Today, I had sex with my boyfriend. In the middle of it, he started saying in deep voice, "Enter, exit." Over and over. FML
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College Life
Packed lecture halls, a sketchy roommate and frat parties: welcome to college, the real thing.
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. It was all going great until he decided to try talking dirty. His idea of this was moaning loudly, "Just what the pussy ordered" as he entered me. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were in our room getting hot and heavy. As he was entering me, he started making electronic whirring sounds. Once inside, he said in a robotic voice, "Initiating launch sequence in 3... 2... 1..." and began thrusting as fast as possible. FML
Today, I was in bed with my boyfriend, in the middle of foreplay, and somehow out of my mouth came, "I want to be inside you." I'm a woman. FML
Today, while me and my boyfriend were having sex, he moaned out his own name. FML
Today, as my boyfriend and I were getting hot in the bedroom, he stopped right before he entered me and said, "Knock knock!" He refused to continue until I replied, "Come in." FML
Today, my boyfriend and I had sex. He decided to make gun sound effects as he came. FML
Today, as my boyfriend was about to go down on me, he held his breath and said, "I'm going in!" FML
Today, things began to get hot and heavy between my boyfriend and me. Suddenly, in a deep, sexy voice, he whispered, "God help me for what I'm about to do." Thinking it was just an odd manner of dirty talk, I mumbled about liking it. He then farted very loudly. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I had the wildest sex we'd ever had. I was on top of him and started going at it like crazy. I was close to finishing when the Mortal Kombat phrase "FINISH HIM!" popped into my head. It wasn't until I saw a weird look on his face that I realized I'd said it out loud. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. Immediately after we'd finished, he said, "Get off, you're making it hard to breathe on top of me." FML
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Top comments
Dick_diamond 22
Was he trying to give directions to himself? Afraid he might skip a step?
RobinGoodfellow 47
While I think it's a good idea to not force sex to be a serious thing, I also think that that's weird and not remotely sexy.
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Comments (91)
nphill82 21
Communication is key, tell him it's ******* creepy, don't just whine on a social app
bruh21 18
Staying synchronized, thats all
Definefailure 4
this is just outright hilarious
christina__2501 3
he sounds like a rapist
brennanking73195 1
maybe he needs to remind himself how to have sex lol
Mercadian 7
...wait in the middle... That should have been the end...
Crescent_Moon 17
Ohmygod I can't... This is too funny! Honestly, if I were you, I'd have been laughing my ass off right then and there.
murders10 4
LOL I Think I'll do the same from time to time :D
Drosophila82 18
Sorry but that is ****** funny.. Sorry it sucks
sweetsammm1991 5
probably to either keep from cumming or to keep his rhythm. that's when you turn on "mood music" so you can stay in the mood and he can be awkward without you having to hear it. lol.