. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3237

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7117

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By badbestfriend - 4/8/2009 16:15 - United States

Today, I took my best friend out for a night in town, after he got dumped by his girlfriend recently. As we were walking around, we passed a group of hot women, a couple who were checking him out. Trying to be encouraging, I said "He's single!" and winked. One of the girls was his ex-girlfriend. FML

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44136

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By Marika - 20/7/2015 17:48 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my religious friend and I ended up having wild sex in the back of his mom's minivan. We got interrupted by a priest knocking at our window. Well played God, well played. FML

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33129

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9133

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By shreking_bawl - 14/11/2014 18:39 - Norway

Today, one of my debate opponents used the "Bill O'Reilly defense" against my arguments. This involved saying "You can't explain that" about easily explained stuff, and speaking louder and louder to drown out my voice. He ended up getting a better grade than mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32032

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By Anonymous - 23/5/2017 14:00

Today, I went on a date after months of rejection and loneliness. Everything was going great until my date argued with me over the correct way to pronounce my name. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5020

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294

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By needtoscratch - 5/9/2012 14:06 - United States - Duluth

Today, my dormant eczema decided to come back with a vengeance - on my scrotum. I work in an open office and can't scratch unless I repeatedly run into the restroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23817

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1760

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By hahatofunny - 13/9/2016 19:54 - United States - Pensacola

Today, while at the gym, I started flirting with a hot doctor. I thought things were going well so I suggested we work out together sometime and maybe work our way up to dinner together, to which she replied, "Sorry but I've seen tumors bigger than your biceps," and then walked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11885

You deserved it

2038

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By Kelli - 28/8/2010 04:56 - United States

Today, I was taking care of a friend's hamster. Thinking the hamster wanted to make a bed, I put some cotton balls in his cage so he would be comfy. He promptly ate them and died. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17128

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42074

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By FUCKFACECUNT - 2/8/2015 13:32 - United Arab Emirates - Abu Dhabi

Today, I took a dump at work, when I realized there was no toilet paper left. There was another guy in the room, so I asked him for some. He decided he'd rather dump all the rolls of paper into the other toilets, before wishing me luck and walking out while laughing his ass off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29553

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By Anonymous - 21/9/2011 13:17 - United States

Today, I was making out with my boyfriend, and started to climb on top of him sexily. He blurted out, "Oh my god, you're like that girl from The Ring." FML

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36573

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By fukinnature - 1/11/2016 07:27

Today, I was feeling stressed about some upcoming exams, so I went on a nice relaxing nature walk through the nearby bushland. I slipped off a rock and landed in knee-deep mud that claimed my shoe when I pulled my leg free. I'm even more stressed now. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8920

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By mikki bee - 30/12/2015 17:24 - United States - Reno

Today, I decided to start jogging and exercising, so I had a wonderful workout before work. Then I broke my foot at work. Goodbye exercising. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29058

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2504

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By Annie - 1/11/2018 22:15

Today, the CEO of my company told me the only reason I'm being sent to this huge tech conference is because the company will look better with a girl there. I'm expected to stay out until 4am with creepy rich business partners to stroke their egos. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3189

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228

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By Anonymous - 16/1/2014 17:57 - United States - Springfield

Today, my 7-year-old daughter made a new game: hitting me in the groin when I'm not expecting it. She hunts me in the house, hides around corners, and behind furniture to ambush me. She'll even do it if she catches me napping. I'm a grown man living in fear of a little girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56999

You deserved it

13004

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By PunkChik27 - 12/12/2011 04:46 - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me, saying we're too different. His only example? He likes ham and I don't. FML

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35014

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By ITalkGood - 28/12/2010 00:37 - France

Today, I finally told my girlfriend I love her. She corrected my grammar. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27712

You deserved it

9972

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By Anonymous - 25/2/2010 00:29 - United States

Today, my roommate brought a kitten to the apartment. I hate cats, and probably sensing this, the thing clawed me right in the crotch. I of course am not going to say a thing because I happen to be in love with my roommate, but she has no clue how much I hate this thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14947

You deserved it

27929

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By anonyme - 30/7/2014 06:51 - France - Grenoble

Today, the left side of my head has officially declared its independence. Half of my hair is now curly, the rest is totally flat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43516

You deserved it

4619

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By "Mel Hahn" - 17/9/2017 16:00

Today, I walked out of my boyfriend's house to see my car window smashed in and my steering wheel cover stolen. I was only staying at his place because there had been a rash of vehicle break-ins in my neighborhood. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3620

