Intimacy: Today, I asked my boyfriend while he was eating potato chips...

By myennechee - 18/03/2009 05:22 - Germany

Today, I asked my boyfriend while he was eating potato chips if he wanted to eat me. He looked at the potato chips, he looked at me and said "Unless your vagina turns into a potato chip, I'd rather eat these." FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 121

You deserved it 91 824

Intimacy

You tried

Our house, in the middle of our street

Empathy lives

By Diachronic - 12/09/2014 08:05 - United States - Lewiston

Today, at the restaurant where I work, a guest choked on a bone from her crosscut ribs. She asked me to bring the manager over, so I did. When he got there, she complained that the bone could have seriously injured her, and we should be more careful of where we put the bones in the ribs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 196

You deserved it 3 070

By SG - 24/03/2012 12:14 - United States

Today, I was fooling around with my husband on the bed. I was excited as he lifted my arms up in a seductive way, only to roll deodorant under my armpits. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 389

You deserved it 37 304

Not sure that's how it works

By Julisna - 16/09/2021 20:00

Today, after getting sick of my boyfriend pestering me for a threesome, I invited a male friend over. My boyfriend strongly declined, because, "Hell no, I ain’t gay." So this man expects me to be a lesbian, but him being gay is a problem. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 445

You deserved it 257

By Mak10 - 10/12/2010 06:53 - United States

Today, I learned the hard way that if you tell your child that they're old enough to cook their own food in the microwave, you have to make sure they're smart enough not to put the metal spoon in with the food as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 271

You deserved it 36 885

By teachingsucks - 14/03/2010 18:29 - United States

Today, after a horrible day at school, I went through the McDonald's drive thru for an ice cream cone. Everything went well until I had to pull a sharp turn. The ice cream is now no longer on the cone, but instead all over my hands, face, steering wheel, and the carpet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 728

You deserved it 24 982

By Anonymous - 18/02/2014 16:31 - United States

Today, while waiting in line at a store, a toddler behind me was throwing a major meltdown while his father yelled at him, giving me a migraine. I turned to the woman behind me and said, "Can you believe this kid? I feel sorry for his mother." Turns out the woman was his mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 078

You deserved it 46 524

By bonbon789 - 27/03/2014 18:10 - United States

Today, I wanted to eat my last bowl of sugary cereal before starting my new diet. I fell down the stairs with the full bowl in hand. Message received, universe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 585

You deserved it 8 062

By Shino - 26/06/2018 19:00

Today, my fiancé's mother made him pack his stuff and move to Montana while I was at work. I came home to a half-written note because she wouldn’t let him finish. We own a house together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 354

You deserved it 446

By LadyGore - 19/02/2012 15:30 - Canada

Today, I realized the $40 iPhone case I bought to keep my new phone from getting scratched, scratched my iPhone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 318

You deserved it 6 531

By mackenzie_cain - 14/01/2010 05:33 - United States

Today, my boyfriend went to jail for a DUI. In a panic, I rushed to go bail him out. On the way to the jail I was stopped for running a red light. I soon joined my boyfriend in jail with my very own DUI charge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 422

You deserved it 65 473

By well fuck! - 14/08/2019 22:00

Today, I was grocery shopping with my kids. As I was buckling them into their car seats, two men jumped out of a truck, hoisted my cart and sped off. According to security, this has become a regular occurrence at the store. My entire month of groceries gone in seconds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 114

You deserved it 119

By Anonymous - 17/08/2019 20:03

Today, I fell off my chair, then missed it completely trying to sit back down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 243

You deserved it 336

By cheated - 23/11/2011 17:03 - United States

Today, I came home from a weekend trip with some friends, and walked straight in on my girlfriend cheating on me. She burst into tears and began apologizing. Her exact words were "I'm so sorry! I thought you were coming back tomorrow." FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 896

