Today, I had sex with my boyfriend. In the middle of it, he started saying in deep voice, "Enter, exit." Over and over. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. It was all going great until he decided to try talking dirty. His idea of this was moaning loudly, "Just what the pussy ordered" as he entered me. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were in our room getting hot and heavy. As he was entering me, he started making electronic whirring sounds. Once inside, he said in a robotic voice, "Initiating launch sequence in 3... 2... 1..." and began thrusting as fast as possible. FML
Today, I was in bed with my boyfriend, in the middle of foreplay, and somehow out of my mouth came, "I want to be inside you." I'm a woman. FML
Today, while me and my boyfriend were having sex, he moaned out his own name. FML
Today, as my boyfriend and I were getting hot in the bedroom, he stopped right before he entered me and said, "Knock knock!" He refused to continue until I replied, "Come in." FML
Today, my boyfriend and I had sex. He decided to make gun sound effects as he came. FML
Today, as my boyfriend was about to go down on me, he held his breath and said, "I'm going in!" FML
Today, things began to get hot and heavy between my boyfriend and me. Suddenly, in a deep, sexy voice, he whispered, "God help me for what I'm about to do." Thinking it was just an odd manner of dirty talk, I mumbled about liking it. He then farted very loudly. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I had the wildest sex we'd ever had. I was on top of him and started going at it like crazy. I was close to finishing when the Mortal Kombat phrase "FINISH HIM!" popped into my head. It wasn't until I saw a weird look on his face that I realized I'd said it out loud. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. Immediately after we'd finished, he said, "Get off, you're making it hard to breathe on top of me." FML
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Top comments
Dick_diamond 22
Was he trying to give directions to himself? Afraid he might skip a step?
RobinGoodfellow 47
While I think it's a good idea to not force sex to be a serious thing, I also think that that's weird and not remotely sexy.
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Comments (91)
AfroFluff 23
You should have put your legs around him and reply "You cannot escape my grasp" in a deep voice. He would habe probably thought it would be funny and cute you joined in
rafa015 20
he just needed to remember how to do it
Jasti 12
I see posts like this all the time and I feel like I'm the only one who would find something like this insanely amusing and start giggling. :
Badabam_fml 14
I have no idea why you got voted down but I set you back to neutral. This comment was 'on point' as the current trend goes. (Idgaf if this gets down votes)
vikky538 29
one word ..escape...mix well with what your boyfriend says...
vlalam 24
sex can be a complicated thing to operwte.. no wonder he has his instructions memorized... hahahah
Skoff_fml 27
Narration mode engaged
janfleury 19
Maybe he was trying to prevent a premature exit on his part to make sure you found the finishline before him. Still realllly funny.
ZenoTheBeano 13
Guys, come on. It obviously sounds like he's trying to get himself in a rhythm, so he could last longer for his girlfriend. He did so by repeating the afore mentioned phrase over and over in his head, but he must've accidentally started saying it out loud. Shit happens, don't look down on him for it OP, he was only trying for you.
kaeien 8
Hope it had a happy ending.