You deserved it

255

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By sounds good mom - 14/6/2016 15:23 - United States - Katy

Today, my mom took away my car, phone, dog, laptop and college fund because I told her she lets me down sometimes. I'm moving to Arizona for college in two weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11997

You deserved it

2523

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By xxlenalunaxx - 29/4/2015 11:11 - United States

Today, after waiting for 2 weeks for the right moment to meet my boyfriend's mom, she walked in as I was straddling him, trying to prove that I'd win in a wrestling match. I guess we met, then. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29484

You deserved it

4243

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By zerom - 23/7/2011 00:52 - France

Today, I was discussing the traffic with my brother. He said the most common car colour is red. I said it was black. We ended up betting €100 on which three vehicles of either colour would pass by our house first. It seems a convoy of fire trucks had somewhere to be in a hurry. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35098

You deserved it

12194

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By GD - 21/2/2009 22:11 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. I cried and told him that I loved him. He gave me a quarter and told me to call someone who cared. I threw the quarter in his face and ran. I waited for the bus, but when I got on, I realized I was 25 cents short of the fare. I walked home in the rain. FML

I agree, your life sucks

297977

You deserved it

67165

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By rejected - 6/10/2019 04:00 - United States

Smoke signals

Today, I texted my boyfriend, who's on vacation halfway across the world, but he didn't respond. I mentioned it to my younger sister who said, "It probably just takes a while for the text to get all the way there." My mom piped up, "Don't be dumb sweetie, he's just ignoring her." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1486

You deserved it

191

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By manhandled - 1/2/2012 18:05 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. He picked me up and threw me over his shoulder to take me to his room. He wasn't careful enough, and dropped me right on my head, on the hardwood floor. I ended up vomiting and came down with a headache. He still wanted to have sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38928

You deserved it

3995

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By Tequila - 20/6/2011 16:12 - Netherlands

Today, my bike abruptly stopped working, torpedoing me headfirst into the sidewalk. I lay there in agony for a few minutes, and the only guy who saw it happen said, "Lucky you didn't get hurt!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

30490

You deserved it

3180

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By Anon - 26/12/2015 02:03 - United States

Today, I thought my mom and I could put aside our differences and open our Christmas presents. When she opened mine, she turned to my dad and said she didn't want the present, so I could give it to someone else. 'Tis the season. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21422

You deserved it

1365

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Top comments

By mcsmee | 5

#7930281 - Wednesday 12 August 2020 5:16

If you're throwing away things rarely used, maybe you should've thrown him away.

By millsjoshua949 | 12

#7930279 - Wednesday 12 August 2020 5:05

He didn't make you. You have free will and you chose to. Do yourself a favor and get more. Tell the boyfriend its not up to him.

COMMENTS

By millsjoshua949 | 12

#7930279 - Wednesday 12 August 2020 5:05

He didn't make you. You have free will and you chose to. Do yourself a favor and get more. Tell the boyfriend its not up to him.

By mcsmee | 5

#7930281 - Wednesday 12 August 2020 5:16

If you're throwing away things rarely used, maybe you should've thrown him away.

By Fran Rolli | 8

#7930282 - Wednesday 12 August 2020 5:23

I would have not thrown them away

By JackFaire | 27

#7930285 - Wednesday 12 August 2020 5:41

Sexual compatibility is important in a relationship.

By tounces7 | 26

#7930288 - Wednesday 12 August 2020 6:16

He's understandably jealous. I mean, he wouldn't want something around the house that can please you better sexually AND has a better personality than him. I mean, what use would he be at that point?

Hangryko | 16

#7930390 - Wednesday 12 August 2020 14:10

Nice. 👊

By Susan Yee | 9

#7930296 - Wednesday 12 August 2020 7:21

Poor you. I’m the same as you and my husband is the same as your bf, but he doesn’t mind me using my toy.

By Hangryko | 16

#7930387 - Wednesday 12 August 2020 14:09

Replace your toys and your insecure controlling boyfriend.

By Hannah Eder | 16

#7930441 - Wednesday 12 August 2020 16:54

Yeah there needs to be compromise, all of this sounds like its just what makes HIM happy and definitely not cool.

By Nic1330 | 4

#7930487 - Wednesday 12 August 2020 20:04

just grab a hair brush 😂 or hell if you can't do that use your fingers

By Melanie Wynter | 6

#7930491 - Wednesday 12 August 2020 20:07

I feel your pain!