You deserved it 3 064

By Anonymous - 13/10/2009 16:00 - United States

Today, I finished moving to my new apartment that is 45 minutes away from my old one because my workplace would be closer. I then get a phone call from my boss telling me that he will transfer me to another workplace (closer to my old apartment). FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 779

You deserved it 2 394

By Tony - 30/11/2010 11:30

Today, I was fired for having a haircut that was 'inappropriate for the workplace'. I have alopecia. My boss told me to stop making up excuses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 742

You deserved it 2 576

By silly_billy - 11/06/2009 05:08 - United States

Today, I was eating lunch with my wife. We were having a nice time when a man came up to me. He said, "Hey! Bill how are you?" I wasn't really sure, so being polite I said, "I'm sorry, I can't remember your name." He frowned and walked away. It was my company's Chairman of the Board. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 261

You deserved it 54 529

By Anonymous - 01/03/2013 12:02 - United States - Belmont

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me, because he didn't trust himself not to cheat on me. What? FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 662

You deserved it 4 141

By ouch - 11/12/2009 07:50 - United Kingdom

Today, I was preparing for a huge party I've been looking forward to for months. I did all the usual things a girl should do, put on a facemask, painted my nails, exfoliated... I was feeling confident until I peeled off the facemask. I guess when it said "vibrant" what it meant was bright red. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 107

You deserved it 8 464

Everyone's an expert

By yaa - 17/04/2020 17:00

Today, my sister's husband, who's never even been to college let alone medical school, told me that my cancer is not hereditary, despite a deep family history. He instead swears it's due to my "poor lifestyle and eating habits." Mind you, he's a 300 lbs, fall-down drunk with multiple DUIs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 983

You deserved it 151

By feels like an asshole - 09/06/2015 20:03 - United States

Today, I took new sleeping meds. One of the side effects was sleepwalking. I had a dream my girlfriend wanted me to pee on her. Apparently, while sleepwalking, I pissed all over our dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 219

You deserved it 3 187

By WaitingByThePhone - 09/07/2009 05:36 - United States

Today, I got excited when my cell phone lit up because I hadn't received a single phone call all day. Turns out it was the "low battery" indicator. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 818

You deserved it 11 415

By eeelise5296 - 01/03/2012 20:39 - United States

Today, my boyfriend sent me a picture. In the mirror I could see a bra and thong sitting on his bed. They weren't mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 333

You deserved it 3 187

By klutz - 10/08/2009 14:34 - United States

Today, me and my friend were following this hot lifeguard around a waterpark. In the wave pool, I decided to be cute and "accidentally" bump into him during the waves to start a conversation. As I prepared to do this, a large wave pushed me off my feet and I fell face-first into his butt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 813

You deserved it 56 673

By Uglyshirts - 09/04/2009 08:44 - South Africa

Today, I was the first one to wear the ugly corporate shirts we received. The people in my office-all of them guys were all saying that it looked a lot better than they thought it would. Later that day I went to the toilet and saw the shirt gapes open in front and you could see my boobs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 729

You deserved it 18 025

By kiriakousauce21 - 15/02/2010 07:44 - France

Today, I woke up thinking after wearing glasses and contacts all my life that I had miraculously been corrected to 20/20. Turns out I had just fallen asleep with my contacts in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 839

You deserved it 32 784

Milkmaid

By Heifer - 16/05/2009 21:41 - United States

Today, when done feeding my newborn, I stated to my husband that I'm a cow. He said, in a sincere tone, "Oh, baby, you'll lose the weight soon." I meant cow because I'm producing so much milk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 831

You deserved it 21 293

By Anonymous - 14/02/2013 21:50 - Saudi Arabia - Dammam

Today, I went to the market to buy some groceries. Before I got even half-way home, a guy stormed toward me, pulled what looked like a knife, and chased me around the block while screaming that he'd kill me for sleeping with his wife. Nope, still a 15-year-old virgin here. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 632

You deserved it 2 494

By emancipate my ass - 24/07/2016 04:02

Today, I had to listen from the next room as my dad cheated on his girlfriend with his married boss. He's 57, looks like a troll, and doesn't smell much better than one either. Meanwhile I'm 24 and couldn't get laid, much less get a date, if my life depended on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 644

You deserved it 1 552

By effmylife - 06/09/2009 23:12 - Canada

Today, when I was finished eating at McDonalds, I went to Shoppers to pick up a new toothbrush. I got back to my car only to find the windows smashed in. The only thing that was missing from my car was the Hello Kitty toy I got from McDonalds. Someone broke into my car for a 10 cent toy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 090

You deserved it 3 656

By anon - 29/08/2012 04:52 - United States - York

Today, I was giving a tour of my boat to a man who seemed interested in purchasing it. Everything was going great. That is, until, the motor stopped running in the middle of the ocean. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 435

You deserved it 3 100

By ScaredDad - 02/05/2019 12:00

Today, I needed to grab something from the garage. As soon as the door closed, I heard a little click sound. My one-year-old seems to have figured out the door lock. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 803

You deserved it 230

By AD240Z - 16/12/2016 11:39

Today, while walking my dog in the darkness, I bent down to pick up his poop. I screamed like a little girl as his morning turd leapt up my arm, covering my hand and jacket sleeve in soggy poop. My dog had curled one out onto a dozing frog. I skipped breakfast. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 529

You deserved it 624

By screwed - 22/12/2010 17:56 - Canada

Today, I accidentally walked in on my roommate while she was changing clothes. She insisted on telling her boyfriend what had happened, because, "It wouldn't feel right" if she didn't. Her boyfriend is a MMA fighter/bodybuilder and has major jealousy issues. I'm screwed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 222

You deserved it 4 254

By Anonymous - 14/05/2013 17:03 - United States - Norman

Today, my doorknob broke. While trying to impress my dad and show that I can fix things for girls, I somehow managed to lock myself in my room, with the doorknob on the other side of the door. When my dad finally heard my screams, he let me out. He had to take the whole door off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 128

You deserved it 20 195

By Anonymous - 07/06/2016 01:04

Today, my sister, who has been seeing a guy for a year, got engaged. I've been dating my boyfriend for over 5 years and let out some not so subtle hints and he basically refused to propose. This is her second marriage in the time of my relationship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 949

You deserved it 2 458

By Anonymous - 12/02/2016 19:21 - United States - Boise

Today, I now know what it feels like to violently sneeze while a nurse still has a needle in your arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 029

You deserved it 1 453

By Anonymous - 04/11/2009 05:05 - Canada

Today, the guy I've been dating texted me to say he joined an online dating site. He must have thought I was the best person to share this information with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 183

You deserved it 2 687

By the_music_major - 19/10/2010 01:09 - United States

Today, I discovered my neighbors have bought a karaoke machine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 394

You deserved it 4 071

By thebickster - 06/03/2009 17:58 - United States

Today, I was boarding my flight when I got pulled aside for looking suspicious. As she was opening my bag, I said, "Be careful, I jammed so many clothes in there it may explode." I was then strip searched for my trouble. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 540

You deserved it 49 658

By FartyCar - 30/11/2018 17:30

Today, I found a bag of frozen broccoli in my car boot from when I went shopping 3 days ago. My whole car smells like farts now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 039

You deserved it 985

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Top comments

marisaichiban 0

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Wednesday 18 March 2009 16:42

Must have been some good chips.

Soak 0

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Wednesday 18 March 2009 16:45

Eh, most guys don't wanna be bugged during eating, tv, games, or with his friends

marisaichiban 0

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Wednesday 18 March 2009 16:42

Must have been some good chips.

ccc01 1

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Thursday 25 February 2010 17:55

You can never eat just one chip!

gorbeast 0

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Sunday 7 March 2010 21:27

NEVER, come between a man and his chips

Danielt104 6

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Monday 10 May 2010 1:16

I'd eat a girl over anything..unless she was ugly or had a disease

deliciouscake 3

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Monday 17 May 2010 7:38

DAMN RIGHT!

tman188 0

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Tuesday 25 May 2010 4:22

WTF? I would definetly est a girl instead of chips unless they look like you. oviously your bf agrees

crackz12 10

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Thursday 27 October 2011 21:20

Yea fuck that shit eating pussy is for the pleasure of the chick theres nothing tasty about it i would rather eat chips too.

ifinsane 6

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Friday 28 October 2011 21:20

When ya know what ya want ya know what ya want!

399 41

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Thursday 12 May 2016 4:40

lol

Soak 0

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Wednesday 18 March 2009 16:45

Eh, most guys don't wanna be bugged during eating, tv, games, or with his friends

Reyo 2

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Thursday 24 September 2009 22:57

Sometimes, food > sex. Just sayen.

zezjo 3

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Sunday 11 April 2010 19:41

All the time.

IscoreOnU 19

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Thursday 5 May 2011 8:03

Zezjo really? All the time?...

RHK_fml 0

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Wednesday 18 March 2009 16:47

Your vagina must taste awful.

maverik5124 6

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Tuesday 19 June 2012 22:47

Vagina usually doesn't taste great... All salty and stuff. But op must taste rly bad down there

cnorris31 2

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Thursday 13 September 2012 0:01

Nothing beats cool ranch Doritos

Aniki_Sohma 20

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Thursday 4 October 2012 2:19

I'd rather eat a hot dog than a guys penis. Just saying...

tehhotness 0

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Wednesday 18 March 2009 16:47

ew, clean your vag, maybe hed enjoyit more. crusty bitch

greenman_fml 0

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Wednesday 18 March 2009 16:47

vagina doesn't taste all that great anyway, and it's a lot of work for really no benefit to the man. chips taste great, and leave you feeling satisfied and full after eating them. it's the only logical choice

ImFatAndLonleyFM 0

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Friday 30 April 2010 9:46

Your picture seems to imply you've gotten a lot of vag in your day XD

HisBabyGirl4ever 0

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Monday 3 January 2011 22:12

Pwahahahahaha YOU win .:)<3

IscoreOnU 19

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Thursday 5 May 2011 8:06

219 Your name implies that you have no room to talk. XD

cnorris31 2

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Thursday 13 September 2012 0:03

Did this escape to catch a predator

molejo 0

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Wednesday 18 March 2009 16:48

Sexual activity with girlfriend >> eating chips. even really good ones. His loss

amykillswitch 0

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Wednesday 18 March 2009 16:50

you asked at a bad time. don't try to get sexual when a man his eating his food, playing games or watching tv. you may as well be asking a wall the same question.

ImFatAndLonleyFM 0

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Friday 30 April 2010 9:51

I'd let my girl polish my knob while playing xbox watching tv and eating chips.

captaingoldfish 0

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Wednesday 18 March 2009 16:52

#5....penises dont taste all that great either and has no benefit to the woman *edited by Frans*

DevilsAltair 8

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Friday 1 November 2013 21:21

R u a woman?

AntiChrist7 0

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Wednesday 18 March 2009 16:52

1) never bother a man eating 2) you must smell down there 3) take a boyfriend who doesn't eat that much junk. 1+2+3= you fucking deserved it

michminn 0

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Friday 21 August 2009 0:11

Really! my pussy smells real ripe and yummy you fuck wat. learn to add

crackz12 10

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Thursday 27 October 2011 21:26

Learn to add? No your pussy might smell good in relation to other pussys but it really just smells like pussy. Which really doesnt taste good or smell good. And at least i can throughly clean my dick. Id eat your pussy anyways sexy ;-)

mrssuarez2011 12

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Sunday 18 December 2011 23:02

Thank god someone said it. Head isn't fun for the chick, it takes a lot of work, you have to use your tongue and we get choked with a large foreign object. Seriously.