Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend why having sex with him was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty Pringles can. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend about the importance of foreplay, and that attempting to get me "in the mood" by whipping his cock out and air humping was roughly equivalent to throwing a dry teabag at me and claiming he made a cup of tea. FML
Today, I agreed to anal with my boyfriend, but when I told him anal takes prep, like stretching and lubing, and you can’t just jam a knob up there like in a porno, he lost all interest, asked for a blowjob, and when I said no, he started sulking. I struggle to remember why I’m with him. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I tried to have sex for the first time. Everything was going well, until he tried to put it in. A few minutes later, he said, "It's not hard enough." We tried for another half hour to fix that. We ended up eating ice cream. FML
Today, I had to explain to my fiancé that having me watch him jerk off over a porno is not in fact considered foreplay. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend I was ovulating. He said he didn't want to have sex because he was afraid of getting eggs on his penis. He then compared it to having sex with a fish. FML
Today, my boyfriend thought it'd be cute to put his penis through a doughnut and try to make me eat it off. FML
Today, my boyfriend asked me to have phone sex with him. However, it seems he doesn't quite know what it is, so now he wants me to explain it to him. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me he’d rather masturbate than have sex with me, and that sex with me is a chore. FML
Today, I asked my boyfriend while he was eating potato chips if he wanted to eat me. He looked at the potato chips, looked at me, and said, "Unless your vagina turns into a potato chip, I'd rather eat these." FML
Today, I was explaining the inner parts of a vagina and how they work. To my boyfriend. FML
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Top comments
gojira666 7
Another way of saying hes got a long, thin, flaccid weiner and your ****** is large and in charge?
louiseth 9
Interesting analogy..
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Comments (138)
bamagrl410 31
11 - I thought I was the only one who was thinking about that until now. I can't believe how everyone overlooked it. Probably because they judge people in the same manner or are used to others doing it. I could never imagine putting down a boyfriend because of something like that. That's just terrible and obnoxious.
MisterMichael 9
Maybe his ding dong is normal but you just have a gaping ******...
Vash_41288 10
"Its not that hard..." Lol I think that might be part of the problem add well
cntryiscntrywide 0
Me and my boyfriend have the opposite problem. It's hard for us to have sex because every time we do he rips me open and then the bleeding begins.
juliushater 12
TMI ffs !!!!!
jalupe 4
i kno im a guy but the thought of that kinda makes me feel bad... my sympathies 87
StreetReaper 9
Don't just go hammering away. Ever heard of this thing called foreplay? It tends to get things a little more slippery if done correctly. If you still have issues, try some Kentucky Jelly. Sex shouldn't hurt.
arielzbkny 0
His penis is probably not that small, ur ****** is probably huge! F-His-L for u saying that cuz obviously u r a bitch... Just sayin
Gothicbunnyx3 16
Its not her fault she has a wide set ******.
Ins_Knie 2
...but it's always the guy's fault when his penis is on the smaller side. Watch on FML how liberally some women dish out dick insults.
Okayitwasme 0
She did say it was a wet noodle! So it could be a medical problem! Not small dick! Its Limp dick!!!!!
TonyIsMyDog 2
Classy!
TonyIsMyDog 2
Right, it's not that hard. Come on. Just do her. Throw that dick.
Pelreskovich 11
At least it fits? ..could be worse?
H00K_M 8
Copied from FML dated 10/7/2009. Way to be original.