Today, I had sex with my boyfriend. In the middle of it, he started saying in deep voice, "Enter, exit." Over and over. FML
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College Life
Packed lecture halls, a sketchy roommate and frat parties: welcome to college, the real thing.
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. It was all going great until he decided to try talking dirty. His idea of this was moaning loudly, "Just what the pussy ordered" as he entered me. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were in our room getting hot and heavy. As he was entering me, he started making electronic whirring sounds. Once inside, he said in a robotic voice, "Initiating launch sequence in 3... 2... 1..." and began thrusting as fast as possible. FML
Today, I was in bed with my boyfriend, in the middle of foreplay, and somehow out of my mouth came, "I want to be inside you." I'm a woman. FML
Today, while me and my boyfriend were having sex, he moaned out his own name. FML
Today, as my boyfriend and I were getting hot in the bedroom, he stopped right before he entered me and said, "Knock knock!" He refused to continue until I replied, "Come in." FML
Today, my boyfriend and I had sex. He decided to make gun sound effects as he came. FML
Today, as my boyfriend was about to go down on me, he held his breath and said, "I'm going in!" FML
Today, things began to get hot and heavy between my boyfriend and me. Suddenly, in a deep, sexy voice, he whispered, "God help me for what I'm about to do." Thinking it was just an odd manner of dirty talk, I mumbled about liking it. He then farted very loudly. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I had the wildest sex we'd ever had. I was on top of him and started going at it like crazy. I was close to finishing when the Mortal Kombat phrase "FINISH HIM!" popped into my head. It wasn't until I saw a weird look on his face that I realized I'd said it out loud. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. Immediately after we'd finished, he said, "Get off, you're making it hard to breathe on top of me." FML
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Top comments
Dick_diamond 22
Was he trying to give directions to himself? Afraid he might skip a step?
RobinGoodfellow 47
While I think it's a good idea to not force sex to be a serious thing, I also think that that's weird and not remotely sexy.
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Comments (91)
Vestin 18
Let me go against the grain here and say that sex HAS TO be serious. You can't be having sex ironically; You can't still be "in the mood" while laughing histerically. It's just one of those things that you either do with some air of seriousness or not at all.
ekim300 26
To each his own, brah.
Axel5238 29
Gotta agree, if I laugh during sex it kills the mood for me. Humor during sex can be great, if that's your thing. Though I get the feeling most try to bring it in where it's not wanted. A good chunk of fml's are about guys laughing during sex, bad sex or someone ******** their pants. Most(speaking from personal experience here and what's on the site) do not want jokes during sex. It should be kinda obvious especially when a good chunk of stuff here is guys acting like kids in the bedroom and the gf being pissed off.
kalbrek009 20
At least he didn't do the Sesame Street "neeeear....faaaaarrrr, neeeear....faaaaarrrr "
mister_icicle 17
Ha ha!!
usmc_sean 8
all these negative things to say, who knows how their relationship is? Who's to say they don't do things like this quite often? He might've done it to make her smile if he couldn't just by the pleasure (;
krisseyDJ 20
My boyfriend likes to make explosion sounds, so I feel your pain
ToxicTyrael 26
Dafuq? FYL.
JohnTheDonJuan 11
Well, at least he's got the procedure down pat.
kbecks87 16
While misguided, and not sexy, maybe he felt like the rhythm was off and he was trying to get your biddies in synch.
lellalove_fml 23
Sex should be silly and fun. Too bad the enter/exit thing wasn't what you wanted. To play devil's advocate: he might have just been trying to spice things up and get a little silly. Better luck next time!
unixdude 9
Squeeze really hard and scream "You Shall Not Pass!"
jordaandanielle 17
the day all males go from boys to men will be glorious.
bfly81 7
you should respond with, "Moan...Gasp...Moan"