Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend why having sex with him was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty Pringles can. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend about the importance of foreplay, and that attempting to get me "in the mood" by whipping his cock out and air humping was roughly equivalent to throwing a dry teabag at me and claiming he made a cup of tea. FML
Today, I agreed to anal with my boyfriend, but when I told him anal takes prep, like stretching and lubing, and you can’t just jam a knob up there like in a porno, he lost all interest, asked for a blowjob, and when I said no, he started sulking. I struggle to remember why I’m with him. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I tried to have sex for the first time. Everything was going well, until he tried to put it in. A few minutes later, he said, "It's not hard enough." We tried for another half hour to fix that. We ended up eating ice cream. FML
Today, I had to explain to my fiancé that having me watch him jerk off over a porno is not in fact considered foreplay. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend I was ovulating. He said he didn't want to have sex because he was afraid of getting eggs on his penis. He then compared it to having sex with a fish. FML
Today, my boyfriend thought it'd be cute to put his penis through a doughnut and try to make me eat it off. FML
Today, my boyfriend asked me to have phone sex with him. However, it seems he doesn't quite know what it is, so now he wants me to explain it to him. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me he’d rather masturbate than have sex with me, and that sex with me is a chore. FML
Today, I asked my boyfriend while he was eating potato chips if he wanted to eat me. He looked at the potato chips, looked at me, and said, "Unless your vagina turns into a potato chip, I'd rather eat these." FML
Today, I was explaining the inner parts of a vagina and how they work. To my boyfriend. FML
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Top comments
gojira666 7
Another way of saying hes got a long, thin, flaccid weiner and your ****** is large and in charge?
louiseth 9
Interesting analogy..
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Comments (138)
Fiskerz 0
You should next explain to him that you have screwed everything you've come across in your life. :)
kaya1234 0
Horrible analogy, nonetheless I would be overcooked spaghetti if I was sleeping with a "bunnylover" too no one likes jackrabbit sex
caysters 12
You sure that's not my ex ya got there?!?!
Ballin8864 4
Not his fault, your fault for having a loose Vag.
sniperkid1019 6
What The.....
newmandotcom 6
He may have a 747. But that's will seem small if it's landing in the grand canyon....
desireev 18
I have seen entirely too many "Hotdog down a hallway" comments.. I thought it was a rather witty analogy. One of those, "Ya get the picture." type of analogies. No further explanation needed here! :) That was very harsh to say to your boyfriend though, OP. Very harsh, indeed. YDI
newmandotcom 6
I like mine. It's way better than "hotdog in a hallway"
allarmy323 0
I just have to say this is horrible.
salonas 3
I live without sex most of the time because my husband works 400 miles from me. It is that hard. I hate it. You obviously haven't had it frequently enough to know the difference.
falon142012 22
"it's not that hard." literally. (: