Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend why having sex with him was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty Pringles can. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend about the importance of foreplay, and that attempting to get me "in the mood" by whipping his cock out and air humping was roughly equivalent to throwing a dry teabag at me and claiming he made a cup of tea. FML
Today, I agreed to anal with my boyfriend, but when I told him anal takes prep, like stretching and lubing, and you can’t just jam a knob up there like in a porno, he lost all interest, asked for a blowjob, and when I said no, he started sulking. I struggle to remember why I’m with him. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I tried to have sex for the first time. Everything was going well, until he tried to put it in. A few minutes later, he said, "It's not hard enough." We tried for another half hour to fix that. We ended up eating ice cream. FML
Today, I had to explain to my fiancé that having me watch him jerk off over a porno is not in fact considered foreplay. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend I was ovulating. He said he didn't want to have sex because he was afraid of getting eggs on his penis. He then compared it to having sex with a fish. FML
Today, my boyfriend thought it'd be cute to put his penis through a doughnut and try to make me eat it off. FML
Today, my boyfriend asked me to have phone sex with him. However, it seems he doesn't quite know what it is, so now he wants me to explain it to him. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me he’d rather masturbate than have sex with me, and that sex with me is a chore. FML
Today, I asked my boyfriend while he was eating potato chips if he wanted to eat me. He looked at the potato chips, looked at me, and said, "Unless your vagina turns into a potato chip, I'd rather eat these." FML
Today, I was explaining the inner parts of a vagina and how they work. To my boyfriend. FML
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Top comments
gojira666 7
Another way of saying hes got a long, thin, flaccid weiner and your ****** is large and in charge?
louiseth 9
Interesting analogy..
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Comments (138)
Okayitwasme 0
Maybe he has clotted arteries and needs cholesterol medication. It's about blood circulation. No blood is getting down there! Tell him to go see the dr? Is he tired all the time during the day? Heart attack! Hello!!!!
Almighty_Chris97 6
How is that an FML for you, you just humiliated the guy. If anything he should be writing an FML. No wonder he doesn't get excited for sex with you.
sugarbaby9908 20
Keevarou, Dude, ur hott!!
Lilstephie 6
Ever occur to you that maybe your bf isnt the problem?? Maybe you just have a bucket
shellby4 3
Time to upgrade to a sausage! Much more salt and fat but so much more fulfilling!
Horcruxer 0
Hmm I might know this girl, but not the cause of her current misery.
Jchicas 0
Hmmm, seems your the problem op. Apparently you pringles can sized ****** is intimidating your boyfriend enough to where his penis doesn't even want to try.
sugarbaby9908 20
Ur hott kevin
kphippie 0
So your saying you have an over sized ******?
msrabbit625 4
Lol so mean