Today, after having watched a scare story on the news about heart disease, my mom is now insisting that we have daily, hour-long, family yoga sessions together. I have a job, and barely have enough time to do my homework as it is. I'm going to be grounded if I don't take part. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I told my mom I've been taking yoga lessons, and that it'd be cool if she took some with me. She immediately went on a rant, calling yoga "satanic" and accusing me of trying to get her into "devil worship". Well, that's the last time I try to patch our relationship up. FML
Today, my mom told me to do karate with her, and so I said no. Now my mom won't let me do anything until I go do karate with her. FML
Today, my mother complained all day while I'm trying to work from home. I started getting chest pains from the stress of everything having to be perfect or she has one of her meltdowns. FML
Today, my mom heard on TV that teens need at least ten hours of sleep a day. Now she makes me go to bed at 7pm. I told her I can't finish my homework in time, and my grades will suffer. She wouldn't listen. Last week, she threatened to punish me if I don't get straight As this semester. FML
Today, my mother threatened me if I keep wearing yoga pants to school, she's going to have my dad pick me up in a speedo. FML
Today, I complained to my parents about chest pains. My mom said, "For fuck’s sake, it’s our day off. Can we just have ONE day without your drama?" Turns out, I was actually having a heart attack. She still won’t apologize, and is in fact mad at me for having a heart attack on her day off. FML
Today, it seems that I can't enjoy one fucking weekend without my mom finding work for me to do to take up my time, and I'm sick of it! FML
Today, my mom spent an hour lecturing me on how I'm a doormat who lets people walk all over me, and that I needed to be more assertive. So I stood up and told my dad, no, I am not going on that forestry camp he wants me to go to. Mom sat silently by as he screamed and grounded me for the entire summer. FML
Today, my mother admitted to me that she sends me up and down the stairs to get things for her because she thinks I could use the exercise. FML
Today, I woke up early, went to the gym, then came home and showered. When I went into my room to change, my mom woke up and started pounding on my door, screaming about how lazy and useless I was for sleeping so late. When I tried to tell her otherwise, she grounded me for "talking back". FML
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Top comments
MelTheGreat 23
Clone yourself.
evilplatypus 39
And? What's the problem with being grounded if you don't have any time for anything but school, homework and your job? It sounds like if you're grounded things will be just as you need them.
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Comments (206)
ronski 41
Eating fresh & low fat foods does more to reduce heart disease than yoga
ShroomsOnAcid 17
Both combined work even better, but I'm going to have to say you're wrong on the low-fat part. Our hearts need enough fat to function properly, but it has to be the right kind. A reasonable amount of unsaturated fat, including fatty acids like Omega-3, would be more like it. Everything in moderation!
ScarletBloom 14
Just give it a miss. Yoga or not we are still going to die.
henrygondorff 2
Google "how yoga can wreck your body" and show your mom the results
shovels 0
Genius!
ShroomsOnAcid 17
I had to reread the first sentence of the article and rub my eyes several times until I realized that it said the teacher's name is Glenn Black, not Glenn Beck. I still chuckle at the thought, though.
Peach3 1
I don't know about yoga, but I do think family time is important and always something for which there should be made time.
Chixken 6
That suck for you
rodgersfan 6
Don't do it. If she asks you about it just ramble on until you have confused her and she walks away. It works EVERY time.
qwertyuiop100 2
hey, you'll probably look back on it in 20 years and laugh
Awsumuzzie 12
Omg! Now you get to see your mom in those flattering yoga pants! Yay!
Amrel 10
I think every women looks great in yoga pants, and if they dont, that should be the motivation to start looking better in yoga pants
Dcm210 19
either she does your homework or does your job.
WaylonD 4
Tell her you're allergic to yoga!!
Awsumuzzie 12
Ahaha... I use my religion. Now, before anyone gets all offended,as usual, IT'S NOT MY FAULT. When a PROFESSOR asks me if it's alright to "say goodbye" to me... they kind of allow that excuse for anything.